too embarrassed to sleep with him

[SadandConfusedWA]

Sad, have you already had children?

 

No, but I am 31 and single so at this rate, I probably never will have any.

 

I read up on the internet that it's almost pointless to have the lift done before children as they will sag afterwards.

 

Lift is also better for smaller breasts as the results last longer.

 

It seems like I am not a good candidate at all, but I still want a professional opinion. I have many questions to ask. I am somewhat worried about how honest the plastic surgeon will be. After all, it's in his interest to do the surgery.

[SadandConfusedWA]

BTW Ella, it's almost pointless to me if my amount of sag is normal for E cup.

 

In fact from many pictures I have seen on the internet, it seems that for that size they are not supposed to be really perky (if natural). Mine seem to fit in with the "normal pictures".

 

The problem is, I hate how they look. I don't feel sexy or happy about taking clothes off. I have many other issues in regards to dating, but it seems like if I can fix this - that will at least be one less thing to worry about.

[sugar_and_spice]

Sad, have you already had children?

 

yeah, if you're gonna take a risk, might as well do it when you're done having kids, because they'll sag again probably after breastfeeding.

Ella, you need to see that all men are not like your ex. You seem to be in the same mindset as you were before .

[sugar_and_spice]

BTW Ella, it's almost pointless to me if my amount of sag is normal for E cup.

 

In fact from many pictures I have seen on the internet, it seems that for that size they are not supposed to be really perky (if natural). Mine seem to fit in with the "normal pictures".

 

The problem is, I hate how they look. I don't feel sexy or happy about taking clothes off. I have many other issues in regards to dating, but it seems like if I can fix this - that will at least be one less thing to worry about.

 

Ecups might droop again soon, it is natural.

[ella23]

BTW Ella, it's almost pointless to me if my amount of sag is normal for E cup.

 

In fact from many pictures I have seen on the internet, it seems that for that size they are not supposed to be really perky (if natural). Mine seem to fit in with the "normal pictures".

 

The problem is, I hate how they look. I don't feel sexy or happy about taking clothes off. I have many other issues in regards to dating, but it seems like if I can fix this - that will at least be one less thing to worry about.

 

But if they resemble what normal E cups look like, then you have less of a problem. Also, since you're 31 it is more understandable. I guess E cups usually aren't all that perky as such, so your sagging is to be expected in a way. (From that pic you had linked they seemed normal.)

In my case, D cups aren't all that big and don't often sag at this age.

I know that a plastic surgeon is unlikely to give a fully honest opinion. I went to one too, but I also went to a gynaecologist.

I guess the fact that I know a couple of women with terrible experiences with plastic surgery only makes it worse, because I was already aware of how many risks there are.

Since I won't have surgery, I might as well just accept myself. I hope the counselling that I've started will help.

As for having surgery after having children, yes, the gynaecologist also said that if I was going to have surgery, I should wait till I'm done having kids.

 

Ella, you need to see that all men are not like your ex. You seem to be in the same mindset as you were before .

 

I just have a hard time believing that he's being honest when he says he finds my body attractive. I mean, it's fine if he thinks it's acceptable, but it can't be that he doesn't mind the sag. I guess everyone is not like my ex in the sense that all guys don't consider it a dumpable offence, that's all.

Edited January 20, 2010 by ella23

[sugar_and_spice]

But if they resemble what normal E cups look like, then you have less of a problem. Also, since you're 31 it is more understandable. I guess E cups usually aren't all that perky as such, so your sagging is to be expected in a way. (From that pic you had linked they seemed normal.)

In my case, D cups aren't all that big and don't often sag at this age.

I know that a plastic surgeon is unlikely to give a fully honest opinion. I went to one too, but I also went to a gynaecologist.

I guess the fact that I know a couple of women with terrible experiences with plastic surgery only makes it worse, because I was already aware of how many risks there are.

Since I won't have surgery, I might as well just accept myself. I hope the counselling that I've started will help.

As for having surgery after having children, yes, the gynaecologist also said that if I was going to have surgery, I should wait till I'm done having kids.

 

 

 

I just have a hard time believing that he's being honest when he says he finds my body attractive. I mean, it's fine if he thinks it's acceptable, but it can't be that he doesn't mind the sag. I guess everyone is not like my ex in the sense that all guys don't consider it a dumpable offence, that's all.

 

You continue to think that all guys find sagging completely repulsive, like your ex bf, when it's obvious there are guys might simply not care.

Edited January 20, 2010 by sugar_and_spice

[ella23]

^^Oh well, I don't know if that's true...

Anyway, I'm going to take another appointment with the counsellor because it felt pretty good to talk about my problems and fears and I'm hoping to get some good advice to deal with my issues. It was basically just me talking and talking but I'll ask for advice in the future sessions.

I didn't think that counselling would be of any use but I think it might just help me if I continue with it for long enough.

Let's see.

[Phateless]

I just have a hard time believing that he's being honest when he says he finds my body attractive. I mean, it's fine if he thinks it's acceptable, but it can't be that he doesn't mind the sag. I guess everyone is not like my ex in the sense that all guys don't consider it a dumpable offence, that's all.

 

This is what I meant by only believing the bad stuff. It's NOT an "offense" at all! I don't even care one bit.

 

You continue to think that all guys find sagging completely repulsive, like your ex bf, when it's obvious there are guys might simply not care.

 

We don't care. Ella, you're only believe the bad things people say and thinking up excuses why the good things don't count.

 

^^Oh well, I don't know if that's true...

Anyway, I'm going to take another appointment with the counsellor because it felt pretty good to talk about my problems and fears and I'm hoping to get some good advice to deal with my issues. It was basically just me talking and talking but I'll ask for advice in the future sessions.

I didn't think that counselling would be of any use but I think it might just help me if I continue with it for long enough.

Let's see.

 

See? You're refusing to believe the good things and choosing to believe the bad. Do me a favor and mention this thread to your counselor, I think he/she will have some good insight.

[ella23]

This is what I meant by only believing the bad stuff. It's NOT an "offense" at all! I don't even care one bit.

I know that you don't. But every guy doesn't necessarily think like you.

 

 

We don't care. Ella, you're only believe the bad things people say and thinking up excuses why the good things don't count.

I believe both. Just saying why some of the supposed good things might not be true, especially in my boyfriend's case. He knows that I'm really worried about how my body looks, especially since I've told him that I'm taking counselling. I'm not saying that he finds me absolutely repulsive either.

 

See? You're refusing to believe the good things and choosing to believe the bad. Do me a favor and mention this thread to your counselor, I think he/she will have some good insight.

?? I said that I think counselling might help me with my body image. I don't think I'm making excuses, but even if it's just my negativity, then I guess counselling will help me with that, too.

I already told the things that I've said in this thread to my counsellor. It might be helpful for her though, maybe I should show it to her, but some of the stuff in here is just stupid.

[ella23]

In any case, I need to get over how I feel and my worries. From something my boyfriend said, I think I've irritated him a bit.

[SadandConfusedWA]

So I went today and I am dissapointed

 

The guy took a look at my breasts and said that he doesn't want to do a lift without a considerable reduction. He wants to make me a large C cup. He said that if I have my E cups lifted, I risk getting wound breakege (he showed me the pics and it ain't pretty). And even if that doesn't happen, my skin will stretch again and they will be the same as they are now. He said that natural E cup breasts at 31 can not sit much higher than mine are now due to gravity/heavyness.

 

He also seemed to think that asymmetry was "normal" and most women have that.

 

Then he was trying to talk me into getting a reduction. He showed me before and after pics and I just do not like the after pics at all. It looks like after the reduction, boobs tend to be flat and weirdly shaped. Honestly, in about half of the pictures I thought that boobs looked better before. Keep in mind that he has probably shown me his best work.

 

I also wouldn't be able to breastfeed and would lose all nipple sensation. It just all seems pointless. To go through so much pain and then get small, weirdly shaped breasts with scars

 

If the "after" pictures were fantastic, I would have seriously considered it.

 

At least my mind is clearer and seems like surgery is truly out for me.

[ella23]

So I went today and I am dissapointed

 

The guy took a look at my breasts and said that he doesn't want to do a lift without a considerable reduction. He wants to make me a large C cup. He said that if I have my E cups lifted, I risk getting wound breakege (he showed me the pics and it ain't pretty). And even if that doesn't happen, my skin will stretch again and they will be the same as they are now. He said that natural E cup breasts at 31 can not sit much higher than mine are now due to gravity/heavyness.

 

He also seemed to think that asymmetry was "normal" and most women have that.

 

Then he was trying to talk me into getting a reduction. He showed me before and after pics and I just do not like the after pics at all. It looks like after the reduction, boobs tend to be flat and weirdly shaped. Honestly, in about half of the pictures I thought that boobs looked better before. Keep in mind that he has probably shown me his best work.

 

I also wouldn't be able to breastfeed and would lose all nipple sensation. It just all seems pointless. To go through so much pain and then get small, weirdly shaped breasts with scars

 

If the "after" pictures were fantastic, I would have seriously considered it.

 

At least my mind is clearer and seems like surgery is truly out for me.

Oh that's sad

wound breakage?

He said that you won't be able to breastfeed? The surgeon I went to said that I might be able to breast feed, and that the nipple sensation will probably return. Maybe it depends on the procedure?

He also said mine were too saggy for my age though gyno said that sometimes breasts start sagging early in life.

At least you know now that your breasts are fine.

Edited January 21, 2010 by ella23

[Itzo]

I made a thread a while ago about how my breasts were sagging and my bf broke up with me over it, because I didn't want to get a lift done.

I've been dating someone new for a while, didn't think it would lead to anything serious, but it has(sort of). We've been intimate a few times. He's tried to sleep with me a few times, and I want to, but I'm scared about his reaction.

What do I do, tell him in advance, break up or what?

 

If you hold back, you may lose him.

This is a fear of rejection you have right there & also a fear of "what hi might think of me."

 

Hold your breath & take your cloths off

The breasts are important visual part that trigger the attraction mechanisms in men, but men are more interested in the genital parts ... so breasts are not quite priority in this case.

 

Hey different men have different preferences! Just take the risk ... do not think about it ... & take your cloths off ... then when you begin to touch him sensualy ... all side thoughts about your sagging breasts will disappear. Nobody is perfect, do not try to be.

[ella23]

If you hold back, you may lose him.

This is a fear of rejection you have right there & also a fear of "what hi might think of me."

 

Hold your breath & take your cloths off

The breasts are important visual part that trigger the attraction mechanisms in men, but men are more interested in the genital parts ... so breasts are not quite priority in this case.

 

Hey different men have different preferences! Just take the risk ... do not think about it ... & take your cloths off ... then when you begin to touch him sensualy ... all side thoughts about your sagging breasts will disappear. Nobody is perfect, do not try to be.

 

hmm lol

He didn't dump me over it, but what worries me is that it probably turns him off.

[ella23]

[rant]

 

hmm I have to say that looking at how low I feel about my body, I should in fact be considering surgery, even though I don't want to take the risks.

But even if I somehow convince myself, which is unlikely, I probably won't be able to take any time out for a long, long time, especially because it is important to take some extra time out to deal with any complications that might arise.

This year especially is important for me as it's my last year at university and I'm busy with hell of a lot other stuff. There's no point in going into details about what all is keeping me busy, just that it's more important than the shape of my breasts and that I won't be able to get any surgery done for a long time.

I know worrying about all that is pointless as I'm quite sure that I'll NOT be able to convince myself fully ever.

Okay, yeah, was just ranting, a friend at uni told me to just 'go for it' and forget about the risks and possible complications.

And I'm just sad because my boyfriend got a bit annoyed yesterday with my ****ed up behaviour, but I can't seem to get over myself. I think I'm getting worse!

 

I have to admit that his past is also playing a part. As I have said, he has been with so many women and I feel like I'm not good enough. I haven't told him that it bothers me, but it does!

[/rant and whining]

Edited January 21, 2010 by ella23

[Itzo]

[rant]

 

hmm I have to say that looking at how low I feel about my body, I should in fact be considering surgery, even though I don't want to take the risks.

But even if I somehow convince myself, which is unlikely, I probably won't be able to take any time out for a long, long time, especially because it is important to take some extra time out to deal with any complications that might arise.

This year especially is important for me as it's my last year at university and I'm busy with hell of a lot other stuff. There's no point in going into details about what all is keeping me busy, just that it's more important than the shape of my breasts and that I won't be able to get any surgery done for a long time.

I know worrying about all that is pointless as I'm quite sure that I'll NOT be able to convince myself fully ever.

Okay, yeah, was just ranting, a friend at uni told me to just 'go for it' and forget about the risks and possible complications.

And I'm just sad because my boyfriend got a bit annoyed yesterday with my ****ed up behaviour, but I can't seem to get over myself. I think I'm getting worse!

 

I have to admit that his past is also playing a part. As I have said, he has been with so many women and I feel like I'm not good enough. I haven't told him that it bothers me, but it does!

[/rant and whining]

 

Listen to yourself ... you are planing to go through surgery, because of the lack of self-esteem. You know, time out for a second.

 

Let me tell you how I interpret your sad & pathetic behavior. You MUST accept who you are or you will never be at piece with yourself. You are resisting about something that you almost do not have control over it.

 

You are going through surgery to make A MAN happy? How stupid is this to me? You must put all your **** together, if you cannot handle it yourself, then TALK TO YOUR Boyfriend about it ... You write your frustrations & pains & sufferings in FRONT OF THE WHOLE WORLD. This forum has been visited by thousands of visitors EVERYDAY, everyone who GOOGLE your topic can find u at the FRONT PAGE RESULTS ... and still you do not have the nuts to talk to your boyfriend about it. You need his support & help ... if he do not do it .. then what kind of boyfriend this is??? And you are planning to get a surgery for HIM?

 

If he's really what YOU think HE IS ... you must tell him about your frustrations, no matter how embarasing they are!!! As I mentioned, you already shared THEM to the whole world ... like in the national television, really ... you just do not realize it

 

It IS NOT ABOUT HOW YOU LOOK ... IT IS ABOUT HOW YOU PRESENT & ACCEPT YOURSELF. It is all a MIND GAME!

[Itzo]

Just for personal reference this thread has been viewed by 18,913 visitors & the number is growing. SO almost 19 000 people know ABOUT your problem. AND you are afraid to tell it to ONE person ... the one that really have the potential to help you, because he knows you DA BESST.

[ella23]

Itzo, he knows. The 'rant' was more about my own self image. And also about how he feels about my body, though I don't really know, so well.

Edited January 21, 2010 by ella23

[sugar_and_spice]

so you don't feel comfortable with the idea of surgery. then don't do it. you're right in taking counseling, that is what will actually help your self image.

Edited January 21, 2010 by sugar_and_spice

[Itzo]

How he feels about your body? I am sorry, but I am kind of NEW to this mind-set ...

 

Why you give a damn of what he thinks about your body? Because you LOVE HIM? You want to satisfy him? And you think he's better, because he dated many women. Well, if he does not RESPECT your body ... so why do you think he respects himself?

I think you need to move on, you have a lot more **** goin' on ... college, your graduation ... you will meet other guys.

 

I am fascinating about your "friend" in the university when he or she told you to go for it!!! I mean for the surgery ... what kind of "friend" would tell you this.... it is like .. ooohh he doesn't like my leg ... so lets cut it off.

 

With All my comments, I do not mean to disrespet you. See, I do not know you Ella23

You seem like a smart woman, with a little low self-esteem. Guess what ... everyone goes through life with low self-esteem ... at some point or another. But they do not b*tch themselves.

 

More you write in this forum, more you are affirming to yourself to do it.

It is not healthy ...

 

The one person who has the power to make you FEEL better is YOURSELF.

Think of my last statement:

" It IS NOT ABOUT HOW YOU LOOK ... IT IS ABOUT HOW YOU PRESENT & ACCEPT YOURSELF. It is all a MIND GAME! "

 

I am ready to CUT my finger for you & send it to your mail, if I did not think this is TRUE. It is not about how you LOOK, it is about how you present yourself OR it is about how your think about yourself, OR it is about how you tolerate yourself.

 

Change your behavior ... then you will change your beliefs about yourself.

Say I am a beautiful person and ACT like one! Your beliefs will begin to change in a subconscious level.

Write it DOWN every morning & every night ... I am beautiful person ... people who do not like me ... can ONLY KISS MY ***

You know what I am sayin' ....

[Itzo]

so you don't feel comfortable with the idea of surgery. then don't do it. you're right in taking counseling, that is what will actually help your self image.

 

Bull Sh*T!

Counseling?

The only "counsellor" is HERSELF. She has to do it for herself.

No counseling would work, if she does not accept her imperfections & live with them in piece. Nobody is perfer, and obviously surgery is NOT a soluton.

It is her mind ... that makes her think this way ... HER MIND controls her, instead of being in control

[Phateless]

How he feels about your body? I am sorry, but I am kind of NEW to this mind-set ...

 

Why you give a damn of what he thinks about your body? Because you LOVE HIM? You want to satisfy him? And you think he's better, because he dated many women. Well, if he does not RESPECT your body ... so why do you think he respects himself?

I think you need to move on, you have a lot more **** goin' on ... college, your graduation ... you will meet other guys.

 

I am fascinating about your "friend" in the university when he or she told you to go for it!!! I mean for the surgery ... what kind of "friend" would tell you this.... it is like .. ooohh he doesn't like my leg ... so lets cut it off.

 

With All my comments, I do not mean to disrespet you. See, I do not know you Ella23

You seem like a smart woman, with a little low self-esteem. Guess what ... everyone goes through life with low self-esteem ... at some point or another. But they do not b*tch themselves.

 

More you write in this forum, more you are affirming to yourself to do it.

It is not healthy ...

 

The one person who has the power to make you FEEL better is YOURSELF.

Think of my last statement:

" It IS NOT ABOUT HOW YOU LOOK ... IT IS ABOUT HOW YOU PRESENT & ACCEPT YOURSELF. It is all a MIND GAME! "

 

I am ready to CUT my finger for you & send it to your mail, if I did not think this is TRUE. It is not about how you LOOK, it is about how you present yourself OR it is about how your think about yourself, OR it is about how you tolerate yourself.

 

Change your behavior ... then you will change your beliefs about yourself.

Say I am a beautiful person and ACT like one! Your beliefs will begin to change in a subconscious level.

Write it DOWN every morning & every night ... I am beautiful person ... people who do not like me ... can ONLY KISS MY ***

You know what I am sayin' ....

 

You're a little behind. It's been almost 60 pages. She broke up with that guy and is with a new guy who is very supportive.

 

Bull Sh*T!

Counseling?

The only "counsellor" is HERSELF. She has to do it for herself.

No counseling would work, if she does not accept her imperfections & live with them in piece. Nobody is perfer, and obviously surgery is NOT a soluton.

It is her mind ... that makes her think this way ... HER MIND controls her, instead of being in control

 

Chill. A counselor can really help her to change the way she thinks about herself. Have you ever been to counseling? Do you have any statistics on effectiveness of counselors?

 

No?

 

Then please pipe down.

[ella23]

How he feels about your body? I am sorry, but I am kind of NEW to this mind-set ...

 

Why you give a damn of what he thinks about your body? Because you LOVE HIM? You want to satisfy him? And you think he's better, because he dated many women. Well, if he does not RESPECT your body ... so why do you think he respects himself?

I think you need to move on, you have a lot more **** goin' on ... college, your graduation ... you will meet other guys.

 

I am fascinating about your "friend" in the university when he or she told you to go for it!!! I mean for the surgery ... what kind of "friend" would tell you this.... it is like .. ooohh he doesn't like my leg ... so lets cut it off.

 

With All my comments, I do not mean to disrespet you. See, I do not know you Ella23

You seem like a smart woman, with a little low self-esteem. Guess what ... everyone goes through life with low self-esteem ... at some point or another. But they do not b*tch themselves.

 

More you write in this forum, more you are affirming to yourself to do it.

It is not healthy ...

 

The one person who has the power to make you FEEL better is YOURSELF.

Think of my last statement:

" It IS NOT ABOUT HOW YOU LOOK ... IT IS ABOUT HOW YOU PRESENT & ACCEPT YOURSELF. It is all a MIND GAME! "

 

I am ready to CUT my finger for you & send it to your mail, if I did not think this is TRUE. It is not about how you LOOK, it is about how you present yourself OR it is about how your think about yourself, OR it is about how you tolerate yourself.

 

Change your behavior ... then you will change your beliefs about yourself.

Say I am a beautiful person and ACT like one! Your beliefs will begin to change in a subconscious level.

Write it DOWN every morning & every night ... I am beautiful person ... people who do not like me ... can ONLY KISS MY ***

You know what I am sayin' ....

Yes, I'm taking counselling, I think it will help me. I wish I could start being more positive on my own without professional help, but that clearly hasn't happened.

Talking about my worries on this thread has actually helped me to deal with my problems better, so it is good for me.

As for my friend, well, she just gave her opinion that she thinks surgery is the way to go. I don't fully agree, and am only considering it.

I did not say he is 'better' because he's been with many women. I said that it makes me more insecure about myself.

As for not caring about what he thinks, um, he's my boyfriend; OF COURSE I care about what he thinks of my body. You yourself said that men are very visual, so won't I care about what he thinks?

I'm not sure why you think I should break up with him. I'm longer with my ex who was critical of my body and wanted me to get surgery, and I mentioned that in my first post.

I'm not saying my current boyfriend likes or dislikes my body; I don't know what he really thinks, but he hasn't said anything bad about my body and cares about me a lot, so there is absolutely no reason to end it with him. Yes, I am busy and have many other things going on, but that is hardly a reason to not be in a relationship.

 

 

You're a little behind. It's been almost 60 pages. She broke up with that guy and is with a new guy who is very supportive.

I've been with the same guy since the beginning of this thread, lol.

I think he's referring to my present boyfriend.

[xpaperxcutx]

Ella, good for you to seek out counseling. But it's not a 1 or 2 visit thing that will solve all your problems. If you're consistent, you might have some breakthrough, however I notice the new relationship seems to be making you doubt yourself even more.

[ella23]

Ella, good for you to seek out counseling. But it's not a 1 or 2 visit thing that will solve all your problems. If you're consistent, you might have some breakthrough, however I notice the new relationship seems to be making you doubt yourself even more.

I plan to continue for a while with the counselling, if I find her advice useful. Hopefully, it'll help me at least somewhat.

You're right; I've probably become even more insecure now. Earlier, he hadn't seen my body so I wasn't so worried. Now he has, so I'm scared about how he truly feels about it. And the fact that he might be comparing me with all the women he's been with also worries me.