hmmmmm

[jamessssss]

Hey..

But my situation is this, I will try and explain the best I can

I have been seeing this girl for over a year now, and things have been great, we don't live too far apart (both in the UK) but I'd still consider it an LDR.

We just started discussing more serious future plans, like in the new year to both start saving up and get a place together etc.

 

Let me just quickly explain her situation

at the age of 3, her dad left. Noone has heard from him since (I will explain later). Her mother couldn't get a divorce because he couldnt be gotten hold of. So obviously her mother moved on, but not getting married - just a boyfriend. Who has been an excellent father figure to her, she calls him dad and I have asked her how she see's him, and her answer was 'he is basically my dad'.

 

But here comes the bit I'm really confused and feel a bit hurt about.

Last night, her dad got in contact with her, I was on the phone to her at the time, so I left her for a little while because she wanted to talk to her mother. She called me back at 1am, I was asleep at the time but thats what I'm there for She was upset, which I can understand but I think it was more to do with the fact her head was a mess. So I reassured her etc.

 

But now today its all about her dad

She isnt really interested in talking about us, I know it only happend last night but I just dont see it from her point of view. If my dad left me at the age of 3 and didnt try to make contact or anything for 18 years I really would not want anything to do with him.

He is currently living in Canada, and she spoke to him last night for about an hour and already she knows that he has no money, and also she has been out and bought him a webcam.

I personally think she is taking things to fast, but I really dont think I can tell her that.

I have told her I would like to give her some space because her head must be all over the place, but she tells me not to do that..

I know she still loves me, but I'm just confused

 

Anyone got any input?

[jamessssss]

I really dont know what to do, I texted her a couple of hours ago saying that I was going to give her some space etc.

She just replied now, not mentioning anything about my text to say she just got off the phone to her dad..

[Rollercoasterr]

I think you're being MEGA SELFISH. The point is that she hasn't heard from this man since she was 3. Now we can all sit here and play the game about what a horrible person he was and how she shouldn't care, but OF COURSE she's going to be interested in hearing his side of the story. She's going to want to know him, even if she doesn't come to love him.

 

You're upset that it's not all about you and her for one day? Seriously? You've got bigger problems than the father thing. If you loved her, you'd support her and be her rock in this time of need. You'd let her find out about this man, but still stand behind her protectively. Instead, you're whining about the fact that a day later she isn't all about your relationship again.

 

This will take time for the dust to settle. It's normal and natural for everything else to take a backseat for a few days. You need to stop being so selfish and understand that.

[jamessssss]

I owe you a huge thankyou 'Rollercoasterr', I have just re-read my post, and I do sound very selfish

And also sometimes its best to get someone elses opinion on things who aint involved or know the person..

 

I have arranged to go down over the weekend to spend some time with her and support her.