too embarrassed to sleep with him

[ella23]

It's good that you know that you don't need to worry about it, but I completely understand why you can't stop. It's fear and insecurity. I've been through it myself so I know how crazy it can make you.

 

Try to just ride it out, and post on here instead of going too crazy.

Well, I usually do post here when I'm going crazy, but since the thread is 900 posts long already, I stopped posting lol.

And half the stuff that is upsetting me is kind of shallow on my part, so I don't want to post that.

I'm not saying I have no reason to worry, I do. For all you know he may walk out over this someday, like my ex suddenly decided to.

How did you finally get over the worrying?

[Lishy]

Ella, this may have been mentioned to you before but I cant read 61 pages to find out BUT if you are that concious about your boobs then would you not consider implants or an uplift? Not for a man but simply for yourself.

 

I am not a person who thinks cosmetic surgery is good but I do know that I had a friend who was so concious of her nose it made her depressed and ruined her confidence, her love life and her work life and she saved and got it done and she is so happy now.

 

I would never ever say to get cosmetic surgery but this is ruining your life to some degree so why not get it done? Like I say not for a man being a prick and making comments but just for you

[ella23]

Ella, this may have been mentioned to you before but I cant read 61 pages to find out BUT if you are that concious about your boobs then would you not consider implants or an uplift? Not for a man but simply for yourself.

 

I am not a person who thinks cosmetic surgery is good but I do know that I had a friend who was so concious of her nose it made her depressed and ruined her confidence, her love life and her work life and she saved and got it done and she is so happy now.

 

I would never ever say to get cosmetic surgery but this is ruining your life to some degree so why not get it done? Like I say not for a man being a prick and making comments but just for you

I thought about that a lot and have decided against it for several reasons. I mentioned them before. The counselling is helping me get over my insecurities, I hope that will help me from worrying so much.

Edited January 25, 2010 by ella23

[Lishy]

It is all about loving yourself and I can tell you that with no shadow of a doubt, one day you will meet a guy who loves you no matter how your boobs or arse and feet look! You were just unlucky that your last boyfriend was so shallow but not all men are that way!

 

Learn to love and respect yourself and you will find the man who makes you feel beautiful!

[ella23]

It is all about loving yourself and I can tell you that with no shadow of a doubt, one day you will meet a guy who loves you no matter how your boobs or arse and feet look! You were just unlucky that your last boyfriend was so shallow but not all men are that way!

 

Learn to love and respect yourself and you will find the man who makes you feel beautiful!

Well, my current boyfriend did tell me he was in love with me over the weekend.

I hope he means it.

[Phateless]

Well, my current boyfriend did tell me he was in love with me over the weekend.

I hope he means it.

 

lol, you're fine girlie. Just relax.

 

I got over it by finally realizing that I was driving myself insane - I kinda just realized I was being ridiculous and wasting way too much energy on it.

 

No one person is worth all of that...

[ella23]

lol, you're fine girlie. Just relax.

 

I got over it by finally realizing that I was driving myself insane - I kinda just realized I was being ridiculous and wasting way too much energy on it.

 

No one person is worth all of that...

But you didn't really have a problem with your body, I do.

Everytime I get hit on I think, "Most of you guys would run away if you knew what I look like naked." I'm in a relationship so it doesn't matter that way, but it's still upsetting!

And yeah, I try hard to not think about it, but I'm worried he's going to walk out over this like my ex suddenly.

Edited January 25, 2010 by ella23

[Lishy]

Well, my current boyfriend did tell me he was in love with me over the weekend.

I hope he means it.

 

Well there you go! So why dont you believe him? Dont you think you are good enough to love? Will you let some pipsqueak of an ex ruin your future? You would be crazy to do that and I am sure you are not crazy!

 

If only people knew the damage they could do with words

 

urghhhh people make me sick!

[Phateless]

But you didn't really have a problem with your body, I do.

Everytime I get hit on I think, "Most of you guys would run away if you knew what I look like naked." I'm in a relationship so it doesn't matter that way, but it's still upsetting!

And yeah, I try hard to not think about it, but I'm worried he's going to walk out over this like my ex suddenly.

 

No, I had a problem with not only my body, but who I am, how I look, how I act, and everything about me. When girls would show interest I wouldn't trust it because I was sure they wanted something from me and weren't actually interested. When they seemed to be genuinely interested I wondered what was wrong with them that they couldn't find someone better than me.

 

Trust me, I was ****ed up in the head. When with a girl, I was SO insecure that I thought at any moment she might meet someone better than me and take off - it was totally nerve-wracking!

 

In time, I realized that girls DO like me, they DO find me attractive, they DO find me fun to be around, good in bed, etc, etc.

 

Basically I had to just come off all that craziness and begin to trust in myself that I am a worthwhile human being.

 

Your body is just fine. If he didn't like your body he would never have slept with you in the first place. It's over. You won.

 

Chill.

[ella23]

So you just didn't like your body, but you actually did not have any major flaw like I do.

When they seemed to be genuinely interested I wondered what was wrong with them that they couldn't find someone better than me.

Oh, I have those feelings. I keep wondering if there's something wrong with my boyfriend that he hasn't broken up with me yet.

 

Trust me, I was ****ed up in the head. When with a girl, I was SO insecure that I thought at any moment she might meet someone better than me and take off - it was totally nerve-wracking!

I think about that a lot.

 

 

Basically I had to just come off all that craziness and begin to trust in myself that I am a worthwhile human being.

Did it take a long, long time?

 

 

Your body is just fine. If he didn't like your body he would never have slept with you in the first place. It's over. You won.

 

Chill.

Won?

Yeah, I wish it was fine. And my boyfriend isn't the kind who'd just run off. I mean, he isn't the kind who would make it obvious that he's turned off.

Even my ex didn't run off immediately.

 

Well there you go! So why dont you believe him? Dont you think you are good enough to love? Will you let some pipsqueak of an ex ruin your future? You would be crazy to do that and I am sure you are not crazy!

 

If only people knew the damage they could do with words

 

urghhhh people make me sick!

I don't know if I believe him. Good enough to love? Well, I guess I'm a decent person. The things my ex said messed me up a lot for sure. It doesn't help that I've heard of guys doing exactly what he did to me and say that sagging is a dealbreaker and all.

[thegreatmoose]

So you just didn't like your body, but you actually did not have any major flaw like I do.

 

Oh, I have those feelings. I keep wondering if there's something wrong with my boyfriend that he hasn't broken up with me yet.

You don't have a major flaw.

 

Your boyfreind is someone who desires a woman with a great personality and looks. He hasn't broken up because you have both. I know this and with the counseling soon you will see this too.

[Phateless]

So you just didn't like your body, but you actually did not have any major flaw like I do.

 

You DON'T have a major flaw! I THOUGHT I did too, but realized I didn't. Do you see? You are convinced it is a flaw when your bf doesn't see it that way.

 

Oh, I have those feelings. I keep wondering if there's something wrong with my boyfriend that he hasn't broken up with me yet.

See? There's nothing wrong with him. If anything, it's something right with him and wrong with the other guy. Trust him.

 

 

I think about that a lot.

Try not to - you're only driving yourself insane over something that isn't real.

 

 

Did it take a long, long time?

Yes. It was a long and slow process, but I got there eventually!

 

Won?

Yep. You won, he saw your boobs and didn't freak out. There is nothing to fear now. He knows exactly what they look like and he likes them. Hell, 32D, I would like them too.

 

Yeah, I wish it was fine. And my boyfriend isn't the kind who'd just run off. I mean, he isn't the kind who would make it obvious that he's turned off.

Even my ex didn't run off immediately.

Don't use your ex as a point of reference, because he was a jerk and a moron. This new guy isn't hiding his feelings about your boobs. Why would he do that? If he wasn't attracted to you he wouldn't be with you. That's the way it is.

 

 

I don't know if I believe him. Good enough to love? Well, I guess I'm a decent person. The things my ex said messed me up a lot for sure. It doesn't help that I've heard of guys doing exactly what he did to me and say that sagging is a dealbreaker and all.

You have to CHOOSE to believe him. Some guys talk a lot of smack but most of them aren't for real. Besides, your boobs don't even sag enough to be a deal-breaker for guys who care about that stuff.

[ella23]

You don't have a major flaw.

 

Your boyfreind is someone who desires a woman with a great personality and looks. He hasn't broken up because you have both. I know this and with the counseling soon you will see this too.

How can any of you know anything when you don't know him? I know him and I have no idea as to what he's thinking.

 

You DON'T have a major flaw! I THOUGHT I did too, but realized I didn't. Do you see? You are convinced it is a flaw when your bf doesn't see it that way.

What I see is that you don't consider it a flaw.

 

See? There's nothing wrong with him. If anything, it's something right with him and wrong with the other guy. Trust him.

Who knows. Maybe he just thinks that I'm a nice person and wants to be with me.

 

Try not to - you're only driving yourself insane over something that isn't real.

Real or not, it's sure driving me insane. I do try not to, but I still end up thinking about it a lot.

 

Yes. It was a long and slow process, but I got there eventually!

And you're fully comfortable with yourself now?

 

Yep. You won, he saw your boobs and didn't freak out. There is nothing to fear now. He knows exactly what they look like and he likes them. Hell, 32D, I would like them too.

I doubt he likes them. Just because he didn't make a big deal doesn't mean he does.

And you also have to realise that all 32d's don't look good!

 

Don't use your ex as a point of reference, because he was a jerk and a moron. This new guy isn't hiding his feelings about your boobs. Why would he do that? If he wasn't attracted to you he wouldn't be with you. That's the way it is.

Yeah, my ex was a jerk. He didn't have to be as mean as he was. Anyway, forget about him.

I only compare my boyfriend to my ex because I see a lot of similarities regarding how things turned out then and what's happening now.

 

You have to CHOOSE to believe him. Some guys talk a lot of smack but most of them aren't for real. Besides, your boobs don't even sag enough to be a deal-breaker for guys who care about that stuff.

They do sag a lot. What do you mean by guys who care about the stuff? All guys care about this stuff. Yes, all don't break up over it like my ex, but still.

[thegreatmoose]

How can any of you know anything when you don't know him? I know him and I have no idea as to what he's thinking.

You've posted quite a lot about him. Every single thing you've posted suggests that he finds you attractive. Also, some of us are guys and we might have more insight into how guys think.

 

We don't have 100% proof, but we have quite a few posts that all suggest the same thing. Sooner or later, you're going to realize you're an attractive woman. You underestimate yourself!

 

Who knows. Maybe he just thinks that I'm a nice person and wants to be with me.

 

I doubt he likes them. Just because he didn't make a big deal doesn't mean he does.

And you also have to realise that all 32d's don't look good!

He slept with you! It is high likely that he not only likes, but loves your 32d's. If you were a nice person but not physically attractive then he would have said lets just be frineds to you. He's falling in love with you.

 

They do sag a lot. What do you mean by guys who care about the stuff? All guys care about this stuff. Yes, all don't break up over it like my ex, but still.

Not nearly all guys. I've never heard of a breakup over sagging breasts until your posted about your ex. I don't care about breasts that much, as long as she has them. 32d's would be nice.

[ella23]

You've posted quite a lot about him. Every single thing you've posted suggests that he finds you attractive. Also, some of us are guys and we might have more insight into how guys think.

 

We don't have 100% proof, but we have quite a few posts that all suggest the same thing. Sooner or later, you're going to realize you're an attractive woman. You underestimate yourself!

 

 

He slept with you! It is high likely that he not only likes, but loves your 32d's. If you were a nice person but not physically attractive then he would have said lets just be frineds to you. He's falling in love with you.

 

 

Not nearly all guys. I've never heard of a breakup over sagging breasts until your posted about your ex. I don't care about breasts that much, as long as she has them. 32d's would be nice.

 

 

That's probably because people often come up with less shallow sounding reasons.

I've heard of break ups over this.

From my experience, even near flat-chested women have an easier time with their dating lives.

He might come up with the 'let's just be friends' even now.

Or worse still, might cheat, although that one's unlikely.

I'm not underestimating myself...what's unattractive is unattractive.

 

Anyway, I'm going to counselling again, hopefully to get some advice.

Edited January 27, 2010 by ella23

[Phateless]

That's probably because people often come up with less shallow sounding reasons.

I've heard of break ups over this.

From my experience, even near flat-chested women have an easier time with their dating lives.

He might come up with the 'let's just be friends' even now.

Or worse still, might cheat, although that one's unlikely.

I'm not underestimating myself...what's unattractive is unattractive.

 

All of these things happen BEFORE we get involved with someone. People don't end good relationships over this.

 

You have to realize that this entire thing is completely irrational.

[ella23]

All of these things happen BEFORE we get involved with someone. People don't end good relationships over this.

 

You have to realize that this entire thing is completely irrational.

 

What happens before getting involved, the "Let's just be friends"?

 

I'm possibly worrying more than I should, but I'm not really being irrational.

Although worrying about him cheating and all is probably crazy on my part, I know. But the rest of what I said is true.

 

Like I said, I'm going for counselling again. Hopefully, I'll get some advice about how to deal with this better.

I mean, I keep trying to convince myself that I'm being paranoid, but I just don't see how certain fears are not legitimate.

 

Heh, I'm glad I have LS to talk about this, and that my friends don't mind my whining, otherwise I'd drive my boyfriend crazy!! Lol

 

BTW I saw my ex after a long time yesterday (didn't talk), and I was reminded of some of the things that he said to me, e.g. no guy would ever want to be with me and that I was going to be single forever if I didn't 'fix' the problem.

Edited January 27, 2010 by ella23

[Phateless]

What happens before getting involved, the "Let's just be friends"?

 

I'm possibly worrying more than I should, but I'm not really being irrational.

Although worrying about him cheating and all is probably crazy on my part, I know. But the rest of what I said is true.

 

Like I said, I'm going for counselling again. Hopefully, I'll get some advice about how to deal with this better.

I mean, I keep trying to convince myself that I'm being paranoid, but I just don't see how certain fears are not legitimate.

 

Heh, I'm glad I have LS to talk about this, and that my friends don't mind my whining, otherwise I'd drive my boyfriend crazy!! Lol

 

BTW I saw my ex after a long time yesterday (didn't talk), and I was reminded of some of the things that he said to me, e.g. no guy would ever want to be with me and that I was going to be single forever if I didn't 'fix' the problem.

 

Yes, "let's just be friends" would happen before you ever got involved, so don't worry about that.

 

Being crazy and being irrational are the same thing...

 

Your ex boyfriend is an IDIOT.

[ella23]

Yes, "let's just be friends" would happen before you ever got involved, so don't worry about that.

Ok.

 

Being crazy and being irrational are the same thing...

Lol I know. I'm only being irrational about the cheating thing, but the other fears are legitimate.

 

Your ex boyfriend is an IDIOT.

Yes. He could have been less rude and harsh with his criticism.

 

---

I went to the counsellor again and basically it was mostly me talking again because I wanted to tell her about certain other issues also.

Edited January 27, 2010 by ella23

[Itzo]

Ok.

 

 

Lol I know. I'm only being irrational about the cheating thing, but the other fears are legitimate.

 

As far as I am concerned, there is no "legitimate fear."

They are all a product of our minds, an illusion.

[Barky]

I'm sure just about every guy has been told by an angry woman "well, you have a small dick!"

 

Hmm, actually, that's never been said to me. And in all seriousness, I think that would really piss me off. No, for me it usually goes something like, "Despite the fact that you have a big dick, you're a jerk and I hate you."

[Phateless]

Hmm, actually, that's never been said to me. And in all seriousness, I think that would really piss me off. No, for me it usually goes something like, "Despite the fact that you have a big dick, you're a jerk and I hate you."

 

lol, yeah I've been told, "...boy, you're lucky you're cute...:mad:"

[ella23]

As far as I am concerned, there is no "legitimate fear."

They are all a product of our minds, an illusion.

Well, that's a great way of thinking.

But in my situation, it's a bit tough to be that positive.

It's weird, I've never had trust issues before.

I have other problems going on in life; I think that probably makes me look at this as a bigger issue than it really is.

lol, yeah I've been told, "...boy, you're lucky you're cute...:mad:"

 

Lol.

I thought you were a 'nice guy'.

Edited January 28, 2010 by ella23

[sugar_and_spice]

Have you addressed your other issues with the couneselor? Knowing all the issues will help her to give better advice.

Edited January 28, 2010 by sugar_and_spice

[ella23]

Have you addressed your other issues with the couneselor? Knowing all the issues will help her to give better advice.

Yes, I have spoken to her about the other things, and she too feels that everything put together is probably making me overreact and look at this as something bigger than it really is. She tried to help me see things more rationally.

She's a good counsellor, I think I'll continue my sessions with her.

She was also talking about how I need to open up emotionally to my boyfriend to make the relationship work.

I'm not sure if I'm really getting better, but it is helping at least somewhat.

I mean I can't see how the sagging is not an issue, but I am probably worrying more about it than I should.

Edited January 30, 2010 by ella23