Girlfriend is cold towards me all of a sudden.

[intern]

I have been dating this girl for 10 months now, and everything seemed to have been going so well. We were near inseparable, and went everywhere together.

 

 

But things started to change last month. All of a sudden, she became much less responsive to emails/texts I sent her, and she was increasingly a lot less patient with me.

 

 

She stopped initiating kisses when we greet, and for the last several weeks, when we'd wake up together, instead of staying for a small while/cuddling/mingling, she would wake me up fully dressed, say that she had to go and then left within a 5 minute time.

 

 

This weekend we spent time having a fun conversation through texting. When I got to asking her to meet up before I went on vacation, she stopped responding.

 

 

The very next day, I tried reaching her and it was as if she disappeared off the face of the Earth.

 

 

I checked her Facebook, and she was still posting, so the theory of her being incapacitated is wrong.

 

 

I don't understand what happened, it almost seemed like an immediate drop off without any warning. We didn't have a single week of problems at all before things like this started to take place.

 

 

She has recently picked up a new job which has been stressful to her, and she also says she suffers from S.A.D. I have no idea what things like this could effect her so thoroughly, but I really hope that this is something we can get through.

 

 

I haven't had a relationship in a long time, thus have little experience of these things. What does it mean when a girlfriend gets cold? What can I do from here? Any suggestions?

[boogieboy]

Back off from her. Dont contact her, wait for her to contact you, and make yourself unavailable. When they get cold like that, it means she has emotionally checked out of the relationship maybe a month or so ago, and started shopping for someone new. She is avoiding your contact because she does not want to talk to you. Once they find someone new (behind your back) then all of a sudden the communication slows down or stops. Anything she says at this point is a lie to avoid telling you why they lost interest in you. Unless she says "I dont feel the same about you anymore because of *this*". You might have not seen any problems up until now, but as the months go by, you will start realizing things that have turned her off to you.

 

Once a woman checks out, theres no way to get her back for good. Whatever the problem was with you, she didnt want to work on it, she didnt tell you anything. That means she didnt think the relationship was worth saving, and she will never go back to it.

 

Best you can do right now is, as much as it will hurt to do it, avoid talking to her. When people pull back from you, you pull back more to make them miss you. SHe will probably see that you have pulled away and then try to reach out to you more, and thats where you will have your leverage. But you wont get any truthful answers out of her unless she doesnt get what she wants.

 

She might try to go the "lets just be friends" route, but if she does that, it's so she can hang out with you to wean herself off of you. Hanging around someone you dont like makes you dislike them more, know what I mean? Just cutting herself off will hurt, as it does you. But since she is leaving you, you dont want to do what makes her happy right now, you do the opposite. SO since she is in the preliminary stages of breaking it off, wait for her to do all this, and then stay away from her.

[squeaky]

the best way to find out is to ask her.

 

this happened to me with my ex. in my case, i had lost my job, and at the same time, my parents came for a visit. i felt stressed and overwhelmed, and i didn't know how to express my feelings to me ex, and i became distant from him.

 

it could be any number of things, but you need to have open communication with her if you want to hold onto your relationship.

[Woggle]

Prepare for the bomb to drop.

[betamanlet]

She's lost interest in you, and is in the process of finding your replacement. The best thing you can do is to not care. Don't pretend to not care, but just don't actually care. THat's probably the best thing you could do to keep her interested. She will replace you, which involves cheating on you, but sh won't view it that way due to the sense of entitlement she has to "find the one".

[b52s]

That's pretty crappy for a girlfriend to do that to you and not offer any explanation, in fact I'd ask her for an explanation, because couples are suppose to "communicate" right?

[Simon Attwood]

the best way to find out is to ask her.

 

This wins the best answer in this thread award

 

It's never an easy conversation, but essentially this is what you are going to have to do.

 

Ask her if she minds having a chat, and then ask her what's going on, what is she feeling, tell her that you are concerned because she seems distant.

 

If you're unlucky, she'll end it

 

If you're lucky, she will perceive you as being open with your feelings and interested in her feelings.

 

1 rule, don't get defensive, if you do, she will get defensive and the communication will break down.

[Sam Spade]

Stop initiating any form of contact and start hitting on other girls.

[phineas]

You can ask her.

But I doubt she will tell you the truth.

 

Her behavior sounds just like the way my STBXW was acting.

 

Would you say her coldness happened before or after she got her new job?

[Woggle]

You could always dump her before she dumps you.

[Vertex]

Honestly, if you guys "were inseparable and went everywhere together," this tends to be a recipe for disaster. Space can be a good thing sometimes because too much time spent together can kill off spark/attraction. If she's stressed, your repeated attempts to contact her may just be adding to her stress; she may not know how to tell you to back off. Otherwise, she's emotionally checked out and may be interested in someone else.

 

Either way, your best bet is to stop trying to contact her so assiduously. I think it's worth dropping a simple line, though, to ask why she's been so cold/distant so you guys could discuss what's on your minds openly.

[Sam Spade]

Don't ask her "why don't you call anymore".

Just dig in your heels, and tell her point blank that her recent behavior makes you feel unappreciated and since your basic relationship needs are not met you see no point in continuing in a relationship with her.

This effectively means that you dump her preemptively, but she still has the chance to scramble and prove you otherwise.

Ignore anything she says, and look at what she does.

[Vertex]

Don't ask her "why don't you call anymore".

Just dig in your heels, and tell her point blank that her recent behavior makes you feel unappreciated and since your basic relationship needs are not met you see no point in continuing in a relationship with her.

This effectively means that you dump her preemptively, but she still has the chance to scramble and prove you otherwise.

Ignore anything she says, and look at what she does.

 

I agree with this advice, but be warned! Prepare for the possibility that she actually takes you up on what you say. I made the mistake of "preemptively breaking up" when I didn't actually want to -- I had been trying to get her to "scramble" for me during a long lull period where it was clear she had checked out of the relationship and was not initiating contact anymore. She wound up not scrambling, and I started panicking. If you're going to take this sort of stance, just be prepared and make sure you're doing it for the right reasons.

[Compos_Mentis]

Everyone here sees it: she's in the process of finalising the break up with you.

 

My guess is: you have become too needy in your way of communicating with her.

 

...and everything seemed to have been going so well. We were near inseparable, and went everywhere together.

 

It is not 'correct' or 'good' to be inseparable. For you, it might have felt good, and appeared to be the correct thing to do - but it is not.

 

I have made the same mistake with a girl I really loved, still do, in a way.

 

Overtime guys tend to want to become 'nicer' and just better to please their women - in the process, however, they appear needy to the women, which kills attraction.

 

My advice to you is: (a) end it yourself, leaving a hook-on for her to try and make it better. By that I mean tell her you do not like her behaviour and you think the best thing for the both of you is to take a break. (b) IMMEDIATELY stop being needy. Call her half the times she calls you. Always end conversations FIRST and on a high note. After you spend a night together, tell her you have to run. Go out with your friends, and if you have something planned, call her and tell her your friends invited you somewhere and you want to go. IMMEDIATELY stop being needy.

 

Usually, at this stage, there is no way to 'cure' your problem. Those are your two only options. I suggest (b) if you want to have some chance to save this, and (a) in general, as I can see it-it's going to end anyhow, it's better that you do it.

 

Good luck to you, we've all been there,

 

Dan.

[skydiveaddict]

dump her immediately