Buckeye Candy Posted December 22, 2009 Share Posted December 22, 2009 except that all real boobs don't sag, that is partly what is bothering her(I think). and even offline, guys can be really nasty about this. Nothing is perfect. Women complain or poke fun at men with hairy backs and asses and small dicks. These attributes don't stop women from forming relationships with these men, just as boob quality doesn't stop men from forming relationships with saggy chested women. Sure,it is possible that her boobs may not be her best feature, it is possible her boobs won't blow his mind but it is also possible that he will still like and enjoy her boobs, and it is possible he is an ass man anyway. (I'm a hips and ass man) Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted December 22, 2009 Share Posted December 22, 2009 The problem is, we don't have any idea if her assesment of herself is correct. For all we know her boobs are just fine & her ex was a serious whack-job that loved big fake boobies. Link to post Share on other sites
dnm Posted December 22, 2009 Share Posted December 22, 2009 Nothing is perfect. Women complain or poke fun at men with hairy backs and asses and small dicks. These attributes don't stop women from forming relationships with these men, just as boob quality doesn't stop men from forming relationships with saggy chested women. Sure,it is possible that her boobs may not be her best feature, it is possible her boobs won't blow his mind but it is also possible that he will still like and enjoy her boobs, and it is possible he is an ass man anyway. (I'm a hips and ass man) Indeed there are kinds of possibilities. I don't know if she is ready to face rejection again yet. Regarding the second part of your post, well, she said something about people saying her face is gorgeous but not the body, though her insecurities in general could be playing a part. Link to post Share on other sites
dnm Posted December 22, 2009 Share Posted December 22, 2009 The problem is, we don't have any idea if her assesment of herself is correct. For all we know her boobs are just fine & her ex was a serious whack-job that loved big fake boobies. actually sagging is pretty common. she said her friends have pointed it out and her doctor told her that sagging was normal for her as she has big breasts, so I'd assume that she is correct in her assessment. Link to post Share on other sites
Strych9 Posted December 22, 2009 Share Posted December 22, 2009 This is actually a great site I came across, it might give you a healthier perspective of breast size and shape. http://www.007b.com/breast_gallery.php I dare everyone to look through the gallery, and see if you find a familiar pair. Best of luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ella23 Posted December 22, 2009 Author Share Posted December 22, 2009 This is actually a great site I came across, it might give you a healthier perspective of breast size and shape. http://www.007b.com/breast_gallery.php I dare everyone to look through the gallery, and see if you find a familiar pair. Best of luck to you. yeah, I went through that website, some of the pairs which were termed sagging are similar to mine, but at least I know that it is normal for breasts to sag even at my age thanks to that website(and also the gynaecologist I went to). actually sagging is pretty common. she said her friends have pointed it out and her doctor told her that sagging was normal for her as she has big breasts, so I'd assume that she is correct in her assessment. yes, that's right. Link to post Share on other sites
Strych9 Posted December 22, 2009 Share Posted December 22, 2009 Ella, this thread is very long and I haven't been able to read through each of them, but if you can't accept your shape consider doing excersises, if someone hasn't already recommended it. Breasts tend to get smaller in size with weight loss, also not many women excersise their pectorial muscles. Perhaps it would help you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ella23 Posted December 22, 2009 Author Share Posted December 22, 2009 Ella, this thread is very long and I haven't been able to read through each of them, but if you can't accept your shape consider doing excersises, if someone hasn't already recommended it. Breasts tend to get smaller in size with weight loss, also not many women excersise their pectorial muscles. Perhaps it would help you. I tried those exercises for ages but they didn't work for me, i.e. they still sag, although the shape of my bust improved. Link to post Share on other sites
v g Posted December 22, 2009 Share Posted December 22, 2009 Gosh VG, I would have put my shirt on not felt like continuing. I remember one time my ex boyfriend and I were getting naked and I have rather small breasts, he went on to talk about some hot stripper with implants. I couldn't have shiverled up faster and be less turned onto being intimate with him after him going on about the hottness of another woman with implants while I was there naked infront of him. You know what? He asked that out of concern. He had never seen that before. If he had said it in a negative tone, it would have been different. I don't think the way men evulate beauty is the same as the way women do. To rephrase, 'I don't think the way most men evaluate beauty is the same as the way most women do.' I would have been crushed. You're a strong lady. Believe me, I was hurting. But three days after this person said we were sexually incompatible, I woke up really early and decided that I was moving on. It was a conscious choice. I grabbed my camera and was taking naked photos of myself, one of which is my avitar. I love my naked photos! That alone was really healing. I think ella23 should take naked photos of herself. (Hint: Turn on really soft lighting, turn off the flash on the camera, lay down on a red blanket or sheet, and start snapping photos of your beautiful body. I think you will be pleasantly surprised. ) Then I got involved with a WONDERFUL man. Being intimate with him was so fun and satisfying and healing. I imagine that ella23's current bf would be the same way for her if she were to continue with him. Alas, it sounds like she's choosing to stay hurt and damaged. Too bad. But she's a big girl. It's her choice. Absolutely not. I have to be brutally honest here and say that she's totally insecure with herself, and it is annoying, and would be a huge turnoff for me if I was the guy she was dating. Agreed. However, once introduced to real boobies, you'll be glad to know that men actually come to prefer real boobs, real bodies and all of the jiggly parts. This is so true! Most men IME want soft, want jiggly, want curves, want real boobs. These are the physical characteristics that make women women. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted December 22, 2009 Share Posted December 22, 2009 actually sagging is pretty common. she said her friends have pointed it out and her doctor told her that sagging was normal for her as she has big breasts, so I'd assume that she is correct in her assessment. sagging yes. that is normal. But she makes it sound like she's sporting a pair of tube socks filled with sand. Link to post Share on other sites
v g Posted December 22, 2009 Share Posted December 22, 2009 sagging yes. that is normal. But she makes it sound like she's sporting a pair of tube socks filled with sand. Undoubtedly that's the self-image that she has of her breasts. Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey Shortie Posted December 22, 2009 Share Posted December 22, 2009 Nothing is perfect. Women complain or poke fun at men with hairy backs and asses and small dicks. These attributes don't stop women from forming relationships with these men, just as boob quality doesn't stop men from forming relationships with saggy chested women. Sure,it is possible that her boobs may not be her best feature, it is possible her boobs won't blow his mind but it is also possible that he will still like and enjoy her boobs, and it is possible he is an ass man anyway. (I'm a hips and ass man) I think that even though we all know nothing is perfect, there is this certain expectation placed on women to look perfect. And a certain feminine quality that all women have, from 5-105, to be beautiful. How many guys in this thread alone told her because she was 20, she shouldn't even have saggy breasts. That's such an unrealistic view to hold about women and a little disturbing that these men have such unrealistic views. And while a man might be accepting of an imperfection, it stands to reason that he will seek out other visual aids of perfect looking women to excite himself with. The message gets a little lost and confused. That's great that men don't expect perfection, but on some level, men continue to seek it out in male dominated media forms that cater to a type of women men want and desire. So I think it's not really fair that men get frustrated at us for being insecure and telling us we don't need to look perfect when that's exactly the kind of woman men model themselves to look and give attention to. And while women might poke fun at male looks, the truth is men are not held to the same standard of attractiveness that women are. Link to post Share on other sites
Buckeye Candy Posted December 22, 2009 Share Posted December 22, 2009 I think that even though we all know nothing is perfect, there is this certain expectation placed on women to look perfect. And a certain feminine quality that all women have, from 5-105, to be beautiful. How many guys in this thread alone told her because she was 20, she shouldn't even have saggy breasts. That's such an unrealistic view to hold about women and a little disturbing that these men have such unrealistic views. And while a man might be accepting of an imperfection, it stands to reason that he will seek out other visual aids of perfect looking women to excite himself with. The message gets a little lost and confused. That's great that men don't expect perfection, but on some level, men continue to seek it out in male dominated media forms that cater to a type of women men want and desire. So I think it's not really fair that men get frustrated at us for being insecure and telling us we don't need to look perfect when that's exactly the kind of woman men model themselves to look and give attention to. And while women might poke fun at male looks, the truth is men are not held to the same standard of attractiveness that women are. There is a study out there that shows when women and men look at images of couples having sex, it is the female face the man looks to first and lingers on the most. Women, otoh, look to the bodies. Why is this? Because it is the female face that shows signs of sexual arousal and the partner's response in bed is what really determines the man's enthusiasm for sex. Yes, men like to look at attractive women but what each man finds attractive varies greatly. Link to post Share on other sites
boogieboy Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 I could give him some other reason, I won't want to tell him this, that would beat the whole point. I know he'll tell me it won't make a difference? huh? come on, I want to be with him, & if that were the case, why would I ask for help. You dont want to really be with him. Not only do you want to hurt him, you want to run away rather than take a chance. If you really cared about the guy, you wouldnt lie to him. Alas, it sounds like she's choosing to stay hurt and damaged. Too bad. But she's a big girl. It's her choice. . Ella I think you dont want to say that you'd rather feel sorry for yourself, the emotion you are used to since your ex, than take a chance and try a new emotion of being happy with a guy who would appreciate you for who you are. Link to post Share on other sites
jw90063 Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 It's simple, get therapy for your self-esteem issues. Or, get the breast surgery. As far as dumping the guy, might as well take a chance. If you keep going at this rate, you will be single forever. Not every guy is going to care if your breasts are sagging. Why not take a chance with him, and see how things go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ella23 Posted December 23, 2009 Author Share Posted December 23, 2009 (edited) You dont want to really be with him. Not only do you want to hurt him, you want to run away rather than take a chance. If you really cared about the guy, you wouldnt lie to him. I do want to be with him. I haven't lied to him about anything. And I certainly don't want to hurt him. I did call back and will be seeing him today. Edited December 23, 2009 by ella23 Link to post Share on other sites
boogieboy Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 I do want to be with him. I haven't lied to him about anything. And I certainly don't want to hurt him. I did call back and will be seeing him today. Yeah but you PLAN on lying to him! And you plan on hurting him to spare your own feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ella23 Posted December 23, 2009 Author Share Posted December 23, 2009 Yeah but you PLAN on lying to him! And you plan on hurting him to spare your own feelings. Well, I've got to think about myself too. I don't plan on being that hurtful. Nor am I ignoring him or something. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 Well, I've got to think about myself too. I don't plan on being that hurtful. Nor am I ignoring him or something. But if he were to find out the truth, then he would know that you did not trust him, did not have confidence in him, thought he was shallow, thought he did not really care.... How do you think that would make him feel? I suspect it would hurt him, don't you? I am with many others on here, give him a chance. Sometimes you have to take a risk and the potential rewards for this outweigh the downsides. I think this is one of those times. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ella23 Posted December 23, 2009 Author Share Posted December 23, 2009 (edited) As far as dumping the guy, might as well take a chance. I don't know if I'm ready for that. But even yesterday, when we went out for coffee, I thought I'd end it but could not get myself to do so. It's obvious that he wants to be more intimate, and he's really loving, but then so was my ex, until he slept with me that is. But if he were to find out the truth, then he would know that you did not trust him, did not have confidence in him, thought he was shallow, thought he did not really care.... How do you think that would make him feel? I suspect it would hurt him, don't you? I am with many others on here, give him a chance. Sometimes you have to take a risk and the potential rewards for this outweigh the downsides. I think this is one of those times. How would he know ? I'm sure he cares about how his gf looks, so he won't really be hurting . Edited December 23, 2009 by ella23 Link to post Share on other sites
aaron12 Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 since you don't plan on undergoing surgery, you will just have to toughen yourself up to deal with men's reactions. or if you haven't been together for very long and want to break up, then you can break up with him without having to give a lengthy explanation. Just say you have issues about yourself that you need to sort out. Link to post Share on other sites
thegreatmoose Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 I don't know if I'm ready for that. But even yesterday, when we went out for coffee, I thought I'd end it but could not get myself to do so. It's obvious that he wants to be more intimate, and he's really loving, but then so was my ex, until he slept with me that is. How would he know ? I'm sure he cares about how his gf looks, so he won't really be hurting . You have got to stop comparing him to your ex. They are two different people and it's not at all fair to your boyfreind to aussume he will be like your ex should you sleep with him. He will likely be completely different, in a very positive way. Just about any man gets very hurt when a woman breaks up with him, especially if there is no reason or if the reason is confusing to him. You seem to be so afraid of things. Have you thought about how you might deal with these fears? Link to post Share on other sites
boogieboy Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 How would he know ? I'm sure he cares about how his gf looks, so he won't really be hurting . He wont know if you dont tell him, so he WILL be hurting. He will hurt bad, and its clear that you dont care for him, so you wont have any guilt over lying to him...which is better than dealing with rejection right? Link to post Share on other sites
aaron12 Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 He wont know if you dont tell him, so he WILL be hurting. He will hurt bad, and its clear that you dont care for him, so you wont have any guilt over lying to him...which is better than dealing with rejection right? come on mate, you're making it tough for her it's not like she's been with him for ages sure he'll feel bad but he'll get over it, whereas being rejected will cause her a lot of emotional problems. think about it: she's breaking up BECAUSE she doesn't want him to know. Link to post Share on other sites
aaron12 Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 ella23, your ex didn't love you and was not a nice person. Be grateful you're not with him anymore. Be appreciative of your new bf. He seems caring and into you. Give him a chance. So you fell off the bike. Well, more like you were pushed off the bike. Get back on the bike. Now is the time to do it. Odds are very good your bf will be in awe of you and your body. Perhaps tell your bf you need to get to know him better. There's no rush. When you're ready, you're ready. Meanwhile, please don't punish your bf for your ex's behavior. he certainly comes across as a good man, but that doesn't mean that he wouldn't have preferences. it would be better if you tell her to have realistic expectations, considering her state of mind. Link to post Share on other sites
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