Should I call my brother?

[QWERTY]

I'm getting married this weekend, and my brother is supposed to be flying in for the wedding tonight.

 

I don't have a very good relationship with my brother -- he's been an ***hole to me for most of my life (criticism, bad-mouthing me to family and friends), and we are barely on speaking terms at this point.

 

I offered (a month ago) to pick him up from the airport (a 1.5 hour drive each way), and asked him to send me his flight info. My mother followed up with him two weeks ago and asked him to send the info. He accepted my offer to pick him up, but hasn't sent me any flight info. I don't drive, so it will be my soon-to-be wife that will be doing the driving -- sometime after midnight.

 

So here it is, the day he's supposed to be flying in, and I haven't heard from him. This is very typical of him (expecting others to make the effort), and I'm seething inside.

 

I appreciate that he's flying in for the wedding, but I can't believe he wouldn't take 5 minutes to email me his flight info. So now I'm sitting here debating if I should call him or just leave it and let him learn the hard way. It feels like some weird power struggle -- like he's thinking "I'm flying in for you, so you call me." The joke will be on him if he gets to the airport and I'm not there, but I know he'll twist it around with family and friends and make me the bad guy.

 

What should I do? Swallow my bile and call him, or just leave it and when he calls me at 1 a.m. from the airport saying "where are you?", tell him he'll need to take a cab?

[quankanne]

tell him to pay for a cab. You've given him every opportunity to respond with information, yet HE chose to ignore you. Good and fine; if he expects you to be there at the airport, time to give him a reality check. And if he complains, loudly remind him IN FRONT OF EVERYONE that people who have their shxt together make sure ahead of time that things are in place. Like a ride from the airport.

 

don't let this *sswipe make you miserable anymore, but call him on things every time he pulls a stunt like this. There might not be nice feelings, but think of it this way: You probably don't let others treat you like crap, so your brother doesn't get a special pass just because he's family.

 

BTW, congratulations on your upcoming nuptials! Best wishes to you and your honey

[QWERTY]

Thank you for the advice quankanne -- it was good to hear.

 

I've always struggled with what to do with my brother, because I think that deep down he's a good guy (he is paying a good chunk of money to fly out for my wedding when he can't really afford it) who has moments of being a self-centred jerk. I've told him off a couple of times, but it's already awkward to see my nieces (who I love dearly) so I hold back from calling him a complete *#$*!* like I often wish I could.

 

As it turns out, he called me about the pick-up. My dear mother (who unfortunately for her has chosen to play referee between him and I) called him to see if he had sent me the info, and so he called. I agreed to pick him up and didn't give him a hard time, since I don't want any drama around my wedding. I'm sure there will be plenty of other opportunities to tell him off.

[HeyThere]

First, congratulations on your wedding. Enjoy!

 

Second, you and your brother are sibs and that’s that. Meaning you can learn how to relate w/out blowing your tops (perhaps on to more solid ground) or you can ignore each other.

 

The nieces; are they his or another sibs, what’s the relationship(s)? Is Dad in the picture? Do you have a good relationship w/ Mom and Dad?

 

I can tell you from many years of poor relationships w/ my sibs that for me, it is self absorbed sibs w/ many issues they choose to ignore. They act like their sh*t doesn’t stink and because of their low self esteem feel they can project and add their problems on to me and I’ll just take it. I don’t allow them to treat me poorly, consequently they show no interest in a having a good relationship. I keep the “window open” and we are civil in family situations – that is the extent. Would I like the relationships to be better, sure. Am I holding my breath, no. Since relationships are a two way street I’m certainly open to repair, but not if they don’t open up about their issues and what has caused a rift. That’s my take.

 

Focus on your happiness, bride, work, hobbies and hopefully your brother will come around. And be pleasant around your brother, be clear w/ him, release any anger about him somewhere else i.e. sports….

 

In addition to his being needy, I wonder if he is depressed?

Edited December 19, 2009 by HeyThere