lostsoul2501 Posted December 22, 2003 Share Posted December 22, 2003 Hello all. I'm a long time visitor to this site but a first time poster; ok maybe not that long but eh, anyways. Just in need of some advice. I've known a girl for 3yrs now and of that 3yrs we've been going out for the past 6months or so. Both of us are in our early twenties and although we live pretty far away from each other (over an hour's drive) we still see each other while we're at Uni (we're both attending the same course). During the time that we're going out, it seem as though I was the only one that was putting any effort into the relationship. I'm always the only one that is making any phone calls to her, either to see how she's going or to see if we can meet up and such, whereas for her, the only time she rings is to either get help with work at Uni or tell me there's a meeting at Uni for one of the many group projects. To make things worse, we're both on Uni break at the moment, and I just thought that I would stop calling her and see if she would call for a change, but guess I was wrong. After 3.5weeks...nothing. And so I, once again, had to be the one that made the call to see how she's going, etc. And I dunno if this is just me being paranoid or just being an a**h*** about it, but if your significant other is calling you and you're in the middle of watching a DVD that you've already seen a few times, would you a) be happy that your SO is calling you and so watching the DVD can wait since talking to your SO is more important OR b) tell your SO that you're watching the movie and that you can't talk on the phone right now??? Despite the fact that you haven't seen your SO for nearly a month(!) Well, I rang her up the other night and option b) was what happened. This has happened other times as well and I just feel, well, offended/hurt/[don't know any words so you can put some here]. Apart from the lack of phone calls, whenever we're together she doesn't show any form of affection whatsoever. At the beginning, then she would occasionally put her arms around me or hold my hand, but this is only after I 'initiated' it. But for the past 2-3months or so, she doesn't bother to do that at all. I'm the only one that's showing any sign of affection towards her. So basically, is this meant to be normal in a relationsuhip? Or am I getting the short end of the stick with this girl? Is she just using me for Uni work or is she giving me hints that she wants out of the relationship? If it's the latter (that she wants out), then why doesn't she just tell me instead of just dragging me along? And to make things more complicated, in a christmas card she recently sent, she said something along the lines of 'hoping that we can make it till we graduate' which is like a couple of years away. Due to these circumstances, I have been seriously thinking of breaking up with her but since it's the christmas seasion and new year coming up and all, guess I'll just have to wait until later next year. Is this the right thing to do? 'cause seriously, from my point of view, she obviously doesn't care about the relationship at all. Any feedback on this would be great. Thanks in advance. Link to post Share on other sites
DragonflyX Posted December 22, 2003 Share Posted December 22, 2003 This is not normal. It doesn't even sound like you have a relationship with her. Best of luck finding someone who will appreciate you. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted December 22, 2003 Share Posted December 22, 2003 If you want to save the relationship, you need to talk to her about exactly how you feel, spell it out for her. However, if it's more effort than it's worth, let her go, and find a "giver". Link to post Share on other sites
ASDFJKL Posted December 22, 2003 Share Posted December 22, 2003 Goodness gracious. I don't even think this relationship is even worth saving! When I first read the part about her never calling you, and you always calling her, I thought, "What's the problem?" I used to be like that. Even if I was dying to talk to my significant other or if we hadn't talked that day or if I was worried...I wouldn't call. It sounds like I didn't care, but I cared A LOT. I can't explain why I had a thing with not calling him. Weird, huh? But, he told me it bothered him, and now I think I call him more than he calls me! But, anyway...the fact that she didn't call you after 3.5 weeks? Man! I would have given in and called after 3.5 DAYS! I don't know what you're doing with this girl. You need someone who cares about you as much as you care about them. She is not doing anything for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted December 22, 2003 Share Posted December 22, 2003 I would definitely plan on hanging my 'mistletoe' over someone else's head..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostsoul2501 Posted December 23, 2003 Author Share Posted December 23, 2003 Hmm...thanks for all the replies everyone. Just got another quick question. How long should I wait after the new year to break up with her? 1week after new year? Or is that too 'soon'? Link to post Share on other sites
sarah12 Posted December 23, 2003 Share Posted December 23, 2003 honestly, i don't even think that it matters that much to her! do it whenever it is convenient for you..she's obviously been very selfish during this relationship, it's high time you be a bit selfish and do this when you feel is best. good luck! and like arabess said, it's definitely time to move on! Link to post Share on other sites
floridagirl Posted December 23, 2003 Share Posted December 23, 2003 My opinion..I'd break up with her now so you can start the new year FRESH!!!!! out with the old, in with the new..and maybe you'll meet a wonderful chick under the fireworks Jan 1st! Link to post Share on other sites
cliche_boy Posted December 23, 2003 Share Posted December 23, 2003 concider yaself broken up, just dont tell her. This way you can look for other options, prevent her from looking else wherewhile you're looking elsewhere, and you'de be able to use her as a "convenience" untill such time as you've found some1 else. Then when you've found some1 else and you go to tell her youve broken up, dont tell her the real reason, who cares, she's not ya problem nemore: tell her its cos youve found out what she's been saying about you to her friend. that way she might even loose a friend in the process too. Link to post Share on other sites
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