Is this real?

[spirit9973]

Okay, I don't want to sound like the proverbial non-trusting jaded, strong, independent woman, but here goes. I had been pursued by a wonderful man for over a year. He would call and ask me out and I would always decline. Reason being HE WAS STILL MARRIED. Although he was separated, and they had been living in separate homes for about a year. I was still leery of dating anyone who is still married. It's kinda like being sort of pregnant married is married and there's always the chance they may get back together. Anyway, he finally divorced in July of this year. We started going out and I found myself really liking his personality and company. The problem is, I've never been married and I am finally ready. I told him up front that I don't date often because at this point in my life I am wanting to date someone who wants the same thing and that's marriage. He told me he wants to get married again too because he wasn't with the right woman before and he hung in there for the kids. I love him for that because that shows he is a great father and he really is involved in their life as he should be. His kids are wonderful they like me he likes my kids we spend time together. We have talked about our future and we are very compatible on our family values, etc. We communicate openly and honestly and have only had one argument since we've been dating. (We've known each other for a year and we've been dating exclusively since August),

 

Here's where things got a little touchy. I asked him about Christmas because I know this was the first Christmas he may not be going over to his ex's to see the kids. I told him before he goes making plans to pick up the kids to bring to his house to spend christmas with us he needs to talk with his ex about it first becaus their her kids too to see how she would feel. He comes back and tells me that the ex will be coming over to spend christmas with all of us! Now I am a very understanding person and rational, but there was no way I was going to spend our first christmas together with his ex! FIRST AM I WRONG IN EXPECTING THIS?? He's had his memories with her it was time to make ours. He should have at least in my opinion gave me the consideration of talking to me first like I gave him advice to do for his ex. He understood my point and changed it which works out great. I've never been involved with someone newly divorced and they divorced on a good note so that was great but he always says he doesn't hate his ex and he talks about her quite a lot in the context of them together and what they are doing or what they have did for their children. I feel like he's still in the mindset that they are partners. I DON'T THINK he has any romantic feelings for her any longer but she called one night and started venting about one of their children when i was visiting and he didn't even have the courtesy to tell her that he had company after he told her the solution and he would call back later. I could see if it were life threatening but she was just venting. He then told her about what I said and even she totally agreed that he should have told her I was there and she would have gotten off the phone because it wasn't life threatening. More situations have happened like this and he says it's none of her business what he is doing. (??) or that he has a bad habit of not acknowledging people and he will do better.

I just don't know anymore. No one expects him to hate his ex, but I am new to this and he was married to her for 18 years. They were separated 6 out of those eight years for one reason or another. On my end we have no problems, maybe because we were''t married when we had our twins, but he has gone on with his life and has no problem in my going on with mine. the children aren't babies so I expect some boundaries to be set if he really wants to move on with me as he claims he does. Anyway how do I cope with being the new girlfriend? He has all of this history and I can't compete and not even trying to. I really don't know if he still has feelings for her or not. I just have to trust him and see. My questions are

Should I give him some time and stop dating him for awhile? I've prayed on this and I am not liking the answer I am getting unless I don't have the spiritual discernment I thought I did.

Based on what I have told you am I expecting too much even though he pursued me all of that time? I don't know what to do. He told me the other night that he could see me as his wife "one day." That's player talk in my opinion. Please tell me your honest opinion. Thanks for you help!!