...i need someone's on wat to do.

[epicness]

ok i am so sorry if it is a bit long but i rly need someone's opinion on dis...

ok here goes [first post]:

 

i was wit my ex for 6 to almost 7 months.he broke up wit me.[main details]

 

well at first, he was jus a good friend n he would occasionally ask me if i liked him or not n i did but i wasnt rdy to be in a relationship with anyone at that point. so he agreed to wait for me until im rdy. when i was rdy we got together and everythin and was happy for 3 months havin occasional pointless fights but didnt do anything to d relationship until it started to go downhill from dere.

we were both stressed out from the SATs and gettin prepared and all dat.he was more stressed out dan i was.and since he had heart problems [a murmur in his heart] his emotions wud trigger some attacks so i decided to try to not hav any fights with him but we kept on fightin.i didnt no y.was it too stressful for him cuz i knew dat i wasnt startin any fights.so becuz i cared abt him i wud cut d fights short n say it was my fault n apologize n everythin becuz of his murmur.he claimed dat i hurt him multiple times but he hurt me too.den nearin d SATs my parents found out abt my relationship wit him n they didnt like it so we cudnt see each other as we went to different skwls.

with all d stress n not being able to spend time together made it even worse.we wer fightin mmore n more.almost every night for no reason.and i wud always try to cut it short by sayin its my fault n all dat.there wasa fight wen he broke up wit me n called anoda girl dat liked him n asked her to be his gf.dat hurt me alot n den d same night he told d girl dat he cudnt do dat to me n den we went bak together again..our relationship kept goin on n off for d few months.also one of our pointless fights:it was d night b4 his bday n i wanted to be d first one to wish him a happy bday but he fell asleep before 12AM so i recorded a voicemail n sent a few msgs sayin ILY n happy bday n den d nex day he called me n got angry dat i wasnt d first one to wish him happy bday n dat i shudnt blame it on him if he fell asleep or not.i was hurt but once again i cut d fight short by apologizing n all was well.

we went thru SATs together n a few days b4 our graduation, we had a huge fight abt how i got angry at him when he wanted to tell me dat he was moving away n dat i cudnt see him anymore.so he broke it off once n for all.he hung up n didnt call bak dat nite.dat devastated me.i cried myself to sleep dat nite...d nex day he called bak telling me dat he wanted to b close frends so i agreed until he sed dat he still wants to be with me so we agreed to meet each other up at the mall d followin to catch up n spendtime together. on my way to d mall i texted n called him n he sed he cudnt make it cuz he has to spend time wit his relatives.

d nex day i called him n we talked abt us n how he cant be wit me cuz of how i hurt him so i sed lets jus be frends.so we wer frends for a few days n den he wanted me to introduce him to one of my frends [a girl] but d girl didnt want to make anything weird between me n her so i was like ok.

since dat day i havent tlked to him for a while cuz he was in d hospital n i was waitin on an answer from him if to get bak together or not but at the end he still didnt want to.on d day of his flight to go to canada i called him n wished a safe flight n he sounded like he didnt want to hear from me.

since den, NC for 2 weeks.until he msged me on skype sayin d usual small tlk wit d hellos n how youve beens. until he got serious n told me dat he still wanted to be wit me,i thought abt it for a long while n told him ok n agreed to try again but within an hour of "being a couple" he told me dat it was hurtin him too much to be together wit me so it was a bad idea to ask me to get together again.i cried n he cried n we jus decided 2 be frendds from den on.den a few days later my grandfather passed away from cancer n at that time all i wanted was some comfort from one person only n it was him but he wasnt dere cuz he was avoidin me.so on d day of d funeral he msged me tellin dat he wanted his "friend" to no dat he was wit someone.dat someone was my childhood frend who happens to live all the way across the oda side of the world which means they wer in a long distance relationship.

this made me angry cuz he told me dis on d day of the furneral which made me more depressed for i wasnt over him yet. idk if it was an attempt to make me jealous or wat or if hes using her as a rebound gf or sumthing.

den he initiated NC therefore i didnt need to do anything.he deleted me off of facebook,skype, msn everything.so 4 months of NC n i was almost over him n finally happy wit my frends n family n everything.

i hid everythin dat reminded me of him away cuz everytime i see dem i get flashbacks of d relationship wich sent my heart beating fast like i doh kno wat lol.

NOW...after 3 times of false hope dat he gave me....

a few days ago,he msged me after 4 and a half months!he told me dat he was avoidin me n decided to jus be mature n stop being an idiot so i was fine with dat decision until he started to tlk abt how he felt abt the break up n dat he wasnt happy wit his relationship with the same childhood frend from before.honestlly i hav nuthin against him no matter wat he put me thru so i triewd to comfort him.den he goes on sayin dat he wanted me to no dat he still thinks abt me even tho he dont act like it n dat was d only reason he avoided me cuz he wanted to forget abt but no matter wat he does he cudnt.[remember he has a gf all d way across d oda of the world]he told me the 3 words ILY n dat brought up feelings in me n i cudnt resist but to say it bak even tho i no it was wrong.we started to catch up on how we wer both goin in our life n stuff n i told him dat im moving away for a year n he seemed down when he sed dat we may not see each oda again.he asked me if i still wanted to be wit him n in my mind i did but i no it wud be wrong cuz he has a gf.i asked abt his gf n he sed dat she confuses him n he doesnt no wat he wants anymore but dat his heart still wants me.

nex day he told me dat he was in d hospital whole day becuz of one of his attacks n dat for d whole 2 days his gf didnt tlk to him once AT ALL so he decided to break up wit her cuz he didnt care anymore cuz she wasnt dere for him wen he needed her d most.today i asked him abt it and it looks like dey didnt break up but as i mentioned b4 he told me he still loved me n i told him the same thing.now our conversations would jus a bit awkward at times.he gets me so mad but i still love him,i want to tlk to him but everytime i do my heart beats faster n faster cuz im scxared of gettin hurt again. he claims dat he still doesnt no wat he wants so therefore i dont no wat to do cuz i want to be with him but i cant do dat becuz he has a gf.

 

wat shud i do...?is he really tellin the truth wen he says that he still loved me..?was he tryin to make me jealous n used d girl as a rebound?

 

i still care abt him and i need to no if he still cares abt me but idk how to no for sure if he does...i dont no wat to do..plz help me!! T_T oh n also he told me dat d reason he broke up wit me was becuz i hurt him too much.i tol him dat he hurted me too n all he had to say was sorry///plzz HELP!