Phateless Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 I never said she should have sex with him. I just told her to tell him why she doesn't want to. Here's an obvious idea - leave the bra on when you have sex! Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 I never said she should have sex with him. I just told her to tell him why she doesn't want to. Here's an obvious idea - leave the bra on when you have sex! Better idea- Turn the lights off when you have sex. Link to post Share on other sites
sugar_and_spice Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 what kind of advice is that? She can't hide her boobs from him forever. Link to post Share on other sites
thatguy85 Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 what kind of advice is that? She can't hide her boobs from him forever. That's essentially what she'd be doing by breaking up with him. Link to post Share on other sites
thegreatmoose Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 He didn't believe me in any case. He said that it couldn't possibly be the reason I was distant with him. And that even if it were, I wouldn't have declined to tell him what was up for so long. He said that he wasn't stupid enough to believe it. You have all this stress inside of you and he is still confused as to what is going on. You can change it all in a few seconds by telling him. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 You have all this stress inside of you and he is still confused as to what is going on. You can change it all in a few seconds by telling him. Chances are, if she does break up with him, she's gonna think the next guy that comes along is going to dislike her because she has " sagging boobs". It's a cycle, one that involves how she thinks and not how others truly feel. Ella, what are the chances that someone else is going to like you the way you are if you don't let them know the real you? The way you're leading this guy, I feel sorry for him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ella23 Posted December 30, 2009 Author Share Posted December 30, 2009 Feeling sorry for him? It's not as if I'm playing games because of which I'm being distant . I'm genuinely feeling low and also tend to keep away because I don't feel like even making out and he does. I am going to see him tomorrow, but we're going to a party together, so I don't know if this talk/situation will come up. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 Ella If you have decided to end it with him, why on earth are you still having dates with him? That is just adding to the injustice of it all. Link to post Share on other sites
Peitho Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 realize that even if someone is needlessly caustic, that's their flaw -- not yours. If you can truly understand this, you're invincible. So so true. This is a good opportunity for moving past this phobia. You may have many more opportunities like this one, but you may not. Putting off the problem will only make it worse. But, if you feel you should be alone right now, you should do that. People don’t always make perfectly logical decisions and that is ok. Having said that, you should not necessarily take any advice you receive, online or IRL. There is no obligation to take anyone’s advice and this is not a requirement to post on this board. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ella23 Posted December 31, 2009 Author Share Posted December 31, 2009 Ella If you have decided to end it with him, why on earth are you still having dates with him? That is just adding to the injustice of it all. Shouldn't I meet him and end it rather than on the phone/through text? Do you mean that I shouldn't go as it's to a party as a date? Perhaps I should call and tell him I won't be coming then? Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 Yes you should talk to him face to face but you seem to be putting it off. If you are going to end it, end it ASAP. By dragging it out (as this thread has), you are allowing him to get more involved so he will inevitably be more hurt by your actions. If you are seeing him tomorrow, end it then. At the start of the evening. Or do you plan to see the New Year iin with him and then end it Link to post Share on other sites
Author ella23 Posted December 31, 2009 Author Share Posted December 31, 2009 Or do you plan to see the New Year iin with him and then end it Well, I wanted to see the new year in with him, which is why I was putting it off to the next time I see him. But you're right, I should end it asap. At the start of the evening would be the right time, I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 Although I actually still recommend that you tell him your real concerns and give him the chance to see in the New Year together as a couple who are being honest and open with each other Link to post Share on other sites
Die Hard Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 (edited) Although I actually still recommend that you tell him your real concerns and give him the chance to see in the New Year together as a couple who are being honest and open with each otherHorsepucky She should break up with him so he can start the new year looking for a more stable woman No normal man deserves a woman such as this. Why should he continue to have to deal with her weird behavior? The sooner he is able to move on the better. Although, I figure it will be another 20 pages before she gets around to it. Taking decisive action doesn't seem to be one of ella's stong points. Procrastinating, complaining, whining and wallowing seem to be more her style. Edited December 31, 2009 by Die Hard Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 Horsepucky I understood (and pretty much agreed with) everything else. But this I don't understand. Possibly one of those trans-Atlantic thingies Link to post Share on other sites
Die Hard Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 (edited) I understood (and pretty much agreed with) everything else. But this I don't understand. Possibly one of those trans-Atlantic thingies I'm trying to control my language starting in the new year:p...it is southern US slang for horse**** I just think she is using this guy for drama at this point and any encouragement to stay with this guy is unwarranted. I don't think it's fair for any human to have to deal with someone this insecure and selfish, particularly when she cannot be honest with him. Edited December 31, 2009 by Die Hard Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 I'm trying to control my language starting in the new year:p...it is southern US slang for horse**** I get it And yes I agree. I would love it if Ella did the right thing and told this poor man the truth. But if she is not going to do that (which is extremely likely) than she should end it when she sees him tomorrow and have the decency to do it as soon as she meets him. To go through the whole pretence of seeing the New Year in with him (and let him think this could be their year) is just so wrong. He has done absolutely nothing wrong from what I can see and deserves better treatment. However after 2 weeks of posts, the OP has not taken on board any advice she has been given so I do not hold out much hope. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ella23 Posted December 31, 2009 Author Share Posted December 31, 2009 I'm trying to control my language starting in the new year:p...it is southern US slang for horse**** I just think she is using this guy for drama at this point and any encouragement to stay with this guy is unwarranted. I don't think it's fair for any human to have to deal with someone this insecure and selfish, particularly when she cannot be honest with him. wow thanks a lot. I'm not using him for drama. The reason that I've not yet ended it is because I do actually want to be with him. I am insecure, yes, but I'm not selfish. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 But your behaviour is selfish because you are playing with his feelings. You are letting him believe you may have a future together. Link to post Share on other sites
Die Hard Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 I get it And yes I agree. I would love it if Ella did the right thing and told this poor man the truth. But if she is not going to do that (which is extremely likely) than she should end it when she sees him tomorrow and have the decency to do it as soon as she meets him. To go through the whole pretence of seeing the New Year in with him (and let him think this could be their year) is just so wrong. He has done absolutely nothing wrong from what I can see and deserves better treatment. However after 2 weeks of posts, the OP has not taken on board any advice she has been given so I do not hold out much hope. Agree with this 100%. You post was 100% horsepucky free. This simply isn't how you treat other people. If you want to stand in front of the mirror and obsess about a body part, then by all means, but for god's sake, leave healthy people out of it and allow them to lead normal lives, rather than playing head games and stringing them along, all for the sake of one's own mania. Link to post Share on other sites
Die Hard Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 (edited) wow thanks a lot. I'm not using him for drama. The reason that I've not yet ended it is because I do actually want to be with him. I am insecure, yes, but I'm not selfish. Yes, you are It's all about what YOU want. YOUR tits. YOUR insecurity. YOU are going to break up with him. YOU wanted to spend NY with him. YOU want to be with him. You don't give a rat's ass about this guy any further than it relates to YOUR tits and what he thinks about them. Selfish AND self-absorbed. Ive not seen you express one iota of concern for what HE WANTS OR NEEDS in a partner! I can tell you right now, your breasts sagging are the least of your concerns when it comes to having a healthy relationship. Edited December 31, 2009 by Die Hard Link to post Share on other sites
Vertex Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 wow thanks a lot. I'm not using him for drama. The reason that I've not yet ended it is because I do actually want to be with him. I am insecure, yes, but I'm not selfish. The problem is that this issue is obviously deeper than insecurity. You're willing to be flat-out dishonest with the poor guy and string him along -- you're really just planning on ending it without even getting his input on the matter. We're not saying you're blameworthy for being insecure, but you're handling it in the worst way possible. I don't know why you made this thread if you're already so dead set on screwing this guy over because you're so fixated on your boobs. It borders on trolling, to me. You have zero concern for his feelings or thoughts. Not to get too graphic, but did you ever consider the sexual advantages of having "saggy" boobs? It depends on what you're doing, obviously, but you're selling yourself short, here... In any case, at least be honest with the guy or end it quickly before you string him along much longer. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ella23 Posted December 31, 2009 Author Share Posted December 31, 2009 Yes, you are It's all about what YOU want. YOUR tits. YOUR insecurity. YOU are going to break up with him. YOU wanted to spend NY with him. YOU want to be with him. You don't give a rat's ass about this guy any further than it relates to YOUR tits and what he thinks about them. Selfish AND self-absorbed. Ive not seen you express once iota of concern for what HE WANTS OR NEEDS in a partner! Because this isn't about our compatibility in general. I don't need to discuss what he wants or needs in a partner here, because that is not an issue I need advice on. Link to post Share on other sites
Die Hard Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 Because this isn't about our compatibility in general. I don't need to discuss what he wants or needs in a partner here, because that is not an issue I need advice on.You don't care what he wants or needs...all you care about are your tits and what others think of them. Your needs and wants are all that matters. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 Yet you have received plenty of advice on your question and choose to ignore it. Can you understand why people are getting frustrated with you? Link to post Share on other sites
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