Update: Trials and Tribulations

[HurtinginVA]

Havent posted in a few days, but thought I would update. Hubby is still here, at home, we are still carrying on as if we were married, for the most part. He's been very sick with the flu and Ive had to take care of him and our son who is also sick.

 

His, whatever you want to call her, fling, for lack of a better word(actually, I could think of plenty of other words BUT they arent very nice), will NOT stop blowing up his cell phone. I asked him last night if he would change the number and he said it looks like that is what he has to do. That's a good thing right? Him being here still and doing everything he can to sever contact with her?

 

We have bought concert tickets and are making reservations at a waterside hotel for Jan. 23. We are going to spend the whole weekend together just the two of us. Our son will be with his grandparents in another state.

 

Im taking these actions as signs that all hope isnt lost, that we can work things out etc....gimme input. Am I right in thinking that? Or am I setting myself up?

[Skittles]

Im taking these actions as signs that all hope isnt lost, that we can work things out etc....gimme input. Am I right in thinking that? Or am I setting myself up?

 

 

 

Hurting, I haven't been following but what little I can piece your husband has been unfaithful .

 

I believe that there is always hope and I think being hopeful is preferable to being miserable...But I also think of it as an eyes-wide-open kind of hope...It is extremely important not to set yourself up for a big fall by keeping all that has happened in the front of your mind as well.

 

The ow is chasing him because he has retreated... or maybe not...He may change his cell phone number, seem like all is well, then he might find another way of contacting her...It's really emotional "Russian roulette" right now and it's also important to protect yourself..

 

..weigh what he does more than what he says.

 

 

Your marriage is not the same...a whole new set of rules is being written.

 

Are you going for pro. counseling?

 

 

I wish you luck.

[HurtinginVA]

Counseling is not an option for us right now. A few weeks? Not even two yet, we tried but it was with a pastor and neither of us is very "religious", and neither of us liked it very much. We would both like to go to a professional (non-church related) but just cant financially afford it right now. We've talked of maybe in the next month or so, being able to.

 

His actions.....well, hard to understand sometimes, but he is being more affectionate day by day, and today he told me he loved me. He hasnt been bc I told him he knows what I mean when I say it (i.e. love you like a husband/in love with you etc) and that he shouldnt say it to me unless he means it that way as well bc it would just cause me more hurt. So when I heard those words this morning it was encouraging, but I didnt let him know that LOL

[Skittles]

Counseling is not an option for us right now. A few weeks? Not even two yet, we tried but it was with a pastor and neither of us is very "religious", and neither of us liked it very much.

 

Ok...There is some reading you can do on men in midlife crisis...If in fact you guys are around 35-50...

 

If that is not the case, and he is just confused, there is also reading you can do and websites you can visit..The folks on this forum are loaded with that info.

 

It's really encouraging that he is affectionate with you and tells you he loves you, but be careful..from what I have read , he probably does love you and many spouses love their ex's even after they divorce...Love and confusing behavior...or behavior inconsistent with love, often co-exist in situations like this...

 

My gf's husband was on his cell telling her he loved her while sitting alongside of him was the ow while he made that call to her!

 

Not to burst your bubble of hope...have hope, but once the guy gets himself in the quicksand of an affair, emotional or otherwise, he is in unchartered seas and will do and say all kinds of whacky stuff even he doesn't understand.!

 

I strongly suggest reading as much as you can on midlife crisis, if it applies to your age group, or anything on infidelity.

 

 

I will keep reading your updates.

 

Steady as she goes.

[Timbo]

Im taking these actions as signs that all hope isnt lost, that we can work things out etc....gimme input. Am I right in thinking that? Or am I setting myself up?

 

Firstly, I think you should disregard anything he is saying right now in regards to your relationship. I wouldn't assume he is lying, but he simply doesn't know what he's saying. Just let his words pass right through you.

 

Focus on his actions.

 

He is home. He is trying.

 

That college student is just a girl. She's got nothing on you.

 

I know that it is hard, if not impossible, to keep from looking into the future and becoming scared of the prospect that he won't be there.

 

Don't think about it. He's with you. One day at a time, dear.

 

He needs you in his hour of need, so be strong for him.

 

God will see you through.

[Fancy]

Maybe you should invite the college girl over and let her take care of him while he's sick with the flu. She's getting the best part of him and has no idea what he's like at home. She needs a little reality check. (Okay, I know that's not a realistic proposal, but you get my drift.)

 

I think, like someone else said, you should focus on his actions and not his words. I still believe if he truly wanted to get rid of her, he would change his cell phone number or get rid of it all together. He's only still "talking" about it. Talk is cheap.

 

Yes, it's possible for a man to truly regret what he's done, but you need to stand back and watch what he does. Don't be so quick to forgive and sweep this under the rug. He needs to hear you and understand fully what he's done to you. You'll never be able to let this go unless and until he completely "gets it."

 

I suggested this in your other topic............have you been to see a doctor yet and get tested for STDs? You really need to. Please take care of yourself and protect yourself!! Your life literally depends on it!

 

P.S. The Waterside is a nice hotel. You're talking about the Marriot downtown, right?

[EnigmaXOXO]

Hurting,

 

I think its absolutely wonderful that you've decided to stick it out and work toward reconciling your marriage, but I also agree with the other ladies regarding 'caution.' Particularly Fancy, who was intuitive enough to point out the fact that your husband seems rather hesitant about making a clean break...particularly when it comes to his reluctance to change his contact information (phone number).

 

I don't think this other girl would be so persistent if your husband had done his part appropriately. Obviously, he has left a window of opportunity open by not being more firm with her regarding his desire to have no more contact. If he had, she would not still be calling.

 

Keep your fingers crossed, Hurting. But also keep your eyes wide open.

 

Good luck!

[HurtinginVA]

It was changed. Not long after I posted LOL So I guess I typed too soon. Thanks for all the responses.

 

We are actually really young, for whoever asked if he was having a mid-life crisis LOL I am 23 and he is 22, we've been married for 4 years and together for 6! Sounds scary huh?

 

Things are going as well as can be expected, given the situation! We have a date on Tuesday (yay!) Im going to take him to the cinema cafe, I think, it's a little movie theater where you can get stuff like beer and hot wings and what not. Then maybe out for a drive. Dunno. Think we really need some "us" time. Time to have lots of fun and be happy together because we cant get through what we need to get through in order for this marriage to work if we are all pi$$y and depressed, ya know?

 

One day at a time is right, Im am just so darn impatient LOL

 

The Radisson at Norfolk Waterside.......I cant remember who typed it but are you from around here?