locogurl Posted December 19, 2003 Share Posted December 19, 2003 I don't know if I love my DH any more or if I'm just used to him. I like him & I care about him, but I don't feel like I use to. I Don't trust him and I feel used by him for money & sometimes sex. He's very nice to me. We hardly ever argue, but that's probably because I'm such a door mat. He seldom ever thinks about me before he makes plans for his day. Like invites people over or accepts invitations without asking if I'd like to visit these people. He's a sneak and cheater. The worst kind, falls in "love"... He does feel guilty but seldom says he's sorry, instead he tries to buy his way out of things with gifts and courting behavior. He doesn't resolve to be faithful to me he just gets sneakier. I think he stomped out the flames of love in my heart. I think I'm only staying because I'm afraid of being alone, since I'm middle aged and chubby. I'm not afraid of taking care of myself financially since I've been taking care of myself and him for 16 years. I feel trapped and angry and hurt. I don't know if I can accept him as he is and be happy. I know I should leave or he should but I can't bring myself to do it. Anyone been there? Link to post Share on other sites
texastapper Posted December 19, 2003 Share Posted December 19, 2003 You should never feel trapped in a relationship. If you want to see a different reaction from him then you need to change your own ways. Do the same things he is, make him realize what he is missing out on. If you feel you are chubby or too old to find somebody else then dont let that be the reason you feel that way. Get out there and motivate yourself to change, work out, make plans without him. Change the door mate attitude into something more entertaining. he cant change who you are, only you can. If you want to feel the sparks again or at least the interest from your DH then you need to take the action in doing so. if you sit around and just complain about things and dont make changes then you are shooting yourself in the foot. Make him see that you are not a door mate and that you have a life that you are going to live to the fullest for yourself first and then for him. You can not go wrong treating yourself to something special every once in a while. The bottom line is that you need to learn to be strong and stand on your own two feet. I can almost guarantee that he will wake upa nd smell teh roses when he can see that you are up working out, making plans that dont include him, etc. You will just be amazed! Good luck and I know you can do this! Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted December 19, 2003 Share Posted December 19, 2003 maybe it's time to do something to open the doors of communication in y'alls marriage. I've seen suggestions for something called "marriage builders;" I'm a firm believer in Marriage Encounter. Both give you the tools to help better communicate with each other, and hopefully help you to see why you initially chose each other for lifemates. My husband, who dragged his feet for the longest time when I first told him about M.E., changed his mind and will now tell anyone who asks that it's the best thing we did for our marriage. I think it's helped him understand why I feel the way I do about marriage, and what the Catholic Church teaches (it's sponsored by the Catholic church, but open to everyone interested in strengthening their marriage), and it helped me to communicate more effectively with him, instead of just expecting him to know things. as far as how you perceive you look: there are things you can do to make you feel better about yourself, from shaping up and dropping excess weight, to giving yourself a new look, those things are the easy ones. It's changing your mindset that's going to be more challenging, but do-able. good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Errol Posted December 19, 2003 Share Posted December 19, 2003 sorry I can't offer any advice, but I have to ask; what is DH? (I'm thinking Damn Husband) Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted December 20, 2003 Share Posted December 20, 2003 Lol, damned husband. I think it's "Dear Husband", but I could be wrong. To me, it's Designated Hitter. Link to post Share on other sites
Author locogurl Posted December 20, 2003 Author Share Posted December 20, 2003 Dear or Damned Husband will work depending on the situation. I'd love to talk to him, do an marriage counseling or encouter thing with him but he refuses... he knows he's have to face the way he's treating me. I'm just tired and discouraged. The blinders of love have completely disovled and I'm seeing him the way he really is. Maybe it's good that I'm not in love with him anymore so we can be real about the situation. I have had so many bad things happen between us and he's not willing to face it, and so I'm wondering if this relationship is worth saving. Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted December 21, 2003 Share Posted December 21, 2003 Try to keep being so honest with yourself, and do things to improve the way YOU feel. And if you truly think the situation cannot be fixed, then you should go. You really will be OK on your own. Perhaps a counsellor will help you sort through your feelings clearly. Link to post Share on other sites
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