Vero1244 Posted December 25, 2009 Share Posted December 25, 2009 This holiday I was forced to take care of my mother after a surgery she's been dying to get for years; a boob job and tummy tuck. She's blames her kids for the ways she looks and think she deserves it. But really she's just insecure (and still is after she got it). When she first brought this up I told her that she was fine the way she was, but she went along with surgery nevertheless. Anyways, now she's been passed out on the couch drugged up and begging us for attention. She keeps telling us things like "I'm really down" and "I'm in so much pain. It feels like I've been hit by a truck." Well it was her decission to jump out in front of the truck and transform herself into something that is not my mother. She's dressing different and acting so as well. She's become the laughing stalk of my whole downtoearth, nonmateralistic family. I'm lost as to to how I should even feel and in need of advice and commentary. Link to post Share on other sites
pureveritas Posted December 26, 2009 Share Posted December 26, 2009 Support her as best you can...she's your mother. Chances are pretty good she'd do the same for you. You don't have to understand it, or even like it. Talk to her, let her share..listen without judgment. just be there. Link to post Share on other sites
tahoebuffy Posted January 7, 2010 Share Posted January 7, 2010 Um, excuse me, but you seem a little....whiny. Obviously, she IS quite insecure about the way she looks, and you would do well to remember that aging women are generally not treated very well in Western society, so her wanting to look and feel younger to boost her self esteem should NOT be something that you and the rest of your family get to lord over her like some kind of cosmic debt. The fact that your mother has to "beg" her family for attention after having an incredibly invasive and painful surgery is sad as hell. It was her choice to get the surgery so by your logic she just gets to suffer and have the people she thought loved her make her a laughing stock??? How does this even make sense to you? Have you considered for a moment that maybe she never felt fully accepted in your "down to earth, nonmaterialistic" family, and is only now finding the courage to be the person she truly wants to be, inside AND out? And what does she get for DARING to step outside the boundaries you have drawn for her and what you consider acceptable in her one true role as nothing more than your mother?? She gets ridicule and scorn. Nice. I wouldnt be the slightest bit surprised to learn the the whole reason she had such low self esteem in the first place is because of her ungrateful, judgmental, selfish family members pidgeon holing her into a space she doesnt want to occupy. You should be happy to see her blooming and coming to life like that. How can you even live with yourself as such a unsupportive child? Do you think she doesnt deserve to have dreams or aspirations? Family are supposed to be the people who we can count on to love us no matter what. Its sad to see your love is so conditional for your own mother. Grow up, and tell the rest of your family to do the same. Link to post Share on other sites
greengoddess Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 Um, excuse me, but you seem a little....whiny. Obviously, she IS quite insecure about the way she looks, and you would do well to remember that aging women are generally not treated very well in Western society, so her wanting to look and feel younger to boost her self esteem should NOT be something that you and the rest of your family get to lord over her like some kind of cosmic debt. The fact that your mother has to "beg" her family for attention after having an incredibly invasive and painful surgery is sad as hell. It was her choice to get the surgery so by your logic she just gets to suffer and have the people she thought loved her make her a laughing stock??? How does this even make sense to you? Have you considered for a moment that maybe she never felt fully accepted in your "down to earth, nonmaterialistic" family, and is only now finding the courage to be the person she truly wants to be, inside AND out? And what does she get for DARING to step outside the boundaries you have drawn for her and what you consider acceptable in her one true role as nothing more than your mother?? She gets ridicule and scorn. Nice. I wouldnt be the slightest bit surprised to learn the the whole reason she had such low self esteem in the first place is because of her ungrateful, judgmental, selfish family members pidgeon holing her into a space she doesnt want to occupy. You should be happy to see her blooming and coming to life like that. How can you even live with yourself as such a unsupportive child? Do you think she doesnt deserve to have dreams or aspirations? Family are supposed to be the people who we can count on to love us no matter what. Its sad to see your love is so conditional for your own mother. Grow up, and tell the rest of your family to do the same. ~clapping~ Link to post Share on other sites
AmIParanoid Posted January 10, 2010 Share Posted January 10, 2010 Providing medical care for a family member is not easy esp. if you are not a trained nurse. Has your family considered hiring a home care nurse maybe on a part time basis for a few days a week to look after your mom? This would probably cost a few hundred dollars or so, but so what? Link to post Share on other sites
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