thegreatmoose Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 yes. It's very early morning here. I'll call him and ask him to meet me for coffee before this party, if he can. I guess it's better if I don't go there. I agree you should meet him for coffee as soon as possible and tell him the truth. Link to post Share on other sites
Die Hard Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 Seems a bit nasty to me to do it on such a day, really. It's up to her ultimately, you and I can just give our opinions.What is nasty is pretending to be the girlfriend of a guy on NY knowing full well you're going to break up. He is going to hurt no matter what so you don't play games and just do it. Jesus, who wants to spend NY with someone who is going to dump them right after? That really makes for wonderful memories. Now he can sit around and wonder why she would spend NY with him and turn around and break up. I'm sure he'll really appreciate that she waited. Sweet girl that ella. Link to post Share on other sites
sugar_and_spice Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 (edited) What is nasty is pretending to be the girlfriend of a guy on NY knowing full well you're going to break up. He is going to hurt no matter what so you don't play games and just do it. Jesus, who wants to spend NY with someone who is going to dump them right after? That really makes for wonderful memories. Now he can sit around and wonder why she would spend NY with him and turn around and break up. I'm sure he'll really appreciate that she waited. Sweet girl that ella. I know that wasn't supposed to be funny, but really. You're right; it'll be a sad new year for him either way. edit: Have to say though, you need to chill. You seem to be extremely(overtly?) concerned about her boyfriend and that is fine, too, but getting so worked up over it is not! Edited December 31, 2009 by sugar_and_spice Link to post Share on other sites
Die Hard Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 I know that wasn't supposed to be funny, but really. You're right; it'll be a sad new year for him either way. edit: Have to say though, you need to chill. You seem to be extremely(overtly?) concerned about her boyfriend and that is fine, too, but getting so worked up over it is not!I'm completely chilled.BTW, you seem to be overtly(obssessively?) concerned with ella. Which is fine, but getting so worked up as to tell me to chill is not! Link to post Share on other sites
sugar_and_spice Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 I'm completely chilled.BTW, you seem to be overtly(obssessively?) concerned with ella. Which is fine, but getting so worked up as to tell me to chill is not! lol Yes, because I think it's sad that she feels the need to break up over something which shouldn't be of this much importance, and that in general, a lot of people seem to think it is a big deal. Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 I am sorry to read that you are still haunted by that former bf who broke up with you because you didn't get the plastic surgery. I am haunted by that horrible bully from junior high school who put me down at every twist and turn for being fat and ugly and worthless and stupid. We all have things that we are not comfortable about ourselves physically. Think of it this way - that a****** bf of yours who demanded that you get plastic surgery would have never been satisfied with ANYTHING. He broke it off when you didn't get the surgery, I'll bet anything chances are that if you did get that breast surgery he STILL would have broken it off with you! He would have found something else wrong with you that you were unable to "fix" for him, even though you tried. Years ago, I bring this up constantly, I was going out with a controlling man who said he wouldn't consider it to be a permanent setup if I didn't quit smoking and loose weight. So after I had dropped about 30 of the 40 lbs that I would eventually loose, and after I had successfully quit smoking for about 6-8 weeks, he STILL broke it off! He was furious with me! When I asked why, he said it was because it took me too long to do it. Then he abused me, physically as well as emotionally. So the moral of the story is, try to get over it. Go see a shrink if it's really bad for you. The new guy, chances are, won't even notice when the other did. Remember, that old bf would have found another excuse to abuse you, like my former bf did. Link to post Share on other sites
Die Hard Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 lol Yes, because I think it's sad that she feels the need to break up over something which shouldn't be of this much importance, and that in general, a lot of people seem to think it is a big deal.and there in lies the reason I'm more supportive of her current BF though. None of this is his fault. Ella has to learn to accept responsibility for a lot of her issues. Yes, the previous BF sounds like an ass. But that is no excuse to continue with this nonsense. Especially with all the advice she has gotten. Blaming men or the ex, or anyone, is not going to help her. She has got to get to a point where she looks inward at these issues. Pretending the problem lies anywhere else only delays getting better. Link to post Share on other sites
sugar_and_spice Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 and there in lies the reason I'm more supportive of her current BF though. None of this is his fault. Ella has to learn to accept responsibility for a lot of her issues. Yes, the previous BF sounds like an ass. But that is no excuse to continue with this nonsense. Especially with all the advice she has gotten. Blaming men or the ex, or anyone, is not going to help her. She has got to get to a point where she looks inward at these issues. Pretending the problem lies anywhere else only delays getting better. All of the above are reasons for her insecurity. Anyhow, being harsh on her isn't really going to have any positive effects, is it? Link to post Share on other sites
Die Hard Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 (edited) All of the above are reasons for her insecurity. Anyhow, being harsh on her isn't really going to have any positive effects, is it?You post the way you want and I'll post the way I want. Just like a woman you are! And none of the things above are REASONS for her insecurity. Her insecurity is her own fault and she needs to own it and deal with it rather than externalizing the problem the way you seem to encourage her to do. Now, you can do whatever you want. I wouldn't presume to tell you how to post. And before you ask, the reason it's her fault is because she refuses to deal with it. The ex was to blame initially, but at some point people become responsible for their own behavior. Edited December 31, 2009 by Die Hard Link to post Share on other sites
lifeasiknowit Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 I've read some of these responses, and I sympathize with the OP. My thoughts: given that the larger the breasts, the more they are likely to sag, wouldn't this be considered the norm and not a freaky abnormality? I am jealous of any women who has breasts, saggy or not, because I'm incredibly flat chested. Basically since 12 yrs of age, I haven't progressed much in the chest area, and am very slender. I have the EXACT same insecurities as the OP. I try to hide my flat-chestedness by wearing loose tops or layers and have yet to have a relationship with a man and I'm 25. Ella, if I had breasts, saggy or not, I'd be jumping for joy. The grass is always greener on the other side. Imagine having no breasts like me! Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 I stand by Die Hard on this one. Break up with him tomorrow morning so he can score himself some rebound sex on NYE. Ella - please go to therapy and sort out your body image issues. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ella23 Posted December 31, 2009 Author Share Posted December 31, 2009 I called him in the morning and asked him if we could meet up sometime during the day for coffee. He said he won't be able to meet me during the day but he'll come to my place an hour or so before we're supposed to go for this party. What do I do? And no Phateless, I am fine with my body. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 And no Phateless, I am fine with my body. :confused: If that is the case, then why 30 pages of posts? Why even start this thread? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ella23 Posted December 31, 2009 Author Share Posted December 31, 2009 Anne, if I hated my body, I would have had surgery, despite the risks. It's not about how I feel about my breasts or my body in general. Link to post Share on other sites
Vertex Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 I called him in the morning and asked him if we could meet up sometime during the day for coffee. He said he won't be able to meet me during the day but he'll come to my place an hour or so before we're supposed to go for this party. What do I do? And no Phateless, I am fine with my body. You know what we'd tell you to do, but it's doubtful you would do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ella23 Posted December 31, 2009 Author Share Posted December 31, 2009 what? break up on the phone? Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 It's not about how I feel about my breasts or my body in general. So what is it about then? Link to post Share on other sites
thegreatmoose Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 I called him in the morning and asked him if we could meet up sometime during the day for coffee. He said he won't be able to meet me during the day but he'll come to my place an hour or so before we're supposed to go for this party. What do I do? And no Phateless, I am fine with my body. Have a completely honest talk with him in person. Not a "more or less" honest talk, but a completely honest talk. Depending on his reaction, you will either grow closer to each other or break up. It really is that simple. Link to post Share on other sites
dnm Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 I called him in the morning and asked him if we could meet up sometime during the day for coffee. He said he won't be able to meet me during the day but he'll come to my place an hour or so before we're supposed to go for this party. What do I do? And no Phateless, I am fine with my body. So you ARE going with him for the NY party? Or he's dropping by before he goes there? So what is it about then? I think she means that it's more about men's opinions and less about her own. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 I think she means that it's more about men's opinions and less about her own. I know that but I just want to hear her say it But it is what she thinks men will think - it is still her insecurity about her body. If she has no issues with her body then she would not have started this thread and would give her boyfriend a chance. Link to post Share on other sites
dnm Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 Yes and no. Many men do think that way, others don't. So I do think her fears are somewhat justified. But it's not fair on her part to not give her boyfriend a chance. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 But it is what she thinks men will think - it is still her insecurity about her body. If she has no issues with her body then she would not have started this thread and would give her boyfriend a chance. Hence why she's such a big contradiction. She's trying to generalize men and their ideals but since a relationship only involves two people, and the guy never sounded superficial by any means, why couldn't she just be truthful with the guy? While most of the opinions of the men of this forum can taken as generally good advice, they still can't speak on behalf of what the guy actually really thinks. So he could ultimately think she has great breasts, sagging or not. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 Yes and no. Many men do think that way, others don't. So I do think her fears are somewhat justified. But it's not fair on her part to not give her boyfriend a chance. Yes her fears are justified, nobody said they weren't. But she had more than 30 pages of advice and opinions to help her move in the right direction rather than stay in limbo. Her actions so far has been her thinking I don't want to do this, I don't want to do that, and then- ding ding ding- she's going to break up. Yet she's still stringing the guy alone, of all days, NYE. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ella23 Posted December 31, 2009 Author Share Posted December 31, 2009 (edited) So you ARE going with him for the NY party? Or he's dropping by before he goes there? I think he meant he would pick me up or something. There's still some time though, that's why I asked what I should do. Should I just let him come and tell him when he comes or what? That wouldn't be right, would it? I know that but I just want to hear her say it Well, yes, that's it. Edited December 31, 2009 by ella23 Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 I think he meant he would pick me up or something. There's still some time though, that's why I asked what I should do. Should I just let him come and tell him when he comes or what? That wouldn't be right, would it? No of course it wouldn't be right if he's going to pick you up. You should just call him and tell him over the phone just to save him the trip and to give him the time to find another date. If you are serious about breaking up, you should just do it instead of stalling it. Link to post Share on other sites
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