It happened.......

[bittersweet memories]

Thanks a lot for the advice. Yes, full service means sex. However I don't think she would give me a second chance. Plus I would never wanna see her suffer and cry over this. She would be absolutely crushed. I think ill just have to live with my burden and pray one day it will go away and she never finds out. Anyone else with similar experiences??

 

 

It was a one nighter..its not like an onging affair. You were drunk. Still NOT an excuse. If you think she would not forgive you, then don't tell her. Your relationship willl NEVER be the same anyway if you let her know.

 

Just live with the guilt. Just learn from this. Just be carefull because KARMA is a bitch.

 

Good Luck..

[Dexter Morgan]

I said MAY be a factor here. Stop grabbing at straws when somebody disagrees with your fascist viewpoints.

 

I was just saying that telling somebody that they don't love their girlfriend is completely stupid.

 

fascist....LMFAO:lmao:

[SoulSearch_CO]

Another question how old is the public here, because im really considering your guys advices but if most of you are 20 or whatever than i would think twice:)

 

Thanks again

It's going to vary across the board - there is a wide range, here, actually. I'm 30. How old are you?

[Justtoodangtired]

You're not married, the word affair doesn't apply to you in any way.

 

Also, there is a big difference between full intercourse and a happy ending hand job, so that question needs to be answered.

 

Affair absolutely DOES apply here if they have been in a relationship and are living together. Marriage is a piece of paper. If they made a commitment to one another, and he cheated it was an affair.

 

Also, there is NO difference between what "kind" of sexual act he did. It is cheating and will devastate her either way. So, it makes no difference what the act was. I mean, think about it, would you think it was cheating if your gf/bf/w/h had oral or intercourse with someone? No, it wouldn't matter. It would still be crushing.

 

Brody, you need to keep this to yourself. Telling her doesn't make her feel any better But only keep this to yourself, if you plan to NEVER do this again. Otherwise, leave her and be single. I can never understand why a person stays in a relationship when they want to be with other people. don't destroy another persons feelings when you don't want to be faithful There's nothing wrong with staying single.

Just make up your mind and either get out or commit to being someone of integrity and be faithful!

[ms.immortality]

I am sure is the worst possible fear is to tell your partner you cheated. I have not been in your boots, and hope not to be.

 

The fact is no matter how you try to deal with the guilt of doing it, and more guilt for not telling her, there is no way possible to carry on as if it never happened. Infidelity changes things. In fact it can change your entire life path. That is why it is so important to keep your wits about you at all times.

 

I feel bad for you because you are obviously remorseful; there is no doubt you love her. Unfortunately, you lived in the moment and it is going to cost you something.

 

There is one thing you should consider, the people here are telling you to come clean with her because they know deception is temporary, the truth will come out on its own no matter how much you try to hide it.

[BlueeyedJonesy]

I would leave if my H told me he did something like that, and we have a house & children together. So its up to you if you want to tell her or not..but be aware..it is going to eat you up alive to hold that in.. I hate the excuse "I was there for my buddy" F that! men try that excuse all the damn time..try being there for the woman you love next time and walking away.

[venus-blue]

Man, you have to come clean. I have been cheated on by my partner of 7 years and he came to me to tell me(thankfully). The only reason I forgave him was his honesty. You have put her health at risk and she deserves to know so that she can decide for herself if she truly wants to be with you. Not the you that you convince her of, but the actual person that you are, faults and all.

 

To not tell her is the same as lying to her face. Admit your wrong and you will release your guilt by being held accountable for your actions. It's her life you are messing with, not just your own.

[Eva-K]

Brody, my boyfriend cheated on me and refrained from telling me until one night I decided to ask. I would have given him another chance if he would have told me himself, now I cried for a long time and then decided to break up with him because cheating ánd hiding means double betrayal, one of which may have been something 'unconscious' with you (although.. if you walk into such a place.. don't you know what will happen?) but the other, the hiding, was completely conscious. You can never fully trust a person again, after this.

 

Besides that, you say you would rob the both of you from your future together if you told her. Don't you think that now you cheated, you already did that and the choice is now hers to make? It's not your decision anymore whether or not you have a future together because you cheated, as was said before.

 

Tell her, she might forgive you for your honesty. If you don't tell her, you rob her of her chance to decide over her own life with all the facts there. If you don't tell her and she finds out.. well it'll be even worse, trust me.

 

Let us know what you decided on and how you are doing now

[BlueeyedJonesy]

Everyone telling you to come clean is giving you bad advice. Sticking your prick in a whore is not much different from wacking off to porn. ZERO emotional connection. But try convincing her of that. If you could truly convince her of how little it meant, how much you learned from it and how it could possibly HELP your relationship in the long run, then by all means do it. But at BEST she will "forgive" you, but will be possibly giving her a lifetime with this vision in her head. Why do that to her? Why bring that between you?

 

At WORST, she leaves you for something she does not understand. It actually sounds like you've become a better person through this experience, but she'll leave you for it? Bad idea.

 

And I didn't have the time to read the whole thing, but I doubt there's a whore in the first world that doesn't use a condom during sex, so also ignore the STD alarmists.

 

Good luck to you.

 

So you wear a condom and it protects you from STD's? umm no. they don't protect you from that...they aid in preventing conception not tprotecting you from scabies!

[venus-blue]

Sticking your prick in a whore is not much different from wacking off to porn...... ignore the STD alarmists.

 

I strongly disagree, as porn is not a health risk for your girlfriend and I doubt her primary concern would be the emotional betrayal. Denial and fessing up are not similar ways of dealing with the real situation. How would you feel if she slept with some random guy from a bar? Don't you worry about Genital warts, Herpes, and HIV?

 

HPV, also known as genital warts, is commonly spread through the touching of flesh and not fluid exchange. The reality is that you cannot fully protect yourself with condom use, it is naive and ignorant to believe so. 8 out of 10 women carry HPV. It is the number one cause for cervical cancer, which means that if HPV is spread to your girl she could lose the ability to bear children. Common STD testing only tests for HIV, Chlamydia, Herpes, and Gonorrhea. HPV can only be tested for under the power of a microscope during a specialized test call a coposcopy, so few know they actually have it. It is often called a silent virus because it often shows no signs until the cervix, or your rectum, are cancerous. It is a very real threat to her health and yours.

 

Rule of thumb I use, if I would not share blood with someone then I should not sleep with them. Yes your judgement was clouded but guilt should be the least of your worries. It's reality time kids.

[lordWilhelm]

I don't know guys, it's not as clear-cut as telling is the right thing to do and not telling is wrong.

 

But can you be in this relationship with peace of mind knowing you've cheated on her? What if she's going to ask if you ever cheated --- would you lie and say no? And how will you make sure it won't happen again?

Edited January 26, 2010 by lordWilhelm

[kis]

I'm glad I posted the thread, and I'm glad all the responses from you guys. It actually helps me to sort this thing out. Whatever the outcome will be I will definately keep you guys posted. Thanks again for everyone's opinions and time but more are always welcome.

 

I will speake from a womans point of view who has been cheated on. I hope if my husband ever messes up again i dont know. it was the most painful thing i have ever been thru. I disagree with most of the other posters. I think telling her to ease your own guilt is the selfish act. Now if you were keeping her in the dark so you can do it again that would be different. But you are not.

[Skump]

Ya' know, I've gotta confess that I'm always torn in judging cases like the OP's.

 

Here's my quandary:

 

In the abstract, it all seems pretty clear cut. The OP's girlfriend has the expectation of his fidelity, and his refusal to come clean denies her the liberty to make a truly free choice about her love life. It's relationship fraud. Nevermind the STDs.

 

But... on some level, the OP's girlfriend must already realize her boyfriend is a doofus. I mean, totally irresponsible sh*t like this doesn't occur ex nihilo in most cases. The situation he placed himself in was surrounded by more red flags than the Kremlin circa 1930. Yeah, sometimes smart people do dumb things, but this bespeaks general immaturity.

 

So, given that she's accepted the him for the idiot he is, maybe she'd actually be better off than she would've otherwise been if he spared her the pain of revelation, reformed his f*cktarded ways, gave up the boozin', etc., and recommitted himself to the relationship. Assuming he tests clean for bugs, of course.

 

If the OP had a history of leading a double life, it'd be one thing. The OP's sin was basically a chance but foreseeable consequence of behavior that his GF must've already known about. That fact doesn't excuse his screwup, but it does complicate my assessment of whether revelation would serve the greater good.

[jnj express]

do not try to lie your way thru that "this was an honest mistake" a mistake is adding 2 and 2 and getting 5----YOU KNEW WHAT YOU WERE DOING EVERY STEP OF THE WAY----You went thru red flag after red flag, and still had sex, and I'm willing to bet you were not thinking of this girl you profess to love, and cherish that you fought thru life's battles for, when you were actually getting serviced. Don't go there---you are just excusing yourself.

 

OK so it sounds like you are gonna try and take this dirty little secret to the grave with you.

 

You had better dissasociate yourself with everyone of your buddies who was on this sexcapade with you---cuz if one of em ever gets drunk and blabs, or gets mad at you and blabs----It is gonna be way worse than you telling the truth.

 

What is much worse here is you lying to your GF thru your whole future relationship. She would probably forgive the ONS, BUT SHE WILL NOT FORGIVE LIVING A LIFETIME WITH LIAR.

 

Your guilt will continue and fester like a rotten untreated sore. It's your life----good luck to you.

[Brody]

i've confessed and we've talked it over. I think it will be fine between us. thanks a lot everybody. This thread can be locked now as to there is no more point to replies. thank you again.