. Cheating

[Jenny123]

Hi all:)

 

Any advice, shared experience please share.

 

I am 29 and have been seeing my Boyfriend 10 months. Has been intense and full-on from the start. We live together and are very close and loving.

 

One problem- He went out with a friend and had a one-night stand with a girl he had hooked up with in the past and was in the same bar. about 6 mths ago.

 

Women's instincts told me and I got the truth finally, weeks later.

I chose to try & forgive him but sex life on my part declined to zero interest.I still don't have any and feel it's a chore. I've shut down romantically.

 

Prior to this, I was certain he was the one but this has cast doubt with me.

 

Our relationship is very good, except the sex. He treats me like a princess and would do anything for me. I am more cynical on life and it has taken the purity away from our relationship.

 

We love each other-but is that enough?

 

Do we get over this?

[meerkat stew]

Sounds like not, sorry to say. This happened 4 months in? Most folks are going to tell you to run and thank goodness you weren't married. Most folks are right.

[sallybee]

I agree with meerkat. He didn't even confess to it, you had to get it out of him. You could have married him without knowing. Thank goodness you found out now rather then later. Your trust is now shattered and I don't think anything he does will make you trust him again. I feel like you're going to be unhappy from here on out trying to "make it work."

[ka_lin]

well first of all it is complicated couse on one hand if he did he has some feelings for her and on the other:if he confessed you should take that in consideration;if you really want him you should forgive him[you are not married and young] and tell him that you will forgive him[don`t remind him abou it...] we all make misstakes and ask yourself can you let it go...?

[DollyMix]

Might sound harsh but bear with me I'd only stay with a guy who cheated if I wanted to cheat on him, you don't sound like you would cheat so why do you deserve someone who'd cheat on you?

cut loose and find a good guy

[SoulSearch_CO]

Having stuck with a cheater after the deed - nope, wouldn't do it again. It poisoned the rest of our relationship. I could never trust him 100% ever again. And the first time was not the last, either. I'd walk at first cheat. It's better to be alone, IMO.

[an hero]

There is no way to just get over something like this. It takes a very long and painful time. Even then, not everyone can get over something like that.

[Jenny123]

Thanks for your response.

I'm very confused and really do not know what to do.

I love him, we spend most of our time together. In truth, if we have an argument-not often. It crops up and my mouth can be vile. I have not talked to anyone about this, as I know the reaction. I tend to call the shots in this relationship and it's a good one but....

[Ophelia Rue]

Fool me once...

 

Drop this guy. He'll do it again. Sorry to sound harsh but if you forgive him after only FOUR MONTHS think of what he'll do if he's bored one night, like...I don't know...20 YEARS into your relationship.

 

Move on and take it as a lesson learned.

 

Also, don't move in with a guy so fast next time. Wait at least a year, maybe longer. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

[Ingenue]

I think you need to chalk this up as a life lesson and move on. If he's cheated on you 4 months into the relationship, his commitment may not be as unwavering as you'd like it to be.

 

Trust is a key in any relationship and the fact that he chose not to own up to the fact is a big red flag. Instead, you had to drag the information out of him weeks after the fact. Has he acknowledged his wrong doing? Apologized for it? Taken personal responsibility for hurting you? You need to decide whether you can trust him again?

 

For me, once that trust is gone, it's gone forever.