too embarrassed to sleep with him

[aaron12]

In addition to apologizing, why don't you explain yourself a little and tell him what about, and why you are insecure. At this point you have nothing to lose by being honest. And you never know, you might end up with a great guy.

uh, Being a nice guy or a jerk has nothing to do with liking sagging boobs.

[ella23]

I'm dead serious.

 

You don't seem to have the ability to tell him why you are really breaking up with him. Maybe if he reads your 40-some pages of insecurities and the influence of opinions that brought you to the point you are at now, it will open up all of the hurt and pain and doubt that you have and can't express.

 

And through that, you may begin to heal.

 

In addition to apologizing, why don't you explain yourself a little and tell him what about, and why you are insecure. At this point you have nothing to lose by being honest. And you never know, you might end up with a great guy.

 

Carrie, that would be pointless. Do you honestly think seeing this thread will change his opinion about what he wants in a girlfriend?

Allina, I don't have much to lose other than even more of my self confidence, which has been low for a long time now.

[CarrieT]

Carrie, that would be pointless. Do you honestly think seeing this thread will change his opinion about what he wants in a girlfriend?

Allina, I don't have much to lose other than even more of my self confidence, which has been low for a long time now.

 

Ella, at this point it is not about him and what he wants, but YOU and how you have been dealing with this from the start. And it would not be pointless at all.

 

Opening yourself up and showing him this thread will change how YOU see yourself and are able to communicate. Once the floodgates are open, you will be able to have an open dialogue with him, for better or for worse. But it would be a start -- something you have yet to do!

 

His opinions about what he wants in a girlfriend are not the issue. It is about you being able to be completely honest and open with ANY potential relationship about your feelings, insecurities, and emotions.

 

It is so, so sad for me that you can't see that. My god, girl. I have had flabby breasts since I was 19. And you know what? I have never, ever not been able to get a man. Because I am more than the sum of those mammary glands on the front of my body. And you are too, but you just don't believe it yet.

[ella23]

Ella, at this point it is not about him and what he wants, but YOU and how you have been dealing with this from the start. And it would not be pointless at all.

 

Opening yourself up and showing him this thread will change how YOU see yourself and are able to communicate. Once the floodgates are open, you will be able to have an open dialogue with him, for better or for worse. But it would be a start -- something you have yet to do!

 

His opinions about what he wants in a girlfriend are not the issue. It is about you being able to be completely honest and open with ANY potential relationship about your feelings, insecurities, and emotions.

 

It is so, so sad for me that you can't see that. My god, girl. I have had flabby breasts since I was 19. And you know what? I have never, ever not been able to get a man. Because I am more than the sum of those mammary glands on the front of my body. And you are too, but you just don't believe it yet.

So he finds out that I have horribly sagging breasts. That would be enough to make him leave, and on top of that he also finds out how insecure and emotionally messed up I am.. It would be far easier for me to just apologise and let him go.

All this ultimately is about what he thinks.

I understand and can see that me not being able to be completely honest is also of relevance, but that is only because I can't meet his expectations. He calls me gorgeous and beautiful, he doesn't have any idea how ugly my body is.

Edited January 2, 2010 by ella23

[CarrieT]

So he finds out that I have horribly sagging breasts. That would be enough to make him leave, and on top of that he also finds out how insecure and emotionally messed up I am.. It would be far easier for me to just apologise and let him go.

All this ultimately is about what he thinks.

I understand and can see that me not being able to be completely honest is also of relevance, but that is only because I can't meet his expectations. He calls me gorgeous and beautiful, he doesn't have any idea how ugly my body is.

 

 

Your body is not ugly.

 

Your attitude is.

 

He is calling you beautiful and gorgeous for a reason but until YOU believe it, you will continue to live a really miserable life.

[ella23]

I was editing and adding this to my post, but you posted before I could submit-

 

So many of the posters here, even if they are supportive, say that most men they know consider sagging boobs a dealbreaker.

That, along with the fact, (like I already said), that he can easily get any woman he wants, why would he settle for second best?

[paddington bear]

I said I wasn't posting on this thread again because you stubbornly refuse to change your attitude but ponder on this:

 

He can get any girl he wants.

 

He HAS any girl he wants.

 

He wanted YOU.

 

He has YOU.

 

I have a male friend, stunning looking, gentlemanly, the whole package, but due to his own issues does not believe he can get anyone he wanted, and therefore gets no one, cannot see or believe all the girls that are after him.

 

Ultimately it is down to attitude. I know you don't believe this, but it is down to attitude. Perhaps you would be more comfortable with someone who is not so good looking, who couldn't have his pick of the girls, someone who you feel you are more deserving of, but realise that if these are the men you date subsequent to this guy, that is is you who have made that choice, not him. It is you who have decided you are not good enough, not him.

[ella23]

That's because he's only seen my face.

I didn't want to say this, and I am honestly not trying to show off, but a lot of people feel that I have a pretty face, which is why I get asked out a lot.

That has not changed because none of these guys know what my body looks like obviously.

I accept there are many issues about myself that I need to deal with, but I cannot change what guys think or want.

[someotherguy]

I've changed my mind, and I think you should dump him.

 

You are way too messed up emotionally to be in a relationship.

 

Get into counseling and make a promise to yourself to not date for at least six months.

 

You have a tremendously unhealthy body image, and you will only hurt and confuse perfectly innocent men.

 

You need to get right in your own head before you start messing up other people's.

 

Happy new year.

[ella23]

Yeah, ever wondered why? It's because of something not in my control. But yes, if it ends today, which I'm 99% sure it will, I'm planning on remaining single and hoping to stick to that.

[thegreatmoose]

Your body is not ugly.

 

Your attitude is.

 

He is calling you beautiful and gorgeous for a reason but until YOU believe it, you will continue to live a really miserable life.

That about sums it up. She can change her attitude at any time.

 

She has a very good chance of keeping the relationship if she were to just tell him what the problem is, but she has refused and refused again.

 

She obviously needs a guy who loves her for the way she is and she likely has that now, but she refuses to believe it. His reaction of him not dumping her makes me think it's quite likely he likes her the way she is. She could end a month of stress by asking him. It would take a minute.

 

I'll date a woman with saggy breats or just about any type of breasts. I will not date a woman who refuses to communicate openly with me. Most men I know think the same way.

[ella23]

That about sums it up. She can change her attitude at any time.

 

She has a very good chance of keeping the relationship if she were to just tell him what the problem is, but she has refused and refused again.

 

She obviously needs a guy who loves her for the way she is and she likely has that now, but she refuses to believe it. His reaction of him not dumping her makes me think it's quite likely he likes her the way she is. She could end a month of stress by asking him. It would take a minute.

 

I'll date a woman with saggy breats or just about any type of breasts. I will not date a woman who refuses to communicate openly with me. Most men I know think the same way.

what reaction? likes me the way I am? he doesn't know yet.

Anyway, he's going to be here pretty soon, feeling kind of scared.

[Vertex]

what reaction? likes me the way I am? he doesn't know yet.

Anyway, he's going to be here pretty soon, feeling kind of scared.

 

The problem IS that he doesn't know yet, and yet you're having a mental breakdown over the whole thing. Just talk to him about it. I guarantee you it won't be so bad once you start discussing it.

[Peitho]

Oh, so having a particular preference makes you a jerk eh?

Sounds good but I can guarantee to you that even the "nice guys" would have a problem with this.

Quit being so judgemental.

 

Putting so much importance on the looks makes you someone many women (including me) would not want to date. Just another preference.

 

I don’t divide men into jerks and nice guys, I have never said anyone was a jerk, and a 'nice guy' who has a problem with less than perfect boobs is not nice for my taste

Edited January 2, 2010 by Peitho

[Southern Belle]

Because I am more than the sum of those mammary glands on the front of my body.

 

SO, SO true!!! In fact, truer words have never been typed. Ella, please listen to Carrie, she is quite wise........

 

And unless you are wearing a burqa or a nun's habit, I am pretty sure that he has a fair estimation of what your body is like.....and if he likes it. Just accept that possibility and give him a chance!!!

[thirdgirl]

Most of you who are telling the OP to be 'honest' with him need a reality check. Yes, we all want her to be happy but in the real world she is gonna have trouble with men unfortunately, unless she finds someone who has trouble getting dates. The following posts are spot on:

Ella, hope you were able to end it with dignity with him and hope you're fine. How did the talk go?

 

WTF people? What kind of world do you live in? I am sorry to say but world is not filled with bunnies and rainbows and importance of inner beauty. MANY men do find saggy boobs a turn off. Many men find even a lot less than saggy boobs a turn off and dumpable offense. I hang around with guys and hear their conversations ALL the time. They go something like "I dig this girl but she is just not hot enough to make her my long term gf so I will just screw her for a while". Or "I don't care about the size of the boobs, as long as they are perky" or "I would rather F%^$ a hooker than an average looking girl" etc etc.

 

I just do not see how saggy boobs do not matter. Perhaps there are some men few and far between that this is true for but majority? No way. I can only see it not mattering if the guy himself has very few (if any) dating options, and he himself is not that great looking (i.e. short, overweight etc). This is cold, hard reality. Most of what I read in this thread is sugar coated BS. I applaud few men who were brave enough to admit the truth.

 

I am also annoyed with OP for not having the guts to go through the break up OR not having the guts to do the plastic surgery OR not having the guts to show him the boobs already. Stop whining and take some action FFS.

 

No, I was talking in generalizations. As in most guys feel like this .. Most men hate saggy boobs

Edited January 2, 2010 by thirdgirl

[ella23]

thanks for all the support guys, it makes me feel better about myself regardless of what happens.

Edited January 2, 2010 by ella23

[Peitho]

I can’t believe people suggest that you can’t find a man because of the saggy breasts!

 

Many men probably prefer perky boobs.

Huge percentage of those men still love women with saggy ones. Not because they don’t have a choice – but because there is more to a woman than her boobs.

 

Women with perky breasts have other imperfections. No one is perfect.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

There is no point

 

We are collectively starting to understand this.

 

 

What size are these pendulous breasts anyway?

 

 

 

This thread is approaching record length and it shows no signs of even slowing down.

[dnm]

I think she mentioned somewhere that they are big.

[CarrieT]

I think she mentioned somewhere that they are big.

 

And I stated back somewhere around Page 4 or 6 that I have 40DD which have been flabby since I was 19 and that it has never, ever, EVER kept men away from me or disgusted them. And that it is the whole, bloody package (my effervescent wit, beguiling charm, amazing sexual prowess, and intelligence attracts men).

 

But she thinks that all she is and ever will be to a man are two packets of sudoriferous glands and not a warm, loving, beautiful woman with thoughts and feelings and potential.

[ella23]

32D, used to be 32B and perky once.

Grew so much over just a year when I was 18.

I can't seem to reduce the size despite losing a lot of weight either. In fact, losing weight just made them sag more.

Carrie, I know other women like me with sagging boobs at my age, and they have all had terrible experiences with men either making fun of their breasts or dumping them.

And you're 45 now. Did you feel the same pressure when you were in your 20s?

Edited January 3, 2010 by ella23

[paddington bear]

32D, used to be 32B and perky once.

Grew so much over just a year when I was 18.

I can't seem to reduce the size despite losing a lot of weight either. In fact, losing weight just made them sag more.

Carrie, I know other women like me with sagging boobs at my age, and they have all had terrible experiences with men either making fun of their breasts or dumping them.

 

I have to say I'm appalled by this statement. If this is true. What kind of mothers do these young guys have, what kind of schooling do they have, what kind of fathers do they have that they are going to humiliate members of the opposite sex over the appearance of their breasts or dump them over it? Honestly?

 

I realise all younger guys who are no so experienced in the world have high expectations, but to compound that with just acting like idiots is ridiculous.

 

This bombardment of porn and just general advertising, film and tv programmes has obviously given them abnormal expectations of what young women's bodies 'should' look like and add to that that their parents have not obviously taught them common manners and that it is hurtful and rude to be such superficial little idiots. None of them deserve any woman at all ever if this is the general behaviour going on.

 

So, Ella is this problem not just confined to you, but are your friends as well obsessing? If you know who these guys are make a list of their names and avoid them, tell other girls they are a bunch of superficial, immature wankers, spread the word. How lovely it would be if no woman would touch any of them with a bargepole due to their attitude...however, life if not like that, women will aim to be 'good enough' like it is a badge of honour to be with guys with ridiculously high expectations. Sigh.

[SadandConfusedWA]

You girls are lucky not to have 36 freaking E cup

[ella23]

You girls are lucky not to have 36 freaking E cup

Oh. Most women who I know with a DD or E or bigger cup size have sagging breasts. I guess it is more accepted when they are that large.

 

I have to say I'm appalled by this statement. If this is true. What kind of mothers do these young guys have, what kind of schooling do they have, what kind of fathers do they have that they are going to humiliate members of the opposite sex over the appearance of their breasts or dump them over it? Honestly?

 

I realise all younger guys who are no so experienced in the world have high expectations, but to compound that with just acting like idiots is ridiculous.

 

This bombardment of porn and just general advertising, film and tv programmes has obviously given them abnormal expectations of what young women's bodies 'should' look like and add to that that their parents have not obviously taught them common manners and that it is hurtful and rude to be such superficial little idiots. None of them deserve any woman at all ever if this is the general behaviour going on.

 

So, Ella is this problem not just confined to you, but are your friends as well obsessing? If you know who these guys are make a list of their names and avoid them, tell other girls they are a bunch of superficial, immature wankers, spread the word. How lovely it would be if no woman would touch any of them with a bargepole due to their attitude...however, life if not like that, women will aim to be 'good enough' like it is a badge of honour to be with guys with ridiculously high expectations. Sigh.

 

Yes.

But my own experience and that of my friends' shows that a lot of the people in this thread are indeed sugar coating, like some posters have said previously.