My Ex-Girlfriend left me for LONG distance relationship

[billyburg7]

I could really use some advice.

 

My girlfriend of two years broke up with me a few months ago, but we continued to have a relationship in a gray area up until two weeks ago. We would talk and meet up and sometimes kiss and hook up. Basically act as a couple, but not be together.

 

Two weekends ago, I went to visit my family and she, as i found out on facebook, had a male friend of hers fly in from Seattle to NYC to visit.

 

Long story short, she wouldn't return my phone calls the four days he was there and when I returned to NYC and saw her, she told me they were together.

 

She wanted to stay my friend, which I tried, but she would still flirt with me and call me and text me 30 times a day even though this guy was now with her. Eventually, we had a fight and decided I couldn't be friends with her if she was with him.

 

I am devastated and depressed and want her back. I truly believe she and I are meant to be and would do anything to get her back.

 

My head is filled with questions. How do I get her back? Does she miss me as much as I miss her? Can a cross country relationship based on a long weekend work?

 

Please help. I can't stop thinking about her.

[LovelyDaze]

You won't stop thinking about her...not yet. But what you definitely need to do is the hard work...NC.

She has already introduced who she REALLY is and how much she valued your relationship by taking up with another guy.

 

I'll keep my similar story short & sweet. My ex left me for a girl he met in Vegas,got engaged after 2 wks of knowing her, been in a long distance relationship with her ever since, dumped her, begged for me to come back & then gave up on me to go back to her.

 

Yea. It sucks. Here's what you have to do. Don't call, text, write, e-mail her for nothing. Not for stuff, not for closure, not for any reason.

 

Next, you work on YOU. The problem with us broken hearts is that we assume all will be well just as long as we get back together with our significant other. Wrong. Once a fracture(a break-up) happens, it puts a scar on that relationship and carries a cloud that doesn't leave. Why? Because the issues hasn't truly been resolved. A break-up should be just that. It requires time and space from the ex for us to find out who we really are, what we are really made of and who actually fits into our life nicely.

 

Going NC is terribly hard...I know! But sweetheart, that's why it will work.

[Space Ritual]

Young man,

 

The question is...WHY WOULD YOU WANT HER BACK?

 

You see by your post you have discovered that at beats she is a major head game player, and at worst a potential cheater at this point in time.

I mean come on, I know that it hurts, but Lovely Daze says all that need be said when it comes to No Contact.

 

You must do it for your own sanity. This girl obviously has no real respect for you if she plays these games. And look at it this way...

 

Say you two get back together. Now whats' to stop her form texting and playing games with this guy in Seattle?

 

you guessed it. Nothing. Knowing what you know now, are you willing to go down this road, wondering why she is getting text messages, blows you off and walks in the other room to answer the phone, etc? Tells you that thjis or that guy "is just a friend"???Because I guarantee it will happen.

 

Please do yourself a favor and date somebody worthy of your affections and your love. This chick ain't it. I know NC will be very Hard. In fact it may take multiple attempts. Because each time you break it and deal with her, she will do or say something that will put you back at square one and you will be beating yourself up wondering why you ever talked to her again in the first place.

 

The Curb...find the nearest one and drop this chick off at it for good.

[LovelyDaze]

Young man,

 

The question is...WHY WOULD YOU WANT HER BACK?

 

You see by your post you have discovered that at beats she is a major head game player, and at worst a potential cheater at this point in time.

I mean come on, I know that it hurts, but Lovely Daze says all that need be said when it comes to No Contact.

 

You must do it for your own sanity. This girl obviously has no real respect for you if she plays these games. And look at it this way...

 

Say you two get back together. Now whats' to stop her form texting and playing games with this guy in Seattle?

 

you guessed it. Nothing. Knowing what you know now, are you willing to go down this road, wondering why she is getting text messages, blows you off and walks in the other room to answer the phone, etc? Tells you that thjis or that guy "is just a friend"???Because I guarantee it will happen.

 

Please do yourself a favor and date somebody worthy of your affections and your love. This chick ain't it. I know NC will be very Hard. In fact it may take multiple attempts. Because each time you break it and deal with her, she will do or say something that will put you back at square one and you will be beating yourself up wondering why you ever talked to her again in the first place.

 

The Curb...find the nearest one and drop this chick off at it for good.

 

Not to act like a 16 year old but I had to have said a million OMGs reading your post, Space Ritual.

 

Dead on about some of our exes are skilled at the art of game playing. Sadistic a-holes! They don't care what kind of carnage they leave in their wake. When it comes to relationships it is all about "ME! ME! ME!" to them. No consideration for the partner whatsoever.

 

Listen to Space Ritual, please!!! That girl will just play you and the other guys for suckers just like my ex is doing with me and his fiancee'.

 

I remind myself what a jerk my ex is by thinking this: How would the new fiancee' like it if I told her he bought me a huge bouquet of expensive flowers about 3 weeks back? Or how when he dumped her he contacted me that night for another try to work things out? Or how he STILL sends me the occasional text(we still work together) gushing about how beautiful I look that day and things?

 

I see it for what it is. He's a bastard. I KNOW I deserve one of the good guys. You deserve something so much better than what you are getting to. Just believe it. You get what you give...so give YOURSELF love and treat yourself right!

[billyburg7]

Thank you both for your advice. I really appreciate it. And I'm trying the no contact and its very hard.

 

It's been 8 days. The longest we've gone without talking and of course she sends me a text message:

 

"All I want is your happiness. I'm sorry for everything that went wrong with achieving that. I hope you're doing well."

 

I responded simply that "my hometown at christmas is beautiful right now. You'd love it."

 

Whether that's bad or good i don't know. I still don't know why she even texted me.

[LovelyDaze]

Thank you both for your advice. I really appreciate it. And I'm trying the no contact and its very hard.

 

It's been 8 days. The longest we've gone without talking and of course she sends me a text message:

 

"All I want is your happiness. I'm sorry for everything that went wrong with achieving that. I hope you're doing well."

 

I responded simply that "my hometown at christmas is beautiful right now. You'd love it."

 

Whether that's bad or good i don't know. I still don't know why she even texted me.

 

Sorry, it WAS not good but not terrible either.

 

When we said NC, we meant it. EVen if you had to respond, you should have sent something like, "Thank you, I am doing fine."

End of story.

 

She needs to see what you are made of. The text you sent is a very mini-setback because from a 3rd person point of view it whispers that you still want her back. Sure you do but you know you shouldn't.

OUr exes as the dumpers ALWAYS needs a soft place to land and to have themselves stay validated in your heart. They know their power and you have to take it away from them.

 

Next time she texts something. Be cordial. Not cute. Not sweet. Not insinuating, just cordial. Keep it short and to the point. I would advise you not to respond at all! That would be epic on your part and so empowering!

However, like my ex is STILL my co-worker until Jan 2010 when he heads for Afghanistan, I am nice and cordial. HE is always the one bringing a retry of our relationship and crap. I stay as cool as a cucumber in a salad.

 

Get underground with your emotions. Go to that dark place so you can come into the light gradually and naturally. KNOW that she is not coming back. Own that! Then, do the difficulty of leaving her alone and moving on.

 

There is a girl out in this world who is waiting for you to not give a damn about your ex. You will meet her one day so get yourself ready!