too embarrassed to sleep with him

[Peitho]

With all due respect I think you are the LAST person who has any idea whether your boobs are gorgeous or not, just because you are so insecure that your perspective is not trustworthy.

True

 

I've hooked up with girls who have large sagging breasts and I had a great time!

See Ella, men like this actually exist.

 

If you like him and want to be with him and are ready to be with him, then you are letting an irrational insecurity destroy your love life.

+1

 

This is ridiculous.

Not really.

This is very understandable.

[datingsites]

I could tell him that, although that is not really true, because I am ready to be with him , but I don't want him to know and find me unattractive, because I really like him.

But yeah, it will hopefully work.

as for the last part, they sag, they're not gorgeous.

 

It's such a shame your ex has brought your self-esteem down to minus 10. I can not for the life of me work out how a guy can do this to a women but hey we're all of different moulds....but don't judge all men by the poor imitation of one you were with.

 

I know to some this sounds silly but it's similar to the catch 22 syndrome of jealousy. Being so jealous of a partner cheating because you don't want to lose them you get so worked up you accuse them of everything from staying out too late to eyeing up next doors cat (true story, so I heard down to the Rose & Crown). They get fed up and leave - you end up causing the one thing you didn't want to happen in the first place...

 

...I guess my point is you don't have to talk to him about it. You don't even have to bring it up or explain why you are finding intamacy awkward - blame it on something else if you have to....but do you really want to lose this person (who you seem to have very strong feelings for) based on a feeling / worry or concern you have which he may not have thought of, cared about or may even like!?!

 

In the time you have been together has he ever belittled you or put you down about anything, or does he seem quite senstive to your feelings and you know he wouldn't say or do anything to hurt you?

 

If it is the latter I would be surprised if he would be even be bothered as your body is part of you

[Die Hard]

 

Not really.

This is very understandable.

 

Really, it's not.

 

Most women are not so weak as to take what one man says as gospel. I find it quite abnormal myself.

 

Just because you or the OP are so dependant on what men think to make you happy or feel good about yourself, does not mean it's understandable, or normal at all. The vast majority of women are stronger than that and have more self worth than that.

 

I can't even imagine depending on what a woman thinks the way the original poster seems to depend on what a man thinks.

 

I mean, if twenty women commented that I had a small dick, I would be concerned. But one? That is just mania and obsession that has nothing to actually do with men and what they prefer or think.

 

Women such as this need to learn to own their insecurities instead of looking to blame men for them.

[Phateless]

Really, it's not.

 

Most women are not so weak as to take what one man says as gospel. I find it quite abnormal myself.

 

Just because you or the OP are so dependant on what men think to make you happy or feel good about yourself, does not mean it's understandable, or normal at all. The vast majority of women are stronger than that and have more self worth than that.

 

I can't even imagine depending on what a woman thinks the way the original poster seems to depend on what a man thinks.

 

I mean, if twenty women commented that I had a small dick, I would be concerned. But one? That is just mania and obsession that has nothing to actually do with men and what they prefer or think.

 

Women such as this need to learn to own their insecurities instead of looking to blame men for them.

 

100% agree.

[datingsites]

Really, it's not.

 

Most women are not so weak as to take what one man says as gospel. I find it quite abnormal myself.

 

Just because you or the OP are so dependant on what men think to make you happy or feel good about yourself, does not mean it's understandable, or normal at all. The vast majority of women are stronger than that and have more self worth than that.

 

I can't even imagine depending on what a woman thinks the way the original poster seems to depend on what a man thinks.

 

I mean, if twenty women commented that I had a small dick, I would be concerned. But one? That is just mania and obsession that has nothing to actually do with men and what they prefer or think.

 

Women such as this need to learn to own their insecurities instead of looking to blame men for them.

 

Fair point. One person criticising perhaps could be viewed as dismissive - but the point is when that person is someone you love it adds a whole new light and emotional twist to the subject.

 

Point is she is with someone now that may be able to break this cycle. Going to take courage and a risk but you may be quite surprised with the outcome

[Die Hard]

Fair point. One person criticising perhaps could be viewed as dismissive - but the point is when that person is someone you love it adds a whole new light and emotional twist to the subject.

 

Point is she is with someone now that may be able to break this cycle. Going to take courage and a risk but you may be quite surprised with the outcome

 

No, I won't.

 

And quit pretending to even give a crap beyond spamming this forum.

[Phateless]

No, I won't.

 

And quit pretending to even give a crap beyond spamming this forum.

 

I have to say, I've seen a few honest and helpful posts from this person. I'm giving him/her the benefit of the doubt.

[Die Hard]

I have to say, I've seen a few honest and helpful posts from this person. I'm giving him/her the benefit of the doubt.

 

Doesn't matter. Spammers will do anything to get their links clicked.

 

Not only that, but to me the larger issue is folks that like to use other people's money, bandwidth, etc.., to advertise.

 

Would you walk into a restaurant and eat off someone else's plate? Steal gas from someone's gas tank? That's the equivalent of what these spammers do. If he has to make what appears to be helpful posts to continue his spamming, he won't hesitate.

[ella23]

Really, it's not.

 

Most women are not so weak as to take what one man says as gospel. I find it quite abnormal myself.

 

Not just him, my friends agree that they sag too.

And anyway, I know what sagging looks like, so I'm not just relying on what the ex said.

 

 

In the time you have been together has he ever belittled you or put you down about anything

no

Edited December 29, 2009 by ella23

[Peitho]

Really, it's not.

 

Most women are not so weak as to take what one man says as gospel. I find it quite abnormal myself.

That’s debatable.

 

As you said, if 20 women commented that you had a small dick, you would be concerned. If you heard 2000 times that saggy breast are not attractive, it would affect you.

 

Maybe it is just a sensitivity issue, but they don’t really have to point and laugh.

 

Men often comment on women’s’ looks.

 

Do you no how often women hear negative comments about even slightly saggy breasts, not perfectly toned tights or similar minor imperfections?

 

Women are faced with comments about their bodies pretty much 24/7.

 

Not that we should allow that to affect us, but it is understandable if it does. Particularly someone as young as OP.

[Ilovehim]

wow ur ex is a JERK!! please dont let him make u feel insecure...i honestly think ur ex was in the veryyyy small percentage of guys who would think that way and most of them hardly even care...we're all different...wow...thats unbelievable that he would even break up with you over that

[Ilovehim]

by the way...ALL real breasts sag somewhat...if you feel so strongly about yours and if you have a very close relationship with this new guy, maybe u should consider telling him about it...but then again u dont wanna point at something that he prolly didnt even notice...ay..what do you exactly mean by they "sag" tho...how bad is it??

[sugar_and_spice]

Really, it's not.

 

Most women are not so weak as to take what one man says as gospel. I find it quite abnormal myself.

 

Just because you or the OP are so dependant on what men think to make you happy or feel good about yourself, does not mean it's understandable, or normal at all. The vast majority of women are stronger than that and have more self worth than that.

 

I can't even imagine depending on what a woman thinks the way the original poster seems to depend on what a man thinks.

 

I mean, if twenty women commented that I had a small dick, I would be concerned. But one? That is just mania and obsession that has nothing to actually do with men and what they prefer or think.

 

Women such as this need to learn to own their insecurities instead of looking to blame men for them.

 

when men time and again say how sagging breasts are ugly and unattractive, do you expect her to be confident about herself?

she even said her doc and other people told her they were sagging a lot. yes, she's also been told that sagging is normal, but when you're constantly being told how unattractive it is, you are going to be insecure.

 

With all due respect I think you are the LAST person who has any idea whether your boobs are gorgeous or not, just because you are so insecure that your perspective is not trustworthy. Sagging boobs are just fine with me. I've hooked up with girls who have large sagging breasts and I had a great time!

 

This is all about control. You want it to end on your terms and be in control, rather than have it end and be out of your control.

 

If you like him and want to be with him and are ready to be with him, then you are letting an irrational insecurity destroy your love life.

 

This is ridiculous.

 

sagging may be fine with you, but it's obviously not with most guys.

Her insecurity is hardly irrational.

Edited December 29, 2009 by sugar_and_spice

[twoto2]

Sagging boobs are just fine with me. I've hooked up with girls who have large sagging breasts and I had a great time!

 

.

 

you are an exception then

[ella23]

oh well, he had been out of town for a few days.

he's back, so I guess we'll meet up soon.

I'll end it then.

[thatguy85]

Ella: "Hey we need to talk.. it's serious"

BF: "Oh No... what's the problem?"

Ella: "I think we should take some time apart"

BF: "OMG... But I care about you so much... WHY?"

Ella: "Because My boobs sag"

BF: "Oh okay well it's a good thing we are breaking up then because I would have totally broke your heart if you hadn't broken up with me first and I saw your boobs and I didn't like how they sagged and I would have thought they were ugly"

Ella: "Yeah thats why we are breaking up"

BF: "Well see you later then"

Ella: "Bye"

[ella23]

that's not what I'm going to say.

Like someone earlier suggested, I'll say that it's because I had a tough time in the last one and I need more time by myself.

[Vertex]

Honestly, 23 pages?

 

oh well, he had been out of town for a few days.

he's back, so I guess we'll meet up soon.

I'll end it then.

 

Honestly?

 

At this point, I just feel like saying "Go ahead" -- at this point I think your willingness to "preemptively dump" an otherwise innocent and perfectly viable guy and lack of confidence speaks more volumes about yourself than boobs ever can. Statistically, one point doesn't equate to a trend. I think you need to work more on your self-confidence, first. If you're going to split, at least make the reason a rational and honest one.

[dnm]

when men time and again say how sagging breasts are ugly and unattractive, do you expect her to be confident about herself?

she even said her doc and other people told her they were sagging a lot. yes, she's also been told that sagging is normal, but when you're constantly being told how unattractive it is, you are going to be insecure.

 

I agree with this.

You see a lot of men talking about how disgusting sagging is and how they want a girlfriend with perky ones.

While I don't believe that the OP should end the relationship, I can fully understand that this isn't just about what her ex-boyfriend told her, it's about men's attitude and expectations in general.

 

Ella: "Hey we need to talk.. it's serious"

BF: "Oh No... what's the problem?"

Ella: "I think we should take some time apart"

BF: "OMG... But I care about you so much... WHY?"

Ella: "Because My boobs sag"

BF: "Oh okay well it's a good thing we are breaking up then because I would have totally broke your heart if you hadn't broken up with me first and I saw your boobs and I didn't like how they sagged and I would have thought they were ugly"

Ella: "Yeah thats why we are breaking up"

BF: "Well see you later then"

Ella: "Bye"

:lmao:

this is hilarious, even though the issue here is not.

Edited December 29, 2009 by dnm

[ella23]

^^yep

 

At this point, I just feel like saying "Go ahead" -- at this point I think your willingness to "preemptively dump" an otherwise innocent and perfectly viable guy and lack of confidence speaks more volumes about yourself than boobs ever can. Statistically, one point doesn't equate to a trend. I think you need to work more on your self-confidence, first. If you're going to split, at least make the reason a rational and honest one.

I don't see what's irrational about breaking up with him 'preemptively'.

And I don't know where the problem is with the reason that I'm giving him. It's not like I'm blaming him for the break up or not giving him any reason.

Edited December 29, 2009 by ella23

[thatguy85]

^^yep

 

 

I don't see what's irrational about breaking up with him 'preemptively'.

And I don't know where the problem is with the reason that I'm giving him. It's not like I'm blaming him for the break up or not giving him any reason.

 

 

Right... you are giving him a FAKE reason (better known as LYING). I'm actually happy for the guy. Please break up with him. You have more and worse issues than saggy bags... you are doing him a huge favor.

[ella23]

how am I lying? It's true that I obviously haven't been able to really get over what my ex-bf said and did. It's not a fake reason.

I'll probably add that I'm not comfortable with my body and need to deal with these issues.

Just because I won't go into details does not mean I'm lying.

You're being rude without even trying to understand.

Edited December 29, 2009 by ella23

[sugar_and_spice]

I agree with this.

You see a lot of men talking about how disgusting sagging is and how they want a girlfriend with perky ones.

While I don't believe that the OP should end the relationship, I can fully understand that this isn't just about what her ex-boyfriend told her, it's about men's attitude and expectations in general.

 

exactly.

anyway, she should stay with him and sleep with the guy actually. even if he dumps her, at least she won't be left wondering.

[someotherguy]

I vote she should stay with him, sleep with him, and give him a chance.

 

There's a very real possibility he could help restore her faith that not all men are callous, shallow jerks.

 

Seriously, what's the worse case scenario? That he breaks up with her afterwords? She's already decided that breaking up is a viable option to her, so the risk is negligible.

 

I think she should get down and dirty, get him liquored up a little, then seduce him while still wearing some naughty little undergarments.

 

Sex is supposed to be fun, not anxiety-inducing.

[Peitho]

when men time and again say how sagging breasts are ugly and unattractive, do you expect her to be confident about herself?

she even said her doc and other people told her they were sagging a lot. yes, she's also been told that sagging is normal, but when you're constantly being told how unattractive it is, you are going to be insecure.

I agree with this. You see a lot of men talking about how disgusting sagging is and how they want a girlfriend with perky ones. While I don't believe that the OP should end the relationship, I can fully understand that this isn't just about what her ex-boyfriend told her, it's about men's attitude and expectations in general.

 

exactly.

anyway, she should stay with him and sleep with the guy actually. even if he dumps her, at least she won't be left wondering.

Exactly!

 

I understand how you feel Ella and why.

 

However, a pre-emptive break up would be essentially the same as if he actually dumped you.

It’s like accepting responsibility for a failure of a relationship that hasn’t even failed yet (and by the sounds of it has a great potential)

Bad idea.