sotighttonight Posted December 24, 2009 Share Posted December 24, 2009 (edited) Guys, is it advisable to just cut off all contact with your crush in order to get over them? Especially if they are a friend. Should the friendship just be ended, seeing as to how it would be unhealthy (one sided)? and IS this a good thing to do, or just selfish? I mean, its really the only way to get over them and they should understand right? oh and unlike being in the friendzone or anything.. i havent confessed anything, but i think i already know the answer and really dont want to deal with the rejection right now (im a guy) Edited December 24, 2009 by sotighttonight Link to post Share on other sites
Cafe Posted December 25, 2009 Share Posted December 25, 2009 going thru the same thing man, I would cut of all contact only if rejected, I mean the worst thing that can happen is she doesnt feel the same way, but if you dont try u'll never know right? In the end, it u who has to make the decision. Good luck and Merry Christmas & A Happy New Year. btw, I let the girl go cuz I couldnt wait for her, i need someone to be sure about me, come 2nd to no one my friend, if she comes abck to me itll be in my hands but if im seeing someone then she lost her chance for good. gd luck Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted December 25, 2009 Share Posted December 25, 2009 going thru the same thing man, I would cut of all contact only if rejected, I mean the worst thing that can happen is she doesnt feel the same way, but if you dont try u'll never know right? In the end, it u who has to make the decision. Good luck and Merry Christmas & A Happy New Year. btw, I let the girl go cuz I couldnt wait for her, i need someone to be sure about me, come 2nd to no one my friend, if she comes abck to me itll be in my hands but if im seeing someone then she lost her chance for good. gd luck the same thing is happening to me right now also! i'm too crazy about her ever be just "friends" so i never contact her in any way. & i never respond to her call, texts emails etc. i think you should do this also Link to post Share on other sites
LonelyGuy85 Posted December 25, 2009 Share Posted December 25, 2009 I am obviously of a different mindset to Skydiveaddict, but i think it all depends on your feelings and on your perspective. If you can only see this person as being someone you want to be with but couldn't be friends with, then i suggest seeing if anything is there and if it isn't then move on and try and distance yourself. There's no point in putting yourself through that emotional trip if you can't deal with it. However, if you get on well enough with this person and can see beyond the attraction and would be willing to just be friends, then by all means try and see if you can do that if the romantic ideal doesn't work out. As long as you know that just being friends would be ok with you then do it, otherwise the constant reminder of what could of been might be too hard to deal with. I should say that i am somewhat biase at the moment as i am going through a very similar situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sotighttonight Posted December 26, 2009 Author Share Posted December 26, 2009 (edited) LonelyGuy85 and skydiveaddict: I don't really know, I don't mind much at the moment and am willing to be just friends. But.. I'm slowly developing more and more feelings where I'm just scared of one day falling for her so hard, I probably couldn't bare to see her with anyone else. At this point, I don't know if I should just cut contact to stop the feelings now or just continue to be friends with her. Cafe: Merry Christmas and a happy new year to you too! Well, I haven't actually been rejected yet, I'm too scared to even try. It's just I've been hurt so many times before that I feel so pathetic and weak that I don't want to go through it again. I guess if I ever do pick up the balls to do so and she does reject me, I'll end up cutting off contact. This is even worse than those friendzone threads. I mean the girl doesn't even know if I like her or not and I already gave up.. I just get the feeling sometimes that she doesn't really care about me at all. It's really disheartening to know that every girl whom you've ever liked just doesn't like you back. Constant rejection really cuts you down over a lifetime and makes you think there's something inherently wrong with you. Edited December 26, 2009 by sotighttonight Link to post Share on other sites
Dolos Posted December 26, 2009 Share Posted December 26, 2009 Dont give up before you do anything. Look at it this way, if you ask her and she turns you down at least you know, and then you can cut contact. However, what if she doesn't turn you down? Surely the chance that shes not going to shoot you down is worth the risk of rejection. Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted December 26, 2009 Share Posted December 26, 2009 This is even worse than those friendzone threads. I mean the girl doesn't even know if I like her or not and I already gave up.. I just get the feeling sometimes that she doesn't really care about me at all. . dude i think she would be giving you subtle hints if she wanted you to ask her out. but the other guys are making valid points. you'll never REALLY know unless you ask her. if you do ask her out, do it now before you really fall for her hard, cause if you wait till you get to that point & she says no, you'll end up getting your heart smashed Link to post Share on other sites
Jordanjames Posted December 27, 2009 Share Posted December 27, 2009 I think the OP has to decide whether or not he can honestly be ``just friends`with this girl. If the OP cannot be ``Just friends`` then the OP either has to try to establish a relationship with the girl. If the romantic relationship does not work or if she doesn`t want romance then the OP must move on. It will be sheer torture to be into someone that is NOT into you. Some people like it and get off on the fact that another person is INTO THEM it feeds their self esteem and ego. I suggest the OP move on it will be hard to do of course. Link to post Share on other sites
LonelyGuy85 Posted December 27, 2009 Share Posted December 27, 2009 sotighttonight, i sincerely wish you the best of luck here. The best piece of advise i can offer you as someone who is going through the same thing at the moment is to try and think of the possible positive outcomes. I constantly think to myself, she will say and no then it will become awkward between us, eventually dissapearing as one of us goes to a different job. However, that is just one extreme outcome, she could also say yes and you could go out and have a meaniful and fulfilling relationship, and all that was stopping you was simply asking her out. Imagine one of those movies where they flashback near the end of the film, and the one key defining moment passes and the characters go on the rest of the their lives never meeting, never falling in love. This could be the key defining moment in a potentially great relationship. It could also be anything in between. Sure, it's something that isn't that simple, and if it were you would have done it by now. I know. I hope it goes well for you. Link to post Share on other sites
paddington bear Posted December 27, 2009 Share Posted December 27, 2009 I thought this too 'I cannot cope with the rejection'. But in my experience it is better to know. If she says 'no, I just don't see you in that way', yeah it totally sucks and is horrible, but it gives you the opportunity to say 'well, I think it's best we don't hang out any more for a while because I'm looking for more than friendship'. Cutting your crush out of your life before knowing explicitly that the answer would be 'no', might not be a wise move. However, if as you said, for some reason you know already that this might be the case (she's talked about liking someone else or whatever), then yeah, if you really like her, avoidance is probably best to allow you to concentrate on finding someone who would only be delighted to have her crush admit his feelings for her. best of luck : ) Link to post Share on other sites
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