What should I do???

[texastapper]

Well a lot ot you responded to my last thread and I appreciate it. I just figured I would start a new one. to fill some of you in my ex girlfriend of three years broke up with me about 7 months ago. throught that time she has never really let me go. I have always been kept on the back burner. Its mostly my fault because I was there for her no matter what it was that she needed. Of course I was I loved her. But with my last thread I learned that I should not be there all the time and that I have to pull away from her in order for her to actually see that i am a real man and have a life of my own. I just started this theory and so far it is hard to say whether it is working or not. She left this wekend to visit some guy she met at a bar and also to see her sister. that was discouraging but I kept a positive mind set about the whole thing. She means everything to me and seh knows that! i am working on the very little contact with her right now , opposed to the talk to her everyday theory. (which has not worked or helped) It seems that she has grown an interest in why i havent called and what I am doing. Ive been doing this for three days now and have done a really good job. she is starting to show interest in what I am doing again. I am just staying to myself and being mysterious. She asks if im dating and I stay mysterious. I guess this is a good thing. She called me today I guess as she was traveling to see this guy and her sister, but i didnt answer I did not want to be available to her every beg and call. I love the girl and that is hard but am I making the right decision. Should I not answer her calls. sometimes I feel right about this but other times I dont. What should I be doing exactly??

[dario]

I think you're doing the right thing. She feels that she's losing you as the fallback...do you know what I mean? Does that make sense? I don't know what you should say to her when you eventually talk to her. You'll have some explaining to do in your absence. Just, I guess, tell her that you've been pretty busy...working on your work (or whatever) and that you apologise for not responding but, yeah, you were busy...it happens. See what happens from there. I guess go with, 'Gee, I've been flat out with work. It's been busy but I'm getting there. How are you doing? How'd it go with that guy from the bar? etc'

[JonInTx]

I'm doing much that same thing as you, tapper.

 

I think it's the right thing. I recommend you don't ignore her every time she tries to contact you, but ignore her sometimes, and don't initiate contact at all.

 

If you ignore her completely, then it's obvious to her that you're deliberately acting out against her, and you are therefore still hung up over her.

 

Instead, take her calls sometimes, feign mild interest in what she's up to, and wait for her to make a decision.

 

Or, make the decision for her and end all communication.

 

Either way, you're taking control of your role in the relationship, and that is a good thing.

[texastapper]

Yeah It is definitely not an easy thing to completely ignore her, but I have been acting like I am not really interested in what she is doing and I am trying to do my best to move forward and worry about myself. She is just always on my mind and Its hard to break that. I just hope she realizes the person I really am and that she can learn to trust in me again ,so we can take that next big steo in our lives together. the bottom line is that I need to stop being so readily available to her and continue being mysterious. Its all in God's hands now!!!

[werty]

ic this is a problem about trust too... well, i think ur doin fine. at least u get to know ho shes doin and get to anylize things.. when trust is lost, den i guess its hard to regain.. thats sadly for me..