I cry when i get fustrated at the MIT guy

[vixen]

Ok so i have a few guys in my life. I've let one down easy tonight and just plain out wrote another one off. No biggie.

 

Now there is one who well, tends to be insecure. He says my warmth sets him aback, that he doesnt expect it, and i don't know if he wants me to be warm, he doesnt want me to stop though. but i get frustrated because i get warm at him, he gets cold, and he goes back and sees it and apologizes and well sometimes i cry about it. Why? I'm not even seeing him, i have yet to see him face to face, I don't understand why i care about him so much, why did i leave other dates like dead door mice for less, yet try so hard to make this one open up??? why does he affect me this way. I swore i would'nt get emotional over any of these dates, yet i do seem to get emotional over stuff about him. In a bad sort of way.

 

And i suppose on that note, the Army Guy I'm also dateing, (and have seen often) i'm trying not to get attached to him either but i think of him just as much as mr. MIT oi!! But he is responsive and kind, and warm. So why is it two men, same age range, a bit younger then me, have 2 completely diffrent responsess to my advances? I feel like such a tard sometimes.

 

How do i make the MIT comforatble with me, and how do i stop longing for both of them?? I have no problems with Army man, so i think that's great, but i don't want to get attached ya know. We are both keeping our emotions at bay, but bairly. Both men know of each other. Both men are fine that i wont be seriuos with either of them, but one is a come on teaser, the other is an intellectully confused gent. I keep wanting to treat the recluse one like i do the open one. OI!!! Ok so there is my delema. Discuss. >_<

 

Vixen

[jenny]

umm. hmm. ok: you are seeing like five guys, and you would like us to commiserate with you about the one who will not let you get close?

 

if you are playing with them, they have a right to play with you. you entered into this particular social contract and must abide by its rules if you seek its privileges.

 

if you date guys who don't mind you dating four other guys, they are smart not to let you get too close to them.

 

why do they have different responses? because they are two different men. perhaps the one who is alarmed by your widespread intimacy has more integrity.

 

so, i much as i would like to continue contributing to your ego-stroking, i have nothing more to offer here. i have nothing against multiple dating, but extracting emotion from different guys is a different and less ethical kitten.

 

perhaps your horoscope will better instruct you on how to make him desire you.

[theophilia]

we're more attracted to the people we think we cant have. we like the challenge. you prolly dont realize it, but its all psychological. mebbe you like this mit guy and you do have genuine feelings for him. mebbe you like him bc he isnt as easy as the other guys were/are. mebbe both!

[theophilia]

ps

 

learn how to share!!

 

[moimeme]

don't understand why i care about him so much

 

It's a hazard of online relationships. Happens often. You have to know about this and to keep a lid on it.

 

I swore i would'nt get emotional over any of these dates, yet i do seem to get emotional over stuff about him.

 

Yep. Here's where you find that feelings don't get controlled all that easily. It's a very nice theory to date a whole bunch of guys at the same time; but you have to know what sort of person you are and if you can do this sort of thing without getting attached. Seems maybe you can't.

[vixen]

It's not 5 anymore. Like i said, i wrote one off, and i talked to the other and we found out we are not compatible. Such is the deal with dating. I find out we don't mesh, we go separate ways before attachment. coarse with the not compatible guy we've never had opportunity to speak at length. But once we did, we realized there was a large ethical /social, barrier that we both knew would not be fun.

 

My problem with MIT is a bit more complex then what seems to have come off. He and I have been really good Internet friends for like 9 months here. There were times i thought I'd never be able to get him to shut up. Not that i wanted to, but getting in a few words edge wise can get difficult when he's on a role. He would totally give me his emotions, tell me everything, things he wont tell anyone, and i would keep them secrete, and safe, and cherish the trust and bond between us. Now that he knows i fancy him, He has clamed up. I told him on chat last night, i want my Alex back. He said, he's here, somewhere.

 

What if i gave him time to cool off. Leave him be for a couple of days. Let him miss me a bit. I talk to him daily, so maybe a time out might help him sort himself out.

 

As for the multiple guys thing, i tell them i am seeing other guys because i feel it is respectful to them to let them know i don't want to date anyone exclusively. They then make the decision, stay and make a bid for me, or decide to much work and settle to be friends. I don't think it warrants any mind games since i hate mind games and don't play them. I'm striate forward with everyone i know. Regardless of age, race, sex, ect. What would be fair play to turn about, is if the men i am seeing would see other women. and i think that would be just fine. That's what they call playing the field.

 

Vixen

[jenny]

ok. i see your point.

 

perhaps your MIT guy is also seeing a woman with substantially better spelling and grammar than you. indeed, let him miss you and the other men who come packaged within you; that's cool. we all must investigate the class (or lack thereof) of our potential mates.

 

i agree with playing the field. it's all good. one can hardly complain if one outfielder does not feel a substantial amount of team spirit, especially if the umpire is a good four leagues above her in talent and experience - - -onward ho!

 

good luck, luv, j

 

lol - i hope you marry the MIT guy - how much ironic fun they would have with you at parties.

[moimeme]

perhaps your MIT guy is also seeing a woman with substantially better spelling and grammar than you

 

Or, hopefully, he has the kindness and understanding to know that dyslexia can be found throughout the population, and that problems with written expression are not reliable predictors of intelligence.

[jenny]

lol. fair enough. i retract. about the spelling.

[BlockHead]

vixen

There were times i thought I'd never be able to get him to shut up. Not that i wanted to, but getting in a few words edge wise can get difficult when he's on a role.

I have that same problem with sensitive topics like politics, religion, history, technology, psychology, etc.

jenny

lol - i hope you marry the MIT guy - how much ironic fun they would have with you at parties.

Complementary relationships can work. The MIT guy can provide the depth and insight while vixen provides the fun and emotion. I think maturity is the only thing that is lacking.

 

I attended a wedding between a thinker groom and a fun-loving schoolteacher bride a few weeks ago. The bride handled the reception very well. She danced the whole time. The poor guy was tired most of the time.

[moimeme]

Of course, there is such a thing as a fun-loving thinker!

[vixen]

NO!! that's impossible, no one is a fun loveing thinker. ARE YOU MAD. *snigger, snort*

 

Vixen

[bark]

Both men are fine that i wont be seriuos with either of them, but one is a come on teaser, the other is an intellectully confused gent. I keep wanting to treat the recluse one like i do the open one. OI!!! Ok so there is my delema. Discuss. >_<

 

 

 

vixen, people are different and so are relationships. With the Army guy you have most likely been intimate. You have seen him often. You have experienced the Army guy in real time, space. He's a three dimemsional figure. You are having a real time relationship with this flesh and blood fellow.

 

On the other hand, MIT guy is an online relationship. Yours is a keyboard relationship. The MIT guy is typeface jetting through cyberspace. You only pound the keyboard with MIT guy. With the Army guy I suspect you've pounded more than the keyboard.

 

I understand MIT guy's reluctance--internet intimacy is fast and often false. People are much more than the sum of their posts or IM nuggets. If you really want the true measure of the man, unshackle yourself from your PC and visit the man, and take his measure. Otherwise, it's only cyberflirting.

[vixen]

First off army guy and I haven't pounded anything but a few snow slopes. >_< second off, MIT guy and i have a date to come face to face with each other finally sometime in early January. I don't "pound" anyone, I think i put up somewhere in here that I've taken a vow of chastity. The most Army guy and i have done is some snuggling, and a few kisses. No harm in that since we are just "dating" meaning no one gets me in the sack. Period. I worship my body, it is my temple, i will not let anyone touch me lest i know they are in full awe of me, and respect of the goddess within this woman. Plain and simple. So a few hang times with Army man does not give him in enough to go the distance. Capeche'?

 

Vixen

[bark]

Sure, but I was only pointing out that, as opposed to the MIT guy, you've seen, heard, touched Army guy. Pseudo-intimate internet "relationships" are a different kettle of fish , and that could explain the different responses you're getting.

 

 

 

Sorry if I offended you.