eyeswide Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 I just had an encounter with a co-worker that left me in a strange, thoughtful mood... Had a meeting with a very nice male co-worker whom I work more and more frequently with. He's reasonably attractive and just really sweet, easy to talk to. We just ended up talking at the end of the meeting about a few personal details. Turns out his last job was in the place where I grew up and that he worked for the same company as my dad used to. We also talked about having kids and how challenging it can be. We made what was a very nice connection and I now feel like I have a new friend in my workplace. Trust me -- I felt no kind of romantic "pull" during or after this conversation. BUT, I felt like I saw very clearly that if this had happened several years ago -- before I and my husband both put the "hurt" on each other like I've never done/felt before -- well, I can see how the vulnerable, needy, sad and lonely woman I was back then would have said to herself "this connection I'm feeling, and this coincidence we share, well it must MEAN something..." and I think I could have easily fallen down the rabbit hole with this man if he'd shown even the slightest little bit of interest. Now that I know what an affair is like -- both as the WS and BS -- there is absolutely NOOOOOOOOO BLOOOOOOODY WAAAAAAAAY I would ever let this little connection bloom into anything that it isn't or shouldn't be. But that kind of freaks me out a little. Did I really have to go through all this pain to have this kind of insight and wisdom? Ouch. Sometimes the truth hurts... Thanks for listening. Link to post Share on other sites
datura_noir Posted December 24, 2009 Share Posted December 24, 2009 No, you are not alone. I am strong and I have my boundaries. Always have. Once upon a time, I was the OW. I didn't know it. When I found out he was married, with a wife and severely disabled child at home.all feelings and dealings cut off at that time... I have my standards, and one of them (as a single woman)is that all my dates must be single As a married woman, I just don't go there...I watch enough soap operas in real life, I don't need that crap in my own life... Link to post Share on other sites
pureveritas Posted December 26, 2009 Share Posted December 26, 2009 It's sounded to me as if you had one of those proverbial "ah-hah" moments where you realized the experiences you've had in the past are shaping the person you are becoming today.. I think it's call life. You've learned, felt and grown - all wonderful things ! congrats. Link to post Share on other sites
Author eyeswide Posted December 27, 2009 Author Share Posted December 27, 2009 Thanks Datura and pureveritas, I wish that in my 40s I were a bit closer to "grown up." It really does hurt, though, to know that it seems as if I needed to experience both hurting the man I love more than anyone in the world and being hurt by him to really truly know that I am a reformed person. Link to post Share on other sites
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