too embarrassed to sleep with him

[v g]

Wrong! Very big possibility he will accept and care for you and help you heal. Dust yourself off and move on or make a conscious choice to continue to be miserable. It's your choice.

[CarrieT]

And regarding the very small possibility that he accepts me this way, like an earlier poster said, I don't think I'd just want him to 'tolerate' it.

 

And what about the HUGE possibility that he accepts you and LOVES you for who *you* are and not what your body parts are shaped like?

 

Again, why are you so defeatist and self-destructive in your attitudes? Because you don't like a particular part of your body. And you won't give a decent guy enough possibility that he might be a smidgen less shallow than your ex and like you the way you are, flaws and all.

 

Sheesh.

[thegreatmoose]

And regarding the very small possibility that he accepts me this way, like an earlier poster said, I don't think I'd just want him to 'tolerate' it.

I don't think it is a very small possiblity at all. I think there is a large possibility. You seem to notice the people who said it was a negative, but quite a few men who posted said it was NOT a negative at all.

 

I think the ones who were positive, at least for the most part, would more than 'tolerate' it. Count me as one of them.

 

I can give my opinion all day, but in the end it is your decision. Just remember the consequences of the decision. Also, you are only 20 so if things turn out badly you will have many many chances to try again. Don't beat yourself up over it no matter what happens.

[ella23]

he's quite popular with women.

it's not like he'll have problems finding someone else.

when he can find someone better, it's unlikely he'd stay.

why should I risk it again

[Buckeye Candy]

A lot of your insecurity has to do with your age and hopefully as you continue to learn and grow you will gain more confidence about yourself and your body.

 

To help facilitate that change you need to focus on positive aspects of yourself and your body and ignore your critical inner voice that is holding you back and preventing you from sharing intimacy with another person.

 

Everyone has some degree of insecurity about their body. It is likely, your partner has a body issue too. Have a candid but fun conversation about these issues as an ice breaker. "I'll show you mine if you show me yours"

 

When you are 60, and your boobs are sagging even more, you are going to wish you had spent more time enjoying those puppies when you were in your twenties.

[thegreatmoose]

he's quite popular with women.

it's not like he'll have problems finding someone else.

when he can find someone better, it's unlikely he'd stay.

why should I risk it again

He chose you over all the other women. You clearly have many positive attributes and you are really underestimating yourself. If you don't take the risk, there is no chance at all. If you do take the risk, you always have a chance. Most people here think you have a good chance. You get your self esteem up and I think you will be even more desirable to men.

 

Dating and relationships are risks. Part of dating is getting rejected and I know the pain of getting rejected. Should I have thrown in the towel and stopped dating becuase of it? No, I keep trying.

[dnm]

If he's so keen to see you, at least go on a date with him.

[dnm]

Him being confused is NOT a good thing. A breakup without a reason is almost certainly going to devestate him more than a breakup with some reason.

 

Suppore you break up with him and meet a great guy in a year. Is this same thing going to happen again?

 

I hate seeing you so unhappy and know he will almost certainly be unhappy and very hurt with a breakup like this.

 

At some point you are going to have to learn to be comfortable with yourself. It may be a challenge and may take time and effort to get there, but I have no doubt you can do it.

Agree.

He evidently likes you a lot, and is continuously trying to get in touch with you and go on a date.

It would be mean to just dump him like that.

[sugar_and_spice]

I wouldn't consider breaking up with him if I was okay with him knowing about it. Telling him and being rejected is going to be way more painful than just breaking it off without him knowing.

I don't know what he's thinking, but yeah, he's confused. I have no desire to hurt him obviously, but I have to think about my feelings too.

 

how long have you been seeing him? and how much emotionally are you both involved with each other?

[sugar_and_spice]

Agree.

He evidently likes you a lot, and is continuously trying to get in touch with you and go on a date.

It would be mean to just dump him like that.

exactly. why take out your anger that you feel toward your ex on this guy?

[Jersey Shortie]

The non physical attributes of a woman are very important to me and are to most men who are looking for serious relationships. Most of my requiremnets in a women that I'd want to date are non physical. I do insist on a nice face, a decnt amount of hair and a few other things. So what if there's some "so called" imperfections? Nobody is perfect. I'm confident the OP is an attractive woman based on everything that has been said. I wish she would see that.

 

If a guy has to turn to porno for satisfaction, he deserves to be dumped and this opinion is coming from a man.

 

 

Of course no-physical attributes are very important to men that are looking for serious relationship. I do not disagree and I do not think that men do not look for these other wonderful traits. What I think some of you guys miss is that women have an inherent need to be beautiful. Men do not have this same need but we know how highly men value beautiful women. If our man is with us because we are so funny or make great cookies, that's great. But if he is kind of so/so on our looks and is "settling" for us, we are going to feel like something is missing. And alot of me ndo turn to porn for satisfaction. How many times have men said "they are visual", "these girls are fantasy". We get how highly motivated men are by looking at hot women in porn. So it's great that you like us for our personalities, but it's a little hypocrtical to expect us to be happy with just that when men can't be either, since most men DO turn to other form of fantasy stimulation and DO seek out these super hot images of other women.

 

There are some things that make men feel like less of a man and there are certain things that can make women feel like less of a woman. We clearly are all imperfect but men are less toerant of imperfections when it comes to looks then women are and we SEE that everyday in what men pay attention to or media forms that cater to what men like.

 

 

vg

This is true. I was on my back with the lights on and no bra. My breasts were somewhat flattened. He said 'What's wrong with your breasts?' I looked at him, smiled, and responded 'They're real.' He said 'oh.' We continued on to have a wonderful time.

 

Gosh VG, I would have put my shirt on not felt like continuing. I remember one time my ex boyfriend and I were getting naked and I have rather small breasts, he went on to talk about some hot stripper with implants. I couldn't have shiverled up faster and be less turned onto being intimate with him after him going on about the hottness of another woman with implants while I was there naked infront of him.

 

 

That's just it! The more I know and love a man, the more attractive he becomes to me. My ex started out incredibly unattractive and ended up being incredibly handsome to me. I expect that the longer a man knows and loves me, the more attractive I become to him, saggy breasts and all. If that's not the case, he's not the one for me, and that's okay.

 

I don't think the way men evulate beauty is the same as the way women do.

 

 

In the recent past, I was informed by a man I was seeing that we're sexually incompatible. Um, he told me that while we were still in bed.

 

Do you think that I'm going to never get involved with someone because of him? No way! Of course it was traumatic, but I chose to get out of the habit of obsessing over him and what he said. I visualized shoving him out the door and slamming that door on him. It works. Try it.

 

I would have been crushed. You're a strong lady.

[ella23]

 

 

Gosh VG, I would have put my shirt on not felt like continuing. I remember one time my ex boyfriend and I were getting naked and I have rather small breasts, he went on to talk about some hot stripper with implants. I couldn't have shiverled up faster and be less turned onto being intimate with him after him going on about the hottness of another woman with implants while I was there naked infront of him.

 

I was going to say, that since they are small they must be perky and that matters more to men, but I have a friend who has small breasts and is insecure, so I know that wouldn't help.

[ella23]

exactly. why take out your anger that you feel toward your ex on this guy?

 

I'm not.

I'm just trying to protect myself from being hurt again.

 

how long have you been seeing him? and how much emotionally are you both involved with each other?

Quite.

I know he likes me a lot but that's not the point.

[thegreatmoose]

I'm not.

I'm just trying to protect myself from being hurt again.

You are clearly hurting now, or you would have never had a need to post these threads. If you break up with him he will almost certainly be hurting and you will still be hurting. Both of you will be hurting.

 

I don't see that as protecting anyone.

[thatguy85]

I'm not sure why I keep checking this thread when I know I will find more of the same responses to Ella, and continue to see her spin in confusion about this issue.

 

I think I keep checking to see an update of "Hey so I finally got laid last night, and he liked my tits"... or something like that. Instead, I just keep seeing people saying either "go for it" or "get surgery" or "be comfortable with yourself" or "your ex is an ass"... and I keep seeing Ella say "I don't want to" or "I don't want to be hurt again".

 

I also can't believe breaking up with him because you don't like your breasts is even a real possibility. That's like me breaking up with a girl because I don't think my dick is big enough. Even if it were small, I still wouldn't let that stop me from getting some ass.

[Vertex]

ella, honestly, you're sounding like a broken record. Look at how much response this thread is getting. Clearly you are placing too much weight on an issue that may not exist with this guy, and that's totally irrational. Either talk to him about or or stop worrying over something he probably doesn't care about. As most people have said in this thread, it isn't a huge deal to many at all.

[sugar_and_spice]

Clearly you are placing too much weight on an issue that may not exist with this guy, and that's totally irrational. Either talk to him about or or stop worrying over something he probably doesn't care about. As most people have said in this thread, it isn't a huge deal to many at all.

 

I won't encourage her to talk to him about the issue, that would be stupid. She could tell him she has body issues in general however.

judging by the responses on here alone, the chances are that he won't like it too much,though he might be understanding.

I do agree that she shouldn't dump him over it without giving him any reason though.

Edited December 22, 2009 by sugar_and_spice

[sugar_and_spice]

I also can't believe breaking up with him because you don't like your breasts is even a real possibility. That's like me breaking up with a girl because I don't think my dick is big enough. Even if it were small, I still wouldn't let that stop me from getting some ass.

 

Isn't it more about men disliking sagging breasts rather than her disliking her own boobs?

[thatguy85]

Isn't it more about men disliking sagging breasts rather than her disliking her own boobs?

 

Absolutely not. I have to be brutally honest here and say that she's totally insecure with herself, and it is annoying, and would be a huge turnoff for me if I was the guy she was dating.

[boogieboy]

Absolutely not. I have to be brutally honest here and say that she's totally insecure with herself, and it is annoying, and would be a huge turnoff for me if I was the guy she was dating.

 

This thread is like convincing a woman why she shouldnt have a baby, its hopeless.

 

You know what, youre right. Even if she got past him initially looking at her, and he accepted her the way she is, she would keep thinking in the back of her mind that he doesnt like her because her breasts sag, even if he said its not a problem for him. She would carry this along into the relationship. She needs to be alone.

 

But Ella, you'd be a really bad person if you dump him and dont tell him why, that would be especially cruel, and you should have better character than that. You will only be hurt about it for a week or so, dont be that bad person that drops him, he took the time to invest in you emotionally, he deserves to know why. You just dont want to tell him because you know he will tell you it wont make a difference, and you dont want to discuss with him why you will never believe him.

[sugar_and_spice]

Absolutely not. I have to be brutally honest here and say that she's totally insecure with herself, and it is annoying, and would be a huge turnoff for me if I was the guy she was dating.

 

men can be incredibly harsh about women's bodies.

I can understand where she is coming from.

[ella23]

This thread is like convincing a woman why she shouldnt have a baby, its hopeless.

 

You know what, youre right. Even if she got past him initially looking at her, and he accepted her the way she is, she would keep thinking in the back of her mind that he doesnt like her because her breasts sag, even if he said its not a problem for him. She would carry this along into the relationship. She needs to be alone.

 

But Ella, you'd be a really bad person if you dump him and dont tell him why, that would be especially cruel, and you should have better character than that. You will only be hurt about it for a week or so, dont be that bad person that drops him, he took the time to invest in you emotionally, he deserves to know why. You just dont want to tell him because you know he will tell you it wont make a difference, and you dont want to discuss with him why you will never believe him.

 

I could give him some other reason, I won't want to tell him this, that would beat the whole point.

I know he'll tell me it won't make a difference? huh? come on, I want to be with him, & if that were the case, why would I ask for help.

[thatguy85]

men can be incredibly harsh about women's bodies.

I can understand where she is coming from.

 

 

So can you honestly see her EVER having sex with a guy as long as she keeps this mindset?

 

I can't. I can see this being a recurring theme for every relationship she'll be in until she learns to be comfortable with herself and work with what she's got. Lets call the guy she's dating Guy #1. What happens if she breaks up with him because she's too embarrassed? What happens when she meets Guy #2, or Guy #3, or even Guy #4? What's going to be any different? You can't honestly blame that on all of the guys in the world who judge women's bodies harshly. That's an internal issue, and her life will suck until she learns to deal with it.

[Buckeye Candy]

men can be incredibly harsh about women's bodies.

I can understand where she is coming from.

 

 

Maybe on the internet. Offline, not so much.

 

Some young men or teenage boys may not know what sagging boobs and stretch marks look like because they are inexperienced (and they don't show real boobs on TV), and their first encounter with real boobs may surprise them.

 

However, once introduced to real boobies, you'll be glad to know that men actually come to prefer real boobs, real bodies and all of the jiggly parts.

[dnm]

Maybe on the internet. Offline, not so much.

 

Some young men or teenage boys may not know what sagging boobs and stretch marks look like because they are inexperienced (and they don't show real boobs on TV), and their first encounter with real boobs may surprise them.

 

However, once introduced to real boobies, you'll be glad to know that men actually come to prefer real boobs, real bodies and all of the jiggly parts.

 

except that all real boobs don't sag, that is partly what is bothering her(I think).

and even offline, guys can be really nasty about this.