CanadianBornCutie Posted December 20, 2003 Share Posted December 20, 2003 My ex whom i still see....when we are together it's great like we never broke up, we still talk regularly..you all know the stories. but i find out he's been hurt really bad in the past and he has a very big problem with arguing, and fighting. He HATES it. he used to argue so much with his EX and his family has constantly agrued and fought. So when our perfect relationshi started to have some tiffs (like all relationships do) he kept getting scared and he didn't want to argue so he kept things bottled up....which led to a break and a break up. he also has guilt issues he feels guilty if for example i would do something for him (cause i wanted to he's such a special person) and then he'd think he wasn't good enough for me or that because he couldn't do enough for me that i wasn't happy or deserved him (i was happy i told him i loved him) I dont think there are anyways I can calm his insecurites........but do you think going to a doctor would be helpful? we both still love each other, and i'm giving him time and space, however it is hard watching him just block the problems out of his mind.... Even now he says he TRIES to be happy but he is not.....he says when he's with me he's okay, but anywhere else he's not...... So my situation is a bit different....he is my ex.....but he still wants me in his life..... i want to get back with him and continue our path together but i know he has to deal with his problems and fears first....i guess i just wanted to know if anyone could offer advice? We had a great relationship full of love, and everything even now we don't even know why we broke up, i don't have a negative feeling towards him (not anymore first there was the inital breakup questions of why and stuff) But the moer i think of his situation the more i want to not give up........there are so many good things to salvage.... Link to post Share on other sites
InLoKo Posted December 20, 2003 Share Posted December 20, 2003 You seem to be in a similar situation to me that I just posted about!! As far as the guilt goes, I remember reading that if you do too much for a man, it can make him feel guilty because he doesn't know how to reciprocate. The answer to that one is simple: do less. No matter how strong your urges are, don't do it. You are only making yourself feel better and him feel worse. The opposite of what you want to achieve. If he loves you, he will find ways to do things for you. You can then show your gratitude and that will please him that he has pleased you. Don't ask me why it works like that, but it just does. You didn't say how long you've been together and how long apart. I also read somewhere that a woman is not his thereapist, nor his nurse, nor his mother. Let him do some work here. Don't let it all be upto you. If he's broken, he needs to fix himself, not you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CanadianBornCutie Posted December 20, 2003 Author Share Posted December 20, 2003 WE were together for a year and a half and 'broken up" for a bout a month and a half......but i still seee him........since our slowing down of our relatioinship i have done less for him and let him do things on his own....and it seems to have eased his guilt a bit.....but i still see the internal struggle he has with himself Thanks for the advice! yeah i can't be his therapist/mother/nurse or doctor.......he has to do it himself.... i guess it's just hard for me to watch someone you care about go through stuff.... but yes he has to realize things on his own...... Link to post Share on other sites
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