..trying to decide between old love and new man

[pc33765]

I have found myself in a very hard place. I broke up with my ex of a year and a half about a month and a half ago. I broke up with him because he could not decide if he loved me or not and he wouldnt change some issues we had with communication and what not. He never cheated on me or anything like that just stupid selfish things he didnt seem to want to change. After we broke up I met this guy who seems really great and we have been seeing eachother a lot lately. He seems great compliments me, we have things in common, and he is there for me. He is in the military and get deployed in march of next year.

Well just the other day my ex came to my house with a dozen roses, a letter, and a cd of love songs and told me he loved me. told me he made a huge mistake and wanted me back. he would do anything for me and cant see us not being together. He doesnt know about the other guy. I have concerns about my ex and wondering if he will really change like he said he would. I see it that it took him a year and a half to say i love you i dont think he wouldnt say it if he didnt mean it. His letter had everything in it that i have ever wanted from him but is it too little to late. I have no idea what i want the new guy or my ex back. There is an unknown factor on each side. will my ex change or not or will this new guy continue to be great or will he change for the worse later. Please give me some advice. I am stuck because i know my family and friends dont like my ex because he hurt me so i have no one to turn to

[sheithappens]

your gut instinct should tell you what to do, honestly because of the situation i am in , i would give the ex another chance because you guys were together for awhile , the other dude is leaving soon, no sense in getting emotionally involved with him and miss him when he is gone, or take time out and not date any one for awhile.... good luck

[puresun80]

That's tough since you can't see the future. I've been in a similar situation, and my ex was clossed off emotionally. I decided to give my new guy a chance and finally move on, and it was the best thing I could have done for myself. Your ex, even though he wants you and loves you, will still be the same person he was before, and if he didn't give you what you wanted before he probably won't now. Not because he doesn't love you but it's just the way he is. Remember that you need what you need! Stay strong and be brave.

[curiousnycgirl]

I've been struggling with the question of what would it take for me to take my ex back, because I'm trying to be ready in case he tries. We were together for 5.5 years - and I realized that even if he says all the right things, I still wouldn't trust him to deliver. He'd have literally move in with me - and then I would see.

 

So I'll say the same to you - what has really changed in your ex? Another question - just because he wants to go back to how it was 1.5 months ago, doesn't mean you have to agree. You could possible date both of them for a little bit - see how it goes with each.

 

I would just caution you not to put all yoru eggs in the one previously failed basket. You run the risk of being like me, 5.5 years later and having to end it.

 

Good luck!

[Texas2004]

For the ladies out there, I am the guy who was emotionally unavailable. I was with a girl for 8 months, we broke up because she wanted a commitment and I just wasn't ready (this was my first serious girlfriend). We've been apart for three months, but still have been friends in the process. I have spent the time realizing I don't want to be alone, and I am ready for that commitment (and with her). I told her this over the phone, and she didn't respond and has since stopped talking to me (its been 3 weeks!) I'm pretty sure it is because she's not sure of me, but I know it for certain and tried to show her.

 

Anybody have any thoughts on this? I think she's taking the time to assess the situation and figure out if she's willing to put her heart out there again.