too embarrassed to sleep with him

[sugar_and_spice]

and anyway, when so many men are nasty about women's bodies(I know many people who were dumped for the smallest of issues, forget saggy boobs), then why do I have to be all nice?

I can understand your anger.

I also agree that most guys are very judgemental and cruel about women's bodies.

But, if you really like him, you should give him a chance. He might just surprise you.

 

Because your boyfriend has not made any of these nasty comments. My opinion would be totally different if he had.

 

It is very unfair to be mean to one man becuase of the actions of other men.

 

Let's turn it around. Suppose I had a girlfriend who was very nice at first and then became nasty before dumping me. Suppose a few months later I find a new woman and things are going very well. Should I just assume that she will be like the first and preemptively dump her? That would be crazy.

 

Just becuase some people are nasty doesn't mean you should be. Do you want to lower yourself to their level?

 

Honestly, it is more likely that he will be put off even if he doesn't dump her.

This is why I agree with what jersey says. The very fact that saggy boobs are considered a flaw, when they are perfectly natural for certain body types, shows that men have no idea about women's bodies. Read some of the responses from the other similar thread which is active right now, and op's previous thread. If I was in the OP's shoes, I'd probably be all set to break up too.

[thegreatmoose]

Honestly, it is more likely that he will be put off even if he doesn't dump her.

This is why I agree with what jersey says. The very fact that saggy boobs are considered a flaw, when they are perfectly natural for certain body types, shows that men have no idea about women's bodies. Read some of the responses from the other similar thread which is active right now, and op's previous thread. If I was in the OP's shoes, I'd probably be all set to break up too.

I know they are normal for certain body types. It's not news to me, nor is it news to some of the men posting. Some men consider them a flaw, but certainly not all men. Jersey is one who seems to expect the worst from men in general.

 

I'm a man who has no problems with saggy breasts. I'm more picky on her having a nice face. Each man is different. I do have a problem with people who take thier anger out on me because others mistreated them. If she breaks up over this, that is EXACTLY what she would be doing and she should exepct him to be really mad and upset.

[james123]

I can understand your anger.

I also agree that most guys are very judgemental and cruel about women's bodies.

But, if you really like him, you should give him a chance. He might just surprise you.

 

 

 

Honestly, it is more likely that he will be put off even if he doesn't dump her.

This is why I agree with what jersey says. The very fact that saggy boobs are considered a flaw, when they are perfectly natural for certain body types, shows that men have no idea about women's bodies. Read some of the responses from the other similar thread which is active right now, and op's previous thread. If I was in the OP's shoes, I'd probably be all set to break up too.

 

so? saggy boobs are really unattractive either way. that's the truth, sorry.

[Southern Belle]

Ella,

I am going to join the other posters in saying that I think that you should give this new guy a chance. He seems to be genuinely interested in pursuing a relationship with you. In your posts, he seems to be respectful toward you, unlike your ex. Please do not let the brutal words of an insensitive cretin destroy your self-esteem and chances of a happy future. Your ex is gone, good riddance. Do not allow him to continue to control your life. Try and find peace within yourself, and move on. Life is too short to allow one bad relationship tarnish your feelings of self-worth. With that said, I will now address your comments regarding sagging. I work in the medical field. In all of my years of working in the world of medicine, I have seen many, many nude male and female bodies (normal people from all walks of life). Here are a few of my observations.....

 

-- Anatomy versus Physics. The understructure of the chest wall is only designed to support a certain amount of weight. Women (and men) with larger sized breasts are going to experience a drooping effect. It is normal. I repeat, NORMAL. My concern with surgical intervention to lift would be that the understructure components would be compromised. Sure, they may appear perkier for a short time, but gravity will eventually take over, and then they could end up drooping further than they would if Nature had been left alone. And don't think that women that are smaller busted skate by easy. Eventually, with aging, the ligaments, muscles, etc. loosen in the chest wall, and they will sag too. Gravity's a b!tch!!! Trust me, honey, I know and understand. I wear a D cup and am in my early 40's. The girls hang a bit more south than they used to, but so far I have had no complaints.

 

-- The media and adult entertainment realms have apparently skewed what many people now view as "normal". What is with all of the photoshopping, airbrushing, plastic surgery, etc?? We are all unique, we should relish that. Most normal people do not look like Barbie or Ken, and that is ok. Eventually, EVERYONE develops cellulite....and wrinkles....and has body parts that droop. No amount of working out, dieting, makeup, hair dye, plastic surgery, etc. is going to reverse aging. Just stand back when Joan Rivers's face finally decides to fall. It is not going to be a pretty sight. She has become a caricature, and that is sad. FYI, one of the main causes for wrinkles is smiling. I love to laugh and smile, so bring on the wrinkles!!

-- In my years in the medical field, I have seen a fair number of artificial breasts. In all of those cases, the patients were much older, and had their surgeries many years ago. I am sure that advancements have been made in breast augmentation/reconstruction surgery. The cases that I have seen were all due to vanity, not medical necessity. The cases fell into two visual effects (after aging took place)......if the implant was placed under the chest muscle wall, the implant stayed high while everything else dropped low....or if the implant was placed outside the muscle wall, then everything would then drop low together. Fake or real, gravity wins. And if the weight of the implant is more than the natural breast tissue would be, gravity wins more. Again, I am sure that advancements have been made, so maybe augmented women of today will not have that effect, as much. If not, then Pamela Anderson and all of those little porn cuties may be quite surprised someday.

 

- Take note that all of the men (I am guessing very young) that commented on sagging will one day feel the effects of sagging themselves. Most men WILL develop "man-boobs" that WILL sag. They will lose the hair from the top of their head (the cranial one), and it will suddenly sprout from their nose and ears. Other, more southerly appendages will also be affected by sagging. If they think that they now have to decide to "hang left or right", just wait. Again, all of this is normal. NORMAL.

And men, please do not try to cover up your graying hair. I, for one, find it to be quite distinguishing-looking and attractive.

 

Ella, do what you can to work on your self-esteem, get out there, and enjoy all that life can offer you!! Sending hugs, dear.

[james123]

I've been with a lot of women and all of them had perky boobs, even those with big boobs. so big boobs don't have to be saggy.

and anyway, crooked noses are normal, but are they attractive? no.

[christian6]

Ella,

 

 

--

- Take note that all of the men (I am guessing very young) that commented on sagging will one day feel the effects of sagging themselves. Most men WILL develop "man-boobs" that WILL sag. They will lose the hair from the top of their head (the cranial one), and it will suddenly sprout from their nose and ears. Other, more southerly appendages will also be affected by sagging. If they think that they now have to decide to "hang left or right", just wait. Again, all of this is normal. NORMAL.

And men, please do not try to cover up your graying hair. I, for one, find it to be quite distinguishing-looking and attractive.

.

you can call guys shallow or whatever.

the fact won't change.

[thegreatmoose]

I've been with a lot of women and all of them had perky boobs, even those with big boobs. so big boobs don't have to be saggy.

and anyway, crooked noses are normal, but are they attractive? no.

You sound very judgmental and have a lot to learn.

 

you can call guys shallow or whatever.

the fact won't change.

It looks like the fact that you are shallow won't change.

 

Ella, there are plenty of good guys out there. Don't let the bad apples discorage you.

Edited December 26, 2009 by thegreatmoose

[christian6]

I don't think it's shallow. It's just a matter of preference.

[james123]

I don't think it's shallow. It's just a matter of preference.

 

exactly:rolleyes:

[paddington bear]

I don't think it's shallow. It's just a matter of preference.

 

I went out with a guy in my early 20's. He said something about when he was younger that he and all his friends would all drool over the same type girls, blonde, fake or big and perky breasts, slim bodies.

 

He said "then you get older and you're with a few women and you realise everyone is different and you realise that maybe in fact you don't want someone who looks like that standard. And at first it's embarrassing to admit that actually you prefer girls with no breasts or who are fatter than average, because you think your mates will laugh at you, but then you realise that they themselves are going for different body types than what is the supposedly perfect woman".

 

So, I would say that maybe you are right, it is not shallow, it is a matter of preference for young, immature boys who haven't been with enough real women to realise that physical 'perfection' rarely exists and you'll learn that soon enough.

[ella23]

Because your boyfriend has not made any of these nasty comments. My opinion would be totally different if he had.

 

It is very unfair to be mean to one man becuase of the actions of other men.

 

Let's turn it around. Suppose I had a girlfriend who was very nice at first and then became nasty before dumping me. Suppose a few months later I find a new woman and things are going very well. Should I just assume that she will be like the first and preemptively dump her? That would be crazy.

 

Just becuase some people are nasty doesn't mean you should be. Do you want to lower yourself to their level?

I don't care any more. I'm going to dump him the next time I meet him, and I don't owe him an explanation.

 

 

 

I know they are normal for certain body types. It's not news to me, nor is it news to some of the men posting. Some men consider them a flaw, but certainly not all men. Jersey is one who seems to expect the worst from men in general.

 

most guys would find it unattractive, I'm sure of that.

[hoping2heal]

I don't care any more. I'm going to dump him the next time I meet him, and I don't owe him an explanation.

 

 

 

 

 

most guys would find it unattractive, I'm sure of that.

 

Okay, Ella your last boyfriend was a first class jerk. I remember the thread you made a few months ago about him wanting you to get a boob job. Just because he was a heartless jerk, does not mean that you should be. You know what? Getting involved with someone and then just up and dumping them because YOU are insecure is flat out mean. If you can't get over your boobs then at least don't do this to another man. I guess you're going to have to go inside a cave and spend a solitary life, over some bad boobs.

 

Look girlfriend, you're not the only person in the world with bad boobs, there's bad boobs, bad teeth, bad hair, bad thighs, bad stomach, all kinds of out of whack things a woman could have with her body. There is superficial love- which the good thing about some bad teeth or bad boobs is it can weed out superficial love for you- so the guys who stay around are genuinely interested in you on a deeper than physical level- which is what you want..which is a good thing. There's a lot of seemingly perfect and pretty girls who have people into them for purely superficial reasons, you don't want that.

[dnm]

Okay, Ella your last boyfriend was a first class jerk. I remember the thread you made a few months ago about him wanting you to get a boob job. Just because he was a heartless jerk, does not mean that you should be. You know what? Getting involved with someone and then just up and dumping them because YOU are insecure is flat out mean. If you can't get over your boobs then at least don't do this to another man. I guess you're going to have to go inside a cave and spend a solitary life, over some bad boobs.

 

Look girlfriend, you're not the only person in the world with bad boobs, there's bad boobs, bad teeth, bad hair, bad thighs, bad stomach, all kinds of out of whack things a woman could have with her body. There is superficial love- which the good thing about some bad teeth or bad boobs is it can weed out superficial love for you- so the guys who stay around are genuinely interested in you on a deeper than physical level- which is what you want..which is a good thing. There's a lot of seemingly perfect and pretty girls who have people into them for purely superficial reasons, you don't want that.

 

why are you calling sagging breasts ugly and bad when they are perfectly normal?

She did say she didn't have a problem with her breasts anyway, so it's obviously because of what this guy would think.

[paddington bear]

I don't care any more. I'm going to dump him the next time I meet him, and I don't owe him an explanation.

 

most guys would find it unattractive, I'm sure of that.

 

Right Ella, I'm giving up on you. You want to believe you are unattractive, you want to believe that every man will think your breasts are unacceptable and you want to be single forever because of that.

 

You are reading every negative comment in this thread and agreeing with only those, because they feed your belief that you are just not good enough and are ignoring those comments from both men and women with other points of view that might not be so negative. You are your own worst enemy.

[ordinary_girl]

I don't care any more. I'm going to dump him the next time I meet him, and I don't owe him an explanation.

 

comments like these make clear you don't deserve anyone's sympathy.

[ella23]

comments like these make clear you don't deserve anyone's sympathy.

OG, I'm not looking for sympathy as such. I don't even feel sorry for myself anymore.

at best, I'd just tell him that he can do better. I'm not going to sit and explain all this.

[thegreatmoose]

I don't care any more. I'm going to dump him the next time I meet him, and I don't owe him an explanation.

 

most guys would find it unattractive, I'm sure of that.

Any guy or girl deserves an explanation after being broken up with. We've been thorugh this time and again. Most mature guys will like you the way you are. If you won't communicate with him, a relationship can't work. You are definitely attractive, but you are letting one bad experience overwhelm you.

 

You have got to get yourself some professional help to imporve your self esteem. Many of us on here want to help you, but we are not succeeding. We want you to be happy. It's going to take work, but I know you can do it!

[ella23]

Any guy or girl deserves an explanation after being broken up with. We've been thorugh this time and again. Most mature guys will like you the way you are. If you won't communicate with him, a relationship can't work. You are definitely attractive, but you are letting one bad experience overwhelm you.

 

You have got to get yourself some professional help to imporve your self esteem. Many of us on here want to help you, but we are not succeeding. We want you to be happy. It's going to take work, but I know you can do it!

I feel pretty comfortable with myself, if that's what you mean. As I have said before, I know it's normal for breasts to sag. But I also know how most guys feel about this, and yeah, I want to break up.

where did being definitely attractive come from?

 

You are reading every negative comment in this thread and agreeing with only those, because they feed your belief that you are just not good enough and are ignoring those comments from both men and women with other points of view that might not be so negative. You are your own worst enemy.

I read all the responses. I say what I say after having read what I did on other threads here and on other sides, and from what I've seen happen with women I know.

Edited December 27, 2009 by ella23

[thegreatmoose]

I feel pretty comfortable with myself, if that's what you mean. As I have said before, I know it's normal for breasts to sag. But I also know how most guys feel about this, and I want to break up.

As for being definitely attractive, um no, not really.

 

 

I read all the responses. I say what I say after having read what I did on other threads here and on other sides, and from what I've seen happen with women I know.

You say you feel confortable with yourself, but you don't seem to have a very high opinion of many aspects of yourself. There are some nasty people on these threads who don't have anything good to say. When you get to be truly confortable with yourself, you'll be able to laugh them off. One day I hope you will give the nasty comments and the nasty people far less importance than you do now and concentrate more on the good comments. Also, if you were completely comfortable with yourself, you wouldn't have so much fear and embarrassment about talking to your boyfriend or even better not worrying about your normal breasts so much.

 

As you get older, you'll find the number of superficial people around you decreases rapidly. I wish I knew that when I was 20.

 

I really want to see you happy and self confident and many others on here do too, but much of what we are saying is not getting through to you.

Edited December 27, 2009 by thegreatmoose

[sugar_and_spice]

I don't care any more. I'm going to dump him the next time I meet him, and I don't owe him an explanation.

 

 

 

 

 

most guys would find it unattractive, I'm sure of that.

 

well, I know, all the nasty things that people say are disheartening.

If you wish to break up, just tell him you don't feel ready for a relationship.

[boogieboy]

I don't care any more. I'm going to dump him the next time I meet him, and I don't owe him an explanation.

 

You dont care about the guy, that is just a shame.

[ella23]

You dont care about the guy, that is just a shame.

I do care about him, and he'll be fine.

especially if I tell him why I am really breaking up, he'll probably be fine.

Or like sugarandspice said, I could simply tell him that I don't want a relationship right now.

[ella23]

well, I know, all the nasty things that people say are disheartening.

If you wish to break up, just tell him you don't feel ready for a relationship.

 

I think I'll say this, although it might look a bit strange coming after so long.

Edited December 27, 2009 by ella23

[elaina]

I made a thread a while ago about how my breasts were sagging and my bf broke up with me over it, because I didn't want to get a lift done.

I've been dating someone new for a while, didn't think it would lead to anything serious, but it has(sort of). We've been intimate a few times. He's tried to sleep with me a few times, and I want to, but I'm scared about his reaction.

What do I do, tell him in advance, break up or what?

 

Ella,

 

I don't know if this will help, but maybe wearing a bra during the night might help with the sagging? Does that help?

 

I wear a bra at night, but I am normally so cold.

 

Maybe you could just tell him, I am scared about how you would think about this... ?

 

I did that with my exhusband before we even started officially dating concerning cellulite, and he just said that it's normal for girls to have cellulite and he didn't hold it against me. After that he never said a word about it, but he always said he loved my body and that I am beautiful, so ...

 

It is very possible that you are worried over something that doesn't bother him at all. ?

 

If it does bother him, then maybe he isn't the one for you, but yes be honest and tell him you're scared becuase of that.

[andrewc]

Ella,

 

I don't know if this will help, but maybe wearing a bra during the night might help with the sagging? Does that help?

 

I wear a bra at night, but I am normally so cold.

 

Maybe you could just tell him, I am scared about how you would think about this... ?

 

I did that with my exhusband before we even started officially dating concerning cellulite, and he just said that it's normal for girls to have cellulite and he didn't hold it against me. After that he never said a word about it, but he always said he loved my body and that I am beautiful, so ...

 

It is very possible that you are worried over something that doesn't bother him at all. ?

 

If it does bother him, then maybe he isn't the one for you, but yes be honest and tell him you're scared becuase of that.

 

Yes Ella, you should tell him immediately of your problem. Try to tell him in a friendly and relaxed way, maybe even introducing a joke or something, and see his reaction. I think, as elaina says, that maybe you're worrying of something that may not even bother him, so it's worth trying to just tell him, and do it as soon as possible! (as you won't be tormented or troubled by this problem) You'll surely find your answer/solution after you've talked with him.

 

Peace and happiness!