too embarrassed to sleep with him

[Phateless]

Someone recommended a counsellor to me and I am going to take an appointment.

I still need counselling I guess?

Would it look like I have too much emotional baggage to my boyfriend?

 

I think he'll be impressed that you're making a solid effort to move past your baggage. That's worth a lot!

 

I think he would see that as you taking a positive step in trying to improve your self-confidence and dealing with problems so that they do not come between you again in the future.

 

Completely agree with this. Knowing that my gf was in counseling would really make me more optimistic about our future.

[ella23]

I was only wondering because it's so early in the relationship?

 

Let me have a look and I will get back to you.

thanks.

Edited January 11, 2010 by ella23

[Phateless]

I was only wondering because it's so early in the relationship?

 

Well he knows why you're going so he'll be glad you're working on changing your view of yourself.

 

Trust me, this is a good thing. Going to counseling doesn't make you look crazy for going - it makes you look stable for seeking help.

[ella23]

Well he knows why you're going so he'll be glad you're working on changing your view of yourself.

 

Trust me, this is a good thing. Going to counseling doesn't make you look crazy for going - it makes you look stable for seeking help.

Yeah, he knows I have body image issues, but not that I'm planning to take counselling.

Since he's fine with my body, I should also be able to accept myself and feel good, but that doesn't seem to be happening.

[anne1707]

Ella

 

Don't put yourself down. You have come so far recently. Just think that a few days ago you were prepared to lose a good man rather than tell him about your issues. Yet you told him.

 

The counselling is a great idea. It will help you realise that you are in fact a completely normal woman with a body that men desire.

[Phateless]

Yeah, he knows I have body image issues, but not that I'm planning to take counselling.

Since he's fine with my body, I should also be able to accept myself and feel good, but that doesn't seem to be happening.

 

Give it time. Don't criticize yourself for not getting better right away; it takes a while. He knows you're working on it and having a hard time. Telling him you're going to counseling is 100% your choice! It's not really his business unless you choose to let him know.

 

Based on what I know about this guy, I think he will be very supportive if you choose to tell him.

[ella23]

I'm undecided as to whether I should tell him or not.

I know I need counselling because I can't overcome feeling bad about my body and the fact that I still feel doubtful occasionally that he actually thinks my breasts and body are ugly, and that he's with me because he simply likes me a lot.

Most of the times I feel fine now though.

[thegreatmoose]

It obviously started because of him. I took a long time to get over what he said, and am still getting over it.

Being with my new boyfriend is helping a lot, if that makes sense.

 

Someone recommended a counsellor to me and I am going to take an appointment.

I still need counselling I guess?

Would it look like I have too much emotional baggage to my boyfriend?

That's great. A goog counselor should help. If he/she doesn't help, then find a new one.

 

No, it wouldn't look that way if you told your boyfriend. It doesn't really matter one way or the other if you tell him. If you want to wait to tell him, no problem either. The important thing is that you go see the counselor, tell everything and do your best to follow the advice given to you.

 

You're making progress. Keep at it! When you are more confident in yourself, you will really feel great.

[thegreatmoose]

I'm undecided as to whether I should tell him or not.

I know I need counselling because I can't overcome feeling bad about my body and the fact that I still feel doubtful occasionally that he actually thinks my breasts and body are ugly, and that he's with me because he simply likes me a lot.

Most of the times I feel fine now though.

Here's an idea. During your first session, tell this to your counselor.

 

This is a reason why you are going to see a counselor. You still lack confidence in some areas and have some self doubt, but I know a counselor can help a lot with that.

[ella23]

Here's an idea. During your first session, tell this to your counselor.

 

This is a reason why you are going to see a counselor. You still lack confidence in some areas and have some self doubt, but I know a counselor can help a lot with that.

Tell her that I'm undecided about telling him that I'm taking counselling?

I wonder if it would surprise him.

Edited January 12, 2010 by ella23

[Phateless]

Tell her that I'm undecided about telling him that I'm taking counselling?

I wonder if it would surprise him.

 

That's actually a great idea, I think you should do that. Your counselor will be the perfect person off which to bounce ideas.

[ella23]

Yeah, I think I'll do that.

Will take an appointment tomorrow.

I don't know why it feels so strange going for counselling, even though I know it's the right thing to do!

[thegreatmoose]

Yeah, I think I'll do that.

Will take an appointment tomorrow.

I don't know why it feels so strange going for counselling, even though I know it's the right thing to do!

Your feelings are normal. You might be surprised at how many people see counselors.

[Phateless]

Yeah, I think I'll do that.

Will take an appointment tomorrow.

I don't know why it feels so strange going for counselling, even though I know it's the right thing to do!

 

Because it involves facing your fears head-on, which obviously causes anxiety.

 

Remember what I said about learning to be comfortable with being uncomfortable, and how you need to push your comfort zone to change your life?

 

This is what I meant.

[ella23]

Because it involves facing your fears head-on, which obviously causes anxiety.

 

Remember what I said about learning to be comfortable with being uncomfortable, and how you need to push your comfort zone to change your life?

 

This is what I meant.

 

Your feelings are normal. You might be surprised at how many people see counselors.

 

Yes...

I know it's a lot more common than it seems, just that people don't talk about it much.

I took an appointment.

Maybe this will help to feel comfortable about myself. I still get conscious in front of him even though we've already slept together before.

I hope I'll start liking my body after taking help, because it still pulls me down sometimes, although not as much as before.

[Phateless]

Yes...

I know it's a lot more common than it seems, just that people don't talk about it much.

I took an appointment.

Maybe this will help to feel comfortable about myself. I still get conscious in front of him even though we've already slept together before.

I hope I'll start liking my body after taking help, because it still pulls me down sometimes, although not as much as before.

 

That's great! Yeah it's normal for this to be a slow progression of change and not a sudden awakening - although that can happen too.

 

I've been thinking of going to see a counselor for other stuff too. I went for a few years when I was younger and I learned some very valuable skills.

[sugar_and_spice]

Best of luck with counseling.

 

You've already done a lot on your own.

You were absolutely certain you'd never sleep with anyone, but now your relationship is turning out greart.

[ella23]

That's great! Yeah it's normal for this to be a slow progression of change and not a sudden awakening - although that can happen too.

 

I've been thinking of going to see a counselor for other stuff too. I went for a few years when I was younger and I learned some very valuable skills.

 

Best of luck with counseling.

 

You've already done a lot on your own.

You were absolutely certain you'd never sleep with anyone, but now your relationship is turning out greart.

 

Looks like I'm in a hurry to feel better. I do hope counselling will help. Like I said, I took some help a few months ago, but that was pretty much useless. That counsellor didn't really understand the problem and my state of mind well enough.

Really, I was going through the thread and I'm surprised as to how things turned out. I was 100% sure at one point that I was never going to tell him, and when I decided to, I was mentally prepared to be dumped.

A close friend had suggested that I remain single while I sort my problems out, but I'm quite happy being with my boyfriend.

[thegreatmoose]

Looks like I'm in a hurry to feel better. I do hope counselling will help. Like I said, I took some help a few months ago, but that was pretty much useless. That counsellor didn't really understand the problem and my state of mind well enough.

Really, I was going through the thread and I'm surprised as to how things turned out. I was 100% sure at one point that I was never going to tell him, and when I decided to, I was mentally prepared to be dumped.

A close friend had suggested that I remain single while I sort my problems out, but I'm quite happy being with my boyfriend.

Allow feeling better to take some time. Also, remember what I said about counselors. You may have to go through a couple or even a few before you find one that truly understands you and can help you. You have to be patient with this, but feeling good about yourself is very important.

 

It's great that your happy with your boyfrind! Hoepfully you eventually get to where you are happy most of the time.

[ella23]

Allow feeling better to take some time. Also, remember what I said about counselors. You may have to go through a couple or even a few before you find one that truly understands you and can help you. You have to be patient with this, but feeling good about yourself is very important.

 

It's great that your happy with your boyfrind! Hoepfully you eventually get to where you are happy most of the time.

Yeah, I know I might have to go through a couple.

I'll see this one in a few days; hope she'll be more understanding than the last one I went to. With the last one, it was obvious pretty soon that she didn't really get the problem, so I did not continue for long.

These days, I keep having ups and downs, but I will probably (hopefully) become more stable with time.

Edited January 14, 2010 by ella23

[thegreatmoose]

Yeah, I know I might have to go through a couple.

I'll see this one in a few days; hope she'll be more understanding than the last one I went to. With the last one, it was obvious pretty soon that she didn't really get the problem, so I did not continue for long.

These days, I keep having ups and downs, but I will probably (hopefully) become more stable with time.

Yes you might and it might take awhile, but it all be worth it when you find someone really good.

 

I've had my share of ups and downs too and I've seen some counselors. Some were useless and others were great.

 

You definitely want to get to the point where you are stable and happy and I know you can get there.

[Vanae]

any man that would break-up with a woman over her boobs, isn't woth your time. a woman so much more than what's on her chest.

 

simply put!

[ella23]

Yes you might and it might take awhile, but it all be worth it when you find someone really good.

 

I've had my share of ups and downs too and I've seen some counselors. Some were useless and others were great.

 

You definitely want to get to the point where you are stable and happy and I know you can get there.

Well, yes. How much should you stick around with one to see it's working out or not?

I wonder if I stopped with the last one too quickly.

It can get frustrating changing counsellors and being patient till you find a good one; that is probably why I gave up the last time.

Since I had a crap day again yesterday, I'm wondering if counselling is really going to help me.

 

simply put!

 

Well, in an ideal world perhaps, but looks do matter a lot.

[thegreatmoose]

Well, yes. How much should you stick around with one to see it's working out or not?

I wonder if I stopped with the last one too quickly.

It can get frustrating changing counsellors and being patient till you find a good one; that is probably why I gave up the last time.

Since I had a crap day again yesterday, I'm wondering if counselling is really going to help me.

I think it depends on how it goes. It could be one or two visits if you can't stand him/her, but most likely more than that. You have to be patient. Part of it is the quality of the counselor, but part of it is following the advice given to you. You need to tell the counselor everything for it to be effective. It might be a long process, but it will be worth it.

 

The reason you need the counseling is because you are still having too many of these these crap days. You are making progress though. Replace the negative thoughts with positive thoughts, especially when nothing bad actually happens.

 

Keep at it!

[ella23]

I think it depends on how it goes. It could be one or two visits if you can't stand him/her, but most likely more than that. You have to be patient. Part of it is the quality of the counselor, but part of it is following the advice given to you. You need to tell the counselor everything for it to be effective. It might be a long process, but it will be worth it.

 

The reason you need the counseling is because you are still having too many of these these crap days. You are making progress though. Replace the negative thoughts with positive thoughts, especially when nothing bad actually happens.

 

Keep at it!

I went 4-5 times the last time before I stopped.

I know that I do need counselling, so that I can have a better body image.

I just keep having the same thoughts again and again sometimes, which I don't think counselling could help me with.

I feel like he's just staying with me because he likes me as a person and doesn't really find my body attractive. At some stage, what if he starts feeling like he can do better?

And then, I feel like if something goes wrong with him, I'm again going to have so much trouble finding a guy who likes me and accepts me the way I am.

Edited January 15, 2010 by ella23