Author Brokenlady Posted December 29, 2009 Author Share Posted December 29, 2009 (edited) And who's fault is that??? Not hers. And the nerve of the guy to ask for it back..... Typical... Let me destroy your life then slap you in the face by asking for a ring back that was supposed to symbolize our future together. Yeah, as far as I'm concerned, he broke the engagement by repeatedly lying to me, cheating on me with his xW, and asking me to marry him under false pretenses in the 1st place (had I really known what he was up to, I never would have agreed). He was willing to take the risks that led to losing our realtionship knowing full well what would happen. He was apprently willing to take the risk until the time came to pay the piper. Tough for him. Again, It pains me to look at the damn ring. It's hidden for now so I can't see it. I don't want it, it symbolizes a dream he shattered carelessly. And he has lots of things he should "technically" return to me, but I am not asking for them, nor do I want them. (They include 1/2 of all my dishes/kitchen stuff that I sent over to his house in anticipation of a future together and because he needed supplies, etc). And let's not forget that he told his xW it was merely a "friendship ring". In fact, he said it was a "friendship ring" (supposedly in jest) on Thanksgiving to his family. (Let me tell you how awful that made me feel - like he was embarrassed to be engaged to me). So anyway - he didn't plan on making good on the engagement promise anyhow, nor would anyone expect me to return a "friendship ring". Edited December 29, 2009 by Brokenlady Link to post Share on other sites
Natureofbeast Posted December 29, 2009 Share Posted December 29, 2009 "She tells me that he told her he wants to work on things with her a few weeks ago, and that he explained away my $16K engagement ring as a "friendship ring"." You will be hard pressed to convince a court–if he takes it that far-- that it is a friendship ring if you have announced on a public forum--facebook and here--that it is an engagement ring. Even if you give it away to charity or threw it away--or say you lost it –a court might see that has spiteful- and you might be held accountable for the restitution of the value. Do consult a attorney on this matter. Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted December 29, 2009 Share Posted December 29, 2009 This is the most horrible story ever. He has done the unforgivable. I'm so sorry. Keep the ring and when you're ready to deal with it, sell it on eBay. Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted December 29, 2009 Share Posted December 29, 2009 "She tells me that he told her he wants to work on things with her a few weeks ago, and that he explained away my $16K engagement ring as a "friendship ring"." You will be hard pressed to convince a court–if he takes it that far-- that it is a friendship ring if you have announced on a public forum--facebook and here--that it is an engagement ring. Even if you give it away to charity or threw it away--or say you lost it –a court might see that has spiteful- and you might be held accountable for the restitution of the value. Do consult a attorney on this matter. Oh, please. The last thing she needs to worry about is going to court over a stupid ring. $16k is nothing to this guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Hazyhead Posted December 29, 2009 Share Posted December 29, 2009 I think you show real strength BL. You owe him nothing. It's bad enough that he has your heart, broken and shattered as it is. Have you heard from him? How do you block him completely? I am struggling with this now and your situation is more intense so I can't imagine how hard that is. At the moment my xMM is apparently walking around a place that we used to together - with an invite kindly extended to me (?!?) Its all I can do to stop myself climbing in my car and going to see him even though it will lead to more hurt and your situation shows how when the rarity happens and he does literally 'walk the walk' it can still end in so much pain. You're ability to rise above him is so admirable. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brokenlady Posted December 29, 2009 Author Share Posted December 29, 2009 "She tells me that he told her he wants to work on things with her a few weeks ago, and that he explained away my $16K engagement ring as a "friendship ring"." You will be hard pressed to convince a court–if he takes it that far-- that it is a friendship ring if you have announced on a public forum--facebook and here--that it is an engagement ring. Even if you give it away to charity or threw it away--or say you lost it –a court might see that has spiteful- and you might be held accountable for the restitution of the value. Do consult a attorney on this matter. He knows what he said to me when he gave it to me. It was a birthday present for me to keep either way. He gave it to me as a lame consolation prize as he was telling me he was going back to his xW. Then, later, when he decided not to go back to her, he wanted me to wear the ring, but I honestly don't think he was ready to be "enagaged", he just didn't want to ask for the ring back then. See the above story about Thanksgiving. He's not going to fight it, and he would look like an as* if he tried. Link to post Share on other sites
Awakening Posted December 29, 2009 Share Posted December 29, 2009 Keep the ring. If he threatens to sue, which I doubt he will, then give it back. Simple Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brokenlady Posted December 29, 2009 Author Share Posted December 29, 2009 I think you show real strength BL. You owe him nothing. It's bad enough that he has your heart, broken and shattered as it is. Have you heard from him? How do you block him completely? I am struggling with this now and your situation is more intense so I can't imagine how hard that is. At the moment my xMM is apparently walking around a place that we used to together - with an invite kindly extended to me (?!?) Its all I can do to stop myself climbing in my car and going to see him even though it will lead to more hurt and your situation shows how when the rarity happens and he does literally 'walk the walk' it can still end in so much pain. You're ability to rise above him is so admirable. Thank you HH, but I don't feel very strong. He is in all of my thoughts, pretty much all the time. I miss him terribly one moment and hate him the next, and then just feel sorry for him. I did have a momentary lapse of judgement. I have never managed cold turkey with him, so I'm allowing myself small relapses with him without losing focus on the end goal to be rid of him completely. I called him the other night to see how Christmas went (I had done a lot of work on Christmas presents for his kids, not that they would know that), but I was curious. Apparently it went well. He stayed overnight with the xW Christmas Eve and supposedly she asked him to stay over again Christmas night and he refused. He said she's still investigating my claims from the call (and undoubtedly finding the proof), and he told her it's over and she needs to move on. He's supposedly frustrated now that she won't move on. How funny - since I've begged him to tell her it was over (and stop sabotaging her ability to move on with mixed messages) and he never would --and NOW, after I don't want him anymore, now he actually wants her to move on. He whined about being alone New year's Eve and i replied that I will be alone too (thanks to him, once again) and that I spent many New Year's Eve's alone while he was partying with his xW. He said he was sorry, but that if I managed to get thru it so many times, so could he. Anyway, he didn't say a word about wanting the ring back. He compained about how his xW is making his life hell over what I told her - the truth. I can't help but feel that he richly deserves that. I said I would miss him and that I wished he hadn't f-ed everything up. He returned the sentiment, but understands that I can never go back to him. I know he harbors hope I'll change my mind. But I can't. Not this time. All that is in store for me with him is more pain. The good news is that I can hear him with different ears now - that call ended with me more resolved that I'm on the right path. Subtle things, but there was volumes of proof that he will never change in that call. I don't think I need to contact him again, but I know I will not cave to him either way. All he will ever do is hurt me more. Link to post Share on other sites
crystal_lostheart Posted December 29, 2009 Share Posted December 29, 2009 Thank you HH, but I don't feel very strong. He is in all of my thoughts, pretty much all the time. I miss him terribly one moment and hate him the next, and then just feel sorry for him. I called him the other night to see how Christmas went (I had done a lot of work on Christmas presents for his kids, not that they would know that), but I was curious. Apparently it went well. He stayed overnight with the xW Christmas Eve and supposedly she asked him to stay over again Christmas night and he refused. He said she's still investigating my claims from the call (and undoubtedly finding the proof), and he told her it's over and she needs to move on. He's supposedly frustrated now that she won't move on. How funny - since I've begged him to tell her it was over (and stop sabotaging her ability to move on with mixed messages) and he never would --and NOW, after I don't want him anymore, now he actually wants her to move on. DONT contact him.. I am going through a similar situation with the NC thing and it is hard but as each day goes by and he actually contacts me, I think thank god I didn't contact him first and what a pathetic mess he is at the moment. [B]He whined about being alone New year's Eve and i replied that I will be alone too (thanks to him, once again) and that I spent many New Year's Eve's alone while he was partying with his xW. He said he was sorry, but that if I managed to get thru it so many times, so could he. [/b] No... Don't tell him you are going to be alone... you tell him 'Oh well, I am going to spend it with me friends'. That's what I've told my MM because I am not going to sit at home and sulk over him. Not this year. This man hurt you remember... very badly...don't let him think you are upset or sad... he doesn't deserve to know ANYTHING about you anymore. I don't think I need to contact him again, but I know I will not cave to him either way. All he will ever do is hurt me more. Please listen to yourself... LOOK at what he did to you... that's what I'm doing... retracing each horrible thing MM did to me and that's what gets me through the day. When I think about picking up the phone to contact him... I think about the lies, the hurt, the pain and I put that phone down VERY quickly. Make a promise to yourself that you will NOT contact him for a period of time and in that time THINK about what HE has done to YOU. Then I'm sure you will see that he is not worth talking to. Take care of YOU in this time... heal... force yourself out of the house and do some things fun things for yourself. Last night I caught up with a few girlfriends, didn't want to at all at first but got my ass up an moved. I was feeling much better when I got there. Tonight I'm catching up with another friend, positive people.... keep busy, be positive. I know it's hard ((HUGS)) Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted December 29, 2009 Share Posted December 29, 2009 (edited) Dont you dare give back that ring. If you had decided ON YOUR OWN to give it back to him, if you had THROWN it at thim, then that would be fine. But after all he has done, DONT YOU DARE do anything simply because he asked you to or whined or wheedled or cajoled. (you get the point). And DO NOT call him anymore. He doesnt deserve it and you dont need to feed the flame. It will take time (as horrible as it is) for you to process everything and begin to accept it. Dont prolong that process by contacting him, it will only make you angry with yourself. Big big hugs we are all here for you jj Edited to add: love the ex boyfriend jewelry site - its there when you are ready (or maybe you can give it back to a jewelry store for say $5,000....) Edited December 29, 2009 by jj33 Link to post Share on other sites
crystal_lostheart Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 Dont you dare give back that ring. If you had decided ON YOUR OWN to give it back to him, if you had THROWN it at thim, then that would be fine. But after all he has done, DONT YOU DARE do anything simply because he asked you to or whined or wheedled or cajoled. (you get the point). And DO NOT call him anymore. He doesnt deserve it and you dont need to feed the flame. It will take time (as horrible as it is) for you to process everything and begin to accept it. Dont prolong that process by contacting him, it will only make you angry with yourself. Big big hugs we are all here for you jj Edited to add: love the ex boyfriend jewelry site - its there when you are ready (or maybe you can give it back to a jewelry store for say $5,000....) Here Here.... Sell it and go on a nice vacation.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brokenlady Posted December 30, 2009 Author Share Posted December 30, 2009 You are right JJ. I am pissed off at myself already. But I've made it through another day of not speaking to him, knowing full-well he is keeping his cell strapped to his person "just in case" I call. I feel better today than yesterday, but maybe that's because I forgot to take my anti-depressant the night before. Today and tomorrow I will be alone, and that's going to be hard for me. Two attempts at making plans with friends for tomorrow night failed miserably. But - I'm knee-deep in an exceedingly lengthy book, and I hope that helps. And failing that, I have many bottles of wine to choose from in my house. Yes, I think that will do just fine if the need arises. Maybe a bubblebath too. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 If you need something else to distract you, Discovery Channel is running "Everest: Beyond the Limit", their annual series about some of the people who tried to climb Mt. Everest each spring summit season. Even if you have no actual interest in mountain climbing and couldn't climb Everest even if they carved steps into it with a handrail (like me!), there is something fascinating about watching (insane!!) people struggle through extremes in weather and lack of oxygen to put one foot in front of the other to do this. It really takes you out of your head. It's a 5 part special, so you have 5 hours of distraction right there! You're doing great...one day at a time. Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 If you need something else to distract you, Discovery Channel is running "Everest: Beyond the Limit", their annual series about some of the people who tried to climb Mt. Everest each spring summit season. Whoa! That sounds awesome! Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 Whoa! That sounds awesome! It really is awesome, and an amazing program when you consider how much goes into production of the series...camera crew, cameras that work in -50 degree weather (!)... The real heroes as far as I'm concerned are the sherpa guides who go up first each season and put up all the ropes and ladders all the climbers use, and the sherpas who climb with everyone to help them and try to help the climbers if they run into trouble or succumb to the mind-freezing effects of lack of oxygen. They are truly amazing. All five parts of the series are on Discovery Channel today, starting at 5pm central time in the US. Set your Tivo! Link to post Share on other sites
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