What about the other man?

[dprtman09]

well I think there are some on this forum, and as of late it seems to be women, that think a man just needs to get over it...as if they are coming to the defense of the cheating wife.

 

 

 

 

 

again, some people think that asking for assurances, being an open book, and doing what it takes to gain trust back is some form of control.

 

as if lack of all those things kept a spouse from staying in the first place. why is it when a spouses guard is down, and trust level is high, that THEN the cheater does what they do? And then after cheating its as if you are just suppose to get over it? dont think so.

 

When one cheats, they lost the comfort and security of a trusting spouse with not oversight for a while.

 

I guess we shouldn't put criminals on probation either:o

 

OK, DM, I get your point and it is a good one. When I speak of our relationship, I speak of three entities: Me, her, and the M.

 

She polices herself means that she will take responsibility for her actions and how they affect me and the M. If she intends to control herself for the benefit of me and the M, then let it be. If she intends to control me, I'll know and we'll have problems. If she thinks that I want to control her, she's wrong. I told her that I could care less what she does as long as she obeys the 3 rules I'll state later.

 

I don't police her means that I am entitled to any information regarding her activities, whereabouts, and such that I may ask, but I don't tell her what to do or not to do. There are only three rules: NO OM'S, NO CONTACT WITH THE PAST OM, AND DON'T LIE TO ME. She needs to take responsibility for what she does. I don't have the time.

 

Your question regarding why the cheater does what they do when they do can only be answered by a cheater. Cheating is what it is no matter what the time, circumstances, or trust level is. I will probably never know why she did what she did. Bottom line, at this point, I can't let that get in my way. I've got a life to get on with. I prefer to share it with her and it looks as though that will happen. I will never forget what she did. So far, it doesn't look as though she expects me to.