too embarrassed to sleep with him

[Linainverse]

Well... If you're going to vow to be celibate forever, I'll have twice as much sex with the next partner I end up with to make up for you.

 

You're just seeking attention and pity from people who have gone past caring because you can't see that you're problem is entirely yours and no-one else's now. If you see yourself as this unattractive turn-off for all men, that's how you will remain for the rest of your days unless you change your body image, and no-one can make that happen except you.

[ella23]

Oh you sure do. Youve already talked about searching other forums and sites about getting rejected, and youve been talking about it for 49 pages.

 

I don't actually. I'm trying to feel better about myself, even though I have a tendency to be negative about everything these days.

And yeah, this thread is long I know but I feel a little better now than before, so I must have taken some advice on board.

 

 

The only thing they'll be turned off by is your lack of confidence and self esteem.

I realise that I really need to work on that independently as well.

 

.sometimes alcohol is a total blessing for getting you to open up...God knows only the guy I'm with now, is the very first person who I've slept with for the very first time when not drunk.

you got the guy drunk as well?

I know this works because I almost slept with this guy(the same one in the OP) after I got a bit drunk on while out with him clubbing.

Well... If you're going to vow to be celibate forever, I'll have twice as much sex with the next partner I end up with to make up for you.

I was just joking. I don't really want to be single and celibate.

Edited January 5, 2010 by ella23

[Phateless]

I know this works because I almost slept with this guy(the same one in the OP) after I got a bit drunk on while out with him clubbing.

 

Whoa. So you've already slept with him? He's already seen your breasts and you're still worried that he'll reject you because of them?

 

I'm not following...

[ella23]

Whoa. So you've already slept with him? He's already seen your breasts and you're still worried that he'll reject you because of them?

 

I'm not following...

 

Oh no.

We went back to his place and we were on the bed, we were making out and he was trying to take my clothes off.

But thankfully I was not all that drunk, so I managed to stop it and we didn't actually end up having sex or getting naked.

Edited January 5, 2010 by ella23

[thegreatmoose]

I can also vow to remain celibate forever, which I feel tempted to do.

You need to stop thinking this way. That's the first step to getting over your fears.

[thegreatmoose]

I don't actually. I'm trying to feel better about myself, even though I have a tendency to be negative about everything these days.

And yeah, this thread is long I know but I feel a little better now than before, so I must have taken some advice on board.

This is the core of it.

 

Very few men prefer those who are negative about things. Ella, I see it in post after post where you assume the worst thing will happen. I see it when you say things such as there's a 99% chance he won't want like your breasts.

 

What do you plan on doing to change these negative thoughts?

[ella23]

If you see yourself as this unattractive turn-off for all men, that's how you will remain for the rest of your days unless you change your body image, and no-one can make that happen except you.

Yes, that is partly true.

This is the core of it.

 

Very few men prefer those who are negative about things. Ella, I see it in post after post where you assume the worst thing will happen. I see it when you say things such as there's a 99% chance he won't want like your breasts.

 

What do you plan on doing to change these negative thoughts?

 

You need to stop thinking this way. That's the first step to getting over your fears.

Apart from, or rather, other than talking to a counsellor, what else can I do?

It's strange. I wasn't this negative till like a few months back, but this seems to have had an effect on everything in my life. But yeah, I need to control my negative feelings.

[CarrieT]

Yes, that is partly true.

 

 

 

Apart from, or rather, other than talking to a counsellor, what else can I do?

It's strange. I wasn't this negative till like a few months back, but this seems to have had an effect on everything in my life. But yeah, I need to control my negative feelings.

 

 

Not partly true. 100% true and you know it.

 

And one of the things you can do is STOP DWELLING ON IT. It is eating away at you and like a sponge, you are sucking in every bad vibe and essence and making it grow. It is like a scab that you are picking at. I would say, for starters, stop coming here to this thread. Move on and find positive reinforcements elsewhere.

 

Go to places and be with people that will give positive reinforcement to your body image instead of places like this which feed on providing disparate views (which you seem to glom onto all of the negative ones instead of the positive ones).

[thegreatmoose]

Apart from, or rather, other than talking to a counsellor, what else can I do?

It's strange. I wasn't this negative till like a few months back, but this seems to have had an effect on everything in my life. But yeah, I need to control my negative feelings.

You want to surround yourself with good positive people. If you know people who are not supportive of you or mean to you, cut them out of your life and replace them with good people. When reading a thread like this, try as hard as you can to ignore the negative posts and keep reading the positive ones.

 

The conseling is very important and it often takes months to see results. Also, if thinks are not imporoving enough, get another counselor. Some are very good at what they do and some are not. Also, some may have personalities that you can relate to better.

 

Keep at it and don't let a few setbacks discourage you. We all have them.

[InspiredbyYou]

 

 

 

Apart from, or rather, other than talking to a counsellor, what else can I do?

 

 

Stand naked in front of the mirror and learn to love you boobies JUST AS THEY ARE! Keep doing it until you accept yourself for the perfectly imperfect human being that you are. WE ALL do it, you are not the exception Ella.

[ella23]

You want to surround yourself with good positive people. If you know people who are not supportive of you or mean to you, cut them out of your life and replace them with good people. When reading a thread like this, try as hard as you can to ignore the negative posts and keep reading the positive ones.

 

The conseling is very important and it often takes months to see results. Also, if thinks are not imporoving enough, get another counselor. Some are very good at what they do and some are not. Also, some may have personalities that you can relate to better.

 

Keep at it and don't let a few setbacks discourage you. We all have them.

Yeah, I'll see about the counselling. I did see someone like a psychologist once before but that didn't turn out to be very helpful.

In any case, since I have no plans to get surgery done, I'll have to accept myself this way sooner or later.

I chatted with my ex(this same guy) again yesterday(online). Not sure if this is a good idea but like you had said earlier, I should not have been dishonest. Especially because I'm not the best liar and this makes the conversations a little awkward.

Stand naked in front of the mirror and learn to love you boobies JUST AS THEY ARE! Keep doing it until you accept yourself for the perfectly imperfect human being that you are. WE ALL do it, you are not the exception Ella.

I do that a lot. It's going to take some effort to look and feel comfortable with myself.

Not partly true. 100% true and you know it.

 

And one of the things you can do is STOP DWELLING ON IT. It is eating away at you and like a sponge, you are sucking in every bad vibe and essence and making it grow. It is like a scab that you are picking at. I would say, for starters, stop coming here to this thread. Move on and find positive reinforcements elsewhere.

 

Go to places and be with people that will give positive reinforcement to your body image instead of places like this which feed on providing disparate views (which you seem to glom onto all of the negative ones instead of the positive ones).

 

Partly true as in my poor body image is not just a result of my own opinion.

Most of the responses on the past few pages have also been the most helpful in terms of advice, so coming to this thread isn't all that bad.

Edited January 5, 2010 by ella23

[thegreatmoose]

Yeah, I'll see about the counselling. I did see someone like a psychologist once before but that didn't turn out to be very helpful.

In any case, since I have no plans to get surgery done, I'll have to accept myself this way sooner or later.

I chatted with my ex(this same guy) again yesterday(online). Not sure if this is a good idea but like you had said earlier, I should not have been dishonest. Especially because I'm not the best liar and this makes the conversations a little awkward.

You want to find a therapist who you can relate to. If you find that he/she is not helpful, go to a different one. It may take months to get you out of this, but it will be well worth it.

 

I agree you should not have been dishonest. Good liar or not, lying just about always causes all kind of problems.

 

You are getting a lot of good advice and now you need to follow it the best you can.

[SadandConfusedWA]

Ella, you know what I did today that made me feel like a million bucks? I went into a lingerie shop and bought some really hot bras. Any pair of boobs will great in a supportive and visually appealing bra. I am not sure if you have this in the States but Elle Mcpearson (spelling??) for D cups and above is really great. I can even admire myself in the mirror in one of those bras and *truly* feel gorgeous.

[ella23]

You want to find a therapist who you can relate to. If you find that he/she is not helpful, go to a different one. It may take months to get you out of this, but it will be well worth it.

 

I agree you should not have been dishonest. Good liar or not, lying just about always causes all kind of problems.

 

You are getting a lot of good advice and now you need to follow it the best you can.

Yes, I am looking for a counsellor, and I'm virtually certain I'll tell him the truth. Hope to feel better about myself soon.

 

Ella, you know what I did today that made me feel like a million bucks? I went into a lingerie shop and bought some really hot bras. Any pair of boobs will great in a supportive and visually appealing bra. I am not sure if you have this in the States but Elle Mcpearson (spelling??) for D cups and above is really great. I can even admire myself in the mirror in one of those bras and *truly* feel gorgeous.

 

I'm not in the States. Where do you live? Maybe it's time for me to go shopping.

Edited January 6, 2010 by ella23

[CarrieT]

I'm not in the States. Where do you live? Maybe it's time for me to go shopping.

 

U.K., I believe? Go to Bravissimo: http://www.bravissimo.com/default.aspx

[SadandConfusedWA]

These are the 2 bras I bought yesterday and I couldn't be happier with how they fit:

 

http://www.storminadcup.com.au/dentelle-underwire-p-488.html

 

http://www.storminadcup.com.au/fragrance-dg-p-1085.html

[ella23]

Thanks....I'll go do some shopping

Anyway, after talking to him everyday despite breaking up, I've decided to tell him what's really up. If he has a problem, too bad. I have to move forward so I am going to tell him the truth, so we are either together or he doesn't want me and I can move ahead without feeling like I've been dishonest and thinking about what would have happened had I told him.

So yeah, I'll be seeing him either today or tomorrow.

I'm scared like hell but well...

Edited January 6, 2010 by ella23

[SincereOnlineGuy]

I have no plans to get surgery done, I'll have to accept myself this way sooner or later.

 

 

 

Yes, I am looking for a counsellor, and I'm virtually certain I'll tell him the truth.

 

 

Ella, 50 pages in, you really ARE showing great signs.

 

 

But what is going to suck, for some of us, is never knowing whether our belief is accurate that it is mostly your perception that is off, about you, and not as much your breasts.

 

You have full, eye-catching breasts, and they were simply never going to extend outward, parallel to the ground as would actual "snack trays", as what you see in porn might tease you into expecting.

 

Your anticipation of telling the counselor the truth is very reassuring to me. Someone who has that resolve in her can and will eventually do the same for prospective lovers.

[ella23]

Ella, 50 pages in, you really ARE showing great signs.

 

 

But what is going to suck, for some of us, is never knowing whether our belief is accurate that it is mostly your perception that is off, about you, and not as much your breasts.

 

You have full, eye-catching breasts, and they were simply never going to extend outward, parallel to the ground as would actual "snack trays", as what you see in porn might tease you into expecting.

 

Your anticipation of telling the counselor the truth is very reassuring to me. Someone who has that resolve in her can and will eventually do the same for prospective lovers.

 

well, yes. I plan to take counselling, regardless of how things turn out with my 'ex' today/tomorrow.

[Phateless]

well, yes. I plan to take counselling, regardless of how things turn out with my 'ex' today/tomorrow.

 

So proud of you!

[ella23]

So proud of you!

:)

thanks

[SadandConfusedWA]

Good luck Ella. Hope it goes very well for you

[Untouchable_Fire]

I made a thread a while ago about how my breasts were sagging and my bf broke up with me over it, because I didn't want to get a lift done.

I've been dating someone new for a while, didn't think it would lead to anything serious, but it has(sort of). We've been intimate a few times. He's tried to sleep with me a few times, and I want to, but I'm scared about his reaction.

What do I do, tell him in advance, break up or what?

 

I honestly don't mind saggy.

 

I dated a woman that had pancakes... and for some weird... freaky reason it turned me on.

 

I would NEVER admit that to anyone in real life.

[ella23]

Good luck Ella. Hope it goes very well for you

Thanks. I sure hope so, too. I can't say I'm very optimistic about things turning out very well, especially since he's very popular with women, but I will take the chance.

 

I honestly don't mind saggy.

 

I dated a woman that had pancakes... and for some weird... freaky reason it turned me on.

 

I would NEVER admit that to anyone in real life.

what are 'pancakes'? as in very saggy?

Edited January 7, 2010 by ella23

[thegreatmoose]

well, yes. I plan to take counselling, regardless of how things turn out with my 'ex' today/tomorrow.

 

Thta's a great decision! The counseling should help. Remember, if you see a counselor and he/she doesn't help you enough after a certain amount of time, switch to a different one.

 

I'm proud of you too!

 

Thanks. I sure hope so, too. I can't say I'm very optimistic about things turning out very well, especially since he's very popular with women, but I will take the chance.

One day you will be optomistic in situations like this. That's something that you definitely want to talk about with the counselor. How do you get to where are are more optomistic?