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Seeking online dating advice: my friend says I seem intimidating!


Quixotic_Dancer

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Quixotic_Dancer

I have a profile posted on one of the big dating, match-up sites. It's been up for two months, and so far I'm a little disappointed with the results. I've had dates with 3 guys, which were pleasant enough, but there was no real connection with any of them.

 

I've emailed several guys after reading their profiles, but only a couple have responded. A male friend of mine just looked at my profile...he said that my picture was very good, but that my profile would intimidate guys!

 

In that profile, I focus on the fact that I'm very adventurous, and that I just completed a year-long, solo back-packing trip through Africa and Asia. I'm so, so proud of that trip, and I thought it would make me sound interesting. I even write in my profile that I have tons of good stories from that trip.

 

My friend said that most guys would feel intimidated after reading about my adventures, would wonder, he said, how they could compete with that! He said I should take all that information out, hold it back until I get to know somebody. But...for the first time in my life, I came to love myself on that trip. It healed so many old wounds. It's so essential to my conception of myself, I don't want to leave it out!

 

I know that I'm immediately interested in learning more about anyone who's traveled like I have. I suppose I was hoping to attract someone who felt the same way about me. However, I emailed one single guy who wrote about taking a trip very similar to mine, and backpacking all over Africa--and he didn't reply! So, maybe my friend is right. What do you think?

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Personally, I'm attracted to girls who love sitting on their gorgeous asses and watching television :)

 

Seriously though, that's an incredible accomplishment, and you should be proud, but, yes, intimidating's the right word.

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Quixotic_Dancer
Originally posted by dyermaker

Personally, I'm attracted to girls who love sitting on their gorgeous asses and watching television :)

 

Oh, that's so excellent!

 

Seriously though, should I just vaguely admit to a love of travel and leave it at that?

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My take on these ads is this: be as much you as you can be in your ad. There is no point trying to attract people who wouldn't interest you - or you them - in the end. Are you interested in someone who would be 'intimidated' by your having travelled?

 

If your ad brings you only a few possibles, at least they will be possibles who read about you and are interested in you as you are! I don't know how you feel about it, but I won't settle for less.

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Quixotic_Dancer
Originally posted by moimeme

If your ad brings you only a few possibles, at least they will be possibles who read about you and are interested in you as you are!

 

Yeah, moimeme, that's pretty much my feeling, too. I'm really hoping to catch the attention of a guy who'll think, "Oh, boy, this woman will strap on a backpack, traverse rivers on swinging rope bridges, and dance all night on a beach with me! I've gotta meet this girl!"

 

Of course, (heaving a heavy sigh) the only guy I've met lately who might feel this way is already married...

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I've never known any guy who starts his thoughts with:

 

"Oh, boy, this woman will strap on a...

 

XD Sorry, I'm sure you deserve constructive comments, it's just late and there's nothing good on.

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I've just had a similar discussion with a very dear friend about this sort of thing. (NO - not strapons :rolleyes: ). If you raise the bar real high, you have to realize that means it will take a lot longer to locate somebody who will fill the bill. My friend also suggested that online dating sites might not be the best place to find the right sort.

 

I found quite a few adventure and travel clubs in Yahoo Groups. There are probably more in MSN and elsewhere - maybe you'll meet up with some similar folks in such a club!

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Quixotic_Dancer
Originally posted by moimeme

I found quite a few adventure and travel clubs in Yahoo Groups. There are probably more in MSN and elsewhere - maybe you'll meet up with some similar folks in such a club!

 

Thanks, that's a good suggestion...I've never looked at Yahoo Groups, but I'll have to check them out.

 

Anyway, the whole issue may be decided...I just saw him interviewed on Inside the Actor's Studio, and now I'm holding out for Jude Law. That man is just sex on a stick. ;)

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I just completed a year-long, solo back-packing trip through Africa and Asia.
Africa has a lot of nasty things like diseases, large predators, wars, radical Muslims, etc. I'm wondering how many parasites, and exotic diseases you picked up along the way. I’d get a few vaccinations before giving somebody like you a kiss.

 

I think it is foolish to backpack alone for long distances in foreign countries over such a long period of time.

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reservoirdog1
Africa has a lot of nasty things like diseases, large predators, wars, radical Muslims, etc. I'm wondering how many parasites, and exotic diseases you picked up along the way. I’d get a few vaccinations before giving somebody like you a kiss.

 

I think it is foolish to backpack alone for long distances in foreign countries over such a long period of time.

 

Yeah... for God's sake, QXD, next time try staying home sitting on the couch eating chips for a year instead, like the other 90% of the population. Forget this whole life-changing, enriching, adventure-filled experience thing. And don't you dare try feeling positive about the whole trip or indulging any pleasant memories you may think you have. Get that wind out of your sails and confine your travels to walking down to the 7-Eleven...oh, wait a minute, you might meet muggers, hookers, dirty needles, dogs, or crazy-ass televangelist-watching Jesus freaks... so forget that.

 

(he said, dripping with sarcasm)

 

Seriously, QXD, never apologize for who you are. And whatever you do, DON'T censor the positive things about you! We spend enough time in our lives trying to cover up the BAD things about ourselves without needing to conceal our own accomplishments from the world. Be proud of your accomplishments, and if somebody's intimidated by them, don't waste your time on the person.

 

You know, there's a reason "intimidated" contains the word "timid." :)

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Why don't you just say "I just completed the vacation of a lifetime and have lots of great stories to share!" This will prompt men to write you and say "What was the vacation???"

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I think it is foolish to backpack alone for long distances in foreign countries over such a long period of time.

 

See, now this is exactly the sort of person you wouldn't want replying - so he'll self-select himself out of the running and you wouldn't have to bother finding out that you're no match at all. :)

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QD,

The whole reason for posting a 'dating resume' is to find someone who is a MATCH. If a guy is intimidated by what you've posted....chances are....he'll be even more intimidated by you face to face. He is NOT a match! LOL!

 

Meeting someone on the internet is exactly like meeting someone face to face. The more criteria you have....the harder it will be to fill. However, backing down off of your criteria robs you of the possibility of meeting just the right guy out there and settling for someone who isn't going to meet your zest for life in your particular life style preference.

 

Just hang in there. You may meet a great many men who aren't just right for you....but will stay friends and maybe end up being the person who introduces you to someone you ARE more compatible with. Finding the right man isn't a big easy paved hi-way. It's following all the side streets and paths which lead you to what you are looking for. Look at it as an adventure....not a chore. And along the way.....you'll meet some fascinating people.

 

Stay true to yourself......

Arabess

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Quixotic_Dancer
Originally posted by BlockHead

Africa has a lot of nasty things like diseases, large predators, wars, radical Muslims, etc.

 

It also has: the wind-sculpted dunes of the Sahara; the rose-colored, intricately latticed walls of Marrakesh; a group of Muslim men in Morocco, all good friends, who cooked dinners for me, were perfect gentlemen to me, never said or did anything remotely inappropriate, and completely smashed all my remaining preconceptions about men in the Arab world; Timbuktu, the most literally romantic place I've ever visited; the kaleidoscopic, bustling markets of Mali, where the women carry bundles on their heads, babies on their backs, and still move like prima ballerinas; the gorgeous coast of Ghana, which includes the forts where slaves were collected before being shipped to the new world, and the horrific conditions of the dungeons were like nothing I could have imagined (nothing makes history come alive like travelling to the places where it happened!); the green plains of the Serengeti game park in Tanzania, (green because the rainy season had started, though our safari was rain-free), where, among other wonders, I saw herds of wildebeest, zebra and antelope stretching for as far as the eye could see, and I thought, "This is Eden." And so much more...

 

I'm wondering how many parasites, and exotic diseases you picked up along the way.

 

None actually, because I got a battery of innoculations before I left, I was very cautious about what I ate and drank, and I never entered a body of water before consulting locals, and my guide book, about the possibility of parasites there (actually, in Africa, with the exception of the ocean, I never swam in a body of water at all). No one should embark on a trip like the one I just took without a lot of research and preparation (don't mean to be preachy, but it's the truth).

 

[i think it is foolish to backpack alone for long distances in foreign countries over such a long period of time.

 

During the year I was gone, there was one horrible terrorist attack which occurred, and, tragically, many people lost their lives. It happened in New YorK City.

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