females_lie Posted December 19, 2009 Share Posted December 19, 2009 I have read a ton of threads on here and they mostly are the same. NC with a few updates but thats it. Any of you go through the nc and have your ex come back to you and your relationship be better than before? I have one friend who was the dumper, his fiancee gave the ring back and did nc. Long story short, he realized a lot of things and two months later they got back together. I just went to their wedding a month ago and they are stronger now than I have ever seen them in the 9 years they have been dating.I know it can happen...but the rules must be followed and the nc needs to be for your own growth not to get ur ex back...at least thats what im telling my self..hahaha Link to post Share on other sites
jms76 Posted December 20, 2009 Share Posted December 20, 2009 Many years ago, I was dating a girl who broke it off with me and I did everything I could to get her back. All the wrong things I might add. I called, begged, pleaded, called her mother, went over to visit her..etc...etc. Eventually I gave up. Months went by (don't remember how many) and I got a phone call from her. She missed me she said. I later found out that she came crawling back because a guy she was seeing was married and she broke it off. To make a long story short, we ended up getting back together. It lasted for about 6 months and then it ended once again. Some years later I found out that she got married and is now living in another state. So while NC got her sniffing around after several months, in the long run, things did not work out between us. Link to post Share on other sites
JohnnyB Posted December 24, 2009 Share Posted December 24, 2009 My girlfriend of 3.75 years left me over 2 months ago...I was ready to propose and she suddenly realized she had her life to figure out. Oh Well. We stayed friends after the breakup, hung out and did things together that we would have done when we were together. We wanted to talk things out, but since we were in the middle of Fall Semester at school, we decided to wait until Christmas. I am glad we kept in contact for those two months, it killed any fears that we couldn't be friends...and now that Christmas Break is here, we talked and I told her we couldn't have any contact. So...I'm waiting to see what the result will be to...But I can tell you that keeping in contact gave her that Security she always felt with me, it let her know that if she was having a tough day, or if an a** of a guy played with her heart, she could find comfort in me... When we cut off contact, we were in the same room as we deleted phone numbers and facebooks, she literally said 'Ouch' when she hit delete in her phone...Keeping in contact has kept her from imagining her life without me, and the same goes for me. Now that we are in NC, Time will tell what she is really feeling...Does she miss my Security...or does she miss me...? I'll let you know what happens... Link to post Share on other sites
curiousnycgirl Posted December 24, 2009 Share Posted December 24, 2009 nc needs to be for your own growth not to get ur ex back...at least thats what im telling my self..hahaha Yup I keep telling myself the same thing. How's it working for you? Link to post Share on other sites
Peanut9330 Posted December 24, 2009 Share Posted December 24, 2009 Well a few years back I was dumped by this guy who I really loved. I decided to go NC after the usual begging pleading crying stage... Well after 3 years of NC he called me one day out of the blue. We talked and met up a few times and he wanted us to try things again. Needless to say by then I was over it and didn’t want to be with him anymore. That was a year ago and he still keeps on calling and trying to be with me. Another NC story I have is with another ex, I got dumped again and this time went total NC no begging or crying just said ok have a nice life and went on my way. After about 7 months he was back but once again it was way too late I was over it. Side note Through all this I learned that NC is for you to get better not bring someone back. At first all I wanted is to have them back but after NC and some time to think things through I realized I was better off. NC really does work to help you heal and move on. If in the long run they come back and you still want to work on being together than great, but thinking that NC will bring those results only sets you back. Link to post Share on other sites
CentralJersey Posted December 25, 2009 Share Posted December 25, 2009 I agree with all of you...but my concern is that I will not really see why I am better off. If I felt we had no problems (outside of minor things since I realize no relationship is perfect) and things were great and was pretty blindsided. I do realize I will be ok...but I was (and always felt we both were) really happy. I think after any relationship you get over, you'll naturally want a person with some distinct differences from the last one (I've gone through that before). Unfortunately, in this case I would just like to eventually meet someone else like her... Link to post Share on other sites
kimmi Posted December 25, 2009 Share Posted December 25, 2009 My mother left my dad about 10 years ago, My father was very abusive and drank all the time ... The last time that he hit my mother she got up and walked out on him leaving him lost without her, there was no words exchanged and my mother went in the bedroom packed a bag and walked out, as he was sitting there he could not understand what she was doing and why only because she had put up with it for over 20 years at the time As he was calling all of us kids within a week crying because she would not have anything to do with him , we kept on saying get help and stop hurting her, she is never coming back to you with the way that you are, you must change and you must do this for yourself so mom can see it.. My mother went months without any kind of communication with him.. (they even worked together) but she stood strong for the first time that I remember.. (WAY TO GO MOMMY) anyways after a few months of no contact my dad seen what he was doing because the only person he could scream at and feel anger towards was himself, my mom was no longer there, long story short, he seen what he had done and he seen the hurt that he had done to her and how much pain he had caused a person and he changed.. He did not stop at any measure, he went to doctors, he even went to the cops and told them the type of person that he was and asked them for help . It all worked and within a year my mom went back. I have never seen my mom so happy in my life, She lives with no fear she can express herself with no fear she can be on the phone and not have to hang up because he is walking in the door. The reason I say this story to you is because of my mom and her NC got my dad to see what he did to the family, it got him to get the help he really needed as well it made my mom a very strong person (sometimes it drives me crazy LOL) This would have never changed had my mom never walked out and lost contact with him .. So no matter what the problem is there was a big enough problem for you to be saying "my ex"... I know with my ex in the end they were small problems nothing big, however there was one thing that was bigger then anything that I could not ever get over ... within time it was very unhealthy for both of us because e never helped me through it... I resent him... I am again on LC because I still do not have the full control over the NC. In my mind it is too hard for me to do it 100% so we became friends .. Now it is at the cat and mouse stage of it.. I see all that is happening and this is really making it a bit easier for me not to contact him and within time I will not contact him .. It is going to take time for me though.. and I am okay with that .. :bunny: 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted December 25, 2009 Share Posted December 25, 2009 Are there any "no contact" stories with happy endings? Yeah... I never spoke to my ex ever again... Met the love of my life and we have now been married going on 3 years.. We have one wonderful baby boy almost 2. If NC hadn't of worked then she might have been in contact with me and instead of going on match and meeting my now wife I would have been sucked back into her drama and would've missed out on meeting the love of my life . NC is for moving forward.. your future is never looking in your past Link to post Share on other sites
DenverBachelor Posted December 26, 2009 Share Posted December 26, 2009 I don't have a story about no contact leading to a happy ending but I do have a story about a really bad ending leading to forced no contact. Link to post Share on other sites
name witheld Posted January 2, 2010 Share Posted January 2, 2010 My friend and his girlfriend split up several years ago. He went NC straight away and just got on with his life. He did date and play the field etc. Then one day he tells me they are getting back together, they recently got engaged and as far as I know they are both happy. The reason she came back was because she realised she could not be without him. Its as simple as that. Link to post Share on other sites
travelbug Posted January 2, 2010 Share Posted January 2, 2010 I think in general, the NC rule really is to help you start healing quicker, improve upon yourself, and gain perspective. I think you need to withdraw from the person who left you to an extent so they may also gain perspective and feel what a life without you is like. However, in my experience, going total NC indefinitely just sends them the message you don't care and have moved on. This may bring some people back around, but it can also have the opposite effect. I was with a man for 5 years and he broke it off and started dating someone else. I pulled away for periods of time in the 9 months we were apart, but did my best to be there and support him as a friend as well. I made it clear that I still loved him, but respected his new relationship. We did get back together, were much happier, and stayed together for nearly 5 more years. Winning back that love does happen, but I don't believe going the strict NC route always works. It all just depends on you, the person you're withdrawing from, and their perspective on your behavior. Good luck to you! Link to post Share on other sites
sheithappens Posted January 2, 2010 Share Posted January 2, 2010 travelbug , how long did his rebound laast if it was a rebound? would he tell you that he didnt want to be with you anymore and were you persistent in getting him back? i am kinda in the same dilema, i dumped her and i am trying to get her back , we were together for 5 years and she got me angry and i broke it off out of impulse, she didnt want to break up but i went through with it regretting it a couple of days later, she went off to date a guy like 4 weeks after we ended Link to post Share on other sites
travelbug Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 To sheithappens--his rebound relationship only lasted a few months, maybe 4. He would give me the, we can only be friends "right now" talk, but never firmly said he didn't want to be with me anymore. It had more of a "i'm putting you on the backburner" feel to it. Which, when you're hopelessly in love with someone, you tend to accept. Anyway, because I didn't get an absolute "we're totally over" feeling from him I kept persisting and eventually he came back. I say, if you still love her and really regret your decision to break it off, go get her! But be absolutely certain you really want her back and be able to articulate to her your reasons. I have to wonder though...after 5 years with her, how impulsive your decision really was? I hope it all works out for you! Link to post Share on other sites
sheithappens Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 travelbug: i am trying hard to get her back, we are on limited contact right now sort of, i was having a bad day and she got me really mad that i didnt want to deal with it you know, reason being her new friends suck ass you know lol , and my ex tries super hard to fit in .... any suggestion on trying to get her back? is it to late since its been like 5 months since we broke up? Link to post Share on other sites
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