LonelyGuy85 Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 I have worked with a girl for almost 6 months now. At first i liked her, but eventually that grew into me starting to like her more than a friend. About a month ago we were put on seperate teams in my job but she still comes over and talks to me, not to mention that we talk via e-mail a lot, despite being on shifts that make it hard for us to talk. I really lack self esteem and, if i am completely honest, i am going through a crisis of my life, where a switch as clicked and i have become more impulsive and more focussed on what i want, which i never had before. I know that i really want to see if she wants to go out sometime, but i am just not sure what's the best way to go about it. Would a direct 'Do you fancy doing something sometime?' be a good way, or is there a some discrete but effective way? How have people gone about it themselves? Treat me as someone completely new to dating, so what's the best way to approach. In as much detail as possible thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
puresun80 Posted December 19, 2009 Share Posted December 19, 2009 Guys are so funny! I just starting dating a guy from work with almost the same exact situation. He was totally scared of asking me out, but I gave him all the signs! Seriously, just say something like "I want to see that new movie (fill in the blank). Would you like to come?" Then pay for everything so she's sure it's a true date. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author LonelyGuy85 Posted December 19, 2009 Author Share Posted December 19, 2009 Thanks for the advise. I am useless at reading signs though. Seriously. I imagine it being one of those things where the guy you are dating was nervous before asking you out. I know it could only go one of two ways; she could say yes and i could wonder why i never asked her out months ago, or she could say no and i could get some closure at least, instead of the times where i have let someone i like go because i didn't have the courage to ask them out. Link to post Share on other sites
byebyebaby Posted December 20, 2009 Share Posted December 20, 2009 In my opinion, you have to try or you'll never know. Just ask her to have lunch or dinner with you and you can slowly talk to her about your feeling. It's not too difficult to talk to a girl if you know the trick. Take a look to this web http://howtotalktogirls.org/ That gonna help you through your problem Link to post Share on other sites
Author LonelyGuy85 Posted December 20, 2009 Author Share Posted December 20, 2009 Thanks for the website link. I think i definitely need to get her to do something outside of work with me. I have tried in the past, but it hasn't been the most successful. The problem with trying to discuss it over food within work is that we are either or completely different shifts or there are other people sitting with us, both of which i hate. It being so close to christmas doesn't help either as people are usually really busy during this time of year. I think if anything is going to happen, it won't be until the new year. Link to post Share on other sites
Peaceful Guy Posted December 20, 2009 Share Posted December 20, 2009 Would a direct 'Do you fancy doing something sometime?' be a good way, or is there a some discrete but effective way? How have people gone about it themselves? Treat me as someone completely new to dating, so what's the best way to approach. In as much detail as possible thanks. depending on what time you get off work, a specific activity that you could do regardless of her company would be a good thing to invite her to. well, i could have said that better but here's what i meant.. let's say you get off work at 5, then you could invite her to go to dinner with you after work. it doesn't have to be heavy.. and if she says no thanks it doesn't have to be a big deal. this is a good way of taking a chance without much risk of repercussions.. coworkers, friends and not-friends, go to meals together all the time. you want to spend time with her outside of work, eventually romantically, but a good way to ease into this is to hang out outside of work but without strings, or whatever.. so long as you're planning to "ask her out", its gonna be rough.. but just spending a little more time together outside of work isn't so bad. you know, also give yourself some credit in the sense that you might decide that outside of work she's not as fun to be around. really, this is isn't just you like her and so you have to sell yourself here.. genuinely get to know her. also, if its too awkward, if the time never seems right.. it could be because she wants it to be that way. i mean, even if you're right and y'all would have a blast together outside work, if that's not what she wants, don't force it. don't take this as a criticism.. sometimes people don't want stuff, even if it would be cool/fun.. lastly, be kind to yourself about all this. her decisions are not a judgement on you or your worth.. there's no need to ever be devastated.. also, watch a couple romantic comedies, the kind where the guy bombs a few times before success.. not to pick up shtick, but it can help to empathize with your own lack of perfection.. well, maybe that's just me but they seem to help me not take myself so seriously! Link to post Share on other sites
Author LonelyGuy85 Posted December 21, 2009 Author Share Posted December 21, 2009 That's actually some really good advice. I am always thinking of ways i could get her to meet up with me more outside of work, but my lack of experience at this means that no matter what idea i come up with it always seems like something that might feel awkward, like i am trying too hard, but i suppose that's why i haven't much success with this in the past. Maybe if something feels awkward then it's something i should do. Link to post Share on other sites
Yukikazi Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 Dude.. do you have a pair? See girl Feel for pair.. if not found.. consult your doctor. If pair is located Walk up Say "hi" Say "I'm going out for coffee after work or during lunch.. care to join me?" And smile for kreists sake.. its not what you say.. its how you say it.. So be smiling, and high energy.. if she turns you down.. say "No problem.. see ya later" and walk off. If she is into you she will say yes or will suggest another time. If she says no.. walk away and consider the case closed.. pull back.. don't chat quite as much.. see if she comes back with a different attitude. Link to post Share on other sites
Peaceful Guy Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 Dude.. do you have a pair? See girl Feel for pair.. if not found.. consult your doctor. If pair is located Walk up Say "hi" Say "I'm going out for coffee after work or during lunch.. care to join me?" And smile for kreists sake.. its not what you say.. its how you say it.. So be smiling, and high energy.. if she turns you down.. say "No problem.. see ya later" and walk off. If she is into you she will say yes or will suggest another time. If she says no.. walk away and consider the case closed.. pull back.. don't chat quite as much.. see if she comes back with a different attitude. hey yukikazi, **** YOU! Link to post Share on other sites
Peaceful Guy Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 That's actually some really good advice. I am always thinking of ways i could get her to meet up with me more outside of work, but my lack of experience at this means that no matter what idea i come up with it always seems like something that might feel awkward, like i am trying too hard, but i suppose that's why i haven't much success with this in the past.. yeah dude, best would be to actually do it anyway regardless of her answer. ex. "im going fishing this weekend, want to go?".. and actually, you are going fishing, and then you go regardless. you know, this will also give her a sense of you outside of work.. what your into and stuff.. most likely, she wont want to go fishing, but that doesn't mean she doesn't want to hear that you like to do it, and that she's welcome to join you.. and also, if yall really don't have that much in common, that's cool too.. now you've got a work buddy, and some practice feeling more confidant! Maybe if something feels awkward then it's something i should do. no.. im not sure about this.. some things you should do will feel ackward.. some things won't. really, find yourself, if only through a foggy window in your mind, and move towards it.. unashamed. god, i don't want to give you advice that makes you go out there and act like an idiot .. what im saying is i believe in you, the real you, no games, no strings.. yah~! Link to post Share on other sites
Author LonelyGuy85 Posted December 22, 2009 Author Share Posted December 22, 2009 Thanks for the responses. Yukikazi, although i like your direct, to the point attitude, it's also not in my personality to be that forward. So that's off the table. Also, i like this girl, so the last thing i want to do is be too direct and end up ruining what could be a good friendship as well. I need to put out some feelers first i thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Bollocks Posted December 22, 2009 Share Posted December 22, 2009 Oi. I like using the humour route the best. Something ridiculous like: Hey, I was planning on smoking some PCP and fighting some cops later, you down? Joke em if they can't take a ****... Or as other members have pointed out, the scene in Office Space where Ron Livingston asks Jennifer Aniston out for coffee is a pretty good representation of what complete confidence looks like. Link to post Share on other sites
Yukikazi Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 Thanks for the responses. Yukikazi, although i like your direct, to the point attitude, it's also not in my personality to be that forward. So that's off the table. Also, i like this girl, so the last thing i want to do is be too direct and end up ruining what could be a good friendship as well. I need to put out some feelers first i thing. It wasn't in mine either till I made it so.. things are MUCH better now. Women like direct confident men who take charge. While you have your feelers out.. one of your co-workers may be feeling her up.. always a possibility to keep in mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Yukikazi Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 Oi. I like using the humour route the best. Something ridiculous like: Hey, I was planning on smoking some PCP and fighting some cops later, you down? Joke em if they can't take a ****... Or as other members have pointed out, the scene in Office Space where Ron Livingston asks Jennifer Aniston out for coffee is a pretty good representation of what complete confidence looks like. See this will work.. you just have to be confident and show high energy when you say it with a smile.. Link to post Share on other sites
Bollocks Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 (edited) done and done Edited December 23, 2009 by Bollocks Link to post Share on other sites
Yukikazi Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 Respect mate. Hey Yuki, do you mind offering your opinion on a thread I recently posted? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t214527/ I would have PMed you, but I guess I do not have enough posts to get access to the PM option. Wow you referenced me and the DDB look.. sweet.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LonelyGuy85 Posted December 24, 2009 Author Share Posted December 24, 2009 The funny thing is that recently i told one of the other girls that i work with that i like this girl and was thinking of asking her out. She was telling me that everyone in the office already thought we were going out together. Now, this to me has mixed messages. If people are seeing us this way then does that mean that she might have been thinking this also or do you think she was as clueless about this as me? I am not a risk taker when it comes to putting myself out there. I understand that the rest on the world can have zero influence on another person, but if other people have thought that then what do you think the chances that she has thought that also? Link to post Share on other sites
zetkin Posted January 5, 2010 Share Posted January 5, 2010 So have you asked her or not yet? ))) Link to post Share on other sites
Author LonelyGuy85 Posted January 8, 2010 Author Share Posted January 8, 2010 I haven't 'asked her out' yet but i have managed to do somethings outside of work with her, and have even made some plans for this weekend. The truth is that i have had some personal changes in my life recently so i don't think i will ask her out now, but i am still interested in being friends with her. Link to post Share on other sites
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