brwnis7701 Posted December 20, 2003 Share Posted December 20, 2003 Please I really need help right now. I have been whith the father of my two children for seven years and he has beeen cheating and lying to me. He has been cheating all over town and he over the years has broken me down. I have no self-esteem left. I loved this man more then anyting beside my children I have given up so much for him. I am alone now I have no friends left because he didnt want me to have any. And of course like the stupid person I am I stopped talking to them. I now have noone I am a single mother a full-time student who relied financially on him and I dont know what to do from here. I feel like I am dying inside. I cant even provide christmas for my kids. I dont know if I can get through this with out really having a mental break down and I am only 26 years old. I am the only one my kids can depend on so I hve to hold it together I just dont know how long i can do it for. I am scared I will find no good man who will want me because I have two children and cant have anymore with anyone else. The pain hurts so bad it is unreal. He is moving tomarrow to Texas and me and the kids are in Illinois. He is so selfish to cheat and lie to me. Just three days ago he was watching me cook dinner and said he couldnt believe how much he loved me and then last night he was in bed with a "friend of mine" who is also the mother of his cousins children. I just want to move on with my life and for him to know I have. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted December 20, 2003 Share Posted December 20, 2003 The longer you stay, the longer you will hurt. The longer you stay, the longer you will hurt. The longer you stay, the longer you will hurt. You need to leave, right now. If he is leaving you with the kids, take them with you. Eventually, you can get child support. Find friends, join a support group, and don't enter into a relationship until you are comfortable with yourself. I understand that you've been with him for seven years, and that's a long time, and you don't feel comfortable "cutting your losses". But Seven years will turn into eight years. Eight years will turn into nine years. And in three years, Seven will be ten. The longer you stay, the longer you will hurt. Think about it, it three years you could say instead, "I have been free of the man who made me feel like less of a human for three years". Three will become four, Four will become five, and you will be eventually secure enough to enter into a healthy relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
brwnis7701 Posted December 20, 2003 Share Posted December 20, 2003 You are so right I knwo this It just isnt easy. I dont know if I can make it day to day I want to skip ahead to a year from now so the pain is intense anymore. I am praying but it isnt helping I wake up several times a night and it is in my head god i cant take it anymore just take the pain away please Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted December 20, 2003 Share Posted December 20, 2003 I know, I didn't mean to sound incompassionate, I was just trying not to enable you. I'll pray for you too, but it's up to YOU to stop the pain. I think you know how. Link to post Share on other sites
just_bella Posted December 20, 2003 Share Posted December 20, 2003 Hi there, You seem like a good person with a big heart. But just like Dyermake said you need to move on from this pain. I know it is hard, becuz this is the only person who you know how to love. But trust me, you will find someone better. I know things might be tough right now. But there are others way out. I know the government might give you assistance to help you take care of your kids. And there are grants & loans so you can continue to goto school. You seem like you are headed in the right direction. Don't allow him to drag you down. You can manage without him. I know it might seem difficult, but with some planning & help from others it is possible. Hang in there...be strong. This is truly the best thing that he is moving. I will pray for you & your family!!! Link to post Share on other sites
brwnis7701 Posted December 20, 2003 Share Posted December 20, 2003 Thank you both of you. You are both so right and I truly know this. Hearing it from other people does help and to know others have gotten through it helps Link to post Share on other sites
kathyd Posted December 21, 2003 Share Posted December 21, 2003 I know exactly what you're going thru, although I did not have the financial difficulties that you are having. I also live in Illinois and I know that there are many ways to get financial help from the government, but you have to do a little research. Call public aid and see where to start. I also know the incredible amount of pain you're in right now. When my husband left me, I couldn't go to work - couldn't even get out of bed to take care of the children. There are also government funded physchiatric clinics that work on a sliding scale. Get some help. What county in IL do you live in. Maybe I can look up some of this stuff for you. Do you have family around that could at least help watch the kids as all of this will take a little leg work also? I just registered, send me a message if I can help in any way. Kathy Link to post Share on other sites
brwnis7701 Posted December 21, 2003 Share Posted December 21, 2003 Thank you Kathyd. I live in Peoria. I do think I need to talk to someone because I have noone to talk to. I dont have anyone to babysit for me cuz my parents "have their own lives". So I cnat even be alone or tryu to have a social life. Link to post Share on other sites
kathyd Posted December 22, 2003 Share Posted December 22, 2003 my parents were kind of like that about babysitting, but if you REALLY needed them, they would be there. maybe if you explained the situation to them and ASKED for help? unfortunately Peoria is pretty far away from me or i'd help you out do as much research as you can on the internet as far as getting assistance try to find other mothers in the area that you can take turns watching each others kids my husband just said one day that he didn't want to be married anymore - of course i finally got out of him that he'd been having an affair for 2 years - my whole world was ripped out from under me, so i know how painful this is. Link to post Share on other sites
mother of two Posted January 11, 2004 Share Posted January 11, 2004 Once you realize things happen for a good reason you will be on your road to success . children always gravitate to the stronger parent and you are that. teach them the proper values, good work ethic and always support them, love them and get involved in their lives so they can become better people and your family will be ok. as far as you as a woman and needing the relationship of a man take your time your children need you now more than ever because they are also feeling the rejection that you are feeling. you did get involved with this man , so you are going to have to take responsibility for that...in the meantime look at yourself seriously and decide what kind of man would fit into your familys life and values, take your time because your children do need to adjust and accept this person and his children. from my experience it is better to meet someone who has children experience or that is extremely loving and understands your predicament that can be loving and supportive. please make sure of that. there are many man that can fall in love with you as a person,that can realize they did not want to deal with your children. they just wanted you. thats ok , don't blame them you need to find a family man. You are a family women you need to move on from your ex and establish an enviroment for your children that is loving, with or without a man. You are not alone Link to post Share on other sites
LSL Posted January 12, 2004 Share Posted January 12, 2004 You are right. You should move on with your life and REMEMBER that you only live once! I know it is easy said than done but many others have make it and so can you. You have to have faith in God ( if you have a religion) and yourself. Think positively and this will make you stronger. Negative thoughts will only make you weak. Prayer helps. Ask God to help you! You are not alone. Think of the live you would like to have and make plans and ways to reach it! Link to post Share on other sites
calithin83 Posted January 12, 2004 Share Posted January 12, 2004 my mom-before she met my dad- had 3 kids with this LOSER, he cheated on her , treated her like ****, and did nothing for her, she was also in her 20's and had 3 kids with this man,, she also felt stuck, but i guess she one day got sick of it and left him....SHE then met my wonderful dad who gives her the whole paycheck, supports her, treats her right, and loves her so much that he didnt care if she had 3 kids already...now my mom had me and my sister....so overall she has 5 kids..if my mom wouldnt have had the strngth in her to leave a stupid loser she would have never met my dad, and would be proabbyl dead withs oe much pain!@!! YOU HAVE TO BE STRONG, and think about YOUR KIDS, and yourself!!! you dont need him, he just made u feel like u do..hes degraded u...mY MOM GOT OVER THAT LOSER..took her a long time, and she suffered but now shes happy with my dad, MY DAD IS THE BEST MAN EVER!! he provides a home for us, a nice house, gives me mom the whole paycheck each weeka nd told her not to work so she can take care of me and my sis when we were kids, and hes just SO WONDERFUl. Dont think that only cos u have 2 kids no man will want u, dont let those stupid thoughts stop u from MOVING ON!!!! its better u alone with ure 2 kids right now, then with such a stupid ass Link to post Share on other sites
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