Is He Cheating? Or does he just not really care about me?

[AndreaLee]

Ok here's the deal. I just moved back to my hometown, I left my boyfriend back where I used to live (which is about 3 hrs drive). I haven't seen him since thanksgiving. He was supposed to come visit me last weekend, but he claimed that he has no money. So this weekend (being a pay-day weekend) he's coming to visit. After 3 weeks of him not seeing me and presumably not getting any for that 3 weeks, I don't see it unreasonable that he come here after work today (friday) and leave sometime sunday afternoon. But when I told him this, he made like it was a big deal. Quote: "3 days???? I wanted to get back early on Sunday." I said (because I'm insecure) "You just want to get back to see your girlfriend" (now I usually call his best guy friend his gf, because they are always together) But when I said this, he did not disagree, or even say yeah I want to see C****(like usual). So anyway, the thing is that he is coming here on Saturday AFTERNOON, staying the night and leaving Sunday Morning. I don't understand why he wants to spend so little time with me. Can anyone explain what this is about????? I just feel like I should be treated better than this.

 

Also I have told him about 3 times (3 different occasions) "I love you" (it just kinda slipped out) and he didn't even acknowledge it. He just ignored me or changed the subject.

 

(we've been together for about 7 months)

[yogi-mon]

rule of thumb, a man should say i love you a limited times in his life.

once when he meets his first love, once when he meets his wife,

once for each child he has, and once when hes on his death

to his childern and wife etc.

 

Its an important word for a man, use it sparingly, - it means more

my father told me he loves me only once.

 

and it meant alot.

He told me, he'd always love me.

Thats enough for me.

 

The wife should get a few extra by default.

Perhaps 1 or 2 per year

[Errol]

You've only been together 7 months and you have already said "I Love You" to him. If he loved you back he would have said it.

 

Did you agree verbally to not date anyone else? Maybe he is seeing someone else too, maybe hes scared of the I love you's, maybe he is just not ready for the same level of commitment that you are. Maybe hes heard the gf joke so much that its not funny or cute to him anymore and hes wondering if are really insecure or the jealous type and is thinking about whether you are worth it to him. Maybe he just doesn't know how much he means to you and doesn't know how upset you are about this. Maybe he just doesn't react the way you want him to. Could be anything. You two need to talk about this.

[yogi-mon]

love is a strong word for a man.

why does he have to say that????

 

i mean, my last ex, well - I cared about her to the end of the world

but im not going to use that word unless it is important.

[yogi-mon]

Using "I love you" waters it down.

 

It has to have meaning you know.

[AndreaLee]

"Maybe hes heard the gf joke so much that its not funny or cute to him anymore"

He even says it.. He calls the guy his "wife" for heavens sake

"Did you agree verbally to not date anyone else?"

Yes

 

"You two need to talk about this."

When I try to talk to him about ANYTHING, he gets mad and clams up... He doesn't like when I ask him so many questions or something like that. He hates to talk about anything in our relationship. He just won't. Changes subject, etc...

 

 

Also, yogi, he doesn't HAVE to say it.. I'd just like him to SHOW it once in awhile..

[jmargel]

Yogi.. first off, that's your opinion. Don't try to push your beliefs on someone else.

 

Andrea, sounds like he's avoiding the issues at hand. But on his behalf it is a 3 hour drive each way. Also you left him to pursue other goals. Which i'm not saying its a bad thing, but prehaps he's upset about that or something else & won't tell you.

 

You need to have communication or problems & trust issues are going to start like they have with you.

 

Stop accusing him, and stop assuming things are bad. I would be more concerned on him not telling you what is bothering him. Lay off some of the questions, and talk & act like you did before when you first met him. Its not about the amount of time you spend together but the quality of time. Go out & do something fun & romantic when he comes over. See what his reaction is, etc..

[AndreaLee]

Originally posted by jmargel

Its not about the amount of time you spend together but the quality of time.

 

 

 

There I go again.. Confusing Quantity with Quality.. Thanks J