What Do I think, what do I do?

[Kanuk]

Well, if you already know my storey then good, if not read the old threads. Anywho, my gf broke up with me at the end of October cause she wanted a break but swore she stillw antyed to spend the rest of her life with me and was "keeping me for ever". Then i scewed up and showed up at her house the next day and called a whole lot of times. She told me to "Go home, not call and not come back".

 

Then told her friends it was over but never said a word to me because she believed she had said all that needed to be said. At first i tried to get in touch with her, then left her alone for 3 weeks. then e-mailed once and asked "I need to know if you still love me, or if i need to try to get on with my life without you". I never got a response, 5 days later i called and asked about the e-mail, she got it, was very short with me cause she obviously didn't want to talk, said she would respond but didn't know when. I waited 2 more weeks and sent an icq message more or less asking for a starit answer saying that i thought i at least deserved an explanation. I got back "I'm sorry, but you haven't exactly been makign this easy. I think it's best if we both move on for now. I'm don't think I'm ready to talk to you yet, but I will let you know when I am".

 

A week and a half later i wrote an apology saying (mor or less) "I'm sorry for pressuring you so much. I was stupid for not seeing that you needed your space. I'm sorry for not seeing that earlier. You know how i feel, that I love you and want you back. But I can't make you love me, you have to come to that decision on your own. I'll leave you alone now, but i hope to at least hear from you sometime. Goodbye, and I love you more than you'll ever know".

 

That was December 6th. I've not heard a word since then, All throughout that time, some friends of miine that were in the same city would hear, once in a while from her friends, and once from her, that she would probably contact me soon. nothing ever became of that, so i don't know what to think about her saying "I don't think I'm ready to talk to you yet, but i will let you know when I am".

 

Well, it's been 2 months to the day that i f'ed up badly and she told me to go home and not call, not come back (never said forever or that we were over, after 1-1/2 years, i needed a clearer answer than that, i'm told i should dhave gotten the hint) and it's been since December 1st since she unvoluntarily sent that icq reply and since december 6th that I cut off all contact. Every day is a fight not to talk to her. I know it's over, but i can't seem to move on. I'm getting on with my lif, but the lack of an explanation or her telling me herself she doesn't want to talk to me is got me stuck trying to figure out if it's over for ever, or if she's still thinking break. The day she booted me out (before the don't call, don't come back day) she said she still wanted to spend the rest of her life with me, even when i confronted her and semi-accused her of just setting it up to dump me a few days later.

 

Am i to think it was all just a line, should I wait for her to call like she claims she will when she's ready. Or should I really never expect a call at all. Even if it's just to say, i don't want to talk to you anymore. I've tried icq'ing her before and asking right out if she still loved me or not, or if it was over, etc etc. She never did respond. And the one time she did, she never said she didn't love me/care/etc. She just said "I think it's best if WE BOTH try to move on FOR NOW". (I added the capitilzation for kinda obviosu reasons).

 

Well, what should I interpret this as? "We both try to move on" tells me she wants a life with out me. "For now" tells me she wants me back sometime. Am i reading into it too much? Or is it plain as day and I'm just a fool for not clueing in? I want to call her so badly, especially since i found some picture on the hard drive today.

 

If I move on totally, how do I? I have no clue how, I've tried, but I can't stop thinking about her. I even dream about her every night, and sometimes they're downright nightmares, kinda like having a dream reliving the day she "blew up" at me, or dreaming of her being with someone else. I love this girl more than anything in the world. Completly with all my heart. How do you just let go?

 

Some say just give i tmore time, it's only been 2 months (or a couple weeks no contact, depends who i talk to) Others say give it up man, it's hopeless.

[SoleMate]

I don't feel good about this. She doesn't even have the compassion to tell you something straight - but feeds you a few crumbs knowing it's enough to keep you hoping desperately for a real meal some day. You could wait another year - some people wait 5-15 years in this situation - but I don't recommend it. Even if she came back to you at the end (which has perhaps a 5% probability), there will be questions, anger, contempt and distrust in between you.

 

I love this girl more than anything in the world. Completly with all my heart. How do you just let go?

 

Self-discipline and distraction. Assuming your fridge, closet, bookshelves, desk and attic are cleaned up and neat as a pin, you're wotking out 4-6 times per week, you've started working with homeless men and sorting donated food, you're taking on extra assignments at work, have called and visited your parents at least 4 times in the last month, and have counselled all your lonely friends and neighbors, it's time to take a little time for yourself. Travel, swim/spa, play or listen to music, browse used bookstores, walk dogs for your local shelter.

 

Good luck.

[Kanuk]

Should I call christmas day to say merry christmas?

 

Or wait. She's insanely busy, she just finished exams and started her winter break on thursday. Shoudl I give her till the end fo her break to think? Should I call he rby the end and ask for a final answer to give me the closure i need? Or just drop it all together. I've been trying the later and so far, i'm still where I am. Overanalysing every angle to try and figure itut and comin gup with nothing at all.

 

 

Any help is appreciated.

[NotaBadGuy]

Kanuk, sorry to say it, but you need to let this girl go. She clearly does not know what she wants in life right now. She is the saying goes, wants her cake and to eat it too. She knows you are waiting in the background shoud everything she is doing should come to a screeching halt. She appears to only care about herself right now. And out of convenince and selfishness, she keeps you at bay. Shoud you contact her to say merry christmas? Heck no. She is playing an immature game right now at your expense. Don't give her any reason to think she has the upper hand. Let her come to you (if that happens) and be wary of her if she does. It may be only out of convenience or to see if you're still waiting. Listen, I am going through tough times and totally understand how you would want to see, speak, or whatever from her. But you can't in this sitution. I married in May of this year, wife filed for divorce last week, she's been seeing another man for about 2 months now - long story short (its posted on here in the separation and marriage forum). Anyways, you need to take care of yourself. Enjoy your Christmas break. Don't worry about her. You have no control over what she does. You can only control yourself. If she knows how you feel, then let her be for however long that may need to be - maybe permanenatly. The point is, do what is best for you right now. Don't try to figure out what she is thinking or analyze what she said in the past. You won't be able to figure it out and you will drive yourself crazy trying to. Its not worth the time and effort. I know it is tough. I would love to reconcile with my wife, but my wife is the loser in the situation. Sounds like she does not deserve you like my wife does not deserve me. Be strong and go out and enjoy yourself. Good luck and don't play her game anymore.

[lilac]

Kanuk,

I want you to step back from this situation and look at it from the outside. Imagine if one of your good buddies was pining for some girl that obviously doesn't want to be bothered, what would you tell your buddy? You would say, "Dude, this girl is playing with your emotions and you need to step up, be the better, stronger person and move on."

Believe me, I did this with my ex-boyfriend. I begged, I pleaded, I did whatever I could to convince him that he made a mistake and that he should be with me. Guess what, all my annoying phone calls and what not, pushed him farther away from me to the point where he was positive that he got away from a "psycho" like me. You look like a fool, Kanuk. This ex of yours is playing the game and she is winning. You need to do anything you possibly can to walk away and fill your life with happiness and people that care about you. Do not call her now or on Christmas...think about it...she is expecting you to call her on Christmas. Surprise the hell out of her and DON'T!!!! She won't know what to do..plus, it may make her call you out of curiousity. If she calls you, either don't answer (to make yourself unavailabe) or answer and make it really short because you are soooooooo busy. It will make her crazy.

You have to let go or you will never find happiness....this girl will not give you happiness.

 

Good Luck and Happy Holidays!!!

[maxmuscle]

Kanuk,

 

Damn! I feel your pain bro. Its extremely hard to say this to you, but you have to let her go. Some how, some way you have to get over her. You have to find courage and strength to move on. She doesn't care about your feelings. I know what is like to try and get through every second, minute, and hour of the day without thinking about your ex. Its hell, and if you kill yourself, you are going to hell and that will be redundant!

[Arabess]

Kanuk,

People have survived broken hearts for centuries. The pain of rejection is shap and horrible.....however, it doesn't last forever. Contrary to popular belief.....there is not just one perfect person out there for someone. The world is FULL of people. It just takes time to get over it.

 

Dwelling on it and dramatizing it only makes it worse. (Been there!) Once it's over....it's just over. Don't prolong the healing process. Get out, make some new aquaintances and fill the empty feeling with new adventures. Take a part time job or start a new hobby....do SOMETHING besides thinking about it all the time with 'memory music'. FOCUS...on something else.

 

In short, quit chasing this girl. All you are doing is driving both of you nuts. It's not worth it. Show her what a man you can be and get on with your life. THAT may be something which may actually impress her.

 

Good Luck my friend,

Arabess

[Kanuk]

You're all telling what Ive heard and known for the last 2 months (and one day to be exact). I've been trying, believe me. I want to be beyond this more than anyone i know that's fed upw tih eharing about it. I've tryied not talkign aout it, I've gotten all my other affairs in order, I go to the gym 5 days a week and play hokcey twice a week. I try to hang out with my firends to keep my mind occupied.

 

And at the end of the day, when i lay down to spleep and when i wake up in the morning and when I dream. It all comes back to the same thing. I love her so deeply and I can't forget about her. I can't stop thinking about her. I almost called her last night so i went for a drive for 2 hours. I'm at the end of my rope and I'm thinking about having myself commited. Well, not really, but i need some freaking help or some solution on how to stop thinking abotu her.

 

To top it all off, I'm crippled by the fact that she never told me herself it was over, only told me to move on for now, and that was 5 weeks after she considered it to be over. She felt that telling me "Go home, don't call and don't come back" was all she needed to say to me. When my friend apporached her to tell her she should talk about it with me (a week into the break up) She said to him "How could he not possibly know it's over?".

 

Maybe I'm retarded. I don't know. I do knwo that I'm f*cked

[Arabess]

A good 'closure' is a rare thing Kanuk!!! Most of us find oursleves at the end of a relationship without adequate explanation. I think it may cause alot of the pain and confusion....not sure. It's hard to tell someone WHY something is no longer working for you though. You try to spare their feelings.....and possibly make it worse. There was a few threads on 'closure' awhile back. Maybe you would want to go back and read thru them to get some points of view.....or add to them with how you feel.

[maxmuscle]

Kanuk,

 

People intiate break-ups in their own ways. Its hard for people to flat out say: "Its over, go live your life because I don't love you anymore" So your ex did it in way she felt comfortable and to protect your feeling is some way. Yeah, I know you have heard the same advice a million times. But what else can anybody say? Her actions are speaking louder than any of us who is giving you advice. Me and you are the same. I just don't get over a girl with ease. It takes me a while (years) to get over a lost love. I think about my ex every single day. So if I am thinking about her, I just try to think about all the good times we shared. You are going to fall in love agian in your life. You can count on it! Dig deep down in your soul and make her regret every inch of leaving you. The best way is to become successful and to have a prettier, better version of your ex.