too embarrassed to sleep with him

[boogieboy]

Phateless, how do you know that the people you know wouldn't end a relationship over sagging boobs?

 

Moose, this guy is 24.

 

Because they are MATURE people who dont have a problem with sagging breasts, and would LOVE to date a mature 20year old woman, and wouldnt have a problem with her body.

 

All the guys you are dating are 24 &25, but are 19 in maturity. You on the other hand (except for you body image problem) are supposed to be 25 in maturity age.

 

Your 24 year old guys are used to perky breasts and dont know how to maturely handle a women whos breasts sag. So what you need to do is date a guy who is 29-35, and they would LOVE a 20 year old AND your breasts the way they are now. They wouldnt have a problem with it.

 

Maybe you dont want to go older, but I know you dont REALLY want to be alone, that might be the age group for you for now, until your age catches up.

 

The guys youre dating are little boys, leave them alone.

[ella23]

 

Your 24 year old guys are used to perky breasts and dont know how to maturely handle a women whos breasts sag. So what you need to do is date a guy who is 29-35, and they would LOVE a 20 year old AND your breasts the way they are now. They wouldnt have a problem with it.

 

 

I don't understand how. I know and have heard of so many 20-25 year old women with sagging breasts, especially if their breasts are big. Unless these women have remained celibate, how come guys DON'T KNOW that sagging can happen at this age.

[Phateless]

Because they are MATURE people who dont have a problem with sagging breasts, and would LOVE to date a mature 20year old woman, and wouldnt have a problem with her body.

 

This is 100% true.

 

I don't know about the dating older guys thing, but the maturity part is valid.

[Phateless]

I don't understand how. I know and have heard of so many 20-25 year old women with sagging breasts, especially if their breasts are big. Unless these women have remained celibate, how come guys DON'T KNOW that sagging can happen at this age.

 

Because some of them might be inexperienced, or just watch too much porn with fake tits. Guys are remarkably dense sometimes.

[ella23]

You're not second best because he DOESN'T CARE if your boobs sag. You see what I'm saying?

 

Don't tell him you're over your issues - call and say "I'm ready to tell you what's really going on." This isn't about telling him that your boobs sag. This is about telling him your fear of being rejected because of your sagging boobs. Big difference.

 

The chances are that he will care that they sag. Also,he's just 24 so I don't know how fine he'll be regarding this.

And about telling him: first I told him I need a break, then I tell him I want to break up, then I call him the next day and say I don't really want to break up but I actually dumped you over something else than what I told you?!

[boogieboy]

I don't understand how. I know and have heard of so many 20-25 year old women with sagging breasts, especially if their breasts are big. Unless these women have remained celibate, how come guys DON'T KNOW that sagging can happen at this age.

 

They know about it, they just dont care when they dont have to.

Could be multiple reasons. The girls these guys go for are probably thin, not all girls that age have big boobs for their size, these guys dont date as many of these girls as they would like, maybe a handful. So when they encounter saggy breasts theyve never even heard of it on a young girl, and maybe they dont know what to do. Young Guys with choices make fun, young guys without choices have no problem with it. Young ghuys who arent dicks have no problem with it.

 

Im 37, I look like Im 26, Ive encountered saggy breasts, and I know how to make a woman squirm with delight using them. Oh, TMI? Anyway, go for the older guys.

Edited January 3, 2010 by boogieboy

[ella23]

Because I've known my 3 best guy friends for 15 years at least' date=' and may other guy friends that I'm close with. We talk about almost everything. I'm not friends with anyone who is shallow enough to leave a girl they otherwise like because her boobs sag too much. That's ridiculous.[/quote']

Ok, but you can't know unless they actually said so.

 

Guys with choices make fun' date=' guys without choices have no problem with it. [/quote']

This guy has enough choices so I should just let him be?

[thegreatmoose]

The chances are that he will care that they sag. Also,he's just 24 so I don't know how fine he'll be regarding this.

And about telling him: first I told him I need a break, then I tell him I want to break up, then I call him the next day and say I don't really want to break up but I actually dumped you over something else than what I told you?!

You are still overestimating the chances of something bad.

 

If it is does go bad what will happen? You are broken up now and you will still be broken up. Is there really that much to lose? I'd say there is far more to gain than to lose.

[thegreatmoose]

Ok, but you can't know unless they actually said so.

When you know someone for a long time, even if they don't explicitly say something, you can usually guess correctly how they will behave in certain situations.

[ella23]

Okay guys what about this?

I could be hanging out with the wrong crowd, but not everyone?

 

WTF people? What kind of world do you live in? I am sorry to say but world is not filled with bunnies and rainbows and importance of inner beauty. MANY men do find saggy boobs a turn off. Many men find even a lot less than saggy boobs a turn off and dumpable offense. I hang around with guys and hear their conversations ALL the time. They go something like "I dig this girl but she is just not hot enough to make her my long term gf so I will just screw her for a while". Or "I don't care about the size of the boobs, as long as they are perky" or "I would rather F%^$ a hooker than an average looking girl" etc etc.

 

I just do not see how saggy boobs do not matter. Perhaps there are some men few and far between that this is true for but majority? No way. I can only see it not mattering if the guy himself has very few (if any) dating options, and he himself is not that great looking (i.e. short, overweight etc). This is cold, hard reality. Most of what I read in this thread is sugar coated BS. I applaud few men who were brave enough to admit the truth.

 

.

 

I have heard many men (including male friends) say things to this effect over the years in real life, I have seen and heard of a women being dumped for this reason. The media is also to blame. Then you often get some guys saying that it's abnormal to have saggy breasts when you're young, which certainly is not true.

And yes, online, but this 'data' is not always reliable now, is it.

[boogieboy]

This guy has enough choices so I should just let him be?

 

Leave him alone, go for older guys.

 

If youre going to keep dumping guys and not giving them a chance to show you they dont care about swagging breasts, go for the older guys.

[thegreatmoose]

Okay guys what about this?

I could be hanging out with the wrong crowd, but not everyone?

I won't hang around with people who talk like that. The people they describe have the maturity level of 15 year olds. I remember talk like that from high school and some early on in college and it was disgusting.

[ella23]

Leave him alone, go for older guys.

 

If youre going to keep dumping guys and not giving them a chance to show you they dont care about swagging breasts, go for the older guys.

 

I just think the chances are he will be bothered. I know that I cannot know for sure unless I tell him, but it just seems that there is a high likelihood of being rejected, because he could find someone 'better' in that sense. I don't mean that he is a jerk, he's a great guy and a good human being, but that doesn't mean much when it comes to such issues.

Why give him a chance when he'll probably dump me?

Edited January 3, 2010 by ella23

[thegreatmoose]

I just think the chances are he will be bothered. I know that I cannot know for sure unless I tell him, but it just seems that there is a high likelihood of being rejected, because he could find someone 'better' in that sense. I don't mean that he is a jerk, he's a great guy and a good human being, but that doesn't mean much when it comes to such issues.

Why give him a chance when he'll probably dump me?

You can tell him what the issue is and find out. You have nothing to lose as you are already broken up.

 

If it doesn't work, I reccomend looking for guys a bit older, but more importantly more mature.

[boogieboy]

I just think the chances are he will be bothered. I know that I cannot know for sure unless I tell him, but it just seems that there is a high likelihood of being rejected, because he could find someone 'better' in that sense. I don't mean that he is a jerk, he's a great guy and a good human being, but that doesn't mean much when it comes to such issues.

Why give him a chance when he'll probably dump me?

 

Forget him. You will never risk the rejection anyway regardless what we advise you, you already dumped him...go for older mature men.

 

I didnt realize till page 46 that you were 20 with 32d's, I bet youre adorable!

[ella23]

Forget him. You will never risk the rejection anyway regardless what we advise you, you already dumped him...go for older mature men.

 

That was not my point. It's not about risking rejection, it's about being reasonable while taking a risk. I mean, if the likelihood that this guy would accept me were reasonable, I'd go tell him. But when I'm 99% likely to be dumped, why would I risk it?

As for the older guys-Even a lot of older guys could have issues with it, so I'd be risking rejection anyway. Unless I find someone who has no choices.

In any case, I don't think I'm mature enough to be with someone older than 25.

 

Maybe I should take a 5 year hiatus from dating.

Edited January 3, 2010 by ella23

[thegreatmoose]

That was not my point. It's not about risking rejection, it's about being reasonable while taking a risk. I mean, if the likelihood that this guy would accept me were reasonable, I'd go tell him. But when I'm 99% likely to be dumped, why would I risk it?

As for the older guys-Even a lot of older guys could have issues with it, so I'd be risking rejection anyway. Unless I find someone who has no choices.

In any case, I don't think I'm mature enough to be with someone older than 25.

 

Maybe I should take a 5 year hiatus from dating.

I don't know where you get the 99% from. I think it's well under 50%. You won't know unless you ask.

 

You will be mature enough to date older as long as you lose this defeatest attitude and communicate better. You can do this overnight.

 

If dating is so stressful you could take a break, but 5 years is very extreme. Maybe a few months or a year could give you some time to recharge.

Edited January 3, 2010 by thegreatmoose

[Kamille]

Okay guys what about this?

I could be hanging out with the wrong crowd, but not everyone?

 

There are superficial people and there are people, like Phateless and his friends, who aren't superficial. Why would you believe the posters who cater to your fears more than the ones who are trying to help you change your assessment that 'all' men will reject you because of one flaw.

 

Some men are superficial and will care, others aren't. It's that simple. There is no one set rule here.

 

I'm not caught up on the whole thread, but it sounds like you've decided that your now-ex is superficial. To avoid hurt, you decided for him that he would dump you. So you dumped him.

 

Perhaps he wasn't superficial, we will never know.

[boogieboy]

That was not my point. It's not about risking rejection, it's about being reasonable while taking a risk. I mean, if the likelihood that this guy would accept me were reasonable, I'd go tell him. But when I'm 99% likely to be dumped, why would I risk it?

As for the older guys-Even a lot of older guys could have issues with it, so I'd be risking rejection anyway. Unless I find someone who has no choices.

In any case, I don't think I'm mature enough to be with someone older than 25.

 

Maybe I should take a 5 year hiatus from dating.

 

You havent dated older guys before, so you have no idea what youre talking about.

 

None of that matters, youre not going to chance it anyway. Theres no need to even talk about not risking it. You made up your own stats to rationalize dumping the guy to avoid being rejected. Move on, and go find older guys.

Not only will the older guys treat you better, they will love every inch of your body. That will show you how to cease caring about what people think of your breasts.

Edited January 3, 2010 by boogieboy

[soserious1]

Ella,

 

I'm kind of confused, you could have breasts like a Playboy centerfold and after a few weeks or months he'd be checking out every nice set that passed him by and eagerly looking at all sorts of breasts during his online porn sessions, your breasts would become ho hum after the passionate stage of the relationship is over anyway so why all the drama?

[SincereOnlineGuy]

(sigh)

 

"32D" is quite (giant)... and as such, it would be expected that they would respond to gravity.

 

And of course most present 32D breasts were once "32B and perky" - so what?

 

 

Consider that breast size is considerably different than that of penis size, as men have to glean some sense of what to expect long before they get to behold your concealed wonders.

 

 

I really have a strong sense that this is a situation where your own tendency to self-critique REALLY has your standards askew, and you don't really know how to FAIRLY compare your ample bosom to others of similar size to you.

 

It is one thing to find a woman whose chest measures 36 or 42 or something, but "32D" is putting LOTS of bosom on a slender frame, and it makes sense that your breasts (evolve NORMALLY, instead of seeming like the ROCKS or 'bolt-ons' so popular in porn).

 

I sense that if 100 guys from Loveshack were to lay eyes on your breasts, only 2 or 3 would go along with your sense of wanting to get the breast lift at your age.

 

and YOU need to play the percentages and NOT live your life, or make your decisions to suit those 2 or 3 guys.

 

 

PS - will this thread ever die????

[ella23]

Well yes it has been a really long thread, but it's been easier to really discuss my feelings here than with friends, because I wanted objective opinions. That is why I've been posting so much here.

You havent dated older guys before, so you have no idea what youre talking about.

 

None of that matters, youre not going to chance it anyway. Theres no need to even talk about not risking it. You made up your own stats to rationalize dumping the guy to avoid being rejected. Move on, and go find older guys.

Not only will the older guys treat you better, they will love every inch of your body. That will show you how to cease caring about what people think of your breasts.

Well, yes I haven't dated anyone over 25, but I'm saying that it would matter to them because I don't think turn ons/turn offs and preferences suddenly change.

And like I said before, I'm really not mature enough to date someone who is much older than I am. Hell, this guy was 24 and he was way more mature about this whole break up drama than I was.

I am not making up stats. 99% meant that the likelihood is extremely high. I mean, why would I let go of someone who I liked so much otherwise?

 

There are superficial people and there are people, like Phateless and his friends, who aren't superficial. Why would you believe the posters who cater to your fears more than the ones who are trying to help you change your assessment that 'all' men will reject you because of one flaw.

 

Some men are superficial and will care, others aren't. It's that simple. There is no one set rule here.

 

I'm not caught up on the whole thread, but it sounds like you've decided that your now-ex is superficial. To avoid hurt, you decided for him that he would dump you. So you dumped him.

 

Perhaps he wasn't superficial, we will never know.

I didn't mean he was superficial. He is a great guy but that doesn't mean he won't have his likes and dislikes. Especially since he has choices.

It isn't so much about believing what those posters are saying, as much as it is about the fact that my experiences have shown what they say to be true. IRL, I think what they say is very true.

 

I don't know where you get the 99% from. I think it's well under 50%. You won't know unless you ask.

Well, maybe if he was the kind who would have had trouble finding a girlfriend after me, then the percentage would have been 50%. A couple of times I have felt extremely bad that I lied (sort of), but it was probably the best thing to do. Earlier when someone(I think it was Phateless) suggested that I should call him and tell him, I keep feeling tempted to, but he'll think I'm an idiot if I do this.

And, unless he's a major exception, he'll be turned off anyway.

Ella,

 

I'm kind of confused, you could have breasts like a Playboy centerfold and after a few weeks or months he'd be checking out every nice set that passed him by and eagerly looking at all sorts of breasts during his online porn sessions, your breasts would become ho hum after the passionate stage of the relationship is over anyway so why all the drama?

 

Because the relationship has to actually last till that stage.

Edited January 4, 2010 by ella23

[thegreatmoose]

Well, maybe if he was the kind who would have had trouble finding a girlfriend after me, then the percentage would have been 50%. A couple of times I have felt extremely bad that I lied (sort of), but it was probably the best thing to do. Earlier when someone(I think it was Phateless) suggested that I should call him and tell him, I was tempted to, but he'll think I'm an idiot if I do this.

And, unless he's a major exception, he'll be turned off anyway.

Ella, you are self sabotaging yourself and it really is sad. The reason I said well under 50% was his behavior towards you throughout the relationship and how he reacted a couple of days ago. He still really wants you. Also, he has to have some idea of the shape of your breasts unless you always wear several layers of clothing over them.

 

I agree totally agree with Phateless whether you do it over the phone or whether you do it in person.

 

This is exactly why other some others and I have reccomended that you talk to a professional. You keep selling yourself short. So many of us have told you to talk with him, yet you keep freezing up when you have tried. You are so fearful of dating rejections, yet we've all experienced them and somehow we've been able to able to get ourselves up and continue dating. You need to find a way to conquer or at least reduce this fear and the sooner you figure this out, the better.

[Linainverse]

^^^I'm 20.

 

I am 19, my breasts are a 30FF and they have not been perky in 3 years, you're not the only one hun! I've just come out of a 2 year relationship, and not once did my boyfriend complain about them, he would just say, "they are amazing". So you never know what sort of man you're gonna find, if you're comfortable with all your other assets (arse, hips, thighs, calves even lol) then a minor problem like saggy titties really is merely a blip on an otherwise awesome physique.

 

Having said this, if you're still not absolutely comfortable, surgery could just be your key to body-image success.

 

And sex with a bra on is sexy too - just as long as it's a well supportive one should you be on top as things can obviously get wild

[Linainverse]

Oh and Ella, I know it is a clichéd expression, but literally, beauty is only 1/16th of an inch deep.

 

Allow me to elaborate.

 

A man is explaining to his lady about how beautiful she is.

 

Man: "Oh your hair, so beautiful, I love the feel of it on my fingers, the way it sits, the way it looks in the sun.. and your skin, it's gorgeous, and your nails are so beautiful.."

 

He finds a couple of her hairs in the dinner she makes him.

 

Man: "What is this disgusting hair doing in my soup?! I refuse to eat it"

Women: "But last night you said my hair was beautiful!"

 

He then finds some nail clippings on the floor, obviously hers.

 

Man: "The floor is so dirty with your disgusting nails! Clean them up please!"

Women: "But I thought you think my nails are beautiful!"

 

 

Beauty is so superficially blind it's hilarious.