too embarrassed to sleep with him

[v g]

he certainly comes across as a good man, but that doesn't mean that he wouldn't have preferences.

it would be better if you tell her to have realistic expectations, considering her state of mind.

 

A realistic expectation is that most men aren't like her ex. A realistic expectation is figuring out his 'preferences' before sleeping with him. A realistic expectation is to deal with her current 'state of mind.'

 

So far she will think about therapy. Doesn't sound likely. As you, aaron12, just stated, one option is to toughen up. Also doesn't sound likely. Frankly, her only coping mechanism so far is dumping the caring bf.

 

Having been in a similar situation, IMO she is choosing to be hurt and damaged.

[aaron12]

A realistic expectation is that most men aren't like her ex. A realistic expectation is figuring out his 'preferences' before sleeping with him. A realistic expectation is to deal with her current 'state of mind.'

 

So far she will think about therapy. Doesn't sound likely. As you, aaron12, just stated, one option is to toughen up. Also doesn't sound likely. Frankly, her only coping mechanism so far is dumping the caring bf.

 

Having been in a similar situation, IMO she is choosing to be hurt and damaged.

I'm trying to figure out when she got dumped, because if it was recently, then her fear can be explained easily.

But I'm going to be honest. I don't know a single guy who finds saggy boobs attractive. you can call me shallow, but that's how it is.

That doesn't mean that I think that she should stay single all her life, but that she should be mentally prepared to deal with all kinds of reactions.

Edit: Also we are all assuming that he is kind and caring from just a couple of events, who knows really.

[v g]

I'm trying to figure out when she got dumped, because if it was recently, then her fear can be explained easily.

But I'm going to be honest. I don't know a single guy who finds saggy boobs attractive. you can call me shallow, but that's how it is.

That doesn't mean that I think that she should stay single all her life, but that she should be mentally prepared to deal with all kinds of reactions.

Edit: Also we are all assuming that he is kind and caring from just a couple of events, who knows really.

 

aaron12, whether saggy boobs are attractive is not the point. Are you saying that if you meet a woman that you like a lot and that you date for a while, that when you see she has 'saggy boobs' you will dump her because her 'boobs' aren't attractive?

 

By the way, how old are you, aaron12?

[thegreatmoose]

I'm trying to figure out when she got dumped, because if it was recently, then her fear can be explained easily.

But I'm going to be honest. I don't know a single guy who finds saggy boobs attractive. you can call me shallow, but that's how it is.

That doesn't mean that I think that she should stay single all her life, but that she should be mentally prepared to deal with all kinds of reactions.

Edit: Also we are all assuming that he is kind and caring from just a couple of events, who knows really.

That's not how it is, except for a few who are usually young and immature. Sorry to burst your bubble.

 

Her face would be far more important to many guys including me anyway. What she needs is more self confidence.

[aaron12]

That's not how it is, except for a few who are usually young and immature. Sorry to burst your bubble.

 

Her face would be far more important to many guys including me anyway. What she needs is more self confidence.

 

to each his own then. you can say I'm immature but that's how I feel.

yes, the face is important and iirc she said she's considered pretty or something along those lines, which should boost her confidence.

[Madelf]

This thread is shallow....

[sugar_and_spice]

I don't know if I'm ready for that.

But even yesterday, when we went out for coffee, I thought I'd end it but could not get myself to do so. It's obvious that he wants to be more intimate, and he's really loving, but then so was my ex, until he slept with me that is.

 

.

 

then be more intimate with him when you see him again.

it's obvious you want to.

[ella23]

A realistic expectation is figuring out his 'preferences' before sleeping with him. [/b]

 

how could i do that?

[v g]

how could i do that?

 

To figure out his 'preferences' before sleeping with him, talk with him. Ask him if he's a 'boob man.' Regardless of whether he is a boob man, inquire further. Ask him if he's into big or small breasts. Odds are he's into big breasts. You're figuring out whether you're compatible before sleeping with him.

 

Perhaps you can get some ideas from fellow LS'ers on how to bring up the saggy breasts.

 

I personally would flat-out ask whether he likes perky boobs. Odds are he would say that he does. I would then tell him that that's too bad, that you're not perky. Perhaps even throw in that big breasts don't tend to be perky, that that's the way women's bodies work. Odds are that he'll be back pedaling at that point, saying that it doesn't matter, that he would like your breasts no matter what they look like. And if it really does matter to him, that's good to know, and you will walk away feeling good about figuring out that he's not a good fit ahead of time.

 

I was going out with someone that told me that one of his requirements, dealbreakers, is that I go down on him every day. I smiled and told him that as much as I like doing that, that's not going to happen. Guess what! Wasn't a dealbreaker.

 

I have learned the hard way to be upfront about possible issues before sleeping with him. Part of the 'get to know him before sleeping with him' technique.

 

Give this a try. What have you got to lose? You have so much to possibly gain.'

[purplehouse]

Hi,

 

I have been reading this thread since the start as i myself am going through a very similar thing.(except my ex has no issues with my breasts)

 

I have been dating a guy for 2.5 months, we are exclusive and heading towards a relationship. He is amazing and i really like him and he feels the same.

 

So we have been sleeping together for about 5 or 6 weeks now. I have hid my breasts the whole time. Last night in fact was the first time i got completely naked and i let him explore them little.

 

It was a big step for me because i have children and so my breasts are not so perky any more. They lack fullness and kind of fall to flat when i lie down on my back. Im a large A to small B.

 

He is more of a bum guy and loves my bottom, lol but he was so happy to see me relax a little and let him get to know MY breasts.

 

He was patient, understanding and well aware that its rare for someone to have natural porn boobs, which he isn't a fan of anyway as he likes smaller breasts.

 

It was in candlelight so i felt a little more confident...lol and by the end of the night i was lying on the bed naked with out covering them and he loved it.

 

I honestly thought it could be a deal breaker or a turn off. i am 25 with 2 children and he is 26 with no children, so i thought he wouldn't understand at all.

 

take a risk..... if he really cares for you it won't matter..

Edited December 23, 2009 by purplehouse

[paddington bear]

A realistic expectation is figuring out his 'preferences' before sleeping with him.

 

I agree with what you wrote, however it sparked off this thought.

 

I reckon she should STOP FOCUSING ON HIM!! Or men in general, in terms of 'well they want that' and this guy said this about breasts and men want this, and if I don't look like that a man won't want me. And what do I need to change about me to get a man.

 

She should start focusing on what she wants - best way to build self esteem 'What do I want?' as opposed to 'how do I fulfill some made-up unobtainable ideal in my head in order to please a man?'

 

So what should she want?

 

Someone who cares about her

Someone who finds her attractive

Someone who loves her breasts

Someone who is kind to her

etc. etc.

 

If the guy doesn't fit HER expectations, she doesn't go there, rather than thinking 'oh that guy dumped me because of my breasts', think 'next time I won't go near such a rude, a****e again'. Her choice to reframe these experiences in a different way. She can take every comment about her breasts on-board and let it destroy her relationships forever, or she can wake up and realise not all men are so shallow - and should she come across someone so shallow again that she deserves more than that and to dump him immediately and know her boundaries, that she will not accept being with someone who insults her physical appearance.

 

Ella until the guy you are now seeing proves himself to be some judgemental body-fascist, it's kind of stupid to dump him just in case, maybe, he could possibly make some comment about your breasts, which he may not, you don't know. You will never get to prove to yourself that your ex was a one-off and an idiot if you don't give someone else a chance. And ultimately if you keep dithering, he will end up dumping you...why? Because of your breasts - because of your issue with them, not because HE didn't like them. The issue is yours not his, and not men's and it's up to you to take steps to fix it. You can do it, sometimes doing something really scary means the next time you do it, you laugh and wonder why you used to be so scared or worried.

[v g]

I agree with what you wrote, however it sparked off this thought.

 

I reckon she should STOP FOCUSING ON HIM!! Or men in general, in terms of 'well they want that' and this guy said this about breasts and men want this, and if I don't look like that a man won't want me. And what do I need to change about me to get a man.

 

She should start focusing on what she wants - best way to build self esteem 'What do I want?' as opposed to 'how do I fulfill some made-up unobtainable ideal in my head in order to please a man?'

 

So what should she want?

 

Someone who cares about her

Someone who finds her attractive

Someone who loves her breasts

Someone who is kind to her

etc. etc.

 

If the guy doesn't fit HER expectations, she doesn't go there, rather than thinking 'oh that guy dumped me because of my breasts', think 'next time I won't go near such a rude, a****e again'. Her choice to reframe these experiences in a different way. She can take every comment about her breasts on-board and let it destroy her relationships forever, or she can wake up and realise not all men are so shallow - and should she come across someone so shallow again that she deserves more than that and to dump him immediately and know her boundaries, that she will not accept being with someone who insults her physical appearance.

 

Ella until the guy you are now seeing proves himself to be some judgemental body-fascist, it's kind of stupid to dump him just in case, maybe, he could possibly make some comment about your breasts, which he may not, you don't know. You will never get to prove to yourself that your ex was a one-off and an idiot if you don't give someone else a chance. And ultimately if you keep dithering, he will end up dumping you...why? Because of your breasts - because of your issue with them, not because HE didn't like them. The issue is yours not his, and not men's and it's up to you to take steps to fix it. You can do it, sometimes doing something really scary means the next time you do it, you laugh and wonder why you used to be so scared or worried.

 

I couldn't agree more.

[boogieboy]

Edit: Also we are all assuming that he is kind and caring from just a couple of events, who knows really.

 

Were also assuming that her boobs are as bad as she says they are.

 

 

She makes them sound like they are pointing south to her belly button.

 

ANything else isnt something to be concerned about.

 

Im pretty confident that her boobs arent nearly as bad as she makes them out to be.

 

She just wants to stay damaged.

[aaron12]

Were also assuming that her boobs are as bad as she says they are.

 

 

She makes them sound like they are pointing south to her belly button.

 

ANything else isnt something to be concerned about.

 

Im pretty confident that her boobs arent nearly as bad as she makes them out to be.

 

She just wants to stay damaged.

 

what if they are that bad?

don't you think she needs support to deal with that too?

[v g]

what if they are that bad?

don't you think she needs support to deal with that too?

 

She has admitted that hers are a normal amount of sagging according to web sites with photos of women's breasts.

 

She is catastrophizing.

[aaron12]

iirc she said she saw that website link someone posted, and from that she knows they are sagging, that's all.

[Shylo]

http://www.007b.com/breast_gallery.php

 

I think this site will really help you out. It helped me too. I think all women are worried about their breasts and their shape/size. Any women out there having the same problem should check out the site I've posted.

[v g]

iirc she said she saw that website link someone posted, and from that she knows they are sagging, that's all.

 

I don't have a problem with myself as I know sagging is normal.

 

that coupled with the fact that it's not abnormal for breasts to sag.

 

yeah, I went through that website, some of the pairs which were termed sagging are similar to mine, but at least I know that it is normal for breasts to sag even at my age thanks to that website(and also the gynaecologist I went to).

 

Did I misinterpret this? My apologies if I did.

[aaron12]

Did I misinterpret this? My apologies if I did.

 

I thinks she's simply saying that she has sagging breasts and it is normal for breasts to sag at any age.

only she can clarify I guess.

Edited December 24, 2009 by aaron12

[dnm]

http://www.007b.com/breast_gallery.php

 

I think this site will really help you out. It helped me too. I think all women are worried about their breasts and their shape/size. Any women out there having the same problem should check out the site I've posted.

 

that is a great website.

[dnm]

She just wants to stay damaged.

Although I don't think she consciously wants to stay damaged, the way she's acting she'll end up unhappy that's a guarantee.

 

I feel sorry for her bf because he's probably going to be dumped for no fault of his.

Edited December 24, 2009 by dnm

[Jersey Shortie]

Shylo, thanks for posting that link to that website. Those are real breasts. Clearly a different ball game then what men are use to seeing in porn. But the truth is, men don't really want to see real breasts in all their various sizes and differences. The reason we see what we see in certain male dominated mediums is because that 's clearly waht men want.

 

I think it's sad how many men don't even know what real breasts should be and instead hold out hopes for fake fantasy breasts or silcone ones. It's like men no longer can be happy witn a real woman's body.

 

ALot of the guys are still picking on the OP saying how sorry they feel for her guy or saying "oh well yeah your breasts might suck"..etc etc..very few guys have tried to understand her position. Of course that's not goign to make her want to open up to her boyfriend, it's going to make her even more nervous to talk to him about the issue from many of the critical male opinions here about women's bodies.

[boogieboy]

Shylo, thanks for posting that link to that website. Those are real breasts. Clearly a different ball game then what men are use to seeing in porn. But the truth is, men don't really want to see real breasts in all their various sizes and differences. The reason we see what we see in certain male dominated mediums is because that 's clearly waht men want.

 

I think it's sad how many men don't even know what real breasts should be and instead hold out hopes for fake fantasy breasts or silcone ones. It's like men no longer can be happy witn a real woman's body.

 

ALot of the guys are still picking on the OP saying how sorry they feel for her guy or saying "oh well yeah your breasts might suck"..etc etc..very few guys have tried to understand her position. Of course that's not goign to make her want to open up to her boyfriend, it's going to make her even more nervous to talk to him about the issue from many of the critical male opinions here about women's bodies.

 

How bout instead of man hating you help out Ella by letting her know how she can love her body? Thats where the problem is.

[Jersey Shortie]

Show me one comment in that post that was man hating Boogie.

 

I'm just trying to be realistic here. She should love her body but there is no point in telling her fake ideas about how men feel about women's bodies.

[Els]

Shylo, thanks for posting that link to that website. Those are real breasts. Clearly a different ball game then what men are use to seeing in porn. But the truth is, men don't really want to see real breasts in all their various sizes and differences. The reason we see what we see in certain male dominated mediums is because that 's clearly waht men want.

 

I think it's sad how many men don't even know what real breasts should be and instead hold out hopes for fake fantasy breasts or silcone ones. It's like men no longer can be happy witn a real woman's body.

 

ALot of the guys are still picking on the OP saying how sorry they feel for her guy or saying "oh well yeah your breasts might suck"..etc etc..very few guys have tried to understand her position. Of course that's not goign to make her want to open up to her boyfriend, it's going to make her even more nervous to talk to him about the issue from many of the critical male opinions here about women's bodies.

 

This is one thread where I'm actually pretty sure most of the men said her breasts are fine and it doesn't matter (as opposed to all the 'fat girl' threads).