How many women really don't want kids?

[stillafool]

I have never wanted children and I'm certainly no spring chicken. I don't dislike them either. I think they are adorable (even the screaming ones) but have never wanted my own. I never had a fertility problemm either. My bio mom had 11. I was raised by a woman who couldn't have any. I think to each his own. I like being married and am content.

[PinkToes]

I grew up without giving it much thought, to be honest. I figured if it happened, that might be nice, but I wasn't interested in having kids by myself, and I sure as hell didn't want to hook up with the wrong person just because of that whole biological clock issue.

 

When I was in my early 30s, I figured I'd better at least think about it a bit more, and I realized my feelings hadn't changed. So I just put it aside. Still don't have strong feelings one way or the other, but I've never regretted not having kids.

[Eve]

What Carhill said seems the most secure option.

 

Take care,

Eve xx

[MissJoness]

I don't want to be pregnant. Pregnancy puts a woman's body through so much, and with the weight gain, and the difficulty losing it after a few kids. I'd rather pass.

 

Men want women who want children yet when she gets overweight and can't lose the weight they complain and look for somebody else.

 

I would consider surrogacy or adoption.

Edited January 5, 2010 by MissJoness

[Eve]

I don't want to be pregnant. Pregnancy puts a woman's body through so much, and with the weight gain, and the difficulty losing it after a few kids. I'd rather pass.

 

Men want women who want children yet when she gets overweight and can't lose the weight they complain and look for somebody else.

 

I would consider surrogacy or adoption.

 

These are normal fears and yes, some women find pregnancy a real strain. Having blood samples taken every five minutes doesnt add to the experience either... never mind the internal examinations I found the whole thing quite embarrasing during my first pregnancy and swore I would NEVER do it again.. but did. Second time around I was a pro..

 

Anyhow, the weight thing does not have to be a problem. Many women lose the extra pounds well. I was back to normal within 6 - 8 weeks, which probably sounds long but it isnt. But I can remember feeling the same as what you have said. On the plus side, periods become less painful once a woman has had a child.

 

Adoption is a very honourable thought. Surrogacy is a bit weird in my mind but I dont know anyone who has done this in real life.

 

Take care,

Eve xx

[DiscoChick]

I used to not want kids, but like someone else said, I fell REALLY hard for my ex and realized I would like kids with him, so the idea of kids stuck with me. Then again, I'm not patient or motherly. I don't want to have kids and be like my mom. I don't even know if I can have kids, which is even more motivation to try. Maybe if I have kids, doctors will finally give me the hysterectomy I keep begging for. Doctors are cruel.

[Taramere]

I like kids, but have never felt compelled to have any of my own....possibly because I spent a lot of my teens and twenties looking after other people's.

 

It might one of these situations where people don't really trust eachother to know what they're going to want long term. I was with a guy, for a long time, who was dead set against kids. Due to my feelings, this wasn't a problematic issue for me. I didn't feel actively antagonistic towards the idea in the way that he did. It just wasn't really a big deal for me.

 

When my niece and nephew were born, I adored them instantly. I do have a maternal and nurturing side to me, and of course I adore these two....but it's just that in my case, the nurturing urge has always been pretty well satisfied by various demands placed on me in life. He took the sight of me playing happily with my niece and nephew as a sign that I secretly wanted children of my own and wasn't being straight with him. I'd always been perfectly straight about it. "I'm not opposed to the notion in the way that you are, but it's not something I desperately need."

 

I saw no need to pretend to loathe or be uncomfortable around children in order to convince him that I was okay with not having one of my own. I think, though, that (the loathing of/discomfort around kids) was the only evidence he would be satisfied with before believing that I wasn't secretly struggling with maternal urges that I wasn't talking about.

 

From my perspective, he was younger than I was and I thought it was perfectly likely that at some point he would change his mind about kids. Very possibly round about the time I could no longer have them. Not a good dynamic to have between a couple.

 

I don't think there's anything wrong with people choosing not to have children, but when they talk about it from a place where they seem to actively hate children, then it makes me wonder what's up. If there's some serious issue there that, should it ever be resolved, would make them do a dramatic u-turn.

[Malenfant]

i always thought i'd have kids.

then when i was about 18 i met a guy who was 11 years older than me who i ended up having a 9 year relationship with.

he didnt want children, and, me being young at the time i didnt really think about it.

I'm not the kind of person who would pretend to still take their pills or whatever if my partner didnt want them, so i kind of just got used to the idea of not having any.

 

My dilema now is that i'm with someone new (OK getting on for 3 years, but it still feels new, in a nice way) i'm 30, he is 25.

 

He would like kids (not yet though), but for me i feel like if i am going to have any, i'd better do it quite soon. i wouldnt want to be a really old mum, thats just how i feel.

 

Thing is, i like kids, and i love babies and cuddling them etc, but i havent felt that 'need' yet.

I dont believe in having kids unless you really want them, but i'm stuck on two points

1) what if i dont have them and really, really regret it when i'm too old to start a family

2) i dont want to deny my H a family. he is very family orientated, and i think he would be an amazing dad.

 

My problem is i really dont feel old enough to have kids. i know that sounds silly, but in a way i've never really felt like a 'proper' adult.

 

years ago, it seemed as if there was so much time

[zebracolors]

Chalk me up as another. I'm in my 30s now and still don't really want any children and don't see any in my future either.

[LDR]

I am 28, never had wanted nor felt that maternal instinct. Luckily I have been open with all my previous boyfriends and they were ok with it. My actual boyfriend also is ok with it.

 

I think they take too much time and effort and I want to be able to have my free time for me. It is annoying sometimes when you feel pressure by other people (family mostly) as I have always said I never wanted them. . . but I will never have a kid because of the pressure.

 

Btw, I wouldn't mind dating a man who was a father.

[O'Malley]

Definitely in agreement about the OP getting a vasectomy, if he's completely certain he does not want children. There are more women out there who are not having kids than even 10 - 20 years ago.

 

Chalk me up as another over 30 woman whose never had a need for children. I enjoy the time I spend with my friends older kids but that has never translated to me personally desiring to be a parent.

[dazzle22]

Never wanted them and never changed my mind. Seeing everyone with their kid hassles only solidified this feeling. I have had several girl friends tell me they envy my lifestyle and wish they had my life. My first husband pulled a bait and switch on me! Said he was ok with no kids and then really put on the pressure. I think I am rare. Most women's brains get snatched by oxytocin and turn to pablum at some point! Hah!

[Disillusioned]

I have a cousin 3 years older than me who is a HOT-looking blonde---a real roaster---and she has never wanted kids. Unfortunately, her 1st husband came from a cultural background where both men and women are under a lot of pressure to have kids whether they want them or not. Cousin divorced and is happy dating another guy, while ex-husband remarried and fathered 4 kids.

 

But... one thing I don't approve of is these women in their 50s and 60s having kids, because a lot of these kids will be born crippled or crazy and the women know it. They waited so freaking long, they should have adopted a baby.

[stillafool]

Never wanted them and never changed my mind. Seeing everyone with their kid hassles only solidified this feeling. I have had several girl friends tell me they envy my lifestyle and wish they had my life. My first husband pulled a bait and switch on me! Said he was ok with no kids and then really put on the pressure. I think I am rare. Most women's brains get snatched by oxytocin and turn to pablum at some point! Hah!

 

 

Me either. Never have wanted them and it has never changed. I just didn't want them but when I look at how much people are paying for private schools and all the other costs involved - FORGETABOUTIT!

[stillafool]

I have a cousin 3 years older than me who is a HOT-looking blonde---a real roaster---and she has never wanted kids. Unfortunately, her 1st husband came from a cultural background where both men and women are under a lot of pressure to have kids whether they want them or not. Cousin divorced and is happy dating another guy, while ex-husband remarried and fathered 4 kids.

 

But... one thing I don't approve of is these women in their 50s and 60s having kids, because a lot of these kids will be born crippled or crazy and the women know it. They waited so freaking long, they should have adopted a baby.

 

Not to mention half of them will be dead before the kid reaches 21.

[DiscoChick]

 

But... one thing I don't approve of is these women in their 50s and 60s having kids, because a lot of these kids will be born crippled or crazy and the women know it. They waited so freaking long, they should have adopted a baby.

 

They probably suddenly come to realize they want kids, and they think it is worth the risk. Personally, I wouldn't want to have kids after 40. The risks are just too high by then and I don't want anyone living a miserable life because of me. Well, no one other than the guy I marry [bad joke].

[sb129]

I wasn't bothered either way but towards the end of my 20s I started to change my mind and when I met my H I knew I wanted to have a family with him.

 

At that point in my life, if I had met a man who didn't want kids, I wouldn't have bothered pursuing the R.

 

Being pregnant is a huge change, for sure, and I worried about the extra weight etc, but in the end I don't give a monkeys about any of that. I am proud of my body, stretchmarks, extra pounds and all. In some ways I feel better about it than I ever have because its done something so incredible. I definitely wouldn't do it just so someone else could have the baby!

 

Anyway, thats my POV. Women who don't want kids exist, and thats totally up to them- I agree with the honesty being the best policy approach- less drama.

[Disillusioned]

Something no one else brought up... when you become a parent, the brain cells which control your logic start shorting out---zap, zap, zap. Seriously, think of all the cockamamy things parents believe, which make no sense to childless people. Someone should do brain scans for this.