amilyah Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 Found out tonight my husband of almost 20 yeas does have another gf.We have only been separated 5 weeks.Been in nc 3 weeks.How the hell does someone do this.He told me every day how much he loved meI have prayed everynight he would come home.Crazy thing i prayed to God this morning please just let me know the truth,and found out tonight.Guess im getting what i deserve. I left my first husband for him but my first husband did abuse me and my kids.Can someone just stop loving you after 20 years,dont get it.Hes to old for this ****(hes 42).Know that i know it makes me hate him, he blamed me for everything.I let him blame me now i just think hes a coward.I know i need to let go but its so dam hard.Someone tell me how to get over this *******.Cause after this i wouldnt take him back for anything.I pray they break up and he tries to get me back so i can tell him ha ha ha hell ****ing no...... Link to post Share on other sites
nobmagnet Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 oh honey I am sooooooooooo sorry. What a sh*t. You have every right to be angry. Mine did the same to me. Treated me really bad for a while till I was convinced there was more to it. Proof is flooring. I cant tell you how to feel better. Rant away on here we will listen. You just found out the truth. Its painful I know but you know now. again I am so sorry for you. big big hugs Link to post Share on other sites
Author amilyah Posted December 23, 2009 Author Share Posted December 23, 2009 Thank you nob.The more i think of it the more i feel hate,guess thats a good thing.Well im not gonna sit around waiting anymore.Gonna go find me a good man....lol.I know its to soon for me but im gonna at least start going out.Been sitting here 5 weeks waiting for him to come to his senses.Going out new years with friends wish me luck. Link to post Share on other sites
nobmagnet Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 all the best my sweet! Glad rags on, lippy and a nice new hair do......shine honey. its great you are going out.I found it amazing when i went out for the first time. I had so much attention from blokes! It helped my self esteem no end. wishing the best xx Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 Go see a lawyer and file for divorce.. NOW. There is your sweet revenge. Take total control of this situation and don't let him see ANY emotion, even if it kills you inside. Seems he never changed his stripes, he cheated with you and now he's cheating ON you. Sorry I know you're hurting.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author amilyah Posted December 23, 2009 Author Share Posted December 23, 2009 thank you whichway but i cant get a divorce right now.The whole time we was together he didnt want me to work(was scared id meet someone else,isnt that funny).Well he took everything but the house with all the bills he knows i cant pay for.I do have a job now but not enough money for everthing.I did call Legal aid and they say i have to wait 6 months unless he files first.They dont want to spend government money in case we get back together(will never happen after this).Hes got it made right now.got everything that was paid for and has no bills.He makes great money to.He told me he would pay the bills but he isnt.Guess his new gf told him he better not give me money...........I just feel like sreaming Link to post Share on other sites
CBIIS1 Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 What goes around comes around. You have to learn to pick good men. Your first was bad and the second one not much better but you picked them both. you are now experiencing what you made your first man feel. It always comes back to roost. Link to post Share on other sites
Author amilyah Posted December 23, 2009 Author Share Posted December 23, 2009 Cb i agree with you its karma.But my first husband was really horrible he beat the crap out of me.Always had to call cops on him.stayed with him for a while only because he told me if i left he would kill me and my kids(which are also his kids).So i really dont feel bad for leaving him for my second husband. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 amyliah, I don't know where you are, but having to wait 6 months (if you're in the UK) is utter BS. You can actually go to a civil court and file for divorce yourself. There are no time limits. He's abandoned you and is an adulterer. When my ex- and I split, the divorce was filed in a UK court, within 3 days. And we lived abroad at the time. Ok, you have to pay a fee, and produce certain documents. but the fact that the marriage has irretrievably broken down and that he's committed adultery (do not name the other woman in the petition. Just call her the third person, or co-defendant) is more than sufficient. And as he supported you and prevented you from working, he will have to support you, ultimately..... But maybe someone can loan you the fee until you can pay it back. but 6 months - that's utterly outrageous and completely false. Go to the CAB and gain some on-the-spot legitimate advice. Link to post Share on other sites
nobmagnet Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 agreed. In britsh law even if your name is not on the house you are entitled to a % of the profit when it is sold. You were married for 20years.......again you are entitled to maintainance for yourself. Benifits?? I could go onfor ever. I have had to go down all these routes and would be happy to advise on money probs in the UK. take care xx Link to post Share on other sites
Author amilyah Posted December 23, 2009 Author Share Posted December 23, 2009 In my state they tell me i have to have to have grounds for divorce.I told them that i suspect adultry but they tell me i have to have proof.And aslo if i file for desertion i have to wait a year.We could do a uncontested divorce trough a regular lawyer(which i cant afford)but hes not gonna agree on alimony so thats out.I am so screwed.Thank for all the advice. Link to post Share on other sites
nobmagnet Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 why wont he agree for allonony? i dont think I understand your situation too well. That seem sooooooooooooo wrong surely?? could you explain a bit more. You dont have to but it seems very very wrong Link to post Share on other sites
floridapad Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 Amilyah Your H is a real peice of work. It is right for you to feel anger right now. Get it out. All of it. But be careful not to let it stew for too long. It will only hurt you in the end. It WILL eat at you if you don't eventually let it go and it will become a part of you if it goes on for too long. He is not worth it. He truly isn't. Link to post Share on other sites
nobmagnet Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 oh so true florida Link to post Share on other sites
CBIIS1 Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 Get out period and then figure out what makes you hook up with guys like that. The money is secondary here. Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 You're lucky, I'm too old and unconventional to get attention! Too shy too, I don't do clubs etc. I could do with some attention though, I feel horribly unloved. all the best my sweet! Glad rags on, lippy and a nice new hair do......shine honey. its great you are going out.I found it amazing when i went out for the first time. I had so much attention from blokes! It helped my self esteem no end. wishing the best xx Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 OMG, he sounds very possessive hun! My ex stopped being in love with me after 18 years, where does the love go? Crazy isn't it, thought we had a deep bond, well we did. My ex didn't cheat but he is being well supported by a group of female friends (one of whom he used to fancy, she is self centred and I imagine she will get her claws into him and will feel smug about it knowing how I will feel about it, she told me she couldn't rule it out), they were my friends originally and they have not supported me since he left they have chosen to support him not me. I am so angry and hurt by it. thank you whichway but i cant get a divorce right now.The whole time we was together he didnt want me to work(was scared id meet someone else,isnt that funny).Well he took everything but the house with all the bills he knows i cant pay for.I do have a job now but not enough money for everthing.I did call Legal aid and they say i have to wait 6 months unless he files first.They dont want to spend government money in case we get back together(will never happen after this).Hes got it made right now.got everything that was paid for and has no bills.He makes great money to.He told me he would pay the bills but he isnt.Guess his new gf told him he better not give me money...........I just feel like sreaming Link to post Share on other sites
karnak Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 they were my friends originally and they have not supported me since he left they have chosen to support him not me. I am so angry and hurt by it. Most people really haven't any morals, have they? Unfortunately, what's happening with your friends is what's happening with love relationships, also. You're with a person who you think is an honest to God friend (and whom you've known for years) and then, when you most need your friend's help... WHAM ... your "friend" sticks his elbow right between your eyes. Humanity, humanity... Link to post Share on other sites
Author amilyah Posted December 23, 2009 Author Share Posted December 23, 2009 Nobmagnet, I dont think he will agree to alimony because he told me he would give me money once a week.He did first week then havent heard from him since.I hate him for doing this to me.The more i hate the less i cry though.I lost like 30 pounds in these few week(needed to anyway best diet in the world is divorce lol). Link to post Share on other sites
LisaUk Posted December 24, 2009 Share Posted December 24, 2009 (edited) Hi I'm so sorry to hear what your H has done to you and what you are having to go through. I take it you are in the US? I'm sorry I don't know much about US divorce law to be able to help in that regard. Can you get some free advice from somewhere there? Here you can get it from the CAB, there must be a charity organisation similar in the US. Try your local church, they may be able to put you in touch with someone? Keep posting hun, we're here for you. Edited December 24, 2009 by LisaUk Link to post Share on other sites
nobmagnet Posted December 24, 2009 Share Posted December 24, 2009 yep yep grow some balls my love! if you have the home.......sell it! i didnt work to earn money either( joint choice) however we made a home. we created an eviroment for our children to grow becase we were there. NEVER think your job was worthless.it was not, Taxi,nanny,houskeeper blah blah im with you, I havent been paidfor 6years. i have kept and managed a massive house alone. MY children.and 4acres alone. we doubled the size of our house/home, i managed it I kept it clean I decorated alone by hand 22 rooms.it was never enough.. hey my point is........you did a massive job cooking/cleaning/children/ decorating/ hello,homemaker aint all that.i never had a career but i did have a job i loved. he knew i loved it. threw it in my face. Apparently i am lazy?? do nothing???? you are a star. you really are. xxx Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted December 24, 2009 Share Posted December 24, 2009 In my state they tell me i have to have to have grounds for divorce.I told them that i suspect adultry but they tell me i have to have proof.And aslo if i file for desertion i have to wait a year.We could do a uncontested divorce trough a regular lawyer(which i cant afford)but hes not gonna agree on alimony so thats out.I am so screwed.Thank for all the advice. I'm sorry, this is BS. What state do you live in? He doesn't have to agree to alimony. You have to file for it, and he has to contest it, but his agreement is academic. Where do you live exactly? Then we can do some accurate research for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author amilyah Posted December 24, 2009 Author Share Posted December 24, 2009 Thank you tara,I live in mississippi.I know this is bs.but i also believe in God.I think everything happens for a reason.I hope one day i can forgive him he was the man i loved for 20 years.But i believe God has better plans for me,maybe its because ive been married since i was 16 to first hubby then got with second hubby right after.Maybe im suppose to be single a while and have time to finally see whats out there.Maybe im gonna meet the perfect guy,one who loves me and not his self.Gosh cant believe how much this site has helped me,I thank each and every one of yall.Cant believe I cancelled Christmas because of this *******.No tree,no presents.Now that i feel better i regret it.To late now.Anyways,,,,,MERRY CHRISMAS to all of yall. Link to post Share on other sites
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