Can the OW "cheat" on her MM????

[elle01]

You knew what you signed up for. That was the past. Your ideas about that club have changed as you have grown. Time to look for a different club, that's all.

 

It was OK for you at the time. It's not OK for you anymore. Let him sign up for YOUR club. I can't wait to see the look on his face when you tell him that!

 

has been told...p*ssed... look on face....priceless...I was 24 when I signed up for his "club" and had a lot of self esteem and self worth issues that I have fortunately outgrown... as well as being his "cake" on the side. I told him that I love him and that the ball is in his court... I deserve more than "I am trying" from him and if he cant give me more then I am gone... I hung up and havent heard from him since...I am beyond it all now and think that I am going on another date tomorrow... I think I have wasted enough time on someone that is not willing to put it all out there for me...

[White Flower]

has been told...p*ssed... look on face....priceless...I was 24 when I signed up for his "club" and had a lot of self esteem and self worth issues that I have fortunately outgrown... as well as being his "cake" on the side. I told him that I love him and that the ball is in his court... I deserve more than "I am trying" from him and if he cant give me more then I am gone... I hung up and havent heard from him since...I am beyond it all now and think that I am going on another date tomorrow... I think I have wasted enough time on someone that is not willing to put it all out there for me...

Good job! If it is really love with you and MM he will come find you and join YOUR club.

 

Best,

WF.

[SoleMate]

Elle01, glad to hear you have found a nice new man who may be good for a 1:1 r/s. It's all to the good. The so-called "MM" has been wasting your time.

 

You get...what, 70, 80, 85 years on this planet if you're lucky? Are you going to spend them watching TV reruns instead of cuddling with your own 1:1 man?

 

Being alone on all the holidays?

 

Etc.

 

I hope not, for your sake.

[elle01]

Good job! If it is really love with you and MM he will come find you and join YOUR club.

 

Best,

WF.

 

he will never be willing to join that club... it is his way or no way... he justifys everything and since he was M when we got together (although that has been nearly a decade ago) it is not the same as me going out and establishing a new relationship "behind his back". He would not stay if I were with someone else... yet I am expected to continue to stay because he hates his W... whatever... I got a text from her while he was "with family" this weekend saying they were going skiing for the day so I called him and he said there was "no truth" to that... I am so tired of guessing what in the hell he is doing when he is not here... so I will play the same game and allow him to do his own guessing when he is not here.... Two can play this game.. I can say all I did for the entire weekend is lay on the couch and watch tv too...

I wished he would make up his mind and walk away (from either of us) at least then a decision would actually be made... I will be the one to have to finally walk away and let him go. I wished that he had not put the burden of this on me... He should have been man enough to walk away from one of the two but he will never do that (why would he??) I just hope I can stay strong enough to do it.

I told him if he didnt tell her he wanted a D this weekend not to come back to my house. I know he wont stick to it though he hasnt in 9 years why now???

[White Flower]

he will never be willing to join that club... it is his way or no way... he justifys everything and since he was M when we got together (although that has been nearly a decade ago) it is not the same as me going out and establishing a new relationship "behind his back". He would not stay if I were with someone else... yet I am expected to continue to stay because he hates his W... whatever... I got a text from her while he was "with family" this weekend saying they were going skiing for the day so I called him and he said there was "no truth" to that... I am so tired of guessing what in the hell he is doing when he is not here... so I will play the same game and allow him to do his own guessing when he is not here.... Two can play this game.. I can say all I did for the entire weekend is lay on the couch and watch tv too...

I wished he would make up his mind and walk away (from either of us) at least then a decision would actually be made... I will be the one to have to finally walk away and let him go. I wished that he had not put the burden of this on me... He should have been man enough to walk away from one of the two but he will never do that (why would he??) I just hope I can stay strong enough to do it.

I told him if he didnt tell her he wanted a D this weekend not to come back to my house. I know he wont stick to it though he hasnt in 9 years why now???

Does he support your child?

[2sunny]

I told him if he didnt tell her he wanted a D this weekend not to come back to my house. I know he wont stick to it though he hasnt in 9 years why now???

 

good job... now follow through. no MM goes with the family if he's THAT unhappy. and the lies? well, that goes with HIS territory.

 

stay away from him. tell him no contact any further unless the divorce is final.

 

get on with life, you deserve to live again, you're young enough to still have a wonderful future ahead - don't allow him to steal that from you to.

 

ps... he won't D - i promise, any man who would have wanted to would have found enough reason to decide at one point or another in 9 years time. he selfish and self center. he knows it too, he just wants it all and you are willing to play nice.

 

time for change.

 

 

does the W know about you?

[elle01]

 

good job... now follow through. no MM goes with the family if he's THAT unhappy. and the lies? well, that goes with HIS territory.

 

stay away from him. tell him no contact any further unless the divorce is final.

 

get on with life, you deserve to live again, you're young enough to still have a wonderful future ahead - don't allow him to steal that from you to.

 

ps... he won't D - i promise, any man who would have wanted to would have found enough reason to decide at one point or another in 9 years time. he selfish and self center. he knows it too, he just wants it all and you are willing to play nice.

 

time for change.

 

 

does the W know about you?

 

I agree that he could have left at some point in all the years we have had. He does help support his child, and his W knows that we were together for ~7 yrs and that we have a child but she does not know we stayed together after she found everything out... I think she has a good idea since his behavior has not radically changed since she found out about the A... I think most women have an idea when something is amiss... As most MM in an A he always has a reason why right now is not an ideal time... but I say there is never an ideal time when you are in an A... naturally the M should have ended first but there is no valid reason for 9 yrs not to be enough. I have given him too much time and that is the only issue here... I played nice and now I am tired of playing. He will stay M and be a serial cheater if I were guessing... But like I told him its a new year and time for a new start and he replied that he cant believe that after all this time that I dont want to support him through this now and that there must be someone else... to which I reply there is... your W... enough said???????

[howcouldInotknow]

XMM wants to get back together but I let him know I will not even listen to what he has to say until he can bring me a divorce decree. In the mean time I will date and sleep with whomever I please and he cannot object.

Personally I do not think it is possible to cheat on a man that isn't entirely yours because in most cases there really isn't any exclusivity because he still has sex with his Wife.

[White Flower]

XMM wants to get back together but I let him know I will not even listen to what he has to say until he can bring me a divorce decree. In the mean time I will date and sleep with whomever I please and he cannot object.

Personally I do not think it is possible to cheat on a man that isn't entirely yours because in most cases there really isn't any exclusivity because he still has sex with his Wife.

My MM agreed. Said he should have never made a fuss over a guy I had met if he was still with his W. He knows it was unfair of him to be so selfish.

 

I suppose if he was really going to leave he had every right to suggest it but who knows?

[howcouldInotknow]

XMM and his wife are divorcing again. But I just don't want to see him or talk to him while they are working on it. If and when it happens if I am single and interested in giving it another go then I will but until then I am young and I am hot and I am going to have fun

[Castillo]

Hi, I'm new here. I've been reading the posts on here with a lot of interest for a couple of days.

 

I'd like to bring a new perspective to this thread.

 

I'm a single guy, but I've been involved with several OW who have a MM - some I have known about the MM others I have not.

 

Should you tell the single guy about the married man?

 

If yes, at what stage do you think you should tell him?

 

If no, why do you think he doesn't need to know?

 

I'm not here to chastise people, just like some answers for myself.

 

Steve.

[Castillo]

Moved this to a new thread of its own.

[silverplanets]

XMM and his wife are divorcing again. But I just don't want to see him or talk to him while they are working on it. If and when it happens if I am single and interested in giving it another go then I will but until then I am young and I am hot and I am going to have fun

 

I agree entirely ... your are not legally bound to them .. (in fact legally they are bound to someone else) ... so if there's any obligation on anyone it's on them to either go back and live up their duties or end there marriage agreement.

 

My xMW used to get paranoid about me being out at the weekend (whilst she was no doubt putting it out for her H) (emotionally/physically .. whatever) ,,,

 

At first it kinda feels lovin to have someone wanting you for them .. then when you realise you don't get to ask the same of them it gets to be abusive.

 

Reading this thread brought back a lot of memories ...

 

If THEY don't want you then THEY can't have you .... simple as that !

[me003]

Oh please...I am a teacher, work with teens and have tutorials with a lot of them and don't even try saying that a marries man as a father who calls the mother a whore isn't an abusive situation. I see all types of abuse and all types happen...this situation can and will totally mess up a kid. Pretend to yourself it isn't abuse or isn't detrimental to the kid if it makes you feel better but let's just get a reality check here - this type of situation causes a lot of damage.

 

Btw this sounds harsh but isn't meant to be flame-or directed specifically at you-it is just saying that this situation will hurt a child, unfortunately. You'll discover this when he/she hits their teens. Good luck with it all.

 

I'm just wondering if an XH calls a child mother s whore the child will not be messed up?

If the baby daddy calls the momma a whore, the child will not be messed up?

I have to say that I have seen married people yell at each other IN FRONT of their kids and they have not been removed from the homes.

Again, everyone yells and calls others nasty names... we just have to teach our children that it is not nice to use mean words to hurt others.

I am also wondering what type of school you teach, religious, public, private and what ages, and what social status. If you teach kids in public school in both urban or rural setting the kids have heard all types of things and seen all types of movies. Kids nowadays are exposed to all and it is the parents responsibility to TEACH then right from wrong.