And so comes the txt from the xMM's W.....

[2sunny]

when i went back and re read her threads and the timelines of what has now transpired in the past few days - i can see where she lied to us as well... i believe she isn't capable of being honest with herself... much less anyone else.

 

maybe her MM has rubbed off on her too!

[NoIDidn't]

when i went back and re read her threads and the timelines of what has now transpired in the past few days - i can see where she lied to us as well... i believe she isn't capable of being honest with herself... much less anyone else.

 

maybe her MM has rubbed off on her too!

 

This is just speculation on my part, but isn't it possible that this whole thing was thought up by the MM that was supposedly "reading" her posts?

 

Some people get their jollies in the strangest of ways, you know.

[bentnotbroken]

Say nothing. Let him burn his own d**n bridges!! If he wants to continue to try to rebuild his marriage by lying to his W so be it.

 

Take comfort in knowing "what comes around goes around" and he will get his someday. You just don't need to be the cause of his getting his go round.

 

I feel for you girl! They're PIGS I tell you!!! LYING PIGS!!!! Hang in there!!

 

 

That goes for both affair participants don't' you think. She knew what she was doing and she continues to lie to the wife by avoiding the truth. She isn't the cause of anything but she certainly helped the situation along without much regard to what would happen when the W started to ask questions. She says she won't lie, but what has been happening all along?

[RedDevil66]

This thread screams toxic drama!

I had no idea her cheater was reading her posts on LS! That screams "psychotic" to me!

 

Listen, you both need some SERIOUS therapy! H4U, you're a liar and it just may be you and this cheater are a perfect match.

 

Tell his wife everything so she can have the strength to leave this loser, so you can have him all to yourself.

His poor wife says now she wants to work it out because she's scared and he's probably lying to her through his teeth.

 

NoraJane says it best and I agree with her.

 

I had some sympathy for you until the end of this thread.

 

Get help and FAST!

[RedDevil66]

Oh, she's not going to lose anything. She never had him, so she can't lose him. Blow through all the drama and all she ever had was a lousy cheater who was never going to leave his wife. She gains by ridding herself of this toxic weasel.

 

She keeps avoiding his poor wife, so in my eyes, that makes her just as much of a toxic weasel as him.

 

If H4U has any sense of decency, she would call his wife, go meet her, tell her everything, apologize and move on.

 

I had the balls to confront the wife of the man I cheated with and she huggd me at the end of it. The pain in her face was all I needed to see to never act in such a filthy way again.

[John Who]

I think you just need to take yourself out of the picture already cut ties with MM move on change your number no contact and move on.

 

It seems to me that you like being in this situation because you still have yourself in the situation.

 

Be honest with yourself you still want MM otherwise you would have been honest with his W along time ago,you are keeping quiet because that is what MM wants and you are obeying him WHY?? because you do not want him mad at you and risk ending it with you completly you are still trying to hold on to him in any way possible even though it is clear he would not leave his W for you.

 

It seems like you have made up your mind and you are going to keep quiet which is your choice,now you need to remove yourself from the drama,but something tells me tat is a long shot because you are not ready to let MM go,which is why you are keeping his secret.

[whichwayisup]

I don't think it's a case that she is enjoying or really liking the situation she's in, it's just that she is in deep and can't let go..Yet. But, maybe once she does talk to his wife, gets the courage up, it'll help her let go and stay in NC mode.

 

One thing I noticed..Unless I read it wrong? She said she wrote a text to his wife..She didn't say she sent it, just that she wrote it.

[stampdaddy]

I don't think it's a case that she is enjoying or really liking the situation she's in, it's just that she is in deep and can't let go..Yet. But, maybe once she does talk to his wife, gets the courage up, it'll help her let go and stay in NC mode.

 

One thing I noticed..Unless I read it wrong? She said she wrote a text to his wife..She didn't say she sent it, just that she wrote it.

 

 

that is correct

[John Who]

I don't think it's a case that she is enjoying or really liking the situation she's in, it's just that she is in deep and can't let go..Yet. But, maybe once she does talk to his wife, gets the courage up, it'll help her let go and stay in NC mode.

 

One thing I noticed..Unless I read it wrong? She said she wrote a text to his wife..She didn't say she sent it, just that she wrote it.

 

She can let go,it is her choice and she so far has chose not to let go.

[hopeless4u]

I'd firstly like to say, none of this is made up!! How sick do you think I am!!

 

The reason the xMM read my posts was because we were told about this site and were both going to see if it could help (at this stage we knew things couldn't carry on as they were) and at the time I had no idea how manipulative he was, call it fog, stupidity or love!!

 

I don't know if he has read these posts and honestly I don't care.

 

I truly thought we had something special when I 1st came on here but after reading what the OW were going through I realised how foolish I've been.

 

I know my threads and posts have been all over the place, thats because I've been all over the place!

 

After some hard thinking, I sent the txt to his W, it read...

 

I'm sorry its taken me so long to reply but I have had a lot of thinking to do also. You have my word that I will not contact him and I respect you for working on your marriage. I will answer any questions you have if that helps. I am truly sorry for the pain I have put you through.

[RedDevil66]

H4U, I'm proud of you. Now you can heal. Sorry I was so hard on you. I was a little too harsh, I just feel so much for his wife and I HATE When peopel like this married dude gets away with these games.

 

Please, please please, focus on you and break away from this madness.

When I was caught in this madness, my friend would tell me in time when I looked back I would say "what was I thinking!" and I did and so will you.

 

I know you fear losing him, but like when I tried to hold on to my ex of 11 yrs, my Mom told me "what do you fear losing? You can't lose 100% of nothing, you can only gain by letting go"

[whichwayisup]

I'm sorry its taken me so long to reply but I have had a lot of thinking to do also. You have my word that I will not contact him and I respect you for working on your marriage. I will answer any questions you have if that helps. I am truly sorry for the pain I have put you through.

That's good you sent her the text, though adding in "And if your husband contacts me, I will ignore him and not return any calls or emails" would have been even better..(now it's too late, but I guess you can tell her this when you speak to her.

 

Anyway, speak from your heart when you talk to her, apologize, be sincere and please, even if exMM BEGS you, comes to see you - Ignore him.

 

I truly thought we had something special when I 1st came on here but after reading what the OW were going through I realised how foolish I've been.

 

Read stampdaddy's recent thread in this section.

[hopeless4u]

H4U, I'm proud of you. Now you can heal. Sorry I was so hard on you. I was a little too harsh, I just feel so much for his wife and I HATE When peopel like this married dude gets away with these games.

 

Please, please please, focus on you and break away from this madness.

When I was caught in this madness, my friend would tell me in time when I looked back I would say "what was I thinking!" and I did and so will you.

 

I know you fear losing him, but like when I tried to hold on to my ex of 11 yrs, my Mom told me "what do you fear losing? You can't lose 100% of nothing, you can only gain by letting go"

 

Its ok that you were harsh, I think if I was on the outside looking in, reading my posts I'd be harsh too!!

 

I haven't heard anything so either he is coming clean so she doesn't have to hear the truth from me or him and his mum(he told her the truth apparently and she said to carry on lying to his W!!) are telling her she doesn't need to speak with me. Either way, I have done my part and I feel better for it.

 

Hopefully I will get a decent nights sleep tonight and the rest of my life can start tomorrow.

I'm not worried about loosing him, I really don't think I would want him anyway. I can see now how well he lies and any respect I did have for him has gone.

 

I will forget about them now, get on with my life and if the call comes then I will tell her what she needs to know so she can move on to.

[hopeless4u]

That's good you sent her the text, though adding in "And if your husband contacts me, I will ignore him and not return any calls or emails" would have been even better..(now it's too late, but I guess you can tell her this when you speak to her.

 

Anyway, speak from your heart when you talk to her, apologize, be sincere and please, even if exMM BEGS you, comes to see you - Ignore him.

 

 

 

 

 

Read stampdaddy's recent thread in this section.

 

 

I was shaking so much when I wrote the txt I'm not sure I could of written anything else!

 

I have already decided that if he tries to contact me I will be straight on the phone to her, if he txt's me I will forward it to her, if he turns up I will ring her and then just pass the phone to him to speak to her.

 

I'm sure at some stage I will bump into him at work but I'm hoping he will break up for the Christmas holidays tomorrow and I break up next Wednesday until after new year so that will make things easier.

[RedDevil66]

H4U, your new life begins right now. Never mind tomorrow!

 

This is going to be the most freeing feeling you ever had. You're going to hurt, but hurt builds strength.

 

And his Mom telling him to lie...ugh! She sounds like a real gem!

[2sunny]

H4U, your new life begins right now. Never mind tomorrow!

 

This is going to be the most freeing feeling you ever had. You're going to hurt, but hurt builds strength.

 

And his Mom telling him to lie...ugh! She sounds like a real gem!

 

 

did i miss something? his Mom encouraged the lies? geez, now we know why he thinks his bad behavior is aok... if this is the way he was raised - then that makes everything seem normal (the lying). hence, he should never be expected to tell the truth if it means he may look bad.

 

anyway, i'm glad the text was sent. do not drink tonight, or form any reason to NOT answer if she contacts you - you owe her at least that much.

 

be ready for MM backlash for telling her the truth. all a better reason to never correspond with him any further!

[vanillabeach]

I want to do the right thing but I don't know what the right thing is??

 

just spelling it out for you - the right thing is to leave him straight away.

 

what she does or doesn't do has nothing to do you with you.

 

good luck!

[2sunny]

just spelling it out for you - the right thing is to leave him straight away.

 

what she does or doesn't do has nothing to do you with you.

good luck!

 

this is very true - but only AFTER she corresponds with the W since the only thing the W wanted a few days ago was her version... then the next request was to leave them alone... so proper order is to tell - then disappear.

 

for what it's worth - it has everything to do with her the moment she became involved in their marriage!

[wheelwright]

I wanted to say H4Y that you didn't deserve the 'you are a liar' posts.

 

You were confused.

 

I think in the circumstances re his BS, you behaved with dignity.

 

I also think it's OK to cover his ass to a degree. She really doesn't need to know everything. The bare bones are quite enough. If this happened to me, I would ask her if she really wants to know, given that she's committed to the M. What could you say that could help that? It's up to him now.

 

But if she really wants to hear it from you, then give her the full truth. But she should be pressing you for it, not you her.

 

Good luck in continuing with this. Sounds like you will bounce back TBH.

[hopeless4u]

Thanks all:)

 

Well I've heard nothing so maybe she doesn't want to know or they have convinced her she doesn't need to talk to me.

 

I've done my bit now and if she decides she wants to ask me anything she has my number, I won't take it any further unless I hear from her.

 

No 2S, nothing to drink tonight!! Been getting my head straight so if the call comes I don't sound like a babbling idiot.

 

Thanks WW, I was confused, all over the place TBH. I feel so much better for sending her the txt and whatever she chooses to do at least I know I gave her the option.

 

Thats all I can do.

[Hazyhead]

I'm glad you feel a bit better H4U. You did the right thing and I understand it taking you a bit to get your head around it. You're so much better off without him, hard as it seems right now. I like the sentiment from RedDevil - that your life starts today. Move on and if the call comes, I agree that you should speak from your heart. Good luck to you.

[NoIDidn't]

I think the text you sent was good. It explained the lag in response time and left it open ended should she want to call you again.

 

I don't think you will hear from her right away as the family has taken to gaslighting her. Which is a real shame, but not your problem.

 

Be glad you aren't with him, this could be you.

 

(((HL4U)))

[hopeless4u]

Well his W txt me this morning wanting to know 3 things...

How long had the A been going on?

When did the physical side stop?

Why was he at my house on Friday night?

 

The 1st 2 I expected, the last 1 I did not! The last I heard he had told her he had never been to my house and the A started in the summer, so I sent the reply with the impression that maybe he had finally told all.

 

He has!! He has finally come clean about everything so I can finally be at peace with myself, she knows everything, I can move on, right?

 

She replied to my txt at 9.00 this morning saying that the answers I gave were what he had said and that she has never felt pain like this and she hopes I can find it in my heart to wish them well.

At 9.30 he walks into the office!!!!! He headed straight to the person he needed to see, I don't know if he even looked over as I bolted from my desk and left the office for a while.

When I returned he was gone, I looked out of the window to see if his car was still there and he was just getting in it. So panic over, he came, did what he had to and left, I was ok, maybe a little hurt he hadn't tried to explain but I can go with the NC he has agreed with his W and I can still be angry with him for throwing me under a bus, which is helping me stay strong.

 

My friend walks over(who knows everything) and has a concerned look on her face and I'm like 'its ok, he's gone'.......BOMBSHELL!!

She says 'he called me over and asked me to tell you how sorry he is that he can't explain, he has promised W NC. He has told W everything and was so shocked at how she reacted, he really thought his M was over but he has to try. He said he knows I am hurting and probably think that everything he has said to me over the last 2 yrs was a lie and to tell me that he meant every word he said about how he feels and felt about me, that he is so sorry'......I kind of lost it, suddenly the tears started welling up in my eyes, from nowhere as I haven't cried at all.

I made my excuses at work and left, as soon as I got in my car I broke down, uncontrollable tears and they just won't stop!!

 

I have replied to his W's txt saying of course I wish them well and I have always said that if he told her everything and she decided to stay with him then I would walk away and that as much as it hurts I owe her that and that I really am truly sorry for the pain I have caused her.

[PhoenixRise]

Hopeless4u

 

I think you handled yourself very well all things considered. Interacting with his W can't have been easy for you. I am glad you talked to her and I am glad you answered her with the truth.

 

I hope you are taking good care of yourself.

[WhereToGoFromHere]

(((HL4U)))

OMG!! All I can say here is I wish you all the strength you need to get through this and that I'm so so sorry for all your pain and tears!