too embarrassed to sleep with him

[ella23]

Unless you kick the image issue, you'll be without intimacy for the rest of your life. Perhaps that's fine, but given that you're attempting to re-enter a relationship, I'm guessing that's not what you actually want.

 

I am fine with being without intimacy. Relationship or no relationship, I am fine both ways.

 

I haven't broken up yet, as I decided it was better to break up when I meet him and not over the phone. That, and partly because I didn't want to,though I probably will.

 

As for him not being a boob man, I haven't got a clue, but the rest of my body isn't nice either, so I don't think his preference makes any difference lol

Edited December 20, 2009 by ella23

[thegreatmoose]

I am fine with being without intimacy. Relationship or no relationship, I am fine both ways.

 

I haven't broken up yet, as I decided it was better to break up when I meet him and not over the phone.

 

As for him not being a boob man, I haven't got a clue, but the rest of my body isn't nice either, so I don't think his preference makes any difference lol

I don't think the issue is with your breasts or your body. Your issue is with your own self confidence and more important than a realationship is that you work this out. Most people have struggled with self confidence at one time or another in their lives.

 

The mature posters on here, for the most part at least, feel you should talk to your boyfriend about this. It's only the little boys who are posting the nasty comments. Which group are you going to listen to?

 

If you say the rest of your body isn't nice either, then how have you gotten two boyfriends so quickly, one right after the other? You are imagining things and you need to find a way to get these negative thoughts out of your head. I know it's not easy, but it will be well worth it. You are still very young and time is definitely on your side. Good luck!

[ella23]

If you say the rest of your body isn't nice either, then how have you gotten two boyfriends so quickly, one right after the other? You are imagining things and you need to find a way to get these negative thoughts out of your head. I know it's not easy, but it will be well worth it. You are still very young and time is definitely on your side. Good luck!

 

umm my ex thought my face looked very pretty, the body not so much. So I guess I got two bfs quickly because they can see my face, not my body. you get the point.

[thegreatmoose]

umm my ex thought my face looked very pretty, the body not so much. So I guess I got two bfs quickly because they can see my face, not my body. you get the point.

You need to stop being so down on yourself. Both probably wanted to be your boyfreind for many reasons. Your ex unfortuunalely turned out to be a jerk by making an idiotic comment about your breasts. I don't believe most people think that way.

 

To me personality is most important. Face is the most important physical attribute to me. Breasts are not so big a deal to me.

 

There are a lot of great people out there, but you need to work on your confience. Your currect boyfreiend may well be one of these people. You have to communicate with him to find this out. Doesn't he deserve a chance? There are a lot of good people on LS who want to help you, but you have to let us help.

[Jersey Shortie]

I think this thread is a perfect example of the lack of knowledge some guys have about real women's bodies, young or old. And perfect example why women feel so insecure about their bodies.

 

It's great to be wanted for more then your body but women, when they are with a man they like and might even love, want him to think she is gorgeous. So I don't know how helpful it is to hear "well he might like other things about you!". Well that's great but who wants to be with a guy that tolerates your breasts and then turns to porno to see what he really wishes he had.

[thegreatmoose]

I think this thread is a perfect example of the lack of knowledge some guys have about real women's bodies, young or old. And perfect example why women feel so insecure about their bodies.

 

It's great to be wanted for more then your body but women, when they are with a man they like and might even love, want him to think she is gorgeous. So I don't know how helpful it is to hear "well he might like other things about you!". Well that's great but who wants to be with a guy that tolerates your breasts and then turns to porno to see what he really wishes he had.

The non physical attributes of a woman are very important to me and are to most men who are looking for serious relationships. Most of my requiremnets in a women that I'd want to date are non physical. I do insist on a nice face, a decnt amount of hair and a few other things. So what if there's some "so called" imperfections? Nobody is perfect. I'm confident the OP is an attractive woman based on everything that has been said. I wish she would see that.

 

If a guy has to turn to porno for satisfaction, he deserves to be dumped and this opinion is coming from a man.

[paddington bear]

I agree that she should not have surgery if she doesn't want to, but she needs to know the truth about what men feel. Like others have said, there is no point in sugarcoating for her. It is in her interest to be aware about people's true opinions so that she can make the best choice.

 

The truth about what you feel.

 

You are speaking for yourself here, not for all men.

[dnm]

Well done, Paddington! GREAT clips.

 

yep great clips

[dnm]

I think this thread is a perfect example of the lack of knowledge some guys have about real women's bodies, young or old. And perfect example why women feel so insecure about their bodies.

 

It's great to be wanted for more then your body but women, when they are with a man they like and might even love, want him to think she is gorgeous. So I don't know how helpful it is to hear "well he might like other things about you!". Well that's great but who wants to be with a guy that tolerates your breasts and then turns to porno to see what he really wishes he had.

 

I completely agree with this.

I am sure that people who are saying that the guy might like other things about her mean well, but I doubt it is of much help for the reasons above. And that won't change until guys realise that it is not just perky boobs that are normal.

[v g]

I think this thread is a perfect example of the lack of knowledge some guys have about real women's bodies, young or old. And perfect example why women feel so insecure about their bodies.

 

This is true. I was on my back with the lights on and no bra. My breasts were somewhat flattened. He said 'What's wrong with your breasts?' I looked at him, smiled, and responded 'They're real.' He said 'oh.' We continued on to have a wonderful time.

 

It's great to be wanted for more then your body but women, when they are with a man they like and might even love, want him to think she is gorgeous. So I don't know how helpful it is to hear "well he might like other things about you!". Well that's great but who wants to be with a guy that tolerates your breasts and then turns to porno to see what he really wishes he had.

 

That's just it! The more I know and love a man, the more attractive he becomes to me. My ex started out incredibly unattractive and ended up being incredibly handsome to me. I expect that the longer a man knows and loves me, the more attractive I become to him, saggy breasts and all. If that's not the case, he's not the one for me, and that's okay.

[v g]

ella23, your ex didn't love you and was not a nice person. Be grateful you're not with him anymore.

 

Be appreciative of your new bf. He seems caring and into you. Give him a chance. So you fell off the bike. Well, more like you were pushed off the bike. Get back on the bike. Now is the time to do it. Odds are very good your bf will be in awe of you and your body. Perhaps tell your bf you need to get to know him better. There's no rush. When you're ready, you're ready. Meanwhile, please don't punish your bf for your ex's behavior.

 

In my experience most men are wonderful and caring. Your ex is a minority. Please don't let your ex influence the rest of your life. That's giving him soooooooooooooo much power over the rest of your life. That's like giving your ex free rent in your head for the rest of your life. Do you want that?

[ella23]

This is true. I was on my back with the lights on and no bra. My breasts were somewhat flattened. He said 'What's wrong with your breasts?' I looked at him, smiled, and responded 'They're real.' He said 'oh.' We continued on to have a wonderful time.

 

 

.

 

what has your experience been like with other men?

[v g]

what has your experience been like with other men?

 

In the recent past, I was informed by a man I was seeing that we're sexually incompatible. Um, he told me that while we were still in bed.

 

Do you think that I'm going to never get involved with someone because of him? No way! Of course it was traumatic, but I chose to get out of the habit of obsessing over him and what he said. I visualized shoving him out the door and slamming that door on him. It works. Try it.

 

Other than that, though, men I have been involved with have loved me and my imperfect body. Then again I have learned to love my body, and I do have a great body, flaws and all.

 

If any man you're with isn't happy with your breasts, you two aren't a good fit. If God forbid you're ever involved again with a man that's unhappy with your breasts, you will tell him that you like your breasts and that he's not the man for you.

 

I think that when you get over obsessing about your breasts and are involved with a caring and loving man (such as your current bf), it will be healing for you. I think you will look back at your ex and be grateful he's no longer in your life. That was my experience.

 

With the knowledge and advice you have gotten here, if you continue to obsess, it will be by choice.

[SadandConfusedWA]

Ella,

 

Do you not think that your bf already has an idea of what your body looks like? I mean you at least made out and I assume he hugged you tight and felt you up at some point. Obviously he wasn't turned off....

[ella23]

In the recent past, I was informed by a man I was seeing that we're sexually incompatible.

 

 

um, as in he didn't like your body?

 

I think that when you get over obsessing about your breasts and are involved with a caring and loving man (such as your current bf), it will be healing for you.

he's certainly loving , but so was the ex till he saw me naked. I don't have a problem with myself as I know sagging is normal.

 

Ella,

 

Do you not think that your bf already has an idea of what your body looks like? I mean you at least made out and I assume he hugged you tight and felt you up at some point. Obviously he wasn't turned off....

 

yes, but he couldn't have known as I was fully clothed!

 

You said you had a similar problem, does that affect your relationships?

Edited December 21, 2009 by ella23

[sugar_and_spice]

so, how's it going with your guy?

[SadandConfusedWA]

Well, I didn't always have this problem. In my early-mid 20's I had big DD/E cup perky boobs that I was proud of. Then I went to Europe and swam in a river that was quite polluted and ended up getting a really bad infection-inflamation of the breasts. They swelled to about 4 times the normal size and I was fighting the infection for a motnh or so. Finally, the swelling went down but my skin was permanently streched and I was left with saggy boobs

 

It certanly affects my relationships. I tend to only sleep with men I do not care about because they can't really hurt me if they do not like my boobs.. I have even broken up with a guy once because I was too afraid to sleep with him (like you are).

 

My worst experience was with this really hot guy who was a player I didn't really have feelings for him, nor he for me. I decided to sleep with him and he actually made fun of me and said "saggy boobs" after the sex was over. HOWEVER after this he still kept calling me for sex. I slept with him once more when I was feeling really down and gave him the option to keep my bra on. He said "Nah, take it all off" so it didn't seem to affect his sexual desire much.

 

But, I don't think I can live with my situation any longer. So I have decided to consult a plastic surgeon early in 2010. I feel like if this problem can be fixed, why live with it. Of course there are risks, but all the worst case scenarios are VERY unlikely to happen....

[ella23]

cool

if that makes you appy:)

 

I did a lot of research over 2 years(!) and figured that the risks are not as uncommon as people like to believe, & thus decided against it.

that coupled with the fact that it's not abnormal for breasts to sag.

I can understand why you want to get it done though, I feel the same , just that I don't feel the procedure is that safe and the side effects can be awful.

 

sugar&spice, he called me up to ask if I was annoyed as I wasn't answering his calls and asked to meet up today. I said I'll call back later.

Edited December 21, 2009 by ella23

[sugar_and_spice]

cool

if that makes you appy:)

 

I did a lot of research over 2 years(!) and figured that the risks are not as uncommon as people like to believe, & thus decided against it.

that coupled with the fact that it's not abnormal for breasts to sag.

I can understand why you want to get it done though, I feel the same , just that I don't feel the procedure is that safe and the side effects can be awful.

 

sugar&spice, he called me up to ask if I was annoyed as I wasn't answering his calls and asked to meet up today. I said I'll call back later.

 

*headdesk*

at least give the poor guy a chance

[ella23]

*headdesk*

at least give the poor guy a chance

I want to, but I can't help it.I know it just won't work out. Obviously I told him I wasn't annoyed and all.

Today I'm going to make sure we don't end up on our own, because I don't want him to try anything as it gets a bit too much trying to push him away all the time.

[thegreatmoose]

I want to, but I can't help it.I know it just won't work out. Obviously I told him I wasn't annoyed and all.

Today I'm going to make sure we don't end up on our own, because I don't want him to try anything as it gets a bit too much trying to push him away all the time.

Really? You control your own actions and you adamantly refuse to communicate and be honest with him. I can only hope you will change your mind. Don't forget that he has feelings too and men (and women) don't like to be led on. Do you really want to learn this the hard way?

 

I know what your ex did was cruel, but that does not make it ok to be cruel to another man who has done nothing wrong.

 

When I think about relationships, I'm not sure if there is anything more important than open communication.

[ella23]

Really? You control your own actions and you adamantly refuse to communicate and be honest with him. I can only hope you will change your mind. Don't forget that he has feelings too and men (and women) don't like to be led on. Do you really want to learn this the hard way?

 

I know what your ex did was cruel, but that does not make it ok to be cruel to another man who has done nothing wrong.

 

When I think about relationships, I'm not sure if there is anything more important than open communication.

??How am I being cruel to him? I haven't lied either.

I am open about everything else, but I couldn't possibly talk about this to him.

Edited December 21, 2009 by ella23

[thegreatmoose]

??How am I being cruel to him?

You haven't yet done anything I'd call cruel. He thinks everything is ok and has something great going. In reality you are thinking of breaking up with him over an issue he has no control of and has no idea about.

 

If you go to him and break up with him and not tell him why, it will seem very sudden and confusing to him and I'd expect there is a good chance he will take it really hard. He may well think it's cruel.

 

It would NOT be at all cruel to explain things to him and get to know if he is a good guy or he is shallow like your ex.

 

I'm just imagining how I'd feel if I were him.

[ella23]

You haven't yet done anything I'd call cruel. He thinks everything is ok and has something great going. In reality you are thinking of breaking up with him over an issue he has no control of and has no idea about.

 

If you go to him and break up with him and not tell him why, it will seem very sudden and confusing to him and I'd expect there is a good chance he will take it really hard. He may well think it's cruel.

 

It would NOT be at all cruel to explain things to him and get to know if he is a good guy or he is shallow like your ex.

 

I'm just imagining how I'd feel if I were him.

 

I wouldn't consider breaking up with him if I was okay with him knowing about it. Telling him and being rejected is going to be way more painful than just breaking it off without him knowing.

I don't know what he's thinking, but yeah, he's confused. I have no desire to hurt him obviously, but I have to think about my feelings too.

And regarding the very small possibility that he accepts me this way, like an earlier poster said, I don't think I'd just want him to 'tolerate' it.

Edited December 21, 2009 by ella23

[thegreatmoose]

I wouldn't consider breaking up with him if I was okay with him knowing about it. That is going to be way more painful than just breaking it off without him knowing.

I don't know what he's thinking obviously, but yeah, he's confused.

Him being confused is NOT a good thing. A breakup without a reason is almost certainly going to devestate him more than a breakup with some reason.

 

Suppore you break up with him and meet a great guy in a year. Is this same thing going to happen again?

 

I hate seeing you so unhappy and know he will almost certainly be unhappy and very hurt with a breakup like this.

 

At some point you are going to have to learn to be comfortable with yourself. It may be a challenge and may take time and effort to get there, but I have no doubt you can do it.