Is there such thing as taking a break in a friendship (male/female frienship)?

[LBM]

Hi,

 

New here, just stumbled on this place and wish I had found it much earlier.

 

To make a long story short, I'm a woman who has known this guy friend since high school (we are in our mid-thirties). Never got involved romantically, lost touch a few times over the year but always reconnected. These past few months we've both dealt with difficult situations in our lives that made us spend much more time together, to the point I'd be more often over at his place than at my own.

 

Guess you can say we comforted each other in a way, but somehow, with alcohol getting thrown in the mix, he's given me mixed signals which troubled me more than I cared to admit to myself. To the point that one night we had a fight (something we never had in all those years we've known each other) and when we talked it over, he apologized and promised to be more careful and that it would happen again. He also said he'd understand if I didn't want to see him for a while - and that he didn't know how I could still want to talk to him or forgive him. (let's just say that when he's been having a few he tends to forget I'm just his friend and that he has no feeling of this type toward me...)

 

Well it was sort of true in a way that I needed to step back in order to put my head and thoughts back in order. If I am honest, he's been the only one to get through my defenses in a long while because I trusted him. And now this trust has been damaged, although I am willing to give him a chance to win it back - and it wouldn't be that hard if he'd show some willingness to do so.

 

Thing is, I haven't seen him in over a month now. I've been going through various stages in that time, from relief to withdrawals, from hurt to anger toward him for acting this way and leading me on although it was not intentional on his part (or was it and he just won't admit it? I doubt it but who knows now?). We talked occasionally either phone or online, and it's never like it used to be. In short, I feel like I lost my best friend for something that wasn't real or to be more exact, something I would have wished to be real but not at the cost of losing my friend. And when I told him very recently that yes some days I was still mad at him but that "I missed my friend, damn it!", his only answer was 'awww'. Not another word, never brought up the subject again, nothing.

 

So tell me, is there such a thing as "taking a break" in a friendship relationship or should I get use to the idea of having lost my best friend, the one person I've known the longest in my life outside my immediate family?

[HLP234]

You can never loose your best friend..but there is a line where being too friendly causes an attraction towards one another. I was best friends with my gf for a few years before we started dating..now she has a new best friend and it seems she is swooning over him.

 

I think there is something to be talked about between you too, maybe one of you has more than just friend feelings for each other and neither wants to admit it.

 

When my gf and I were best friends, we would not talk to each other as much or the same way when she was dating someone as compared to when she wasn't. And i was always the one to be there for her when she had problems..now she has left me for her other "best friend."

 

I would try and contact him and just lay things out straight forward and tell each other to be honest about everything and see if you guys can come to a compromise of some sort.

[LBM]

Thanks for the reply.

 

I guess my original message was too vague. After the fight, the 'talk' we had involved me telling him he was not making it easy for me at all, that he knew it'd be easy for me to fall for him and I had to always keep myself in check. As we talked, at some point he told me he hadn't realized I had fallen for him over time. Told him I knew he didn't want it to go that way and I'd respect that, to just give me a chance to get my barriers back up if you want. But then a week later he goes and says he can't find anyone to talk to who he can have an intelligent conversation with, who would understand him, etc.

 

And yes, he was being too friendly when drinking. He himself said no more drinking when in my presence... which turned out to be drinking and no me in his life anymore I guess.

 

So here I am, wondering if our friendship meant so little to him that he can't give up his drinks to spend one evening as friends with me, or if he thinks he's simply giving me 'a chance' - but after me telling him 'I missed my friend' when speaking about him, shouldn't he have understood I wanted my friend back?

[HLP234]

Well he should have noticed that, but still I guess he is confused about what happened and where it will lead. I would still try and sit down and talk to him about it more.

 

Same thing with my gf, we liked each other when we were best friends but neither of us would tell each other until one day I had to say something..I just wasn't getting her hints.

 

But that doesn't matter because now its gone all to crap. I don't see how having a best friend of the opposite sex can affect a relationship but being such best friends can make problems I suppose if the other person allows it somehow.