Author ella23 Posted December 31, 2009 Author Share Posted December 31, 2009 (edited) he's mainly coming so that we can talk, but originally the plan was that he would pick .me up, so I guess he's thinking I'll be going with him. Edited December 31, 2009 by ella23 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 he's mainly coming so that we can talk, but originally the plan was that he would pick .me up, so I guess he's thinking I'll be going with him. Why go with him, for Chrissakes? Just tell him and be done with it if that is what you are going to do? How inconsiderate are you going to be to the poor guy? :mad: Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 he's mainly coming so that we can talk, but originally the plan was that he would pick .me up, so I guess he's thinking I'll be going with him. Just dump him on the phone. This is getting ridiculous. As for you being fine with your body, that's ridiculous. You are CONVINCED that he would dump you because your boobs sag too much. Does that sound rational to you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ella23 Posted December 31, 2009 Author Share Posted December 31, 2009 I guess I should, though he's going to be here in a while. Phateless, I'm not 'convinced' that he will dump me, just feel that it's quite likely. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 Just be honest with him. I can promise you that if you did that, whatever the outcome, you will get plenty of support from people on LS. Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 (edited) I guess I should, though he's going to be here in a while. Phateless, I'm not 'convinced' that he will dump me, just feel that it's quite likely. 31 pages of you, arguing with the 90% majority that insists he won't dump you and agreeing with the 10% who thinks it is a big deal. What do you call that, if not convinced? Why won't you consider the majority of male opinions who tell you we don't care? Why do you ignore most of us and listen to the tiny segment who agrees with you instead? This is a classic error in critical thinking, called the Ritual of Ratification, where you ONLY talk to people who confirm your existing beliefs. You are being incredibly closed-minded, stubborn, and irrational. Edited December 31, 2009 by Phateless Link to post Share on other sites
jw90063 Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 Wow, can you say interrogation..... Ella, I think you could hold off on breaking up with him, if you were planning on it before New Years. That is pretty crappy. I don't get these incidents where people choose holidays and such to blow someone off. Ella, I don't see what you have to lose by just sitting down with the guy and having a discussion about your problem. Link to post Share on other sites
sugar_and_spice Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 that's what I was thinking. at least let him have a good time today. you're going to cause as much pain later on as now, so I still think waiting a day isn't a bad idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 that's what I was thinking. at least let him have a good time today. you're going to cause as much pain later on as now, so I still think waiting a day isn't a bad idea. I would rather be single on the night of the biggest party of the year instead of the morning after. That way I'd have an opportunity to meet another girl. But that's just me, a guy... Link to post Share on other sites
sugar_and_spice Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 that doesn't mean her boyfriend would think the same way. from what she has written, he seems to be very fond of her. would he get over her in a day then? who knows actually. Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 Wow, can you say interrogation..... Ella, I think you could hold off on breaking up with him, if you were planning on it before New Years. That is pretty crappy. I don't get these incidents where people choose holidays and such to blow someone off. Ella, I don't see what you have to lose by just sitting down with the guy and having a discussion about your problem. Tough love, baby. She's got to SNAP OUT OF IT!!! that doesn't mean her boyfriend would think the same way. from what she has written, he seems to be very fond of her. would he get over her in a day then? who knows actually. Yes he is but he knows that something is up and is getting frustrated with her keeping him at arm's length. My point is that tonight is a GREAT opportunity to meet someone. If she is going to break up with him anyway, why not offer him a good opportunity to find someone else? Link to post Share on other sites
sugar_and_spice Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 Tough love, baby. She's got to SNAP OUT OF IT!!! Yes he is but he knows that something is up and is getting frustrated with her keeping him at arm's length. My point is that tonight is a GREAT opportunity to meet someone. If she is going to break up with him anyway, why not offer him a good opportunity to find someone else? yes, that's true. really though, if he moves on THAT fast, she's better off without him. Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 yes, that's true. really though, if he moves on THAT fast, she's better off without him. Well to be fair she never really let him in at all, so there's not a whole lot to get over. There's also a big difference between moving on to a relationship and moving on to a hookup or whatever you might find when you're out partying. Either one will help him get over her. Link to post Share on other sites
sugar_and_spice Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 Well to be fair she never really let him in at all, so there's not a whole lot to get over. There's also a big difference between moving on to a relationship and moving on to a hookup or whatever you might find when you're out partying. Either one will help him get over her. If you look at it that way, then the OP really shouldn't be at the receiving end of harsh comments from a number of posters, who are basically attacking her because she's hurting him by dumping him. Surely by that logic, he'll be over her fairly quickly, so what's the big deal? I agree about the hookup bit. Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 If you look at it that way, then the OP really shouldn't be at the receiving end of harsh comments from a number of posters, who are basically attacking her because she's hurting him by dumping him. Surely by that logic, he'll be over her fairly quickly, so what's the big deal? I agree about the hookup bit. I agree, people in this thread (myself included) have been unnecessarily harsh. The point we're trying to make is that she's refusing to face reality. -not being ready for a relationship is legitimate -not wanting to sleep with someone too early is legitimate -body issues are legitimate -INSISTING something is a problem when 100 people have told you it won't be is just insane She is making her decision based on completely misguided assumptions and THAT'S what makes us all jump on her case. She is SURE that her boobs will turn this guy off so much that he'll dump her. I understand the emotions behind this fear, but the refusal to even discuss it with him is nuts. Link to post Share on other sites
dnm Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 Well to be fair she never really let him in at all, so there's not a whole lot to get over. I suppose things are different for men then. If I had been dating someone who I really liked for a while, and then got dumped without any proper explanation, I know I'd be quite hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 I suppose things are different for men then. If I had been dating someone who I really liked for a while, and then got dumped without any proper explanation, I know I'd be quite hurt. If I dated someone who never let me in and then dumped me unexpectedly I'd figure that she's got tons of emotional baggage and I'm probably better off anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
dnm Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 If I dated someone who never let me in and then dumped me unexpectedly I'd figure that she's got tons of emotional baggage and I'm probably better off anyway. I don't know about that. Ella did state early in the thread a number of times that she'd started getting distant recently, and they were fairly close before that. So I don't think it's fair of her to dump him like this all of a sudden. Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 I don't know about that. Ella did state early in the thread a number of times that she'd started getting distant recently, and they were fairly close before that. So I don't think it's fair of her to dump him like this all of a sudden. AS A MAN, I think it is LESS fair for her to go to this party with him on NYE where there will be tons of other girls that he will ignore for her sake, only to have her dump him a day later. I would rather be single on NYE when there's tons of drunk, scantily clad hotties around to take my mind off her. Link to post Share on other sites
dnm Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 Whether she dumps him before or after NYE is irrelevant. Dumping him like this is unfair in both cases. Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 Whether she dumps him before or after NYE is irrelevant. Dumping him like this is unfair in both cases. True, but like I've said 5 times already, I would be much more pissed off if it happened right AFTER the year's biggest party instead of the night of. Trust me, it's in his best interest to do it now instead of tomorrow. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ella23 Posted December 31, 2009 Author Share Posted December 31, 2009 Well, he's going to be here for quite a while, and I'm finally going to end it. Just be honest with him. I can promise you that if you did that, whatever the outcome, you will get plenty of support from people on LS. I won't lie but I don't see why I need to go into details. 31 pages of you, arguing with the 90% majority that insists he won't dump you and agreeing with the 10% who thinks it is a big deal. What do you call that, if not convinced? Why won't you consider the majority of male opinions who tell you we don't care? Why do you ignore most of us and listen to the tiny segment who agrees with you instead? This is a classic error in critical thinking, called the Ritual of Ratification, where you ONLY talk to people who confirm your existing beliefs. You are being incredibly closed-minded, stubborn, and irrational. I wasn't just talking about the male opinions from this thread but also the other threads around here(like the one I made previously and the other similar active thread these days) and also other forums. If you look at it that way, then the OP really shouldn't be at the receiving end of harsh comments from a number of posters, who are basically attacking her because she's hurting him by dumping him. Surely by that logic, he'll be over her fairly quickly, so what's the big deal? I agree about the hookup bit. Thank you. Like I said before, he'll be fine. He's been with several women in the past and he won't have any problem in the future. You all don't need to sympathise with him so much or feel sorry for him. Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 I wasn't just talking about the male opinions from this thread but also the other threads around here(like the one I made previously and the other similar active thread these days) and also other forums. Like I said before, you're ignoring everything that contradicts what you already believe and listen only to what supports it. Good luck out there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ella23 Posted December 31, 2009 Author Share Posted December 31, 2009 If I dated someone who never let me in and then dumped me unexpectedly I'd figure that she's got tons of emotional baggage and I'm probably better off anyway. Oh please. Just because I didn't let him sleep with me doesn't mean that we didn't have anything going in the relationship. But anyway, if he does think that, it's okay because that way it'll just be easier for me to end it. Like I said before, you're ignoring everything that contradicts what you already believe and listen only to what supports it. nope. I considered everything that people had to say. Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 Oh please. Just because I didn't let him sleep with me doesn't mean that we didn't have anything going in the relationship. But anyway, if he does think that, it's okay because that way it'll just be easier for me to end it. nope. I considered everything that people had to say. This has nothing to do with sex. This is about your failure to communicate. "Let me in" means emotionally, not physically. Link to post Share on other sites
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