What does he want from me?

[monkey]

Inloko, no, no, bitches are the worst, i'm a hot blooded male, but ther're a real turn off.

Down to earth,clean living girls that take relationships seriously are the best, not girls who drop their pants for anyone.

[mandrews1119]

Inloko,

I can only imagine the hurt you are experiencing now, but you aren't a _itch, it just hurts right now, and I'm sure it's a reaction. Yes, you deserved better, and that is a reflection on him, not you. Do what you must to stay strong (which is to rebuild yourself,) the rest will come no matter what path you choose. Keep posting.!

[sami]

The issue is not at all what he wants but rather what you really want out of this relationship. The guy is looking for SEX without any commitment from his side. If that is what you also want then where is the confusion?. It is your decision. It is so easy. You may go out for dinner or whatever but tell him that nothing else without a commitent. Don't be carried away by the heat of the moment. Good luck.

[InLoKo]

Well, well, well.....

 

It's been a while. I hope there are some old faces still around and I hope they are all smiling now! I hope a few hearts have been mended, too.

 

What news from me? Not much really. As predicted by many of you, my ex ended his engagement 4 months ago. It didn't last a year. He and I stayed in touch (via MSN Messenger) and I knew it would be a matter of time before he broke things off. He didn't say much (ie. he didn't bitch) but I knew he wasn't happy.

 

So he's home this weekend and was supposed to take me out to dinner tonight but we had both forgotten it was a holiday weekend and the traffic was appalling. So we're postponing it for a week or 2. I'm happy. I have met other guys in the past year, but have simply not wanted to get off first base with any of them. I'd rather go without than settle for second best. He is the love of my life, my soul mate and it feels right to be seeing him like this. Be happy for me.

[lost_in_chgo]

well, well, well indeed...

 

You and I are on similar timeframes. Though I still have a disappeared ex.

Do you think maintaining contact helped bring this second chance about?

 

I've been doing on again off again with mine.

 

I'm glad to hear that he came around. Hopefully it goes where you want it to. And good job hanging in there and leaving that door open. And good job trying elsewhere too. I'm doing the same but just can't seem to find a spark anywhere.

[InLoKo]

Oh no! I do hope I haven't spoken too soon. Last night, I cancelled our restaurant booking because he had turned back from coming to my place (250 miles away). On MSN Chat last night, he said he would be leaving for a meeting at his office (10 miles from me) at 3 am, what time did I serve breakfast and he would be at mine for 7.30ish.

 

Obviously, I set my alarm for 6.30am, not wanting to answer the door with bedhead! I called him at 7am to ask where he was, no answer. Three minutes later he txt to say he had just arrived at the office, had decided to go straight there and would call me later. So I've been stood up twice in less than 24 hours. Am I being paranoid?

[mandrews1119]

Hello InLoKo, Lost, Kit, et al,

 

How's everyone? I wish I had some great story to tell but the fact is I don't. I have had some intermittent contact from my ex, but that I guess is her way of still knowing if she can reach me. I didn't respond to the last "feeler", a couple of months ago. I have been not busy, but occupying myself with life. New house, new toys, etc.

 

InLoKo, you aren't crazy, HE still doesn't realize it is you he really wants! That realization will come either like a ton of bricks - or be so gradual it will feel like an iceberg melting. Keep your composure. Talk to everyone again in the future, may they all be happy ones!!

 

Mandrews

[NiCoLe20]

whats bothering me is why are u still with this man? he knows he can have you whenever he wants b/c you make it that easy! and obviously he's taking advantage of that. another girl proposed to him and he said yes... then he decided he didnt want her, so he rebounded to you b/c he knows you'll be there and waiting... why??? he's not worth all of this! your only going to get hurt again by him. he's done it once, twice, three times! how many more times is it gonna take until you realize this isnt going anywhere? i hate to sound mean but im trying to be real blunt and honest with you. you guys keep trying to make this work and its not happening so why bother

[InLoKo]

Originally posted by mandrews1119

Hello InLoKo, Lost, Kit, et al,

 

How's everyone? I wish I had some great story to tell but the fact is I don't. I have had some intermittent contact from my ex, but that I guess is her way of still knowing if she can reach me. I didn't respond to the last "feeler", a couple of months ago. I have been not busy, but occupying myself with life. New house, new toys, etc.

 

InLoKo, you aren't crazy, HE still doesn't realize it is you he really wants! That realization will come either like a ton of bricks - or be so gradual it will feel like an iceberg melting. Keep your composure. Talk to everyone again in the future, may they all be happy ones!!

 

Mandrews

Update: We had our dinner last night. It was great to see him again and we had a really lovely time. He was travelling back from a short trip overseas and txt me to say he was waiting for the ferry but wld be at mine for about 6pm, and did I want to go out to dinner. I booked a table at a new restaurant. He paid. We came home about 11pm and chatted and then went to bed.

 

We laughed a lot and we were both very relaxed. Lots of teasing from him and reminiscing from us both. It felt good to be with him and I remembered all over again how much unusual stuff we have in common and exactly why I fell in love with him. I didn't smother him or suffocate him. I was cheeful and happy the whole time.

 

He left at 2am as his car had to go in for repair at 8am (long story) so we agreed it was better he left then to avoid traffic on the 3 hour drive home. He asked if he could take one of my travel mugs full of tea for the journey home, we kissed briefly at the door and he was gone!

 

I'm not going to call him at all. I'm learning that men need space and need to initiate contact otherwise they feel......is it chased or something?. I'm keeping busy and learning not to be attached to the outcome. I hope that is right.

[InLoKo]

Another update.....

 

He's been texting me every other day, approx. Tonight, he sent me a txt asking me if I wanted to meet him Monday night, the night before he flies overseas for 3 months. I can't wait, I'm so excited! I so deserve this. I have been so patient!! This time, I'be been playing it cool. I have initiated no contact at all and am letting him do all the running. I am so hoping this is our second chance.

[InLoKo]

Just when everything was going so well.

 

Things have been brilliant lately and I've been really happy. On MSN Chat today we were joking about and I said "serious note for a second....I don't want to be wondering if at any moment you could announce you're in love with someone else and hurt me again, like last year".

 

Big mistake as it turns out. He replied "you're right, im not going to settle down, with you or anyone . I dont want to marry you.....so maybe it is better for you if i dont see you and shag your brains out xx". I said I understood but didn't want him to marry me, just love me. He repled "Only the hot loving, sexy type". I said "sex between us wouldn't be so hot if we didn't have feelings for each other, I don't know what mine are for you but they are strong and that will never change unfortunately". I also said "when a guy says to a girl that he doesn't want to marry her, it' the same as saying 'you're not good enough for me'....and that makes her feel crap". He said he didn't intend for me to feel crap and that he didn't want to get married full stop. I asked why he had agreed to get married to her last year if he didn't ever want to marry. He said he did [want to marry] then. He then asked if we could leave it for today. He left chat.

 

An hour later he reappears online and starts chatting to me about light hearted, jokey stuff. We chatted for 40 minutes. For some reason he was asking me all about my first sexual experiences. Probably unrelated. Towards the end of this chat he said "you said bad idea for me to come round again, you'll get upset as we want different things". (Actually, I said no such thing....he did). I said "I don't think we do want different things though". He disagreed again. I asked him what I wanted and he said "to settle down with me". I replied "when you say stuff like that it scares the hell out of me and I want to run and hide.....being totally honest". With that, he said he had to go and left.

 

So I'm rather shell-skocked, wondering what the hell just happened. I did nothing wrong as such. But something's been triggered. His commitment phobia no doubt. But how? Why? What do I do now? And please don't say forget him. If it was that easy I'd have done it and saved myself alot of typing on here. I can't say I do or don't want to marry him. I've only seen him a handful of times in the last 2-3 years and I was happy just looking forward to seeing him when he came home again. I can't guarantee my feelings won't change in the future. But I feel as though he has pre-judged me and not actually asked me what I want, just made assumptions based in how I felt when we were together before. I feel that no matter what I tell him tomorrow, he will just assume I am trying to trick him. I am damned if I do and damned if I don't.

 

Christ, my eyes are puffy from crying, now!

[Older and wiser]

Advice is what you ask for when you know the answer and wish you didnt.

 

That's not mine but I find that its true. What I mean is, it sounds like you already have your heart set on this guy and are looking for reassurance that its ok and that hes not going to hurt you again. What I can say is that it is ok to give it another go, but noone can give you a prediction of waht might happen if you do.

 

Personally, I think there's a very good chance he'll hurt you all over again. He sounds like he might care for you but he sounds much more like he is just looking for some fun w/ no strings attached.