????????

[nobmagnet]

thank you. This is the letter i sent to his parents

 

 

Dear xxx and xxxx

 

It is a matter of some regret that I find it necessary to write to you following the last two contact visits which xxx and xxxx had to their father at your home.

 

xxx returned home from her visit on Sunday 22nd November very upset, because you had called her “fat”. Whilst this may have been your way of teasing her, it has caused her considerable upset and I still have to reassure her that she is not fat.

 

On Saturday 12th December, again at your house, you cut her lovely long blonde hair into a “pudding basin” cut without even discussing this with me, let alone obtaining my permission: this is entirely unacceptable both to me and to xxxx, who is very upset by what you have done.

 

I am sure you will understand that I do need your assurance that when contact takes place in the future, you will be kinder and more thoughtful towards the children. Without that assurance I would have to seriously consider reviewing the contact arrangements, which I would prefer not to have to do.

 

I look forward to hearing from you

 

[Yours sincerely

Edited December 21, 2009 by nobmagnet
word mess

[nobmagnet]

update

 

after tooing and frowingwith correspondace with my dad. Lowly confessed that he was being bullied by he folks and was having a hard time reining them in.

 

My dad told him That after discussing the situation with me that evening All I am wanting is for him to respect my rights as the mother.

 

He text me. I texted that we had both been putting our feelings about each other to oneside effectively and had been doing a pretty good job of caring for the children between ourselves untill "other people" started behaving in a mannar which was provocotive. I requested that he always runs things by me first and not his parents.

 

He said yes he will in the future.

 

I am just going to have to trust he will do that.

 

no more chances after this. He obviously found out that he actually has no rights and realised I have been playing very fair with my childrens interest coming first.

 

doh. I have to trust an untrustworthy Lowlyworm again.............................

 

ta for your help you lot lets hope it goes well eh??

[Ronni_W]

NM,

I'm sorry that you're having to deal with these knobs! Following is a bit of a different take, with hopes that you'll be able to adapt something so it will help you "grow some armour" against them. Please ignore whatever does not feel 'right' or comfortable for you.

 

I have been quiet, patient, flexable and behaved with total dignity thoughout this sorry mess. I have done nothing wrong and I just dont understand why they are being so nasty to me

Nasty knobs are nasty knobs, is why. They're just being true to their own nature. It's not at or against 'you' -- you could be Mother bloody Teresa, and they'd STILL be acting like nasty knobs!

 

You're allowing them to victimize you -- to make you feel crappy and afraid -- because you are forgetting their character. These people don't appear to know from "dignity", or boundaries, or basic civility. Stop expecting them to recognize and appreciate YOUR positive character traits...and stop expecting to receive anything close to it, from them. Know what I mean?

 

Similarly, even though your ex has "agreed in principle" to run things by you first...can you honestly see that happening? That all-of-a-sudden he is going to grow some balls and be able to withstand their horrible influence? Not even that he doesn't want to but...what are the realistic chances that he'll be able to? It just is not wise on your part, to ACTUALLY trust someone who has not proven that you can trust him; the trust is misguided/ misplaced (at this time); it has not yet been earned.

 

I trully beleive that the toxic behaviour will never change.

Well...barring one of them "virgin pregnancy" miracles But other than that, yeah...you could be Mother bloody Mary and they'd STILL laugh at any requests that they behave within the bounds of what the rest of us consider 'normal' good manners.

 

So, I say: Toughen up your mental approach! Accept these nasty knobs for what they are; don't let their crap turn you into something that you're not; don't let THEM do a number on your own esteem and worth.

You will drive yourself insane if you keep expecting anything remotely 'nice' or 'kind' from the likes of these. That is the same as you expecting a(nother) Blessed Miracle...isn't it so?

 

It sucks. I know that. It sucks on every level. For you and the kids. But it is what it is. And you CAN rise above it! You do have the courage and strength to just continue to be who you are, and to role-model the values that you want your kids to grow up with.

 

Sending LOTS of hugs and good stuff. I know it's a horrible, difficult situation.

[nobmagnet]

wow thank you with all my heart.

 

its as if you can see my problems 20/20! in the past 10 years I have smoothed over such massive cracks and ignored all sorts of appaling behaiviour (to each other too) But I have been around to nip nastyness to my kids in the bud. I cant do that now as I amnot there to defend my children. away from his parents I was able to to try to educate him as to the correct way to talk to our children be he never got it. He said my dad was too soft. My dad is the best dad in the world. Kind supportive encouraging and just full on perfect dad.

I made my kids life fun away from him............holidays at Butlins with my chums and thier kids but not him and did as much fun stuff as I could to make their life normal. He had no interest in them and they got in the way.

 

His parents didnt bring him up, it was a seriesof nannys or housekeepers. they never took him on holiday he had no freinds till he was 18. His parents didnt go to his graduation from university or acknowlege his acheivements. He knows no different. It is the norm for him to be put down and never make them happy.

 

I had a great upbringing. My mother worked nights to pay for a horse for me. I was encouraged to feel proud of something in my life. i was always grateful for the sacrafices they made for me and my brother and we are very affectionate people.

 

I didnt see the man he was early on as he hid it from me. I get pregnant He was thrilled (i was worried) But he promiced me andmy folks he would always be there for me.

 

Not sure what I am saying....bit of a ramble but I suppose in essence I can see why he is the way he is. I cant change that. If i couldnt do it before he left I sure as hell cant do it now he has gone. He does behave slightly better when they are not winding him up. But he will never be a great father. I shall be a great and supportive mum though. I adore my children without them I would be lost

 

Thank you again

 

I have to wait and see what happens. One foot out of line.........and they will I willpull the plug for good. I just moraly have to do this and give them a second chance. Its all documented in a diary and on paper. so we will see.Imnot happy about it though for the record.

 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[nobmagnet]

update

 

he picked themup Chrimble day evening. I had bought both kidsmobile phones for crimbleso we can keep intouch.

 

7.45 i get a text from my daughter saying "call me"

 

Its late for her so i text my ex to see if everything was ok. He relyed she had been "evil" all day but was in bed now. I said calling her evil was harsh and that she must be tired as she has had a busy coupleof days. I asked him to cut her some slack and give her a hug and tell her you love her. He said he would.

 

Is it me????? WTF???

 

Im so worried about what has happened and what might have happened. They come back in 3 hours.

 

maybe it wasnt how i think it went??

 

we will see

[imagine]

Hi Nob,

 

I was interrupted during my last message to you when your tooth needed medication. My good lady missed my attention and I responded.

 

To all those gentlemen reading this post who thinks that I am pussywhipped: For a whipping -this is not a bad way to go...

 

I took the Ann Summers comment to the "Sexual health" forum, possibly you can give input over there.

 

I hope that you tooth has improved -Christmas and New Year is not the right time for mastication problems. I am also sad that you could got nothing better than a "love you" text from the father of your child. I mean, whats the point?

 

My sister is looking for a bungalow house, but a four acre 22 room house is somewhat upscale for a retiring couple. What on earth do you use such a large house for anyway?

 

It is wonderful that you were born of a loving couple. Take what you have learned from them and help those folk sitting on there own at this festive time.

 

And I'm sure that daughter is missing your warm attention. God bless!

Edited December 27, 2009 by imagine

[nobmagnet]

hahaha hey thanks xxxxxxxx

 

its too big. I filled it full of mates and family realy. Whats the point of having sapce and not sharing it right??? Hey i organised parties or my Dad(60th) he hadnt had a party since he was 21. It was amazing. 100+ people most of them camping. Jazz band. I did the buffet it went fom 4pm till 6 am. Piles of puke everywhere!!! hahaha.

 

we had beakfast on the BBQ and giggled all day. Those memories plus lots more will never leave me or lowly. It was the ulimate party home. It always will be. I have had many many parties since and will continue to till its sold.

 

Sorry! you just sent me to a happy place! I thank you!

 

p.s ann summers cant recall what i said!

 

hope it wernt too rude!