too embarrassed to sleep with him

[ella23]

OK guys, I know I'm messing up everything again and again.

I know I shouldn't have made that phone call so impulsively.

But thankfully I didn't sob or cry and was pretty calm, so didn't look like a fool.

BTW he knew I was hurt in the past relationship, because I had told him that much when we got together.

[SadandConfusedWA]

Yes BUT I still think that he has a VERY good idea what your body looks like. As I said before, when someone hugs you tight and touches you etc, they can feel your "flab", general body firmness and even loose skin. He does have an idea of how firm/toned you are. He might not be able to tell how your boobs look without the bra though, but general body, he knows.

[sugar_and_spice]

I really think some people are exaggerating the saggy boobs are a dealbreaker bit.

Yes, they aren't attractive, but so many women have saggy boobs. Everyone can't even afford surgery, but they still manage relationships.

[SadandConfusedWA]

I really think some people are exaggerating the saggy boobs are a dealbreaker bit.

Yes, they aren't attractive, but so many women have saggy boobs. Everyone can't even afford surgery, but they still manage relationships.

 

 

They are more accepted if you are over 40 or so. Not so much in early 20's but there are always exceptions and Ella's bf might be one.

[sugar_and_spice]

There are SO MANY women who have saggy ones in the early 20s. It's just that the media tries to portray things otherwise.

[ella23]

There are SO MANY women who have saggy ones in the early 20s. It's just that the media tries to portray things otherwise.

yeah but I don't think guys realise that.

anyway, I haven't replied to his text about meeting up yet. I don't know if I should. It's my problem and I should deal with it on my own, I think. Besides, even if he doesn't dump me, he'll be very turned off anyway.

[thegreatmoose]

well he finds me beautiful, I know that.

but he hasn't seen my body, that's why.

I know there are some men who make a big stink about breasts not being what they find "perfect", but in no way do I think think this is anywhere near a majority.

 

Some of these men are going to claim most everyone thinks like them. Some women who have been burned are going to claim most men will do the same thing. Not true.

 

How about try assuming a poitive outcome instead of assuming a negative outcome?

[SadandConfusedWA]

yeah but I don't think guys realise that.

anyway, I haven't replied to his text about meeting up yet. I don't know if I should. It's my problem and I should deal with it on my own, I think. Besides, even if he doesn't dump me, he'll be very turned off anyway.

 

Oh Ella, there is no way to reach you, is there. You are in a tough situation and only you can decide which option is the least hurtful to you. I just worry that you will always regret letting this guy go. I am sending you a hug and a cheer up bunnny

[sugar_and_spice]

you were one of the people who told her that she has no chance with this guy. shouldn't have made such a generalisation.

 

I know there are some men who make a big stink about breasts not being what they find "perfect", but in no way do I think think this is anywhere near a majority.

 

Some of these men are going to claim most everyone thinks like them. Some women who have been burned are going to claim most men will do the same thing. Not true.

 

How about try assuming a poitive outcome instead of assuming a negative outcome?

yes.

Edited January 2, 2010 by sugar_and_spice

[SadandConfusedWA]

you were one of the people who told her that she has no chance with this guy. shouldn't have made such a generalisation.

 

No, I was talking in generalizations. As in most guys feel like this ....Then I gave her the advice to accept and be prepared for a probable rejection but to TELL HIM ANYWAY. That's what I would have done in her position. Most men hate saggy boobs but there are exceptions to every rule. I also didn't realize that he is quite into her until my last few posts. This stacks odds in her favour.

[CarrieT]

Oh Ella, there is no way to reach you, is there.

 

 

Some of us saw this pattern 20 or 30 pages ago. And it is very sad. After 40+ pages of trying to convince her otherwise, she had already set herself on the path of self-destruction, believing that no guy will ever want to be with her because of a single physical problem.

[thegreatmoose]

you were one of the people who told her that she has no chance with this guy. shouldn't have made such a generalisation.

 

 

yes.

No, I have said just the opposite throughout this thread. Did you mix me up with someone else? She does have a good chance with the guy, even now.

[SadandConfusedWA]

I would love to say most men LOVE all boobs and don't care if they are saggy or perky, but that's simply not true and I do not beleive in sugar coating. All my life experience and talking to many men I have as friends have proven otherwise.

[sugar_and_spice]

Some of us saw this pattern 20 or 30 pages ago. And it is very sad. After 40+ pages of trying to convince her otherwise, she had already set herself on the path of self-destruction, believing that no guy will ever want to be with her because of a single physical problem.

 

didn't sadandconfused and thirdgirl tell her exactly the opposite?

that most men will not want a woman with saggy boobs?

[dnm]

WTF people? What kind of world do you live in? I am sorry to say but world is not filled with bunnies and rainbows and importance of inner beauty. MANY men do find saggy boobs a turn off. Many men find even a lot less than saggy boobs a turn off and dumpable offense. I hang around with guys and hear their conversations ALL the time. They go something like "I dig this girl but she is just not hot enough to make her my long term gf so I will just screw her for a while". Or "I don't care about the size of the boobs, as long as they are perky" or "I would rather F%^$ a hooker than an average looking girl" etc etc.

 

I just do not see how saggy boobs do not matter. Perhaps there are some men few and far between that this is true for but majority? No way. I can only see it not mattering if the guy himself has very few (if any) dating options, and he himself is not that great looking (i.e. short, overweight etc). This is cold, hard reality. Most of what I read in this thread is sugar coated BS. I applaud few men who were brave enough to admit the truth.

 

 

I am also annoyed with OP for not having the guts to go through the break up OR not having the guts to do the plastic surgery OR not having the guts to show him the boobs already. Stop whining and take some action FFS.

 

Well, this is true to an extent

Many guys have problems with saggy ones, some with small ones. In fact, this issue is not even limited to boobs.

I don't think I disagree really.

 

Some of us saw this pattern 20 or 30 pages ago. And it is very sad. After 40+ pages of trying to convince her otherwise, she had already set herself on the path of self-destruction, believing that no guy will ever want to be with her because of a single physical problem.

Actually carrie, if you read her posts, she is saying exactly the opposite.

unfortunately, too many people have indeed been sugarcoating.

Edited January 2, 2010 by dnm

[james123]

WTF people? What kind of world do you live in? I am sorry to say but world is not filled with bunnies and rainbows and importance of inner beauty. MANY men do find saggy boobs a turn off. Many men find even a lot less than saggy boobs a turn off and dumpable offense. I hang around with guys and hear their conversations ALL the time. They go something like "I dig this girl but she is just not hot enough to make her my long term gf so I will just screw her for a while". Or "I don't care about the size of the boobs, as long as they are perky" or "I would rather F%^$ a hooker than an average looking girl" etc etc.

 

I just do not see how saggy boobs do not matter. Perhaps there are some men few and far between that this is true for but majority? No way. I can only see it not mattering if the guy himself has very few (if any) dating options, and he himself is not that great looking (i.e. short, overweight etc). This is cold, hard reality. Most of what I read in this thread is sugar coated BS. I applaud few men who were brave enough to admit the truth.

.

 

At least one woman isn't living in lala land and trying to fool herself.

everything you have written is true.

[CarrieT]

didn't sadandconfused and thirdgirl tell her exactly the opposite?

that most men will not want a woman with saggy boobs?

 

A small handful of posters have said that "many men" (NOT most) would not want a woman with saggy breasts while many, many posters here have said that many men don't care.

 

I used myself as an example somewhere around page 4 or 6 (very early on) and many of us have tried to convince her that if she is confident enough about her own self, despite some physical drawback, it would not preclude her from having a satisfying and emotionally-rewarding relationship.

 

If just saggy breasts (or being overweight, or having a small dick, or a paunch, or an amputation, or any other physical limitation) were to keep a person from having a relationship, than there would be a lot more single people in the world.

 

MOST people look past a person's a slight physical flaw if there is a true connection. Ella seemed to have found that with this guy but she sold him short in developing those feelings with her self-obsessed myopia about her breasts. She harped on and on and on about a single issue SHE had but that the guy might NEVER have had.

[agentsmith]

Realistically, her other option is to go for men who have hard time getting dates and are not very popular with women. .

yep, that would work.

 

I would love to say most men LOVE all boobs and don't care if they are saggy or perky, but that's simply not true and I do not beleive in sugar coating. All my life experience and talking to many men I have as friends have proven otherwise.

sad but true

 

nyway' date=' I haven't replied to his text about meeting up yet. I don't know if I should. It's my problem and I should deal with it on my own, I think. Besides, even if he doesn't dump me, he'll be very turned off anyway.[/quote']

yes he will be, if he gets women easily. just tell him that there is no point meeting up.

Edited January 2, 2010 by agentsmith

[ella23]

 

yes he will be, if he gets women easily. just tell him that there is no point meeting up.

 

Yes he does 'get' women easily and I already know he will be.

I'm thinking of saying, "I'm sorry I've been messing around so much with you. But I don't think I want to be in a relationship. We can meet up if you want, but I don't have much to say except that I'm sorry and that I'm not the right person for you."

Does that sound okay and reasonable?

yep, that would work.

maybe, but I don't want to be with someone who is just with me because he couldn't do better.

Edited January 2, 2010 by ella23

[sugar_and_spice]

Go and MEET him and talk honestly

DON'T mess up things because of some people in this thread who think everyone must think the way they do, or that their experience PROVES a generalisation.

Edited January 2, 2010 by sugar_and_spice

[ella23]

I said I'd meet him if he wanted to. He said he did.

He is coming here to my place to talk. He'll ask me for an explanation again.

[CarrieT]

I said I'd meet him if he wanted to. He said he did.

He is coming here to my place to talk. He'll ask me for an explanation again.

 

Sit him down in front of your computer and have him read this entire thread.

[ella23]

Sit him down in front of your computer and have him read this entire thread.

you can't be serious?!

In any case, I'm meeting him so that I can apologise for this mess that I created. Not because I feel that I have a chance with him.

Edited January 2, 2010 by ella23

[CarrieT]

you can't be serious?!

In any case, I'm meeting him so that I can apologise for this mess that I created. Not because I feel that I have a chance with him.

 

I'm dead serious.

 

You don't seem to have the ability to tell him why you are really breaking up with him. Maybe if he reads your 40-some pages of insecurities and the influence of opinions that brought you to the point you are at now, it will open up all of the hurt and pain and doubt that you have and can't express.

 

And through that, you may begin to heal.

[allina]

you can't be serious?!

In any case, I'm meeting him so that I can apologise for this mess that I created. Not because I feel that I have a chance with him.

 

In addition to apologizing, why don't you explain yourself a little and tell him what about, and why you are insecure. At this point you have nothing to lose by being honest. And you never know, you might end up with a great guy.