Is it possible to be friends or did I mess it all up

[moxie60]

This one is really long. but I need some light shed on my situation.

 

Okay so I have quite a complicated situation. Its a long story. Let me give you a quick run down. I have known this guy for about three months, we met at a bar, and hit it off quickly, talk, text, kiss, hug,meet up a few times, gone on a couple date, but every time it has always led to us sleeping with each other.

 

We went three weeks without talking to each other, then he calls me up to hang out. I wanted to but hesitated at first. I was so upset those three weeks. The Ironic thing is that the day I decided if I didn't hear from him I was going to move on, was the day he decided to call me. I was confused and kinda angry, I liked him.

 

Well we met up the following week and hung out, it was awkward at first, I hadn't seen him in a month, and didn't know what to say to him. well we didn't talk much we watched a movie, I was distant at first then he pulled me over by him, ofcourse I couldn't help but let him becuase that was all I wanted to do is hug him and be held by him. I missed him so much. then it went further and led to us sleeping together again. I liked it but after I left the next day, I was so upset with myself, I ended up crying the whole way home. I felt disgusted with myself, I kept saying to myself all he wants is sex. I felt horrible. He texted me two days later to ask how I was doing, I told him I was fine, we text back and fourth a few days, that made me feel a little better about the situation like maybe he was trying a little harder. T

 

Then a few days past and I never heard from him, I was okay I just thought that maybe he was just thinking and just needed space. so i didn't bother him. Well a week went by and then another couple of days I was getting a little worried, then another week went by, and nothing from him, I was getting pissed and I wanted to know what was up. I wanted to know why he wanted me to come over. I wanted to call and him ask him what was going on but me being the big chicken I am I decided to email him.

 

I wrote:

 

"When I came over that night, I did not intend getting in bed with you. I wanted to ask you why you wanted to see me again. It was awkward and kind of uncomfortable. (I don't know if you felt the same.) All i wanted was some answers and maybe just to get know eachother a little better. I dont know what you want from me or what I mean to you. But I feel like all you want from me is sex every three weeks and that is it.I feel like I am just a fix, its really hurtful. I understand if you dont want date, becuase I am not sure if I want to date anyone right now either, but I am not okay with having " CASUAL SEX" with you. That goes against what i am really about. I have a lot offer than just sex. If that is all you want then I am sorry, but I cant do that, and we should just end this thing now.

 

I am perfectly fine with being friends, I think you are really cool, and I would like to get to know a little better, but please don't jerk me around. Just think about it. If you don't respond, fine I will understand, but I just thought I would get it all out. I feel better now

take care friend,

 

*******"

 

Then he wrote

 

" I never 'PLAN' on having sex with you...it *just* happens. You want a relationship if you're going to have sex with someone, i get that. I however am purposefully avoiding that right now because i do not want one with anyone until i figure out if I'm even going to stay here . I told you this already, I called you to hangout (because people do that every once in while) and we ended up having sex. Whatever you want to call it, you did it on your own free will and now you're saying you didn't want to...but did it anyway...and I'm either supposed to be psychic to know that or actually believe your actions. We were friends already so what has changed? Other than you won't have sex anymore."

 

Then I wrote back:

 

"Well then I say if we are friends, then we set some boundaries so I dont get confused again. The less complicated the better, I always say. I just can't have sex with you, I liked too,( It wasn't "just sex" for me it meant a lot more. Actually it was the best I ever had, I don't know what it meant to you) but it just bothers me every time I leave and am driving home , becuase I know that we are just friends. By setting physical boundaries, there will be no hurt feelings... on my part. and I wont wonder why I didn't hear from you for weeks at a time,( that's what lead me to believe what I did) If and when we do hang out next time I wont question your intentions. Just hanging out with a friend! Does that sound good to you?"

 

I never got a response back. Its been almost a week. All I want to know is if this is a lost cause. I like him, but I don't want to force him into something he doesn't want. but then again, was he just using me for sex even when he says he wasn't.

 

Is our friendship ruined? Can I redeem it? Is he not okay with" just being friend without benefits"? Because I am either just his friends, or I am more. no in betweens for me.was he never interested in me in the first place? I am staying strong, but its starting to get hard. Or should I just give up on the whole thing?

 

Is it possible go from being a friend with benefits to just being friends? no strings attached?

 

Sorry this is so long, but I need some light shed on my situation. Any and all advise is much appreciated.

[WTRanger]

Some things that stood out to me.

 

Whatever you want to call it, you did it on your own free will and now you're saying you didn't want to...but did it anyway...and I'm either supposed to be psychic to know that or actually believe your actions.

He's right. He's not a mind reader. It's not like he is forcing you against your will. He pulls you over, you allow it to happen. Then you allow it to progress to sex. If you permit it, you persist it. As far as him not planning to have sex, that is a tough call. Sometimes I call a girl over for the sole purpose of sex, sometimes not. This case, I would say he knew he would get a booty call so you dialed you up.

 

I just can't have sex with you, I liked too,( It wasn't "just sex" for me it meant a lot more. Actually it was the best I ever had, I don't know what it meant to you) but it just bothers me every time I leave and am driving home , becuase I know that we are just friends.

The bold was a HUGE Ego boost to him. He was able to rock your world with no commitment on his end, and his feelings are nice and safe. Never, ever, tell a guy this. This won't bring him around to your level. It will just make him think that he is damn near invincible. That you'll always come crawling back because he's so good in bed. You may have well just told him he has the biggest, thickest, best looking cock you'll ever see and that his cum tasted like strawberry ice cream.

 

Is our friendship ruined? Can I redeem it? Is he not okay with" just being friend without benefits"? Because I am either just his friends, or I am more. no in betweens for me.was he never interested in me in the first place? I am staying strong, but its starting to get hard. Or should I just give up on the whole thing?

 

Is it possible go from being a friend with benefits to just being friends? no strings attached?

The "friendship" was ruined the very second he saw you naked. There is no going back, because he will always want that "friendship" as a means for easy sex. Many/most guys do not associate sex with exclusivity. Especially if the sex happens very early on. If we have to work for it or wait for it, then sometimes we'll then associate the sex with being exclusive. If it happens very early on, then we'll think we've just won the lotto. Sex on call, with no commitment or "talk."

 

If you don't know where you stand, sex won't make him commit. And no, you are not perfectly fine in just being friends for him. Stop telling yourself lies. You need to accept the fact that he just may not have that deep of feelings for you. Why should he continue to work on that when he already got what he wanted? But you are not the victim here either. You allowed all of this to happen, knowing full well it wasn't what you wanted. But you settled and look where that has you.

 

This is the absolute lost of all lost causes. It is even more lost if this guy isn't going to be in the area for too much longer. It is time to start focusing on yourself and getting this guy out of your mind.

[carhill]

Another poster had some great advice for you about 1 1/2 months ago:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=2469180&postcount=5

 

Afterwards, go NC. He can masturbate in another hole and will be gone soon enough, regardless.